Monday Morning Mock Draft: Words Fail

I got nothing.  I mean, what even was that?  As Hippo so correctly and astutely points out in his post-weekend thoughts, they didn’t even get one lateral out of this.  There was a better chance that Dak would complete an 80+ yard bomb, to a member of his team, for a (potentially) (glares at Brett Maher), than there was this leading to anything but exactly what happened.

It’s painfully apparent that Dallas wasn’t winning this game.  The defense played pretty well until they gassed, likely from being on the field far too often.  Cast. Blue Bunny displayed his usual mastery of time management, Pollard may have broken his ankle, Dalton Schultz doesn’t understand the foul line, and none of that made as much difference as did Dak reverting to Bad Dak, tossing two brutal interceptions, narrowly missing a third that would not have been his fault, then even more narrowly missing a fourth that would have been totally his fault, then almost taking a safety to start the last drive while running around like an idiot and burning 7-8 seconds that Dallas did not have.  The Cowboys, for better or worse, go as Dak goes, and last night Dak was going home.

I’m not blinded with anger enough to suggest that Dallas would have been better with Cooper Rush in at QB, (although I doubt they could have been worse), so I’ll have to accept that this loss was meant to be.  My change from last week is, therefore, that Dallas would stop coming up with the dumbest possible last play of the game, and at least run something out there that has a fart’s chance in a windstorm of succeeding.

Have at it.

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[…] KILL LAWRENCE TAYLOR AND SIX MORE GRIZZLY BEARS SO LET’S PARTY LIKE I HAVE A WINNING TEAM WHO DOESN’T DO STUPID SHIT ALL THE TIME AND I’LL FORGET ALL ABOUT THAT PAIN WITH COCAINE AND YOU OLD FUCKS BECAUSE I AM […]

SonOfSpam

I would have enjoyed watching Vontaze Burfict run out of the tunnel in boxer shorts and a tuxedo t-shirt and level Cole Beasley to the point where Beasley’s hands did that Tua concussion thing where it looks like he’s trying to grab at the fading vestiges of white privilege but really his brain is seizing up after getting quite literally skull-fucked.

Redshirt

Knowing my luck, he’s saving that for the Super Bowl where the Bengals are clinging to a two point lead with 20 seconds remaining and the 49ers/Eagles at the Cincinnati 41.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’s not involved with the franchise anymore, though. If anything they will throw a flag and assign the penalty to the first play for the Raiders next year, since that was the last team he played for.

LongtimeLionsLoser

“Where are they now: Vontaze Burfict.”

I have to imagine that this is not a happy story.

BeefReeferLives

Hmmm. If I could have changed one thing, it would have been for DAK! and co. to have run an amazing, incredible, miraculous, final play to score an almost impossible touchdown…

only to have Maher miss another P.A.T. for the most tortuous, & painful loss possible.

WCS

THE OL’ DOUBLE J WOULDA STROKED OUT RIGHT THEN AND THAR YEEEEHHHHHAAAWWWWWWWWW

King Hippo

One-upping that – a FAKE, but the holder drops the snap

WCS

Only if the holder is Maher.

King Hippo

what if the fake design was a PITCH to Maher, and he fumbled that (with Schulz wide open in the end zone)?

King Hippo

We done made a veritable Jenga tower out of this’un!

Sharkbait
Gumbygirl

I am sick. Horrible cold that I got about 4 days after Gumby did. I wish I could go back one week and quarantine his germy ass in the guest room.

LemonJello

Do it now as punishment for making you sick!

WCS

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Gumbygirl

I called the pharmacy a couple of days ago to get a test for Gumby, they said they were 3 days behind, so I figured why bother? The only meds that have any effect have to be taken at the first sign of symptoms. We’ll just trip on Nyquil.

BeefReeferLives
WCS

I’d like to point out the resident COWBOYS4LYFE BRO at work is notably absent today.

Doktor Zymm

Is this him?
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Sharkbait

Maybe he’s washing his Lakers shirts?

WCS

DOOK BASTKEBALL SESON JUS STARTED

LemonJello

Maybe he’s really just doing a deep, soul-searching self evaluation to find his answer to:

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One of the easiest picks I’ll ever make: for that tipped Henne pass to have been caught by the *other* defender and taken to the house for a pick six.

Redshirt

My change is the Jaguars reaction to Mahomes getting hurt. I’ve never seen a team go passive in their play calling in response to an opponent getting hurt.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My change would be having Jerry actually turn into the full blown KSK/DFO caricature of himself with literally steam coming from his ears until his head literally exploded on live tv.

That would have been a perfect ending to the game, playcall unchanged.

LemonJello

“HHHhaAAAAAaaaaaaaHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

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LemonJello

Look, even if they were to get their collective shit pushed in next week in the Shempionship round, I’d take the Jaguars winning in KC.

Plus, I’d get another bandana for the collection. DUVAL!

BeefReeferLives

Speaking of ‘getting their shit pushed in’…

The Nottinghamshire Football Association are investigating a claim that a Sunday League player inserted a ‘finger or multiple fingers’ into the anus of an opponent during a match.

https://talksport.com/football/1310026/investigation-sunday-league-player-inserted-finger-anus-nottinghamshire/amp/

Sharkbait

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LemonJello

Ah, the old “Oil Check.” Classic.

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Doktor Zymm

I have lots of questions here, including both ‘how?’ and ‘dear god, why?’ Also, if the refs spotted that, what do they even call? Is it a red card? Do they have a brown card in an emergency envelope for just this situation?

Doktor Zymm

I’ll add my vote to this as well. I’m fairly indifferent to the Chiefs, but it would have been really fun to have DUVAL progress