Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Your BattleBots Beat Bracket Watch

The season starts back up tomorrow because of the midseason Madness break. Because they don’t want BattleBots competing with the chaos that has ensued. (FAU? Hooty hoot, motherfuckas!)

Anyway, I’ve been keeping track, fightwise and done my own crib notes. I’d call it Bubble Watch, but ESPN took that. I know that because that’s where I get this from (though now it’s an ESPN+ vessel, which is unfortunate). So, let’s see where everyone stands:

3-0, LOCKS: These bots are 3-0, so they’re in regardless of their last fight. We’ll talk favorites for top seeds later.
Claw Viper, Copperhead, HUGE, Minotaur, Quantum, Riptide, SawBlaze, Witch Doctor

2-0, COULD USE 1 MORE WIN: Let’s be real, these bots are in unless something catastrophic happens. But, they don’t have the strength of schedule that says they won’t sweat it at least a little bit if they drop their last two.
Beta, Lucky

2-1, STILL LIKELY WITH A LOSS: They’re 2-1, but thanks to a strong schedule, or notoriety of being dominant, they should still be okay. A win puts them into lock status, and a loss still puts them among the top teams that would go 2-2 so they’d be in good shape if the bubble is 2-2 bots vs. 1-3 bots.
End Game, Hydra, Lock-Jaw, MadCatter, Malice, Ripperoni, Skorpios

2-1, BUBBLE WITH A LOSS: A lower tier than the above, a loss here and they may have to sweat it come tourney time. But again, a win absolutely gets them in. Yes, I know it’s only one robot, but this is also partially a placeholder category. In Death Roll’s case, the wins are against Switchback and Mammoth, and the loss is to Cobalt. The Monsoon fight will go a long way.
Death Roll

1-1, GET 1 MORE WIN: A win puts them in the “still likely with a loss” category. Two losses and they may be in a little hot water. (Note: The main event tomorrow is Rotator vs. Bloodsport, so that’s going to help shake this out.)
Black Dragon, Bloodsport, Cobalt, Jackpot, Rotator

1-1, GET 2 TO BE SAFE: These robots on the other hand, will likely be on the bubble, and probably the wrong side of it, if they go 2-2. Best way to prevent that? Win both of remaining fights, go 3-1, and remove any doubt.
Ominous, Overhaul, Shreddit Bro, Switchback

1-2, POTENTIAL 3-LOSS BUBBLES: These robots are considered top robots, but due to a variety of reasons are actually 1-2. These are all brand names. (Monsoon is between this tier and the tier below, but who amongst us can resist yelling MonSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON?)
Blip, Fusion, HyperShock, Monsoon, Tantrum, Whiplash

1-2, NEED A WIN: These robots need a win to go 2-2 and probably make the tournament. A loss and these bots’ll find it hard to make it at 1-3. (Yes, unfortunately Valkyrie’s had that kind of year, but then again so has Jackpot.)
Captain Shrederator, Emulsifier, Free Shipping, Gruff, HiJinx, Jackpot, Mammoth, Valkyrie

1-2, MAY BE OUT EITHER WAY: Even at 2-2, these bots might not get into the tournament. They’d be at the edge of the bubble, but… hey, there is a chance. Things would need to break right, though, and their win would have to be dominant.
Banshee, Horizon

0-2, TAKES 2 WINS: 1-3’s potentially possible for any of these to get in, but it would still be relatively on the bubble. Win 2 and now we’re talking.
Gigabyte, Triton, Glitch

0-3, NEED A WIN FOR THE BUBBLE: Literally just for Ribbot, who as last year’s 2 seed, gets this nod that they could make it in at 1-3. A loss to Skorpios would be fatal, obviously.
Ribbot

0-2/0-3, OUT: What it says. These bots are unfortunately not getting in
Big Dill (0-3), Starchild (0-2), Kraken (0-3), Shatter! (0-3)

—

So, that’s where things stand heading into tomorrow night. Okay, to the news!

-QAARON’S QAVE WATQH QONTINUES TO QONTINUE. According to most parties, it’ll happen… eventually.

My guess of when?

Or, after the draft. No matter if Woody Johnson says they’re anxious but optimistic.

-Meanwhile, Lamar! is tired of durability questions.

-In actual transaction news, Falcons sign DE Calais Campbell to a one-year deal.

-In rumors news, Pete Carroll said the Seahawks are not going to cut S Jamal Adams.

–The bid is now $6 billion for the Commanders.

Rule and other bookkeeping things:
–Maximum of two short-week games per team per year, but owners voted down being able to flex Thursday night games. Note: if you play the Thursday night before/after Thanksgiving, and then also play Thanksgiving, that would not count as two short-week games, since there was a week off.
–Number 0 is allowed!

And now sports:
MLB: Opening Day is tomorrow! I’ll be wearing my cap to work tomorrow.
April Madness: Because the Final Four isn’t until April 1st.

Basketball’s almost important now!
Uncle Drew’s Sideshow vs. Eternal Process (DAL vs. PHI, 7:45, ESPN)
Timberwolves vs. KD’s Dead Leg (MIN vs. PHX, 10:05, ESPN)

Hockey
Islanders vs. Fightin’ Ovis (NYI vs. WSH, 7:30, TNT)
Not the North Stars vs. Not the Nordiques (MIN vs. COL, 10:00, TNT)

Talk amongst the imaginary friends!