Editor’s note: I am a bad bad Balls. I screwed up AGAIN and just realized I was supposed to write a Saturday Night Open Thread. Instead of a Karen Carpenter job, I present to you Horatio’s fine Norway preview. Enjoy!
The Norwegian women won the World Cup in 1995 and they’ve done fuck-all since. In 2022, in fact, they managed their worst loss as a program, 8-0 to the English. Truly Lindisfarne was avenged that day.
Since that defeat they’ve fired their coach, (probably understandably), brought in a new one and gone to a “more cynical” approach involving either a 4-3-3 or 5-4-1 set up. “More cynical” in this respect meaning “we know that we can’t score, or really even create the illusion that we might score, so we’re going to park everyone in front of the goal and either hope you fuck up so bad that we can do something off the counter, or at least drag this thing into penalty kicks and hope that Asgard’s good fortune smiles upon us that day.”
Norway are in Group A, and sit at 50-1 odds to win the Cup. They open against New Zealand on 7/20, follow that up against Switzerland on 7/25, and then finish out against the Philippines on 7/30. Despite their less-than-stellar recent history, Norway is the highest ranked of all these squads, coming in at 12. Switzerland and New Zealand follow at 20th and 26th respectively, and the Philippines shows up at 46. Using my vast expertise in counting things I would therefore say that Norway is actually favored to win the Group and advance to the knockout stages.
Additional information about the Norwegian Women’s National Lesser Footy Team is that their nickname is The Grasshoppers, and no I do not know why. Their best player is Ada Hegerberg, a 27-year-old striker who is, yes, blonde and blue-eyed. She is a former Ballon d’Or winner, and apparently only recently returned to the national squad following a dispute about the progress of the women’s team in 2016 followed by missing two years due to a ruptured ACL.
The Norway FA has been paying the men’s and women’s team equally since 2017, with the men donating some of their related commercial earnings to make this happen. Fom this we can deduce that Norway is run by filthy Socialists.
My expert* prediction, based on the last 15 minutes and possibly being Norwegian instead of Danish, something we found out after Dad took an ancestry test that, in addition to confusion my heritage also really limits my ability to commit crimes, is that any team ranked 12th should make the quarter-finals and then lose. So that’s my call for The Grasshoppers.
There’s a little dog wash room in a nearby car wash. We took our dog to wash her there for the first time this afternoon, because it looked like it would make the job easier than fighting with her in the garage sink (misery) or patio (misery). She hates getting a bath. So we get her out, and she was all excited because she was walking somewhere new, right up to when we took her into the Dogwash Room of Bathing Agony. Whatever she smelled, she didn’t want any part of it. Right then and there she did a 180 and wanted the hell out of there away from whatever tortures she thought awaited for her there, but it was too late. As usual, there was a lot of wrestling with a yowling wet dog. By the time we were done she was all nice and clean, and I smelled like wet dog.
Look up, “Shiba Scream”. This is our second Shiba Inu, and it turned out our first one was docile and well-behaved for the breed. (R.I.P. Toby – miss you, bud!)
Ex: https://youtu.be/t4JOxB6SJSI?t=237
ETA: not us. It takes my wife and I all we can do to get the dog washed, and we don’t bring a cameraman.
Cooking for my ladies tomorrow.
This will be fun and reasonably unfuckupable.
The stand mixer is doing work!!
The best part is everyone gets kitchen time. I’m just standing back and conducting.
Promise that by the time the food is served everybody in the kitchen will be shouting “Yes Chef!”
.
.
I find myself trying to be a bit more instructional and encouraging than this twit.
Low bar to clear.
ETA: There was a show, still might be there, on BBC America with Gordon Ramsey called “The F Word”, which was an hour-long show about Food. It was a kinder, gentler (not necessarily kind and gentle) Ramsey.
Yes, but what of the scourge of two-handed bowlers?
Belmo started it. Jason Belmonte. Aussie fella.
It’s fucking rampant.
Can you imagine getting your bowling ball drilled without the thumb hole?
Oh god, it’s going to get so much worse.
https://twitter.com/On3sports/status/1677858470337421316
By “worse,” of course, I mean hilarious to everyone here not currently being relied on to improve the Hapsburg gene pool.
It’s fun when assholes get their comeuppance.
Go ahead and “phrasing” that WCS.
Guys… You had me at… Norwegian Women…
This guy fjucks.
The current K-Drama du jour is “Sky Castle”. It’s delightful.
How in the hell does a group stage in the World Cup not have single top 10 ranked team in it?
Luck of the draw literally
Dumb luck on the women’s side, bags of money on the men’s side.
When Los Doyers finish pounding the Mighty Angels of Anaheim tonight, they’ll be back below .500. Trout has a broken hand AND a chronic spine problem, and Ohtani will be out the door in 3 months.
shut up he hit a long homer tonite so we’re all good shut up shut up
Yeah that is completely me and I am sad.
Getting in car at Coronado
Need SD mexixan food restaurant now plz.
Roberto’s is always a safe bet.
Always the right choice.
Went to the gayborhood. Didn’t wow.
South Dakota has Mexicans?
Lolitas if you can find one.
Carne asada burrito, maybe some rolled tacos. Don’t fail for that California burrito shit. That’s bullshit.
Straight carnage.
Another fun idea – Fear of a Black Conservative, an album of Public Enemy covers written for Tim Scott’s Presidential campaign.
Track 1 – Jus’ Truss It
(aaaaaannnnnnddddd GO!)
Track 2 – $9.11 Minimum Wage Is A Joke
Track 3 – Welcome to the Terrordome (any big city)
Chicago and/or Ben Gazi (remember that guy and how he and Killery caused the Oklahoma City bombing in 1941?)
Look, you know a better way to show how much you LOVE MURRIKA than blowing up a pre-school, I would like to here it imogodbless
Track 4 – Shut ‘Em (Estate Taxes) Down
Track 5 – Meet the Virus that Killed Me (feat. Herman Cain)
Surprised this wasn’t hidden track #999!
Track ? – Power To The White People
(comment deleted because the screen jumped and now it’s totally out of context. Management regrets the error and those responsible have been sacked)
(One time a moose bit my sister)
[still chuckles about the time he “sacked” an athletic trainer at Tennessee] – Peyton Manning
Give Willow a break once in a while, Horatio. His stamina is limited by his frame.
No way his name is Willow.
I propose a DFO Naming Contest.
Winner gets a Gently Used Fleshlight.
My entry: Horny, the Eight Dwarf
Short on the streets, legend in the sheets.
Hector the Well Endowed
https://youtu.be/ODgu_-rR1X8
One of my favorite episodes, cruelly done on by a one-minute black elf joke that was legitimately hilarious.
Girth
I feel like he’d name the dwarf after himself.
Lowratio.
This is going to be hard to top.
/soooo many things to unpack there
(unlike Lowratio)
SIMPSONS (Shitposting) DID IT.
Lil Hor
His name is Igor. Pronounced ‘EYE-gore.’
As for all of your guesses
Tough but fair, possession is 9/10ths of the law.
Unless your dwarf is of a different race, then it’s 3/5ths.