Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
Happy steal your kids candy or get a buncha free candy in the break room day. We got 3 HUGE Costco bags of candy, two bags of random chocolate, some with nuts (the good stuff), and one nut (and sugar and flavour) free bag for kids with nut allergies to give out for Halloween. We got maybe 30 kids total, so would have had extra from just one bag, and that’s including all the “sampling” we did last night. Apparently, my wife it taking all the “extras’ to work with her. So trying to decide if I create my own little stash of candy or just let it go. Also, my kids are too old for tricker-treating, so no new candy was brought in, if that makes a difference.
Hide Halloween candy for later for me
- No, She'll never know (76%, 16 Votes)
- Yes, let her take it to work (24%, 5 Votes)
Total Voters: 21
Loading ...This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity [in bed].
Amelia Earhart
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Near the end of Q4, MRSA Dreamboat is raped, then eaten by a bear. Nobody on his sideline attempts to intervene.
King Hippo
Gisele releases a sex tape involving herself and the Mannings called “A Night with the GOATs” and it airs on the stadium screens. Tom Brady curls into fetal crying like the bitch he is until he is carried off the field sobbing “I’m the GOAT. I’m the GOAT.”
Redshirt
OK, I am beginning to have some regrets about the “anything goes” nature of this draft.
Horatio Cornblower
I had the strangest fever dream, where the Bears had over 30 points, and you were there, and you, and you!
Doktor Zymm
“Look, I know Herschel Walker is the dumbest in the field, but the reason Dr. Oz is the WORST US Senate candidate this election cycle is because he’s a Turk, and not even that big of one.”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Look, I know Herschel Walker is the dumbest in the field, but the reason Dr. Oz is the WORST US Senate candidate this election cycle is because __.”
He’s a shitty person with terrible ideas, but I’m worried about turnout since Pennsylvanians have a history of ignoring victims of unwanted strokes.
SonOfSpam
Brick Meathook
Why are they playing the Cranberries?
Doktor Zymm
This game is in zombie mode? What’s inside Jones’s head? Do concussion symptoms linger?
TheRevanchist
THIS GUY JUSTIN FIELDS I CALL HIM BAMBI’S MOM BECAUSE HE RUNS LIKE A DEER AND IS GOING TO GET KILLED OUT THERE
BrettFavresColonoscopy
The Assassination of White Mac by the Coward Bailey Zappe
Redshirt
Doktor Zymm
Barry HUSSEIN O’Bummer will be on the Mannings. Hoping he’s got some declassified intel on Belichick to drop.
Recovery Whiskey
Heads up, BC Dick:
“Crafton Ingram Lanes in Pittsburgh is hosting a ‘Balls Out Bowling Naked Cosmic Bowling Night’
The event is being hosted by the Pittsburgh Area Naturists and will be held on Sunday, October 23 from 4:00 PM- 7:00 PM.
Pittsburgh Area Naturists say that nudity is required (with the exception that women can wear bottoms) and they suggest bringing a bag to secure belongings.”
https://www.wtrf.com/pittsburgh/pennsylvania-bowling-alley-hosting-a-balls-out-naked-cosmic-bowling-night/
BeefReeferLives
TRUE WCS FACT:
This is where I bowled in high school. It’s literally 20 minutes from where I’m typing this.
BOTG…?
WCS
I feel like if you were going to gamble with getting sent to prison for throwing a cup of something on Ted Cruz, it might as well be piss. I mean, beer costs money, and you would probably be able to get people to pay you for the privilege of knowing some of their urine got into Ted’s eyes.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
There are a ton of breweries that would make a special edition beer named after you if you threw their beer on Ted Cruz though, and that would be pretty baller
Doktor Zymm
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Jet fuel can’t melt artificial turf, and heads can’t safely bounce off of it either.
Horatio Cornblower
“Says you.” – Trent Green, feeding antifreeze to his pet ottoman
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Down by the harbor near Long Beach (I think this is actually Wilmington).
This shot isn’t really manipulated much beyond cropping, it’s just stopped down a bit.
Brick Meathook
This shot isn’t really manipulated much beyond cropping
I call bullshit. It’s obvious that you photoshopped Jim Tomsula out of it.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Missed the game because I have a bad man cold and slept through it. I need to write my will because I feel like death. I tried to explain to Mrs. Zilla that a man cold is like giving birth. She didn’t get it
Wakezilla
Q: Which is worse, giving birth or getting kicked in the balls?
A: No one ever says they want to get kicked in the balls again.
Brick Meathook
YES!
Putin has made spy genre movies and 007 oh so relevant again!
Brick Meathook
He’ll never be as cool as these spies.
Gumbygirl
You know, say what you want about the repetitiveness of DFO’s Andy Reid jokes, but they beat the hell out of “Andy Reid draws mustaches on players” that State Farm came up with.
Dunstan
LeBron: So do I get a free iPhone?
Lily from AT&T: No, you’re 0-4, fuck off.
SonOfSpam
So I was looking for a gif from the movie pumpkinhead and I found this
Brocky
“I don’t remember filming this.” – Tua Tagavailoa
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Yeah. we were both there”
-T. Green, pointing at Burkina Faso on a map that he drew of Central Park
SonOfSpam
I was just opening this bottle of wine, and I realized that a drawing of a wine bottle with the caption “curses, foiled again” is about the right level of unfunny for a New Yorker cartoon
Doktor Zymm
Oh that’s a corker!
SonOfSpam
“The decision to end a marriage is never easy, but we have grown apart and how can you keep living with someone who won’t eat strawberries, cuddles with goats, and looks more and more like Judge Doom? While it is of course difficult to go through something like this, I feel blessed for the time we had together and remind him that while I don’t need his money, I’ll take it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I want to see if Bridget is done laughing yet.”
BrettFavresColonoscopy
(Shamelessly stolen from a person much more clever than I)
Q: What do Eli Manning, Nick Foles, and Gisele Bündchen have in common?
A: They all snatched a ring from Tom Brady.
BeefReeferLives
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): I love heist movies. Pretty much all of them.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: I’ll play the Rick and Morty heist episode, you’ll love it.
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): Oh, jeez, I’d love to but I have to go take a bath now.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Redshirt
Where did you find my thesis?
ballsofsteelandfury
While I think that the Yankees ‘no beards or long hair’ policy is pretty goddamn dumb, I will say that if one of my players showed up looking like Jim Tomsula, like the Phillies hitter who just popped out, I’d tell them to either hit .340 with 35+ HRs or get busy with the clippers.
Minimum wage in baseball is $700K+. Trim your fucking beard, Weird Wars.
Horatio Cornblower
What’s the Yankees’ stance on sideburns?
WCS
I’m not even going to pretend you don’t have that gif locked and loaded.
Horatio Cornblower
If I paid for seats behind home plate at the freaking World Series and some goddamn mascot came down and posed for pictures in front of me I can absolutely promise I would end the night in jail.
Horatio Cornblower
Because you would use a dog slobbered dildo on yourself and make the mascot watch?
SonOfSpam
So Mrs. Cornblower and I were just engaged in the sort of activity that married couples sometimes engage in when they have the goddamn house for themselves for once, and she announces that she had a surprise that involved certain items we’ve used before to enhance said activities but she hid it and now she can’t find it.
I can’t fucking wait for the dog to run out into the middle of the next gathering we have, shaking his new favorite toy vigorously back and forth. Gonna be great.
Horatio Cornblower
That’s gonna be hilarious when your dog walks in with a dwarf.
ballsofsteelandfury
You son-of-a-bitch.
Do you have any idea how much beer hurts when it comes out your nose?
Horatio Cornblower
Woke up with a hangover this morning after having had exactly three beers this morning.
I have got to go back to drinking during the week.
Horatio Cornblower
You had 3 beers this morning? Nice hustle.
litre_cola
Well shit, with two of you noticing that I typed “this morning” twice in lieu of “last night” once I’m gonna have to leave that error alone.
Horatio Cornblower
A buttdailumentary for the ages.
2Pack
THESE GUYS THE HOUSTON ASTERISKS I CALL THEM THE RUSSIAN OLYMPIC PROGRAM BECAUSE THEY ARE FULLY COMMITTED TO CHEATING AND I HATE THEM.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Just got flu vaxxed and COVID variant vaxxed.
Gonna go run around on the freeway since I’m a goddamn immortal.
SonOfSpam
I’ll bring a bunch a bunch of Oxy and go with you. If it turns out we’re not immortal we won’t even notice.
Brick Meathook
Just like a geriatric, I’m just a little late and there’s a bed shitting.
Mr. Ayo
One of the reasons I’m reluctant to get an electric car, (aside from never giving Elon Musk a goddamn dime), is that my house is 80 years old, and I’m pretty sure the plugging a car into those wires is going send said house up in flames like a California pine forest.
Horatio Cornblower
Honestly? So long as you do the panel upgrade, you’ll be fine. We’re gonna try and get about 3-4 more years out of our current vehicles here (both old as dirt, but completely paid off); when the time comes for kids and hopefully the ability to go down to one vehicle, we’ll go electric.
The Maestro
But not Elon Monkeyfuck’s death traps either. We have standards here too, of course.
The Maestro
Brocky
A Jaguras fan (THEY EXIST!) I met at the bar just said: Gisele joins Eli Manning and Nick Foles as the only people to take a ring away from Tom Brady.
ThePirateSloth
That joke is already so old it’s challenging Tom Brady for pension rights.
Horatio Cornblower
Cardinals Talk just cut off the first guy who called for a new owner.
blaxabbath
It would be funny if someone swapped the little tag on the back of Q-aron’s helmet to “CHOOSE LOVE”
King Hippo
“I LISTEN TO FAUCI”
Redshirt
I can’t believe this guy keeps returning to football only to destroy both his family and his legacy. Also, besides Aaron Rodgers, I have reservations about Tom Brady as well.
Redshirt
A reminder of idiot rules, from a pill-addled idiot:
MANDATORY means you have to have the game on and watch. It does NOT require rapt attention.
/although there will likely be bitch fits that are very, very amusing
King Hippo
Mr. King Hippo, are you willing to confirm or deny your nap status from this afternoon?
Mr. Ayo
This deafening silence is exactly what I expected from a napping Hippo.
Mr. Ayo
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
Eat at Arby’s.
Gumby’s dad got a pacemaker put in yesterday. He asked the nurse for some Advil a little while ago. She said they sell it downstairs in the gift shop. Are you fucking kidding me? Gumby’s ready to throw hands. I went and bought him some.
We’re getting him some ice cream now, because fuck these people.
Sadly she’s probably looking out for him: his insurance may not cover it and the hospital’s gonna bills him $1.75 a pill.
I lost my Seahawks knit cap during the game on a beer run – fell out of my back pocket. That thing has been with me at so many Seahawks moments over 10+ years, it’s almost like losing a limb. I retraced my steps and never found it. I hope it goes to a good home and keeps their head warm.
Dammit. I wasn’t even drunk yet!
The important thing is it will smell like you until an exorcism.
Hey! I washed it! Regularly too! In a washing machine!
Not just bathed in sweat, beer, rain, and/or tears.
If your hat never got pooped on by an actual seahawk then you aren’t a real fan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gmn8iXPy3Fc&ab_channel=FrankReynolds%28BestofItsAlwaysSunnyinPhiladelphia%29
Aw, Hippo lost his Chubb.
Uh, he got divorced quite some time ago.
/please forgive me
“It’s a blue check mark, Stephen, what could it cost, $20?”
MASTUR NEGOSHIATER
Just saw the nickname “Space Karen” for twitter’s new owner and I love it.
These two obviously need some directions.
The twins! They were the best.
Halloween is up next in AMC’s “Stupid Teenagers Get What’s Coming To Them” marathon, but I’m tapping out.
I wonder if some young lady is going to run through the woods at night? That in itself is dangerous. She might trip and fall. But who could see that coming.
I’m so proud of this community
For the record: my vote had a Duh! after No
“Man, that’s a badly designed ballot.” – Palm Beach County election officials
it was that or a question so long and vague that all meaning is lost at the end of reading it
I voted the wrong way. Sorry,
Friday the 13th is the source of one of my favorite ESPN fantasy hockey team names, because ESPN uses “location” and “name” for their teams, the Crystal Lake Machetes. One of my best works.
Underrated horror movie I have a soft spot for: John Carpenter’s The Fog.
“Ah yes, I know The Fog quite well.” – Trent Green, wondering why that lint brush he planted in his garden hasn’t started producing fruit yet
I haven’t seen that in decades probably. Is that the one where dead pirates take over a town during bad weather, or something like that?
Also an excellent beer series, fwiw
They come back on the towns centennial celebration to take revenge for being intentionally run aground in a fog bank and having everyone die in the wreck
As one does.
“Well, I hit the mass-murdering psychopath in the back with a chair, and now he’s not moving, so I guess my work here is done and I can just run away with no worries at all now.”
Jason:
People in horror movies have the worst decision making skills.
This Jason seems a lot less competent than later editions. Like, you can hit this one in the balls and he’ll actually grunt and fall over.
Oh no! The car won’t start! Just like Gypsy Rikki said it wouldn’t!
“That should happen to anyone who doesn’t pay their car insurance on time. What? No, I don’t fucking care if there’s a crazed murderer chasing them. Those deadbeat losers should have thought of that before their check bounced.” – leaked audio of the Geico gecko
Bears traded up a spot to grab TruthBiscuit, now give up a 2nd round pick for Claypool.
That’s like Elon Musk level negotiating right there.
edit I can’t read, so comment removed
I hate amplifying his bullshit, but did you see this exchange with Stephen King?
I’m only staying on Twitter so I can enjoy the warming glow of the impending flames.
My days are numbered as well. I already locked my account down, but it wont be long before I nuke it from orbit
I’m downloading all the data from my (non-DFO) account and as soon as that’s done, I’m rocketing on out of there.
Is it worth doing the data dump? Any media I posted on mine I have elsewhere
Probably not, but I figure it can’t hurt. I’ve got plent of space on my hard drive.
I got rid of it the day Elon trotted out the story about how the Maga nutjob who attacked Paul Pelosi with a fucking hammer was actually a gay prostitute. No, you may not spew your ridiculous lies in my vicinity, you fucking Nazi.
Maybe not a huge fanboy of Elroy’s, but I used to think what he did with Tesla and SpaceX was cool. Now? Fuck him.
https://twitter.com/ditzkoff/status/1587517403696713729
They’re clearly all in on Fields and are trying to get him weapons and build a franchise around him.
I haven’t seen poor decision making like this since…well, actually about every three minutes in these movies I’ve been watching.
Lee Jeans cannot be happy about this product placement.
“Must be the main fuse again.”
My brother in Christ you have just found a blood-soaked bed and everyone is missing. It is not the main fuse again.
Jason using projectile weapons just seems patently unfair.
Holy shit the Nets might overtake the Knicks for most dysfunctional basketball team in the city. They will not overtake the Knicks in terms of people giving an ass.
I just noticed that Jason takes excellent care of his fingernails.
I would not have expected that.
Where is Jason buying his clothes?
wouldn’t like 80% of these deaths be prevented if they didn’t go camping?
I think 100% could have been avoided simply by avoid cursed camping grounds with a pretty recent history of murder and mayhem.
Yeah but think of the prospect of hooking up. Is nineteen year-old you gonna give a shit about curses? If you were told there was a 1 in 5 chance you’d be slaughtered by a hockey-mask wearing maniac but a 2 in 5 chance you’d bang a sexy college sophomore camp counselor, you’d sign up in a heartbeat.
I mean, fair, but the true odds are something like 95% you’re getting slaughtered like a hog, and 90% you don’t finish having sex before taking a pitchfork to the throat.
But at 19 I would have at least considered taking the job anyway.
I’m thinking you might finish AS you’re getting a pitchfork in the neck. Isn’t that what Michael Hutchence thought too?
I mean you gotta go sometime, and that’s a better time than most!
and this was pre-interwebs, so unless the kid read the newspaper, it’s unlikely he’s have known about the murders in some other county
Come on, it’s not like the interwebs would have changed that. Unless the murdered posted video of his crimes to TikTok it would go pretty much unnoticed with the current youth.
TRUE HIPPO STORY! I have never been camping. Why? Because snakes exist.
Meanwhile some alpha snake is rubbing all up on Britney Spears, laughing at you and calling you a cuck.
Plus also indoor plumbing exists. Indoors!
Camping. Feh.
I went to Girl Scout camp once with my sister while my parents went on vacation someplace nice. We spent the whole time in the infirmary, because it had beds and wasn’t a tent. The last night, all of the girls were crying because they didn’t want to leave. Nancy and I cried because we were finally going home!
Killing the guy in a wheelchair right before he’s going to get laid is just mean.
I am no longer on Team Jason.
I think it would be even more cruel to just bend the wheels and proceed as normal, so the poor guy in the chair has to just sit there and witness everything without being able to act in any way, other than maybe shouting a bunch.
But even then, let the guy get laid first. I mean come on.
Roll him into a corner and stick a brick behind the wheels.
Not that I’ve had this thought in connection any current governors of states that have a lone star on their flag or anything.
“I’ll be right back”
Will you though?
Playing mournful harmonica music while your girlfriend starts the seduction process?
You know, I’m beginning to see Jason’s motivation here.
Jesus, exposition theater much?
Quite honestly that guy that just got his throat cut had it coming.
@Horatio you should try to work in various references from the movie into whatever legal crap you are writing.
Going to pick up some lunch and Power Ball tickets.
If I win the jackpot am I going to buy all the property around Crystal Lake in Middletown, CT and open a summer camp there?
Maybe.
Gold star.
I could not have set that up better if I’d intended to. Just an amazing follow-through.
/Testing the water at Camp Crystal Lake
“I’m sorry, we have to shut you down. There’s no chemicals in the water, which is the good news. The bad news is that your Unkillable Maniac With A Machete content is just off the charts high.”
[standing in front of the sign that reads “Crystal Lake”]
“Oh, Crystal Lake. Hmm. I must have misread my map.”
– Jim Irsay
Very curious how they keep opening camps on Crystal Lake. I’ve got to believe the insurance rates for any place with a murder/dismemberment rate that high would be incredibly prohibitive.
I guess neighbourhood watch doesn’t work
I mean car insurance rates are probably very reasonable, given that none of them ever start or go anywhere.
So far the most terrifying thing about Friday 13th II is the early 80’s kitchen decor.
Jesus.
I’m working from home and stumbled on a Friday 13th marathon. Just finished the first one. It’s truly amazing how absolutely tame they seem by today’s torture porn standards.
I’m not a big horror fan to begin with, but modern horror movies suck. Torture porn is the perfect descriptor and I have no desire to watch movies like that.
I’m not a big fan of FBI watch lists, but people who are into those movies need to be on at least three of them.
Yeah I hear about movies like “Hostel” and I have absolutely zero interest in watching that shit. Suspense, supernatural dread, these things make for an interesting horror movie. Gore – absent a comedy factor like in the Evil Dead movies – does no such thing.
Yes. Give me Dracula, not Jason.
Agreed, but in defense of Jason, he really doesn’t torture people at all. Once he gets his hands on them he dispatches them as quickly as possible.
My streaming thingy has a Halloween List and one of those is all the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror’s. Some of my favoUrite bits are in there
All I know about this year’s is they did Death Note, and the list of all the people Lisa Yagami offed was the best of Fighting Baseball. RIP in pepperoni, Bobson Dugnutt.
What channel?
AMC