Saudi Arabia is a land of contrasts. For example, if a person is convicted of apostasy, he or she may be beheaded with a sword (like the pretty one in the flag!); contrast that image with the same person, convicted of apostasy, being stoned to death publicly instead. The variety is endless, which is why many Americans would take vacations there during the last presidential administration. Sure, these “vacations” usually centered around getting filthy investment money from some trust fund shithead (often, both parties would be trust fund shitheads!), but still, good times had by all. But that’s not all offered in this Riyadhical country!

Did you ever read a news story and think, gee, I don’t agree with this and maybe cutting up the reporter with a bone saw would really help the discourse? Sure you have! Well, then Saudi Arabia, and specifically Mohammed bin Salman (more like Mohammed bin Sawin right?) shares your vision of a media that knows its place. Again, with the help of overseas trust fund assholes (even if they don’t share your sacred religious beliefs!) you can get away with murder in this glorious country!

Just realized I wrote the previous paragraph in second person, which makes no sense. You are not participating in this exercise; you are reading and learning and living laughing loving.

Anyway, back to the lecture at hand. Perfection is perfected so I’ma let ’em understand. From Saudi Arabia’s perspective, human rights are not a thing. You wanna get along, you go along. (There I go with the second person thing again. Ed.- Perhaps turn off the Dre and focus? Yeah, you’d like that. I;m unfadeable so please don’t try to fade me.)

Okay, I’ve said enough about how wonderful Saudi Arabia is as a nation, so here’s the 911 about their soccer (or “footyfetish”) team. They suck. Oddsmakers have them at 900-1 to win the World Cup, and there’s no same person who would risk a shekel on that. They’re in a group with Argentina, Mexico, and Poland, and they will lose all three of their games, hopefully in embarrassing fashion. Their best players are, well, not good, so no one cares. Here’s their match schedule

11/22 vs. Argentina

11/26 vs. Poland

11/30 vs. Mexico

Yep, three losses await.

A couple nights ago, I went to a concert at a local arena. I watched Jane’s Addiction tear through about 10 songs, then watched a ghoulish-looking Billy Corgan lead Smashing Pumpkins for a couple hours’ worth of awesomeness. I drank several different locally-sourced (and super expensive!) delicious beers, and inhaled some skunk odor because apparently it was the gamekeeper’s night off. After the show, my wife nicely drove us home, and we had one more drink there and reminisced about the great show we had just seen. None of this could happen in Saudi Arabia.

In conclusion, buy an electric car not made by Tesla.