Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
The eyes are the window to your soul [in bed]
William Shakespeare

This is what they mean about bedroom eyes, right?

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Don T

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If they ever make the day after the Owl into a holiday, they need to include a prohibition on vacuuming.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Paid 1k minimum for the ticket too.

2Pack

Silly goose, conventionally attractive blondes don’t pay for ANYTHING
King Hippo

Blow jobs and regret aren’t hard currency, but she has certainly paid a price!
Gumbygirl

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I feel like we need a new addition to the pantheon: the God of healing/pain management. “TORADOR”, perhaps?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Greek for benumb is Narkono, so how about Na’arko to stick with the random apostrophe theme?
Doktor Zymm

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Last night: I really need to stop betting on the NFL. It’s obviously scripted.

This morning:

Sharkbait

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I treated a bunch of clothing with permethrin today, will treat some more and finish off the bottle tomorrow. I just wish there was more I could do that would actually kill mosquitos instead of merely repelling them
Doktor Zymm

Have a swarm of bats as pets.
ArmedandHammered

They say mosquitos are attracted to large exhalers of CO2, which I take to mean is a result of my gigantic brain functionality at high power and not a result of the diabeetus
herodotus450

WCS

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Deathmark >>> Hallmark
This is what I have learned from this [Warhammer] post, and it is valuable knowledge!
Doktor Zymm

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The worst thing about football ending? Baseball is near.
scotchnaut

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My belated HATE.

We live in a 105-year old house. I called a specialty plumbing company today because we have had obscene water bills the last two months. They shut everything off in our house and found the cause of the leak over three hours by turning things on one by one.

Anyway, I thought that this was great because we won’t have the obnoxious water bill. So I go to run the hot water to rinse dishes before the washer, and there’s no hot water. I call the specialty plumber and he says that he forgot to turn the hot water tank back on (I’m pissed). I go down to turn it on, and the shut off valve breaks in my hand.

I now have no hot water, two angry young kids (5 and 1), a wife that is traveling for work and a Ukrainian MIL that doesn’t speak a word of English.

Fork you, Universe. Just kill me, don’t play with like a sadistic cat that has a mouse by the tail.
LongtimeLionsLoser

Have you considered moving to a 103-year-old house?
Horatio Cornblower

Listen if I wanted to spend my nights inside something that was 103 years old I’d wait three years and then start dating Virginia McCaskey.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Just opened a mysterious box, (shut it), that arrived on my doorstep, courtesy of the good BFC. Five cans of Monkish beers and, in what I can only assume was a hilarious comment on my not having a functional kitchen, two packets of oatmeal and some ramen noodles.

Well played, BFC; well played indeed.
Horatio Cornblower

No BIg Turk???
litre_cola

That’s the dwarf’s name.
LemonJello

Brilliant
WCS

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I forget, whats the 2nd leg tiebreaker now that UEFA got rid of away goals?
Sharkbait

Biggest bribe?
LemonJello

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Ouch.

Col. Duke LaCross

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BC dick had to do grilfriend stuff this year. Times they are a changin.
litre_cola

It’s been a food while since I had my second care about mid February
BC Dick

The Trent Green text-to-speech app is good!
WCS

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A very happy World/National Hippo Day to our resident river horse!

Your pill addled musings are very much enjoyed & appreciated, O King of th’ Hippos.

BeefReeferLives

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“The Night I Won the Super Bowl” OR “The Most Boastful Story Ever Told at DFO” (part 4):

The end of the lease ultimately resulted in the end of my relationship with S_____. We enjoyed living together as a couple; we were having a great time. But moving in with only each other would have been a prelude to marriage, and neither of us was ready for things to reach that stage. So we looked at getting separate places. S______ made plans to share a place with E______, one of our exiting roommates. As for myself, I was at a bit of a loss. Until a college friend of mine, who had become a dot-com-millionaire overnight thanks to the IPO of a company he’d worked for in high school, said to me “hey, why don’t you come live in Fort Awesome? You can stay in the loft.”

“Fort Awesome” was a house that F_____ had bought and then renovated using a healthy portion of his newfound wealth. The Fort (technically “Fort 2”, since the original Fort Awesome had been a condominium in the Pacific Beach flats) was located off Mt. Soledad Road – no longer an easy stroll to the Broken Yolk, but a very short drive (or cab ride) away from the twentysomethings’ playground of Garnet Avenue. The loft was a room on the third floor of said house. While it was lacking in privacy – it didn’t have a door – it did have its own bathroom (the remaining bedrooms were on the bottom floor) and picture window with a spectacular view of Mission Bay. My victory in the Super Bowl of life did not occur in this room. But that autumn, this room did play host to another milestone, that one might argue could be regarded as the greatest sexual achievement of my life…
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Melvin Gordon can relate

Don T

“…those were the times, my child, when I carried you.” – NFL officials
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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My son was just trying to decide whether to buy an airline ticket to go visit a friend and my wife said “Your father and I are having sex all weekend and if you don’t go you’re going to have to listen to it.”

Ticket is booked as we speak.

Now to go load up on water and boner pills.
Horatio Cornblower

Don’t forget the midget’s favorite foods!

Also

Sharkbait

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Shitty beer is actually great for the end stages of food poisoning, mostly water with some nutrients and a small amount of booze negates the nausea somehow
Doktor Zymm

We better listen to her, she’s a doctor after all.
Sharkbait

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So anyhow when we were walking the dog this evening we heard a someone yelling behind us, and turned around to see a guy laying in the street holding his leg. A car was driving off – not frantically or anything – and I ran over to see what had happened to the guy. It looked like his femur was broken. There was a woman there who spoke to him in Spanish – I assumed she was calling an ambulance so I pretty much just stood there with my thumb up my ass until it occurred to me to get out into the street and wave traffic by to make sure nobody ran him over again. Turned out she was calling his parents (or maybe some other relatives) who showed up pretty quickly, and they called an ambulance. Then my doctor neighbor drove by on his way home from work so he stopped and kept the guy calm until the ambulance arrived. Then I went home.

Anyhow, I was pretty useless, but I think that’s okay because there wasn’t really anything I could have done (not even call 911, since I don’t carry a cellphone while walking the dog). I didn’t panic or anything, so that’s good.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Around here, we don’t use the term hero lightly…
Mr. Ayo

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/Door Files Back Open

HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN’, BOYS??? I’M COMING BACK FOR MORE!!!!

HEY HIPPO, WE’RE GONNA BE BEST BUDS!!!! YOU & ME, BRO!!!!!

https://www.milehighreport.com/2023/2/15/23602029/report-rex-ryan-has-emerged-as-a-top-candidate-for-the-broncos-defensive-coordinator-job
BeefReeferLives

Is this for real, or is he just dipping his toes in the water?
LemonJello

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My favorite number is 2, because it is the only even prime.

I agree that the Bears moving to the ‘burbs is dumb, and at least 2 Lyft drivers that I’ve talked to on the way to O’Hare concur
Doktor Zymm

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Eli Manning heard that Racquel Welch died and now he’s worried that without her steady-handed leadership, her juice empire will collapse.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Punch the wall

2Pack

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He’s fine, give him back his helmet and let him play. [Him being Alex’s dog Kai after injuring his elbow]

–Dolphins Medical Staff
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Okay, this was unexpected. The Korean show I’m watching has a scene where the female lead has clogged a toiled and is desperately plunging it.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Brick Meathook

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I knew I should’ve paid extra for the Teacher’s Edition [of Sexy Friday] that has the Answer Key.
Redshirt

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Don T

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Just put a large order in at Treehouse to be picked up. Looking forward to my wife’s call when she gets the credit card notification momentarily.

My response, “I’m picking up dinner at BT’s Smokehouse on the way back” will immediately shut down any questions.
Horatio Cornblower

I don’t use the term “genius” lightly…
LemonJello

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#DoucheStrong
Mr. Ayo

“No shit.”
-Houston, after the 500
LemonJello

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Does Mrs. Horatio know she’s getting wake up sex?
King Hippo

Not yet.

“And probably not after, either”

-D. Favre, Mississippi
Horatio Cornblower

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who’s a godo girl

jjfozz

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Sharkette wanted to help paint today.

Sharkbait

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action shot of me n mrs. fozz

jjfozz

Where’s the action shot of your MIL yelling at you?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

WCS

Cute as a bug! This is me and the Gumbster at Pappy and Harriet’s today. We’re ghosts now, who knew?

Gumbygirl

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i am banging down whay o much sportsman – fuck bourbone
jjfozz

i see that fozz has reached the level of drunkenness where he is irristible to women
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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XFL is kicking off in… Houston? Good to see they finally have a professional foobawl squadron!
WCS

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Showed my father a cartoon of a despondent Chelsea fan sitting at a table with a bottle of vodka and handgun in front of him. He responded that the way Chelsea was playing the fan would put the gun in his ear, pull the trigger, and miss.

He’s been watching Premier League for less than a full season and he’s already a bitter, bitter man. Couldn’t be prouder.
Horatio Cornblower

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I’m still waiting for Litre’s write-up of the Skyline chili I sent him.
ballsofsteelandfury

Aren’t we all. In utensil news…

2Pack

#GoodGuyWithASpork
King Hippo

“Wait, the Snorks are coming back? Awesome!” – Eli Manning
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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