The hits just keep on coming.
To The Games!
Raiders/Broncos:
This Rikki/Hippo Darby is brought to you by that “Gloom, Despair and Agony on me, Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery” song from Hee Haw. A very young scotchy did not like country or western music but you know what he did like? Curvy women hanging out in corn fields telling jokes and batting their eyelids. Both coaches will be standing all game, not because that’s what coaches do but because that coaching seat is getting Hot, Hot, Hot no matter what Mark Davis says. Denver’s D is incredible but the O is like Wilson before marriage-not able to score.
Cowboys/Vikes:
I’m grateful for this game just for the fact that it should provide some clarity to the pecking order of the jumble of teams in the upper echelon of the NFC. Despite just the one loss Minny is having some trouble getting respect-many folks thinking that Allen gave the game to the Vikes through his generosity with the ball, like a cowboy drunk on too many sarsaparillas. Still, their point differential is +35 which is tied for third in the conference. (only 7 teams sport a positive number. Ugh.)
Bengals/Steelers:
Cincy slew the ghosts of many, many Steelers losses last year and then laid down and lost again (by 3) the first week of the season. But that was back when a certain qb was fresh off an exploded appendix. The o-line is playing better and the Bengals have scored 30, 35 and 42 in their their last three wins which have been without Chase. Pitt’s rookie qb Pickett is going thru the usual adjustment phases that first year guys face-learning to recognize schemes and the speed of the game. Tomlin won’t really know what he has until the rook goes through the league a second time.
Type that thing.
“Life is empty and meaningless without gambling!” – FanDuel
Watching the Grey Cup and the players all have one eye-black. Is this because of the exchange rate?
Mike Tomlin showing his age in the first time I can remember.
I noticed that too. He looked like an old man in those last shots.
I totally said that in my Monday draft as well. Our periods are all synching up now, I bet.
A lifetime of Bengals football teaches me to enjoy this moment and fear they’ll blow this somehow.
Update: Still outside. We don’t need descriptions of everyone saying the brachots, just say them and let us get the fuck inside, it’s 31, feels like 21 and I don’t think my bow arm’s gonna make it.
And this is with the Under Armour cold gear.
Have you considered starting a fire?
-not Billy Joel
ROUGE!!!!
Did I say “motherfucker” in front of family? You know it.
Mine wouldn’t even blink.
Can’t believe there isn’t a Grey Cup Manningcast
Fluite and Moon Cast?
Special guests:
Hello. Fuck everything
Welcome, Mr. Grossman
Just close your eyes and think of the draft pick
Us HOX fans can’t wait!
https://twitter.com/MySportsUpdate/status/1594417765330423812?s=20&t=DW-q2m6iEDqD44w9nm657A
NFL BLITZ!
Raiders getting crazy!
my parley is still alive. Cincy needs to keep Burrow upright to win by 4. Is that too much to ask for?
Wow Russ way to preserve the 48 yard try by throwing it away
Can we all just agree that Burrows is a great qb that somehow, someway, just doesn’t know how to escape a collapsing pocket?
Hey their proper name is “The Cincinnati Bengals”
Which is odd because he has a TON of practice trying it.
I have a memory of him escaping quite a few collapsing pockets last year, but that very well could have been a series of anomalies that somehow relate to the amount of dark matter in the universe
Wow, CBS just switched away from Cowboys Vikings because it wasn’t competitive.
I’m kinda pissed, but also kinda proud.
You missed them high fiving on a 3 and out while down 37-3
Silver linings, amirite?
Was enjoying watching the Vikes get killed. Now am watching Cincy for the first time this year and…huh, white tigers. Kinda like it.
Watching Denver keep waiting on Russ to Cook. I am so sorry guys
Like to think this game is Dallas revenge for 1 of 3 Randy Moss games.
TJ Watt is a sentient cheat code.
37-3 and they don’t even have another game they can switch to. Surprised Fox doesn’t throw on a rerun of Bob’s Burgers or something.
Guess I was mistaken – I didn’t think they could switch to an all-AFC game.
Broadcasting mercy rule
Old Trump speeches would be better
Holy shit, they are switching away.
Hello Yinzers and Redshirt!
Grey Cup is on now
Did you see that cheerleader dressed as a referee?
Now the head injury is on the other person in that fast food restaurant!
https://twitter.com/EnMexicoMagico/status/1594190231129190400
I somehow doubt this translates as a compliment to the USofA.
Oh look arabs
EXTRA LEAD PAINT CHIPS FOR ZEKE!!!
Cincy is making up new rules as they go along.
And still doing them wrong.
Oh, I totally forgot the Rams and Saints were playing earlier
Another weird-ass BLEERGH in Yinzburgh. “Ineligible fair catch signal” is not something that exists in reality.
The last Booth I saw have a day this bad broke his leg trying to leave a theater.
We’ve replaced the Minnesota Vikings with Folgers Crystals. Let’s see if anyone notices!
“Needs more broken tables.”
-Buffalo Bills Fan
THESE MINNESOTA VIKINGS I CALL THEM PURPLE ONIONS BECAUSE THEY ARE GETTING SLICED INTO PIECES AND IT’S MAKING PEOPLE CRY.
*Starts researching how to batter and fry the Vikings*
-A. Reid
Freiermuth seems to have a LUNCH PALE vibe that the Yinzers approve of
Sigh.
In-com-PLETE!!!
/this has turned into quite the emo challenge, mutually assured DERPstruction
Best Middle School Mustache: Carr or Heinike?
“Middle School Mustache” was the name of my Jack Kerouac-inspired Volljahrig Werden spoken word play in 1972.
/try to reach for a joke beyond that
Holy shit, Reshirt. I’m genuinely convinced the Bungles o-line want Joe Borrow to die.
Mike Brown might just be insane and cheap enough to give bounties to the linemen who let Borrow get crushed and injured as a cost-saving measure.
Maybe next time he’ll take them to a steakhouse instead of just ordering in a catering tray of two-way Cincinnati chilli
Brown is too cheap to pay for cheese.
EXTRA RIBS FOR TONY POLLARD!!!
First he spends centuries promoting full foliage on trees, and now an excellent game of footed ball! Well done, that man!
Truly a Renaissance Man if I’ve ever seen one.
/Has never seen one