Every January, to my great discomfort, I am summoned to justify my continued existence within the law firm.  It’s like somebody decided, “hey, we don’t think Hippo focuses enough on his self-hatred and feelings of personal and professional failure – let’s stare at him and make him do a little softshoe!”

I am not a rainmaker (big shock).  I pretty much insist on doing office lease drafting/negotiation, a side of high-level due diligence.  And nothing else.  Thankfully, this is The South, so nobody is super aggressive with me.  There was one evaluation like 5 years back, where I did indeed feel ambushed – but fortunately, it was never repeated (yes, I reached out to headhunters because I was well pissed off – and yes, the results of that increased my self-loathing).  Like Homer Simpson at Mr. Burns’ plant – don’t forget, you’ll be here forever.

But hey, my kids are adults and I can keep paying my mortage.  First world problems, for sure.

Anyway, that means I am psychologically wiped out.  And ready FOAR SUM GALDURN FITBAW!

Wake up early for a robust Manchester Derby (7:30, USA), a fine treat by early riser standings.  City were just cornholed by Sham Town in the Cursed Caribou Cup mid-week, so they’ll be looking to release some vengeance on their rivals.  Erik ten Hag has full buy-in from his crew, though – and they could make things quite interesting.  These are probably the 2nd and 3rd best sides, overall.  Let them fight!

Wowsers, NBC is going to the “relegation scrap” storyline early, with 18th position Infinitely Disappointing Everton hosting ded-last-but-just-smacked-City Sham Town (10:00, USA).  I don’t want Frank Lampard fired, because I know that Walking Penis Sean Dyche – or someone even worse – would succeed him, heads would drop, and relegation odds go from 75% to 95%.  There’s just no fixing this squad, it’s overpriced and terrible.  Somehow, just have to hang on to Prem status until the new stadium opens.  Hope for the best, but it’s the hope that kills you.

Brighton and the Redshite are among your 10:00 Peacock streamers.  Meh.

Beesus welcome yeah right’s Cherries for some spotlight dancin’ (12:30, NBC), without cutting into NFL time.  Which is kewl, because Hippo wants to watch.  Brentford are the model of what you can do with club alignment, sane transfers, and a smart coach.  Dare to dream, indeed.  Sorry, yeah right – but Toffee needs must (so go Bees).

Three killer games Sunday morning, with only Reeling Chelski/Palace on TV (9:00, USA).  Supposedly, Graham Potter could really get the sack – which would be insane, even by Chelski standards.  Everton still won’t hire him, and Hippo will grind his teeth to nubs.

Peacock has Bonesaws/Mighty Whitey (9:00), followed by North London Derby goodness (11:30) – Spurs hosting Handsome Mikel’s champions in waiting King’s Afrikan Water Pistols.  Speaking of model franchises and whatnot.  Should be a cracker of a match, things are a bit testy within the Tottenham ranks.

Scotchnaut will take over the car for this afternoon/evening, unless he calls in sickdrunk.  Get some beauty rest if y’all need it, gonna be a long, glorious NFL evening.