Hello, I am your substiture teacher, preacher, anything you haaaadddd in mind. I am only #FirstPill in, on this blessed Native American Slaughter Day. But it’s windows open weather down Cakalaky Way, the cats are sleeping peacefully, and my house is silent. LET’S FUCKING GO, Y’ALL!
Bills (-9.5) at LioUns (12:30, CBS)
Move over Rodney Dangerfield, this is some SERIOUS GET NO RESPEK stuff here. Brokeback is essentially playing with one functional arm, and it’s NOT his throwing one. You may have noticed they have lost 2 of 3, with #ThePauls providing the only port in their storm. Make no mistake, Detroit is NOT a similar-calibre opponent. Dan Campbell’s LioUns fought back from that dreadful 1-6 start, and they 100% FUCK RIGHT NOW. Add to that, their Thanksgiving mystique? Take. The. LioUns. Shit, I give them a 35-40% chance to win outright.
Fantasy Advice
If you have Devin Singletary and aren’t starting him – you should set him free, because you ain’t NEVAR starting him. He’ll get at least one TD, probably two. And I’ll set the over/under combined yardage at 105. I never know what to do with LioUn skill players in fantasy, so I just don’t have any rostered (except Justin Jackson as a lotto ticket in the League with 20-man rosters).
Regular Advice
Just because your raycess uncle/cousin/grandpa is present at the meal, that don’t mean you have to engage whatsoever. That’s the miracle of divorce – the realization that you don’t HAVE TO DO the square root of fuckall. You control you, and who cares if anyone gossips about your lone wolfdom? All we gots to do is STAY BLACK and die, and since dying is against Clubhouse Roolz – just STAY BLACK my imaginary bruthas and sistas.
Get your Nazi references ready for the Boiz From Brasil and the Always-Friendly Serbs at 2p. too (Fox).
Has this been the best “full national” game this season?
QUARTERBACK LEGS
I was VERY optimistic about my stomach capacity while making my plate, this will reheat well in a couple hours though
always good to challenge yourself!
DET should call timeout
DET should now let them score
GOAL!!!!
RICHY WOO!!!!
/he is still Toffee-beloved
Please don’t insult our intelligence by fluffing Jared Goff, Jim.
There’s gotta be Thanksgiving themed porn, right? Like “now that the turkey is stuffed, Imma stuff you”.
I’d imagine there’s plenty, but most of it is probably horiffically racist.
I would guess there’s plenty of gravy-based porn, but the Indy target audience considers it to be every-day porn rather than Thanksgiving themed
Fuck yeah, BBQ smoked turkey breast is fantastic! Sides are good too. Well done me, for purchasing this and not screwing it up while heating it
Buon appatito
Shit, it’s five minutes past noon — I’d better start drinking!
(I know, most of you started hours ago)
That Amazon “kid misses his ded mom/snowglobe” ad really fucking bums me out. Even on mute
Tony Romo :THE DETROIT LIONS ARE FOR REAL. Well, at least in this game,”
Credit Dok for making that CharkDOWN happen!
Jamaal TD time again.
The TD goes to the Swift.
I don’t know who that singer was at halftime, but she had some serious junk in her trunk. Sir Mix-a-lot approved!
He pulled up quick to reTRIEVE it!
Watching the Brazil-Serbia match and my brother and father have come up with some outstanding genocide jokes if Serbia manages to win.
Lions are playing some inspired football. This game has been fun to watch.
It makes one wonder why the TNF games can’t be compelling and competitive? Is the same time element.
Good point.
“Happy Thanksgiving!” – Shan’Khor
Brazil looks a step off but Jesus their individual talent is ridiculous.
Neymar has been getting the beatdown. Not surprised though.
He should. Guy has more rolls than a bakery when he goes down.
Or more than when Fatthew takes his shirt off at the beach,
Merry Thanksgiving.
One of the greatest things in that show is that those two are married in real life.
Three married couples!
Sweet Dee and Mac
Charlie and The Waitress
Dennis and the “Magnum Condom/DENNIS System” episode Pharmacist
Did not know that about Dennis. Gonna have to watch that again now.
Turkey not quite up to 160F internal temp yet. Giving it 15 more minutes and opening the wine
The container the creamed corn came in cracked, so I’m going to have to eat a triple portion so the remainder fits in my good ceramic storage container
The good news is that, should your food suck ass, there are still some drive thru’s open.
I’ve tasted the sides already, they’re good
You actually don’t need to bring turkey breasts up to 160 from a food safety point of view, as long at they’re at 150 for 10 minutes or more.
160 is the temperature at which bacteria are killed instantly, but they start dying off above 120, so it’s a function of time as well as temp.
Legs you want to get up that high for reasons of taste and texture.
It was only at 144, but it’s supposed to be already fully cooked so not sure I really have to follow the directions full anyway
Ok, maybe not, but I got it up to 151, am not eating all the way to the middle today, and am willing to live dangerously
In keeping with the theme of being in touch with the audience who attends football games, Andrea Yates and Lee Harvey Oswald’s hologram will be doing a duet in Dallas at halftime.
Dammit, I knew it was a mistake, considering any laughing I do leads to a coughing fit right now.
Tussionex, Imaginary Musical Prodigy Pal. ASK FOR IT BY NAME
Is Tussonex Robitussins former lover?
Is basically Robitussin + opium
Who is this hussy singing at halftime-I’m of the mind to send the FCC a strongly-worded text with multiple emojis.
STRATEGY MOMENT! DET should tackle all the WRs this play.
(that worked better)
Glad I benched Buf D today.
Turkey is almost done and smells FANTASTIC, enjoying the game so far too. I don’t hate either team, but think I’m rooting LIOUNS today
I have to go through 3 days of leadership refresher training next week. Tried my best to get out of it, but they have been humping my leg over this shit for weeks and cut me no slack. You would think after 40 years of being a leader at many levels, and 3 years shy of retirement (15 months if they piss me off) I could get a pass. But noooo… Plus Lions score!
I suggest hijacking the training into something fun like making paella and drinking wine
I fully intend to be my best sarcastic self. It’s at the club too so I’m thinking Tommy Bahama shirt, loafers and every spare minute at the slot machines.
Break out the Old School “steers and queers” routine from An Officer and a Gentleman. I’m sure that’s timeless and still wins the day.
Very tempting. The guy running the program is a real nerd, keeps spouting “DOD regulations require” at me. Imma gonna go full up, get off my lawn at some point… it’s inevitable.
My go to line is, “you don’t have to be Stonewall Jackson” fully keeping with my avatar.
Lovely play-action by the Lions for the TD.
Go for it and again. A FG and giving it to Brokeback on the 25 is suicide.
Dan Campbell has benched Swift after a Jamal Williams fantasy owner tipped the coach off to the player’s history as an advocate for child cannibalism.
Get SwiftyDOWN
“He’s a Swifty.” Hahahaha!!!
Hey! That’s Jamal Williams’ touchdown, you filthy vulture!
Their tailback rotation is quite Socialist, Comrade!
I wonder if there’s a thanksgiving day kitchen tradition in Michigan that centers on the relationship between the lions perennially lousy performance in this game and the making of the gravy. Do the cooks begin the gravy based on the game clock, score, crowd noise coming from the TV (or sudden lack thereof), or obscenity tapestry being woven in the den?
“Come quarter two, you start the roux!”
I love that the Lions aren’t here to play conservatively and steal a win; they’re here to put on a show.
True dat. You have to think players give an extra 5-10% for coaches who do that.
They are not a team you can look past.
Maybe not all the way good, but certainly good-adjacent. The NFC could (and will) do worse for a 7 seed.
Starting in 2004, the Detroit Lions lost nine straight Thanksgiving Day games. Then they won four in a row. Followed by losing five in a row, which brings us to today.
I haven’t seen anything this streaky since Todd Marinovich cleaned my windshield while I was stopped at the corner of Sepulveda and Venice Blvd.
WCS should be giving a plus 1 for the accurate geographical context of this joke.
today’s challenge is to try to figure out the score of the game based only on the comments here
Yeah, am watching the Ney ney Mitro show.
I am guessing Williams has vultured errrthing
McKenzie with the score and without a concussion!
Carries that ball like a loaf of bread, and STILL refuses to slide. Yet it never seems to come (Broke)back to bite him.
“What sort of bread?”
-A. Reid
Yes Tony, a two yard run for a TD is both unbelievable and incredible. Jesus Christ I can’t stand this fucking hack.
.
“As God is my witness, I thought they could fly.” – Antonio Brown, explaining why he was throwing pieces of furniture off the balcony of his condo in Miami
also some lady in downtown Toronto. Who got arrested and charged.
I’m wearing a T-shirt that’s similar to that
I hope Chark is really good at playing cards and/or eating large quantities of live fish so we can call him Chark the Shark
Dunno his politics, he could be Right Chark OR Left Chark
What do you all do with the turkey liver? Conventional wisdom is that it’s too bitter to use in gravy; do you make pate out of it, or toss it, or what?
Bake it into a pot pie, set it down with family not knowing what it is, sit back and watch the fun.
Homemade cat food?
I like to pan fry it with thyme, white wine, garlic, and put it on toasted French bread.
This Portugal team is losing badly because of Ronaldo.
+puts on glasses
Ugh…. Nevermind.
Drunk turkey day political hot take.
Anyone shocked that there is a picture of a 14 year old Jerry Jones at a racially charged event is an idiot. The dude is 200 years old. It was the 1950’s, in the South.
Justin Trudeau has how many blackface pics from the 2000’s?!?!
Jerry Jones is as racist as he is faithful to his wife. This is the dumbest made up controversy for idiots that don’t follow football, to act like they give a shit.
There are so many other issues with owners the NFL needs to address. Goddamn it where is my scotch…
I think this is the first example of Dan Snyder’s purported “dirt”.
YUP. And agreed, for a honky of Jerral’s age, from The South? Small beer.
Hey man, beer is beer.
Yeah it’s just fucking dumb. There are people acting like he went to a klan rally on his own.
He was in school. I’d bet my house that him and the rest of the kids were marched out to the front of the school by their own teachers.
I also wouldn’t bet against him having gone to a klan rally, but all your points are fair.
I just spatchcocked a pair of birds. That sounds like something a creepy English dude would say.
I hope you’ve washed your meat thermometer
Thank you, guv’nor!
I just CANNOT get used to DET having a functional defense. OK, functional D-line.
Lookit how bad my GAMBLOR advice already is!
Is this the copa mundial thread too? I finally have something to contriboot:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/ClRN8SXsl9N/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
si, es verdad
Happy Turkey Day you fucks!!!!
I bought a pre-made Thanksgiving BBQ meal for 4-6, with smoked turkey breast (warming in the oven per instructions), creamed corn, string beans, and dinner rolls. Also picked up some orange cranberry sauce at Trader Joes. Just me, so gonna be eating this for the next few days and still have delicious leftovers for the freezer!
Got a Sav Blanc from my favorite winemaker chilling in the fridge, garlic butter softening on the counter, and everything should be ready just around half-time.
Also got laundry in the dryer since I figured no one else would be doing laundry right now, and I need to pack for being out of town all December. And I just found out the summer schedule for the Bark Europa, so thinking I’ll be doing the full year off and joining their sail from Cape Town to the Azores in mid-June. Then I can look for a job in August, travel all September and start work again in October, just in time to get ramped up before the next set of holidays kicks off!
I have one tupperware of turkey breast/rice/gravy left for tonight, then I am out. So…see ya tomorrow/ LMAO