The NFC East in the 4pm Eastern Best Time window? Has all hell broken loose? What was it fastened with? Is Gorilla Glue not as effective as advertised? Why are question marks designed this way? I don’t think I’m going to get any answers.
To The Games!
Giants/Eagles:
There’s a heated debate going on about whether the Giants should rest key players today. Those on the ‘they should play’ side are citing the 2007 team that went balls out vs the undefeated Pats team in the final regular season game and lost by three points. That was quite some time ago and one should note that Frank Clark just yesterday busted up his groin. I’m good with some guys resting and others getting pulled as the game progresses.
Cowboys/Commies:
If you’re a fan of the Washington franchise I can’t imagine how appreciative you must be of the job that Ron Rivera has done amid the shitshow that’s going on all around him. Everything points towards the team being a complete disaster but the rot at the core of this organization hasn’t reached the coaching staff or the field. That’s impressive.
Chargers/Broncos:
Denver badly needs a reset this offseason-there’s all kinds of talent on that offense and you’d think that it would shine through here and there despite the ‘uneven’ coaching that Hackett provided. Is Russell Wilson just that loopy? Well, the team has at least two more years to find out because jettisoning him now would destroy their salary cap.
Cards/Niners:
Is Kliff dead in the water tomorrow morning after Arizonny gets destroyed by San Fran’s third teamers today? I think so.
Rams/Seahawks:
Much hay will be made of Seattle’s chances that depend on Green Bay dropping the ball at home. Stumbling down the stretch was not a good look though.
Type a thing or two.
It’s like the Seahawks don’t want to win, and their loss might make Denver’s draft pick more attractive.
3 scores, I’d pull Hurts now
Yeah, can always put him back in if it gets close somehow
Zac Taylor: “But per the rules, you can substitute players back in.”
Joe Burrow: “For the last time, Coach, that’s a BASEBALL RULEBOOK!”
These Commanders, I call them railroad expansion and the introduction of barbed wire fences because they are causes Cowboys to die out.
Blough did a BLEERGH
try saying that 5x fast!
So the Bengals celebrated that game with cigars and music.
They’re going to get destroyed next week.
Folks, I swear to Helix, there’s a man at this wedding and he may be the Jewish Macho Man Randy Savage.
We need a full BotG of that!
Fun fact, macho man actyally was ethnically jewish
Slim Jims are kosher!*
*may not be true
is rat kosher?
What does he snap into? Since I assume Slim Jims are not kosher
I suppose they might make an all-beef kosher version
Beef and chicken I think.
So has Russ surpassed the bathrooms in his house now?
He went one over last week dadgummit
Also don’t get burning your surprise onside kick play like that.
It’ll be even more surprising next time!
Oh hey, Russ cooked an edible thing!
SLING DAT CHARM WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Folks, I have never seen a mongoose in the wild in my life, and today I have seen 4. Or possibly the same two twice.
Oddly, none/neither of them had a bandana tied around their wing-wang, and none were yelling about the Raiders.
Refs have been instructed to keep Herbert safe at all costs.
I ran out of compressed air, so I can’t dust the crown molding to make sure the tape sticks, so I will stop taping for the day. Since I no longer have reason to be on a ladder, I can go ahead and safely open a bottle of wine!
BalletDOWN for Tutu!
One of the things that makes NFL franchises easy to hate is their fans. Since the Chargers don’t have any fans, they are a lot harder to hate.
The 500s are dividing by zero, and the Chargers are just ennui.
The 500s are infinity?
I support this maths
Technically, undefined
The Spanoi keep hatred flame alive
**scrolls back through this open thread**
[DOOR FLIES OPEN]
HOW THE FUCK WE DOIN’ !?!!
also:
**chugs bourbon, changes Jaguras bandana out for AFC South Champions Jaguras bandana**
DDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
[Uses “AFC North Participant” bandana as a handkerchief to weep into] – Monkey Business
BATTLESHIP MANNING!!!!
Keep lighters away from him for a while.
As long as it is tied around the wing Wang.
Where else does one properly wear a bandana?
This appears to be the slapstick comedy window, bring on the Yakety Sax!
More Beavis and Butthead. There’s an underlying sense of cynicism and sarcasm in these games.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fdp_gKXhYY&ab_channel=JAYKOOL
Daria on the play-by-play?
2nd and 31? NFL BLITZ!
Dog happy its not trapped inside watching a broncos game on sunday
plus he got to wear the coveted Terrell Davis jersey!
Hi from Seattle. I couldn’t be drunker.
Hi Coach Carroll!
I haven’t been drunk in Seattle since 1988. But I bet they still remember it!
Let me guess: you ran into the market, started grabbing fish and tossing them to people, and a tradition was born!
Like a fucking lady, obviously.
We’ve secretly replaced the Cowboys with the Texans, let’s see if anyone notices…
PRAISE SHANK’LOR
also
LOLBOYS
It’s frightening how calm and rational Yinzer post-game is.
Only the worst of the racist rednecks don’t understand how lucky we are to have Tomlin. And fuck them!
Yes, that’s hopefully true. Still doesn’t stop the Yinzers from not turning the radio down in the background and reverb.
Seriously. He’s the best coach in the league. We are lucky to have him.
Just never lucked into a Dreamboat in the 6th round
If I wasn’t already so numb inside, I’d kill every one of you and your mothers in order for the Raiders to get their hands on a coach as consistently competent as Tomlin.
Does Cager know he is playing the wrong sport
Think I’m gonna go take a bath and read. Neither of these LA football games holds much interest.
Oh, Hippo gon get high. And Other Hippo gon shine.
I sometimes times imagine you as a sort of jekyll and Hyde:
1 personality is your profile picture: a disgruntled yet caring white collar worker with hedonistic tendencies
The other personality is your name sake, king hippo, a violent and gluttonous Mongoloid with an affinity towards recreational drug use.
Either way, punching him in the stomach is all you need to knock him down.
I thought Boston Scott was the singer in AC/DC, the dead one.
No you’re thinking of Byron Scott.
No, he was thinking about Lord Byron, but typing out this unrelated stuff.
How long have they been waiting to use that “Scottish Hammer gets nailed” line?
For anyone who took the GAMBLOR action, it was MIA -4 according to ESPN. Naturally the Jets have a lateral safety for the final. Would you expect anything else?
[sharpens neon claws]
Giants third-teamers playing against the Eagles starters is going as well as you’d expect.
exposing your punter to possible death seemed like an unwise risk
The Giants also want the Cowboys to get the 5 seed so they can watch them lose hilariously to the desiccated husk of MRSA Dreamboat
It will be gross having to cheer for the Cowpersons, even for just one round.
Boston Scott has 17 career TDs, 10 vs the Gmen. Did John Mara kill his puppy or something?
I mean given how many puppies John Mara has killed, it’s not out of the question.
Back, what I miss?
Millions of Boston fans simultaneously saying “well, I’m more of a Celtics fan these days”.
Nah, Ice Giants is where its at
Pitchahs and Catchahs!
Death, Taxes, Boston Scott scores against the Giants. Take your pick.
South Dakota State is about to win the JV JV foobawl championship. South Dakota governor Kristi Noem will shoot five endangered species to celebrate.
“A moderate Republican was among the dead after Noem finished her killing spree.”
-Fox News
My nephew is currently stuck at the Sioux Falls airport with a dead battery. He goes to Dakota State. This is his car, could be way worse
LOLBOYS
This massive oil well gusher was struck in 1875 in the Baku region of Azerbaijan in the Russian Empire. The well produced 50,000 barrels per day and immediately sent oil prices plummeting; instead of making a fortune the owners were ruined.
This well was named Kormilitza, which means “The Wet Nurse.”
There was so much oil so close to the shoreline of the Caspian Sea, you could literally pull handfuls of crude out of the sand.
I’m pretty sure bathing in raw crude oil was Don Rumsfeld’s secret kink.
Until a pipeline was eventually built (no easy feat) they couldn’t get the oil out of the Caspian basin. In Batumi on the Black Sea (which had ocean access) it was cheaper to buy Standard Oil kerosene from Pennsylvania than kerosene from Baku, 300 miles away.
Trying to understand the politics, geopolitics, and ecopolitics of the Caspian pipeline networks — gas and oil — is how I spent grad school.
My conclusion: no one involved has any idea what they’re actually doing
Wow! I love this shit. I got turned on to it by Viva La Tabula Rasa, who I suspect is playing poker with tWBS right now.
https://www.amazon.com/Oil-Glory-Pursuit-Fortune-Caspian/dp/0375506144
Is that you? Did you write this?
No, it’s just nice easy read to learn background. The contemporary final third of it is kind of dated at this point, but, the first two-thirds are really interesting for pipeline politics.
https://www.amazon.com/Hegemonic-Conflict-Caspian-States-Dispossession/dp/3843393435/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2QU31MS1F4UU9&keywords=patrick+ehland&qid=1673219591&sprefix=patrick+ehland%2Caps%2C482&sr=8-3
This is me.
How is Romo not at Little Danny’s Cesspool ball-gargling Dem Boys in their tilt against the ‘Dacteds?
Bengals seeing the Ravens again next week.
But they made sure that it’ll be at home!
BLEERGH and DERP are alive, and they live in Santa Clara
Mike Quick, also a Wolven Sort
Another thing – I understand that long hair is considered part of the uniform. But can you grease up your hair so people can’t grab onto it as well?
Frinkiac is the greatest invention of the 21st century, NO ONE DENIES THIS!
Okay, so based on what I just saw – the offense committing a delay of game and the defense declining the penalty – I realized that you could have an agreement between two teams where they could effectively filibuster a football game.
The Offense just keeps getting Delay of Game, forever, and you get that Zeno’s Paradox thing.
Captain Blough plunder san fran
I couldn’t bring myself to take the risk of heading to the last game of the season today. When I went up for the 49ers/Seahawks game, a group of younger guys was sitting right behind us. We felt them fucking cough on us in the first 5-10 mins of them sitting in their seats – good thing we were masked in our seats. I was not about to go shove my face into a crowd of unmasked people, especially after a good number of them more than likely traveled for the holidays and picked up the new covid strain.
Are you sure that weren’t all just checking each other for hernias?
There are lots of reasons to cough this time of year, but it’s not like anyone wants to catch a cold or any other respiratory ailment either
I always enjoy an end of season Dallas choke, here’s hoping!
Geno puts it right on the money. Lmao JK
Terry Bradshaw: Would play well for Carroll, share opinions of 9-11 tower architecture
The Stillers don’t finish with a losing record again.
Hopefully the anemic offense results in Matt Patricia getting fired into the sun in the off season.
Walking example of failing up in the NFL.
Spoiler alert: the pencil has more functioning brain cells than his real brain.
It’s Pencilvester obvs!
fired into the Broncos head coaching job