Happy Thursday! I’m tired, you’re tired, it’s hot out, let’s skip the preamble and get on with it.

I did NOT go to the All Star Game this week, mainly because I didn’t care about it (or frankly remember that it was happening/happened until Weaselo’s mention in last night’s open thread).  BUT I have attended some baseball games recently, so here are TWO (2) Boots on the Ground(s) round ups for you.

First, last  week I caught the Washington Nationals hosting Redshirt’s Cincinnati Red Stockings with none other than DFO’s DokZymm. Well, I caught most of it, Zymm only got a few innings in before she had to head right back to the airport for another journey. Zymm steadfastly denies that her layover in DC on the way to another multistop overseas tour has anything to do with international espionage, but I have no way of knowing for sure.

Regardless, it was a 1pm game and I’ve got the time, so it was a beautiful day for baseball.  Until it wasn’t.  The weather and the Nationals both managed to be frustrating and entertaining, but let’s go to the photos, shall we?  In fact, let’s take another look at that banner photo:

When the home team is in last place in the division, 20 games under .500, and has the third worst record in the National League, you can get same day tickets like these for $5.  Honestly, not bad at all.  But ruh-roh:

Is that a storm cloud brewing overhead? Nah, let’s rock. We ALMOST made it through a whole inning before the grounds crew said “nah”

Being the weather expert that I am, I confidently averred that this delay should be brief, as there was only that one spot of dark cloud in an otherwise lovely summer sky. Ummmmm….

I may have been mistaken. It fucking poured, and for a lot more than five minutes.  Fortunately, the cheap seats provided excellent storm protection, and there was a ripe opportunity to grab a dog and a beer.

It ended up taking another 30-45 minutes from rain cessation to resumption of play, which meant Zymm basically left after three innings, and as you can see, she wasn’t the only one not there:

They announced paid attendance as around 10,500, but I’m pretty confident there weren’t even close to 5,000 fans actually in the stadium.  Which meant I got to go on a little tour and sit in a bunch of seats for the cost of my $5 ticket (plus beer, hot dog, and other fat-accentuating concessions). But first, had to check in on the Throat Goat:

That has to be a blowjob suite, right?  Classy. Alright, now for a whirlwind tour of the stadium, because the game wasn’t particularly exciting/compelling/noteworthy/pick a positive adjective of your choosing here.

Nice verdant view from the ramp down from the cheap seats.  Not being sarcastic, it actually was nice how there are little places to post up and watch the game while you’re walking around the stadium. Would come in handy if standing room only were a threat any time soon.

Getting a little closer to the action here but believe it or not, still standing with my beer on a little ledge.  Solid view.

Saw this whilst walking around home plate/the PNC club on the way to the right field side of the stadium, may need to use it to lure back Marshawn into DFO’s  good graces:

Also whilst on my way up the first base line, the Presidents Race was on.  And if you haven’t seen it before, then you can wait to see it at some point. It’ll be cute but not life changing.  It is kind of nice when the “Presidents” mascots show up at events around town, though.

Jefferson won, btw, but he’s a cheating sonuvabitch so no surprises there.

Next stop: Shake Shack and right field standing area:

Followed by going to the one aisle of four that didn’t have an usher guarding it (why?) for a little baking in the sun, at which point I bailed out to right center, where it was even hotter (and less densely populated)

I then took a number of pictures of a pitching change because the NATS STILL USE A BULLPEN CAR! Zoom in on the 3rd base line halfway between the base and the left field wall to see it:

And by “use a bullpen car” I mean they bring a cart out to the bullpen, the relief pitcher declines to use it and runs to the mound, and the cart still drives down the foul lines all the way to home plate to…I don’t know, show how much more efficient it would have been than running?  Either way, I’m all for it. Bring back bullpen carts and drinking in the bullpen.

Anyway, I was on fire so I moved into the shade.

Naturally, that means within about 10 minutes someone hit a home run directly to where I had been sitting, with virtually no one around to vie for the souvenir.  😐

Here’s my question, though, with virtually NO congestion in the stands:

Why the fuck was everyone crowded right here?

Anyway, I made it into but not through the 8th inning, and I’m glad I left when I did because it was a rain delayed scorcher of a day, which meant that 10 innings was like 9 back in the pre-pitch clock days. Still enjoyed the daytime baseball, but I’m apt to go to a minor league game for a retro experience.

Speaking of different calibers of play, let’s talk about last night’s BOTG: the Congressional Women’s Softball Game. For those of you unfamiliar (almost certainly all of you), this is the corollary to the Congressional Baseball Game, but instead of Democrats vs Republicans, it’s Congress vs the Press. And the men get to play at Nats Park while the women are at a (very nice but still) local rec center/field. Also, while both games are for charity, I have no earthly idea what the men’s game is raising money for, but the women raised over $500k this year for the Young Survival Coalition, a nonprofit that helps young women diagnosed with breast cancer.  Anyway, I took FAR fewer photos of this game than the Nats game, but let’s do a quick tour and hit the highlights–

First, here’s a shot of the field, starting lineups for the “Bad News Babes” (yes that’s what the press team is called) on the first base line and “Team Congress” on the third base line.

Here you see Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) taking a few warmup pitches while Congresswomen Stephanie Bice (R-OK) and Lisa McClain (R-MI) strategize how to exploit “wokeness” how to handle when the reporters crush the ball over their heads.

Now I ultimately failed to take any photos of the umpteen swag booths, ranging from McDonald’s and Gatorade giving out free nuggets and, well Gatorade, to CSPAN giving out hats and Purina giving out Beggin Strips. It was actually pretty impressive; $10 gets you into the game and goes right to charity, and then a gazillion sponsors from defense contractors to the mineworkers make the event happen while others give away free shit so you can market them.  It was all pretty much taken in the spirit one would hope, until…

A group of protestors wearing “End Fossil Fuels” thirts walked onto the field and refused to leave. This went on for a good half hour (that article saying “more than ten minutes is like saying that Santonio Holmes was packing “more than 6 inches”), and honestly, it was ridiculous that at an event with SNIPERS ON THE ROOF OF THE NEXT BUILDING, these folks just strutted onto the field and were able to hang out without repercussion.  I’m on their side on the climate debate, but the tactic was fucking terrible.  Even if they felt compelled to protest, fine, great you made it onto a PBS and CSPAN livestream and your elected officials and reporters saw the message. Now go the fuck home and stop interrupting a charity event. Honestly, they hurt the cause on climate action being jagoffs. As the in game announcers noted, the same group interrupted the men’s congressional baseball game but allowed play to resume fairly promptly.  It took multiple visits from Capitol Police, DC metro police, members of Congress, and others until they GTFOd, and I don’t understand why they weren’t thrown into the paddywagon. Fuck em.

As for the game? Let’s just say the members of Congress should have gone to the bullpen earlier than they did.  Gillibrand let up 12 runs before Lady BFC and I walked home when the score was 12-0, and even though the lady legislators put up 8 runs to try and come back, they fell short. Highlights included–

• The leadoff batter for the game roped an absolute rocket into the left center gap for a double
• The announcers were Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-MN), Dana Bash, and some rando who was genuinely funny.  I don’t particular care for Klobo but she was entertaining behind the mic
• During the aforementioned protest, the players had a little dance party
• The Presidents from the Nats game were roving around taking pictures
• Super awkward fans
• Senator Shelley Moore Capito (R-WV) was surprisingly adept at the hot corner, especially for a grandmother

In conclusion, I can’t go to a sporting event without it being interrupted in some manner, but I’ll keep trying!

What’s on TV tonight?

I have no earthly idea. I think summer league basketball and Mexican soccer.  So maybe it’s time to pick an AFL team and download the WatchAFL app?  You could be like me and very belatedly watch Welcome to Wrexham?  I’m not even done with the first season, so….maybe some spoilers out there.  Either way, knock yourself out in the comments, let us know if you’ve been walking in tunnels lately or that’s just for Brick and maybe a euphemism Balls deploys on occasion…