TGIF! Hope everyone is setup for a long four day weekend to celebrate USA! USA! USA! USA! Don’t JPP yourselves out there though. Also, in a surprise twist, the Supreme Court did not overturn our right to a Sexy Friday.  Let’s get to it!

Survival – Personal Edition

While we all are taking some well deserved time off, it’s not a bad time to plan your future work dominance. In this case, we’re going with the Fake It Til You Make It approach. Specifically, we’re going to make ourselves seem far more important at work than our current station dictates.

Let’s start with giving off the impression that we’ve have an assistant.

• Update your voicemail message with a friend’s help. Foreign accents are a bonus here. The script is basically “You have reached the office [name]. [name] is not available at this time to take your call. Leave your name and number and we will get back to you.”
• When meeting with someone you want to impress, coordinate with a friend to call you on your cell during the meeting. When the phone rings (make sure it’s set to ring for the friend calling), explain you have to take the call because it’s a private number only your assistant has for use in emergencies.
• Install and turn on all notifications for sports apps. Make sure the notifications are audible. Explain your assistant is texting you for approval or direction on their tasks and pretend to tap out a quick reply text. Make sure to turn off the notifications after a bit.

Now let’s do some meeting crashing. Look, meetings suck, but you’ll see the wisdom of this approach and never forget you’re getting paid to sit around while other people talk.

• Get the meeting schedule for the major conference rooms. Find a receptionist, make small chat, and then get the full schedule.
• Next, pick your meeting targets. Rule out any that have your direct supervisors. If your supervisor is out of the office and the meeting is for your department, attend even if you were not invited. Some will think you are their designated replacement.
• Have a good explanation for attending the meeting. If you’re crashing a meeting for a different department explain that you’re doing professional development. Others will assume there’s an HR program you’re a part of or that you’re there for a reason.
• Sit back and listen. Don’t speak during the meeting unless you’re directly asked a question. If you are asked, be vague and respond with another question to clarify the subject matter.

Living that cubicle life? That’s for peasants. Be an office squatter instead.

• Keep an eye out for long vacant offices. This should be easier now.
• Start doing work for a short time in the office. Use your own laptop at this time. If questioned explain you needed some peace and quiet the office afforded.
• Increase your time in the office. Spend an hour for at least two weeks in the office to establish you are supposed to be there.
• If everything is still going well, expand your hours in the office and start bringing in a few of your own personal items.
• Start using the computer in the office. Also forward your extension to the phone in the office.
• File a request order to the IT department to have your extension changed to the phone in your office.
• If you have a nameplate, place that on the desk in the office or the nameplate holder outside the office. Make one if needed.
• Keep the office door closed and make your annoyance known to anyone trying to interrupt.
• After about 2 months everyone will have concluded that is your office.

I’ve got a lot more, but that word count is way too high now and it’s Friday and we’ve all got better things to do. I’ll followup on those other things at a later date.

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!