Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Holiday Rush

It’s that pre-Christmas rush, or as musicians know it, time to play the same things we play every goddamn year.

Okay, that’s a slight mistake. I haven’t had anyone ask me to play The Nutcracker this year. Part of that might actually be a soft boycott on Tchaikovsky, due to goings-on in Ukraine. There has been some back and forth on that in the music community, and I would say I’m pretty on the fence about it. I would doubt that Tchaikovsky, of all people, would be for the current Russian regime. (Since he was gay.) I’m doing some transcriptions that I am hilariously behind on, and the client asked me to change one of the names from “Russian Dance” to “Slavic Dance” for that reason.

But, back on topic, has it been Messiah time? Yes, yes it has. And actually, I’ll be playing it a second time for New Year’s.

This is, of course, opposed to my favorite Messiah-based musical rendition. Have you ever wondered what it would sound like if Michael Bolton sang Handel? Well listen to this!

It is… legendary. For better or for worse. I believe this is from the 1990 Young Messiah tour, which was an attempt to make Handel more suitable for modern audiences. Apparently the original 1982 version had Chaka Khan singing the above number. I cannot find it on the Youtubes.

Moving onto more important matters:

Marble League Rolldown

I’ll do a full breakdown, Tree-style, except not on video, next week, of all 32 teams. By then we’ll know the hosts too. Through 15 events, here are the scenarios. Four teams are in qualification to win the Marble League, and the same four are the only ones in contention for a top-3 finish and automatic qualification to the 2023 Marble League. And as we’ve learned from the Midnight Wisps and the Hazers (I repeat, AND THE HAZERS), finishing 4th means nothing next year.

Pinkies-180 pts
The Pinkies (yeah, I know) can win the Marble League if:
-They win the Elimination Race, OR
-The Shining Swarm does not finish 1st or 2nd (if the Pinkies don’t win) in the elimination race, OR
-Team Galactic does not win the elimination race, the Shining Swarm finish 3rd or lower, and the Pinkies finish 5th or better, OR
-Other permutations of points, where they finish with more points than the Shining Swarm and Team Galactic (both teams would have tiebreakers over the Pinkies) and as many as the Savage Speeders (Pinkies own tiebreaker)

The Pinkies can auto-qualify for ML23 if:
-They finish 14th or better OR
-The Savage Speeders do not win the elimination race, OR
-Any permutation of points that leave them ahead of the Shining Swarm & Team Galactic OR tied with the Savage Speeders

Shining Swarm-175 pts (5 points back)
The Shining Swarm can win the Marble League if:
-They win the Elimination Race (would hold gold tiebreaker over Pinkies and bronze tiebreaker over Team Galactic)
-They finish 2nd in the Elimination Race AND the Pinkies or Team Galactic do not win
-They finish 3rd in the Elimination Race, the Pinkies finish 6th or lower, and Team Galactic does not finish higher than them.
-Other permutations of points that leave them ahead of Team Galactic AND tied with the Pinkies/Savage Speeders (Team Galactic would hold gold tiebreaker, but Shining Swarm holds over Pinkies and Savage Speeders)

The Shining Swarm can auto-qualify for ML23 if:
-They finish 9th or better OR
-The Savage Speeders do not finish 1st or 2nd, OR
-Any permutation of points that leave them tied with the Savage Speeders or Pinkies OR ahead of Team Galactic

Team Galactic-170 pts (10 points back)
Team Galactic can win the Marble League if:
-They win the Elimination Race AND the Pinkies do not finish 2nd, OR
-Any permutation of points that leave them tied and/or ahead of all the other teams (would hold tiebreaker)

Team Galactic can auto-qualify for ML23 if:
-They finish 4th or better, OR
-The Savage Speeders do not podium, OR
-Any permutation of points that leave them tied with any of the other teams (would hold tiebreaker)

Savage Speeders-157 pts (23 points back; 13 points out of podium)
The Savage Speeders can win the Marble League if:
-They win the Elimination Race AND ALL of the following occurs:
—The Pinkies finish 15th or 16th
—The Shining Swarm finish 10th or lower
—Team Galactic finishes 5th or lower

The Savage Speeders can auto-qualify for ML23 if:
-They win the Elimination Race and ANY of the championship conditions occur, OR
-They finish 2nd and either the Shining Swarm finishes 15th/16th or Team Galactic finishes 10th or lower, OR
-They finish 3rd and Team Galactic finishes 15th/16th.

Got it all? It’s more cut and dry than usual since these are the only four teams that are still mathematically in it. You can watch the final event HERE, and we’ll talk about it in next week’s column.

As for human sports,

Time for the news!
-Yankees officially name Aaron “Arson” Judge captain.
-Mets somehow sign INF Carlos Correa after San Francisco had an issue with his physical. Man, tough week to root for the San Francisco Baseball Giants.

-Florida prosecutors drop the arrest warrant, decline to prosecute Antonio Brown.

-Falcons D-coordinator Dean Pees briefly went to the hospital after an on-field collision on Sunday, due to worries about his being on blood thinners. He’s been cleared to return to the sideline.

-Matty Iced again: Colts bench QB Matt Ryan, turn to BDN Foles to start remaining three games of season.

–QB Arch Manning (Cooper’s son, Peyton and Eli’s nephew) signs to Texas.

-Lastly, a sad day in Yinzerland, as Steelers RB and Pittsburgh airport fixture Franco Harris has passed away at the age of 72. The team was planning to retire his number on Saturday at halftime, and I imagine they’ll still do so, though the mood will have changed from celebration to remembrance.

What’s for sportsin’? (All times still Eastern)
Iceball
Fightin’ Warburtons vs. Sunrise (NJD vs. FLA) (7:00, TNT)
Fightin’ McDavids vs. Team Pantera (EDM vs. DAL) (9:30, TNT)
Other locally listed games

JV Hoopsball
St. John’s vs. Villanova (in progress, FS1)
Michigan vs. P/NC (7:00, ESPN)
Son de Clem vs. Georgia Tech (7:30, ESPN2)

Ladies’ JV Hoopsball
Florida vs. #23 Oklahoma (9:30, ESPN2)

And lastly… BRING BACK HAZY!