EXT. SKID ROW ADJACENT MINI MART – DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES – TUESDAY
CUT TO: a disheveled-looking man standing on the sidewalk.
JIM TOMSULA: I don’t know about this, boys. It’s my last two dollars.
DJ 3000: I’M TELLING YOU, IT’LL BE FINE.
JIM TOMSULA: But what about dinner? A man’s gotta eat.
JOHNNY 2.5: DON’T SWEAT IT, BUDDY. THE CHINATOWN BAKERIES WILL BE MAKING ROOM FOR THEIR AFTERNOON STOCK IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.
JIM TOMSULA: Yeah, but those dumpsters have locks on ’em.
PETUNIA: If you’re going to trust a bunch of extradimensional robots to hand you a set of winning lottery numbers – and you should – is it really that much a step farther to trust that we know the numbers of the combination lock they use over behind Long’s Family Pastry?
JIM TOMSULA: Ooh, I could definitely stand to knock down a few pork buns right now.
DJ 3000: THEN STOP STALLING AND GET ON IN THERE! YOU DON’T WANT TO KEEP THOSE PORK BUNS WAITING, IT’S NINETY-FOUR DEGREES OUT HERE.
JIM TOMSULA glances down at a discarded paper receipt in his hand, on the back of which has been written the numbers “7-10-11-13-24” and then another “24” circled in a spot of grease.
JIM TOMSULA: All right, here goes nothin’. But this had better work, or this is the last time I’ll be trusting a bunch of talking robots from another universe feeding me lottery numbers through a shimmery magic portal in spacetime.
JIM TOMSULA swallows and steps inside the bodega.
—
CUT TO: DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES RAILROAD SPUR – FRIDAY
A disheveled-looking man is slumped among the garbage by the side of the tracks, wearing a ridiculous grin on his face.
DJ 3000: TIME TO GO, JIM-TOM. GOT A LOT OF ERRANDS TO DO.
JIM TOMSULA: [extremely intoxicated] Let me just drink one more toast with you fellas. [holds up a bottle of MD 20/20] And here I was thinking you was a bunch of scary robots when it turned out you was angels! How in heaven’s name did you know the lottery numbers in advance?
RUSSELL WILSON: We didn’t know it in advance. We simply tried every possible combination. It’s a multiverse thing.
JIM TOMSULA: Huh?
DJ 3000: WE’RE TESTING THIS THEORY OF QUANTUM SMEARING; WHETHER WE CAN CREATE A SERIES OF INFINITE POSSIBLE TIMELINES, AND THEN COLLAPSE THE WAVEFORM DOWN INTO THE SINGLE TIMELINE THAT WE WANT.
JIM TOMSULA: [sips MD 20/20 thoughtfully] Uh huh.
JOHNNY 2.5: WE PROVIDED YOU – OR MORE SPECIFICALLY, A BILLION ALTERNATE VERSIONS OF YOU – EACH WITH A SINGLE POWERBALL COMBINATION. THIS UNIVERSE, THIS TIMELINE THAT WE’RE EXPERIENCING RIGHT NOW, HAPPENS TO BE THE ONE SINGLE TIMELINE WHERE YOU WON.
PED-209: THERE WERE ALSO SEVERAL ALTERNATE TIMELINES WHERE YOU CONSUMED INTOXICANTS OF VARIOUS TYPES AND LOST THE TICKET WITHIN THREE HOURS OF PURCHASING IT.
PETUNIA: [helpfully] And another one where you got hit by a bus!
JIM TOMSULA: So I’m the lucky one, eh?
DJ 3000: THAT’S RIGHT! THE FIRST THING WE’LL NEED TO DO IS FIND YOU A LAWYER, AND GET YOU SET UP WITH A TRUST.
JIM TOMSULA: Man, what am I even gonna do with all this money?
RUSSELL WILSON: I hear there’s good money to be made in the ownership of a National Football League team…
JIM TOMSULA: [scratches his chin] You know…
JIM TOMSULA grabs several items that surround him, and wraps them up in his trusty bindle.
JIM TOMSULA: Say, I don’t suppose you fellas could play a bit of music for me to ramble along to?
DJ 3000: WE ABSOLUTELY CAN, IN FACT IT’S TIME FOR REQUEST LINE AND YOU’VE JUST GIVEN ME THE PERFECT IDEA FOR A THEME.
The camera focuses on the piece of cloth JIM TOMSULA is using to wrap up his meager possessions. It then pans over to focus on the winning Powerball ticket.
DJ 3000: RAGS TO RICHES, BABY. RAGS TO RICHES.
Today’s theme is “poverty and wealth”. We’re looking for songs that address either of these topics – bonus points if they address both at the same time. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?g!N63rD1g63r and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. Last week’s puzzle answer of “Rock Lobster” was eventually claimed by SonOfSpam. Let’s get to it!
As always, thanks for some jolly good fun, RTD!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aynCgnbbgbM
Didn’t see this classic. Apologies if I’m Witching it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5KU34DrrPI
The Flying Lizards made an appearance earlier and it was hell, swooshing them out of the clubhouse with our brooms.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-uhJyEdoOA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CILOa9hyNLk
A pleasant song about lifestyles of the idle rich.
(I, of course, sub in “snorting cocaine” for “drinking champagne like a good tycoon”)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjNYO-OI2Fo
“No water in the water fountain, no sign on the sidewalk”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wWCOQK7jvE&ab_channel=BBC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuTMWgOduFM
Go ahead and Blair Witch me as necessary. Got here late and don’t feel like checking.
Living on free food tickets
It’s a good thing you don’t have a bus fare
It would fall through the hole in your pocket
And you’d lose it in the snow on the ground
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xur8Ng-DGp8&ab_channel=threestripes
Her voice gives me the old goosebumps sometimes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73GkHBgQKDM&ab_channel=Ms.LaurynHill-Topic
AC/DC talking about the skinny days before “Big Balls” caused the money to roll in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyeWyLRLFNQ&ab_channel=AC%2FDC-Topic
He was amazing but now he’s dead so let’s keep drinking
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TeZMGx4q6c&ab_channel=malakh66
thematic DOUBLE SHOT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6WfU1JgRNw&ab_channel=X-TheBand
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cG8UvL6Jis
Rihanna knows what’s up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORmV7SSxYFg&pp=ygURYml0Y2ggYmV0dGVyIGhhdmU%3D
sorry i’m late, traffic or somesuch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrUB0g8Vjgg&pp=ygUdbW9uZXkncyB0b28gdGlnaHQgdG8gbWVudGlvbiA%3D
Cutbacks!
I’m a man of means by no means.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4c7D0YsgnrE&ab_channel=ClassicHitsStudio
I ain’t got no cigarettes
I saw a psychobilly band do this a few weeks ago down in New Haven. it was great.
Then the lead singer went full MAGA on the microphone.
I mean, “Psycho” was right there…
https://youtu.be/CYwh9VYNNFU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ffc0TCGIG4
Good one!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2YOqZBSE6w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0vVSzr1ee4
Maybe you’re a rich man too?
https://youtu.be/i5m-sgtwFck
‘Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park
Shaves in the dark trying to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy some clothes
Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMarHac3VpQ
Such a dirty old man!
‘Don’t mess with crack or the baking soda
Whether in the high-rise where you live like Roda
Or in the shack and you live like Yoda
Once again it’s on like a brand new morn
Beastie-Beastie Boys here to keep you all warm’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CALcS_eJ0TA
A scrub is a guy that thinks he’s fly…
And just sits on his broke ass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrLequ6dUdM&ab_channel=TLCVEVO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaE3JTPVKdc
“Donald Trump Donald Tramp livin in the men’s shelter
wearing bread bag shoes, and singing helter skelter”
Best band ever? I say yes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocgJy4ZDZ4o&list=PLq99vbhaejbOIUdbvIef_ApSj-JvbzcqQ
https://youtu.be/0xBGSlnTino
https://youtu.be/RS_yyRk_dj8
These two go together- the Stones had some things to say about rich girls!
Star Star comes to mind
Never had much to worry about
Slept the night under a bunch of stars
Now all the doors got fifteen locks
And the windows are covered up with bars
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmFXIk961A4
This may sound harsh but after squandering his family’s considerable fortune, Lowratio is lucky to have a place to sleep!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI0x0KYChq4&ab_channel=4evertheDisneySongs
He earns his keep the hard way, poor little fella!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=db94lyKYOcg
Let the beatings begin, I earned it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETxmCCsMoD0
I’ve said it before but knowing the lyrics to ABBA’s tunes got me laid more than once. So I bear no ill will.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IG7sww5NtVA
I think Neal Stephenson’s Anathem has that Many-Worlds theme in it. One of his best, and contains a really good example of a character who’s just along for the ride.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5FH0NkkTYE
Fun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IS52JwTpuFU
Let’s see if I can screw it up three straight times, I’m betting I can.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKSjqFEBTy8
Major props to everyone for doing so well with this theme!
let me try that again
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwk0emLPZ5A
Sounds like me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwk0emLPZ5A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_HigBrPRhA
Anyone else remember scrambling to make rent?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=–AvCsh48bk&ab_channel=GeorgeThorogoodonMV
Look man.
Gotta get drunk man ’til I can’t even speak
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcsfftwLUf0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F4yT0KAMyo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0jMPI_pUec
I rarely* pat myself on the back, but this line has made me smile several times today.
*frequently
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UC5XbyV4OFE
Great Second Page value.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p-lDYPR2P8&ab_channel=Madonna
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHPLXi7U7SA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCuMWrfXG4E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgMZNJ8VD80
I didn’t realize there was a manual in song form.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re9Uon4fNNw&ab_channel=NotandNowAvailableonYoutube%21
Let’s Double Shot the same idea!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyeWRd7ZEBs&ab_channel=PetShopBoysParlophone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsWNxOAm9CI