Your 2022 World Cup España Preview

The last time I did a preview, I gave you a stereotypical look at the country of my birth. This time, I could give you a stereotypical look at the country of my ancestors, but the thing is that España actually have a chance to do something in this World Cup besides show up for 4 games.

So, instead I will endeavour to give you a semi-serious preview. Sorta.

First, some breaking archaeological news:

Archaeologists working in the Basque Country have found an artifact written in the Basque language that’s at least 2000 years old. Speaking of history, did you know that the Basque National Team was a thing and once played in the Mexican League and came in second??

How does that affect the team’s chances in Qatar?

I’m glad you asked!

It really doesn’t although there are quite a few Basque players on the team. The most interesting part about this tournament’s squad is that there are a lot of Barcelona players and only 1 (Marco Asensio) Real Madrid player.

I don’t know if that says more about the state of Spanish fútbol or Real Madrid.

The team is coached by Luis Enrique, a Barcelona veteran that, obvio, prefers players that play well together instead of a team of All-Stars. That last sentence crystalizes perfectly for you the difference between the Real Madrid philosophy and Barcelona’s.

In the lead up to the World Cup, España has played pretty well losing only once to Switzerland in the Nations League. España lost to Italy in the Euro Semi-Final although that was in penalties so technically a tie.

The squad is young with some veterans mixed in for experience and guidance. Luis Enrique has chosen a good mix of players that could, if things go right, win the whole thing.

They could also lose relatively early, but this tournament is going to be so evenly matched once we get into the knockout rounds that realistically about ten countries have a legitimate shot to win.

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Here are the Group Stage games:

I think España beats Costa Rica in the opening game, tie Germany in the second game, and beat Japan in the third. They’ll finish either first or second depending on whether they beat up on Costa Rica and Japan more than zee Germans do.

That means they’ll face either Belgium, Croatia, Canada, or Morocco. Morocco would be great because they could place a side bet on disputed territoires in Africa.

Alas, we masturbate too much to have nice things, so Morocco ain’t making it out of their group.

None of those teams scare España, so they should be able to win their Round Of 16 game and then face most likely Brasil, Portugal, or Uruguay.

Here is an interesting quirk in the draw. It actually benefits España to finish second in the Group as that path avoids Brasil and matches them up with either Portugal or Uruguay.

If that happens, I could see España winning the whole thing. A Quarterfinal matchup against Brasil means a likely early exit and Luis Enrique getting fired and the team being in general disarray for a few years.

That about does ‘er. Ain’t much left to talk about.

So, here’s a map for Litre:

Here’s a map for Yeah Right:

Here’s a map for the lovers of tongues:

And last, but not least, your Stereotype Maps of Spain!

If you have questions about anything in the maps, please put them in the comments and I’ll do my best to answer them.