Good morning folks.

Time to wake your asses up and smell the burger cooking. Shit man, could be worse ways to wake up. I would know.

Sunday Gravy is going to be a little different this week. A little more “hardcore,” a little more “grease in your face” and a whole lot of “Hide the kids and avert your eyes” if you’re vegetarian.

We’re going simple, yet elevated, greasy spoon shit up in here. I’m gonna skillet fry a burger for you today.

No grinding our own meat, no baking our own buns, none of the usual razzle-dazzle shit we usually bring here. Just a big, messy, greasy-as-fuck, delicious skillet fried burger.

Once again I feel compelled to remind everyone that I am still a 5 day a week vegetarian. It’s been about a full year now!!

This can also explain why this season’s recipes have been pretty goddamn meat-centric. While being ultra strict dietary-wise during the work week, I’ve been using the weekends to indulge like a motherfucker. And it still works! Still dropping pounds, still feel fantastic and still working my ass off. When the weekend rolls around the hidden carnivore in me wakes up, takes charge and kicks the interior vegetarian in me right to the goddamn curb.

It does make for some heavy ass weekend meals though, I tell you what!

Got a fun one today and something I’ll bet most of you will be able to relate to with a quickness.

This inspiration was from a gift a customer gave me a couple of months ago…

This is pretty goddamn cool actually. This random Youtube guy created a bunch of recipes based on food from some famous scenes in movies. Paging through the table of contents I found several of interest, yep, I’ll revisit this book again down the road, but the very first one that caught my eye was this one.

We are indeed making a Big Kahuna Burger. 

Boom. Inspiration.

I fucking love Pulp Fiction. Lost count of the number of times I’ve seen it. It’s one of those “good album” movies. Meaning you can pick it up at any moment and watch again. The scene with the burger and the Sprite is fucking incredible. I’ve never seen anyone intimidate the FUCK out of someone by eating a burger but Jules pulls that shit off perfectly. “Do you mind if I have some of your tasty beverage to wash this down.”

A former co-worker and I could almost quote the movie from start to finish. Shit, I think I saw it 3 times in the theater when it came out.

That’s goddamn right.

When reading the cooking instructions, my first thought was, “This shit is easy as Hell.” Followed by thought number 2 “This shit sounds tasty as a motherfucker.”

Let’s find the fuck out for ourselves.

We begin.

Of course it starts with hamburger. The fuck you think we’re making over here? I went 80/20 since grease was indeed one of our sought after byproducts.

Next. Get yourself a red onion and slice it thinly into rings.

We’re going to sauté the onions in some olive oil for a little while. We want to get them fully cooked and caramelized. Probably about 10 minutes of cooking give or take.

While the onions do their thing shape up a few balls of meat. No additional ingredients, fillers or binders or nothing. Just meat. We’re going to use the “smash” method of burger making today, which ain’t exactly my favorite burger prep. I usually go for a nice thick juicy burger myself, but we’re following the recipe and shit and I’m doing as it said.

Please note: we did not use the entire pound of meat today. I made two double burgers and the combined weight of the four balls of meat was about 2/3rds of a pound. I’m sure you can find something to do with the remaining 1/3rd of a pound of hamburger.

Check those onions out and see how they’re doing.

Looking good, just a few more minutes until fully cooked through.

That’s the look we’re going for today. Set the onions aside for a moment.

Next? Using a paper towel, wipe out that skillet and add a little more olive oil back in.

Oh shit! We’re going to sauté some pineapple slices. Canned pineapple slices are just fine for this.

We want to go 4-5 minutes per side here. Giving us a rich golden color and a sweet caramelly glaze.

“You’re using a non-stick pan there, yeah right. Will you be cooking the burgers that way?”

Seriously?

Just stand the fuck back a second.

THAT’S how you cook a burger on the stove top.

Let’s get a look at that pineapple.

This treatment deserves a hell of a lot more recipe inclusion than it gets. That grilled pineapple is killer. It works incredibly well on a burger.

Next, get your balls up in that skillet. It’s burger making time. Let the skillet warm on medium-high heat for a good five minutes before adding in a splash of olive oil. The oil simply keeps the initial burger flip from sticking and also makes the cast iron skillet a bit easier to clean up afterwards.

Let ’em sear for a minute or so, then using the bottom of a spatula – SMASH!

Season simply with salt and pepper. Cook for about 5 minutes until you get a nice crust on each side. Don’t forget to season both sides with the salt and pepper.

Wonder what our accompaniment for our burger is going to be?

These tasty bastards.

I hope you have these at your local grocery store because they’re fucking magical. Cooked in a kettle they are super crunchy, a little sweet and a they carry a nice low heat. These chips are the swinging balls.

Our bun for the burger is a simple store bought sesame seed affair. Just a little something to hold our burger, take on the condiments and keep our damn hands clean.

Give the burger patties a flip. Yes, we’re building a double burger today.

We’re going to build this beast from the bottom up. Put the onions, pineapple and a drizzle of teriyaki sauce over the bottom bun. Brother TAJ is the teriyaki maker in the family and there’s always a container of it in the fridge. His version is deep, dank, sweet, tangy, smoky and packs a goddamn teriyaki punch to the taste buds.

In fact, he’s written on Sunday Gravy about it before.

From his post:

“Look, there is nothing new here, (I am certain that this dish has been covered in one of “Yeah Rights”s righteous posts, go there, I’m a dork) so let’s make haste, shall we?

Perfectly simple: it’s basically one cup of soy sauce and one third cup sugar, (some say to add water to thin the soy to this I also scoff) just do the math it works up to bathtubs full. Now I have always, let me reiterate (Ooh reiterate) always, used white sugar choose what you like but again.. So I used 3 cups soy to one fat cup of sugar (I like mine a little sweet) like 7 cloves of garlic and a two ounce chunk of fresh ginger, a third of a cup of pineapple (yes canned is fine it’s what I used) juice and throw into pan that will hold said mass. Bring just to a boil and drop the heat to simmer stirring every (use a timer it’s what I did, but I was drunk) 7 minutes or so for about an hour. Let cool or if you like Napalm, just spill a little of this molten madness on your crotch.

Pour gently into a clean vessel (why yes I did use my empty soy sauce bottle and does it ever just do the trick) and store in cool box 31. Oh you’ll see why it’s 31″.

So for me it was as simple as opening the refrigerator, grabbing the bottle of teriyaki sauce and giving it a pour.

See that pineapple? Ain’t that shit photogenic?

Time to cheese up the burger patties. Using what I had on hand I used a slice of provolone on one patty and a slice of muenster on the other.

I used a lid from a sauce pan and placed it over the burgers to assist with the proper melting of the cheese. Always a cool trick.

Time to finish the burger construction.

That’s indeed the two patties on top of the onion, pineapple, teriyaki layer and that is indeed a dollop of regular-ass ketchup right on top.

Hell Son, get a handful of them chips and a beer while you’re at it.

Grab a bite and let me know what you think!

Oh SHIT!

“MMM-hmm! That IS a tasty burger!”

Look at this magnificent bastard!

It’s fucking gorgeous.

There you go. Now you too can make your own Big Kahuna burger. Provided you’re not vegetarian.

“Well, if you like burgers give ’em a try sometime. I can’t usually get ’em myself because my girlfriend’s a vegetarian which pretty much makes me a vegetarian. But I do love the taste of a good burger.”

Sometimes it’s nice to do a quick, down and dirty meal. Especially if it produces something like this tasty motherfucker.

Don’t worry folks, I’ll be back to the two day prep, leveled up difficulty and all around kitchen chaos next week but this was too goddamn fun not to do.

Back to the NCAA tourney action as opening weekend churns along.

You all be well and take care out there.

Let’s do this again next week, alright?

PEACE!