Your Second NFL Football Open Thread

You want more games? Well, I’ll give you more games-here we go!

Vikes/Bills: 

Minny certainly did a good when they traded Diggs to Buffalo for a draft pick. They used that pick to get Jefferson, a plug and play superstar receiver just like the one they let go and he’s on a rookie contract. Diggs’ arrival put the Bills O into a higher gear. Everybody won this trade.

Lions/Bears:

Potent offenses, struggling defenses-one must take the over here, I’m thinking. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a qb (Fields) turn things around so fast, ever.

Jags/Chiefs:

I play against Mahomes in the money league and I’m sceered. The Jags, who have hung 38 points on the Chargers and 27 on the Colts and Raiders might be able to keep pace for a while. That means Patty will be looking to the end zone.

Browns/Fins:

Here’s yet another potentially high-scoring tilt featuring potent O’s (Browns are 4th overall, Miami is 5th) and middling D’s (Cleveland 15th, Fins 23rd). Tyreek needs 86 yards to break the record for most after 10 games which is held by Julio.

Texans/Giants:

Hopefully the Giants hold serve this week and next week vs the Lions because after that it’s a long gauntlet of NFC East opponents. (and a light helping of the Colts)

Saints/Steelers:

What happened to Najee? It certainly seems as though it’s just a matter of time before he’s passed on the depth chart by UDFA Jaylen Warren.

Broncos/Titans:

It’s The Battle For Temporary Dominance between Hippo and Don T. Will Hippo and his pharmaceutical allies Eli Lilly and Pfizer emerge victorious? Or will Don T’s informal coalition of paper towels, intermittent electricity and wandering hurricanes bring the pain? It’ll be a slobberknocker, no doubt.

Enjoy.

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Redshirt

How’s Allen doing? Does he still have his elbow?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Looks fine. Haven’t seen him throw anything super long but plenty of zip on his mid-length passes.

Redshirt

I forgot how weird the bye week is. Did you know the world continues to exist between 1:00 and 4:00?

clint greasewood

LT GENERAL JOSHUA ALLEN
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

J.Jeudy out for remainder of game (ankle)

YOU MALINGERING PIECE OF SHIT I BENCHED OLAVE FOR YOU!

Don T

For the next CBA, the NFLPA better fight for expanding the concussion protocol to include ice cream. Haagen Dazs ice cream, to start easing the Copenhagen Texans.

Redshirt

No, they are moved on to banning turf from half a dozen stadiums. I guess we fix concussions last week or something.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, I SHOULD hop on the stationary bike to watch the second half of Bears-Lions. But I really just want to sit here and crack open a beer.

Gumbygirl

Drink the beer while you’re on the bike!

Game Time Decision

Have a beer when on the bike

Dunstan

That’s silly. What if he spills the beer?

Gumbygirl

Then he’ll have a valid excuse to get off the bike!

Game Time Decision

Clean sheet has a sad

King Hippo

Pssst, you have Dalvin Cook

Redshirt

Thank BLEERGH the Bengals didn’t sign him.

Dunstan

I’m so unused to the Dolphins being competitive and the Bills being good that I had sort of forgotten they’re technically a division rival I should be cheering against and not a cute underdog.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Based on the history of guys named “Singletary” I gotta assume the ball was loose.

Gumbygirl

I thought it was a fumble.

Game Time Decision

But was what you thought it was?

Gumbygirl

Pam’s speech is much better than it was, good for her!

Dunstan

I’m trying to understand why I’m seeing headlines about two “plus-sized models” who weren’t let in to a nightclub. Are people just realizing that some clubs screen women for attractiveness (and men for attractiveness and wealth)? Or are people pretending to be surprised that clubs aren’t particularly interested in letting in “plus-sized” women whether they’re models or not?

Gumbygirl

The club fired the doorman, and tried to talk to those two models, but WaybiggerthanKateUpton and Huge Iman wanted their fat faces on tv.

Dunstan

It really was a great conference this year. Andy Reid delivered the keynote address.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’re seeing those headlines because those kinds of headlines get attention.

Dunstan

Yeah, and I clicked, too. Just to see if I was missing something that actually made this newsworthy, but I guess a click’s a click.

Wakezilla

Bouncers, at least the ones in Vancouver, are literally told to do this, as well as minimize how many BIPOC folk–especially South Asians– enter the club.

Dunstan

Ironically, many years ago, an LA club got in trouble when former staff revealed that they had a cap on the number of black people they’d let in, using the code word “Canadians,” as in “we’ve got too many Canadians inside, don’t let any more in.”

Recovery Whiskey

Oh my god a zoomer perceived an insult somewhere in the world. Better riot in the streets and fill up social media for days.

Gumbygirl

That was PI, but he still coulda, shoulda caught that ball. Fucking longhaired hippie freak!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think the defender got a hand (the non-jersey-holding hand) on the ball right before it got there.

Wakezilla

Miami is actually establishing a running game today. The apocalypse is neigh

Dunstan

“Better late than never?” — Dan Marino

Wakezilla

“The Dolphins are playing? Why didn’t Shula tell me? Fuck, I got to go to Pro Player stadium”

–CTE Marino–

Dunstan

“CTE is nothing to worry about. Just buy your lineman Isotoner gloves, and they’ll take care of you!”

Wakezilla

… and then they can’t convert on a 4thand 1

King Hippo

Fret not, impossible to out-Paul #ThePauls

Dunstan

The apocalypse is neigh

“That’s what I’ve been saying” — John Elway

Don T

Gotta confess to have been liking coach Daboll, until the SCREAMING. No grown ass man should stand for that.

King Hippo

I think Dingleberry just said fuck!

Don T

Just to complement the Red Zones
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Dunstan

Are there fantasy leagues with a punter position? There really should be.

Recovery Whiskey

Worth every penny

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Start every Broncos offensive player on your roster!” – Don T, earlier this week

Wakezilla

I must have a face for radio because I’m actually going to the world Cup and they didn’t even bother asking me to be a paid shill.

https://twitter.com/Abay_Anzali/status/1591411189510246400?s=20&t=mf6o8n3TQrYHbnVy3HSLiw

TheRevanchist

You going to root for Wales, too?

Gumbygirl

Try not to look flamboyantly gay, they frown on that stuff over there!

King Hippo

Two Chubbs. One game.

King Hippo

Kirk Cousins. Just a turd out there.

Gatoraids

Him and Russ in the Iron Chef revival

Don T

The secret ingredient is: garbage time.

Gumbygirl

Jesus Christ Cousins, you fucking moron!

Wakezilla

“Jesus Christ” + “Cousins” + “fucking”

Those are the three most common search entries in Kentucky

Gumbygirl

The “moron” is just taken for granted!

Dunstan

The phrase “YOU LIKE THAT!” is used in both contexts.

King Hippo

Charmslinger channeling the Cumslinger today.

Recovery Whiskey

Fuck it, I’m going deep?

King Hippo

Exactly. At least 5 deep shots in Q1 alone

Recovery Whiskey

No picks into triple coverage yet so peak Cumslinger has not been reached

Mr. Ayo

“Wait, I am now!”

Gumbygirl

Snowing in Buffalo. Shocking! ( Not shocking)

JustStopDude

The Qatar World Cup commercials are hilarious. It’s like Jeb Bush asking people to please clap.

Only you know…countless Nepalese slaves died to build single use stadiums.

Wakezilla

United sneak out a last second win. Not All Elite Fulham deserved better

Don T

Al-Jazeera will run a “The Birdcage” maratón in Cutter before Red Zone shows a minute of Donks @ Tits
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King Hippo

Singletary is a really good back. I will go to my grave yelling that.

Spur

Agree.

Recovery Whiskey

“Andy Reid with a decision to make”

Why decide, get both the brisket and the prime rib.

King Hippo

So ends the Pacheco bubble

Gumbygirl

Jefferson hurt himself celebrating, and is now trying desperately not to limp in front of the coaches.

Spur

Glory Boy

Recovery Whiskey

Commence Cousins scoring fast jokes

King Hippo

I have had Jefferson all 3 seasons, somehow no playoffs. Almost like Hippo be all stupid.

Recovery Whiskey

Apparently the key to the Vikings success is Cousins doing badly

Gatoraids

Sudden Jag off

Recovery Whiskey

Did the Bears do something good?

King Hippo

Shitting in the woods totes counts

ballsofsteelandfury

Najee has an offensive line that’s worse than a turnstile. It’s worse than 5 traffic cones put side by side. It’s worse than that sign on the road telling you the speed limit.

It doesn’t stop shit.

Gumbygirl

Worse than Nancy Reagan’s Just Say No campaign!

Recovery Whiskey

I’ve been told by more than one D. A. R. E. “graduate” that it was basically an instruction manual.

King Hippo

Even Hippo is a bit jelly of how doped to the gills Brokeback gotta be.

King Hippo

WOMP WOMP motherfuckers

Recovery Whiskey

Maricopa County’s guy in charge is an old school non Trumpy Republican.

He already has been on media shutting down any of this stupidity.

Gumbygirl

I saw him yesterday. He’s tired of the bullshit. Good for him.

King Hippo

I love it. Temporary el Dominance Derby!!

Don T

The best parts of TEN’s D are oOt. Charmslinger’s gonna bone the Tits.
It’s like intermittent electricity with water service only between 7:30 and 8, AM and PM.

Last edited 1 year ago by Don T
King Hippo

We are banged up too. Should be quite the shitshow!

Spur

Took

Tits -2.5
KC -9.5
Fins -.5

Recovery Whiskey

Seattle checked out early and brought their luggage to the game, they’re already through Security ane back on the plane. Experienced business travelers.

Last edited 1 year ago by Recovery Whiskey
Fronkenshteen

Tampa kept it simple. Keep Walker 3 from running it, make Geno beat you through the skies, collect your W.

Recovery Whiskey

Tom Brady game managed the crap out of that one.

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