To The Games!
Raiders/Broncos:
Though Denver’s wr room is nothing but a collection of tensor bandages, scotch tape and plaster casts, it would behoove them to have someone (Mims perhaps?) take a few shots downfield vs a Vegas secondary that gave up the 4th-most passing yards last year. I’m embracing the notion of an underappreciated and angry Jacobs having a career year in ’23.
Fins/Chargers:
Check out the sexy over/under on this tilt! Tight end Everett is your streamer du jour if you drafted Kelce, given that he had the 6th-most red zone targets last year and Miami allowed the third-most points to that position.
Eagles/Pats:
Eagle Eye Battery just has so much talent they should be immune to whatever funky tweakery the Mutterer-in-Chief comes up with gameplan-wise.
Packers/Bears:
Spoiled-as-hell Green Bay fans will have a non Hall of Fame qb starting under center for the first time since the dissolution of the Soviet Union. Fields was pounded into the field a mere 55 times last year. The math says that he tasted dirt on an amazing 12.5% of his dropbacks. No other qb was in double digits. That’s gotta change.
Rams/Seahawks:
I hope Puca Nacua has a big game because I have no idea how to pronounce his first name-is it “Poo-ca” or “Puke-a”? I’m also curious as to how will the announcers handle it.
Have at it.
One more goddamned first down, won’t even see the ball again.
Well at least you all killed one of em.
yeah, but the NC State alumnus
I guess we could have recycled the banner image from last year’s Bears at the Bye assessment:
theyre even better when theyre dead!
Can the NFL flex the Bears to “never”?
how about that #ThePauls defensing unit? Burning up my money league bench!
A very nice performance.*
*this comment is not an endorsement of sexual assault of human traffic victims, physical therapists, and other female members of the Houstan Texans, Clevelans Browns, the local community, and victims of the Houstan Triads.
Fuck fat fucking loser, punting on 4th and 3 with only ONE timeout left?
I always like Josh Allen when he was on “The Whitest Kids You Know”.
Somebody call PETA because Green Bay is slaughtering bears tonight.
BEARISTOCRATS!
This would be a fun and hilarious window if not for Denver.
Is there another level past bearistocrats?
every fist in every asshole?
Plaid Bearistocrats?
They found it.
The Advancement Trail | Boy Scouts of America (scouting.org)
webelosristocrats?
BEARS TANK 2: ELECTRIC CALEBWILLIAMSALO
Duh Bears.
HO. LEE. FUK. JSD IS IN THE HOUSE! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Seriously. Burying the lead.
I’ve heard Bears fans were quite talkative this off-season. This is why I don’t talk to humans unless there really isn’t another viable option.
I point you to my realistic preview, sir:
https://doorfliesopen.com/2023/09/08/your-2023-2024-chicago-bears-preview/
i did not. because unlike other bears fans my iq is over 24, my weight is actually under 300, and ive had a pair of working eyes for at least 30 years
Cats should be the first option, followed by “voices in one’s head,” followed by monkish silence.
Los Angeles has the fever, and its call is RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!
Quick someone get me a notebook so I can write game over in it using a mozzarella stick.
Was ownership in Chicago transferred again?
I’d mock Justin Timberlake for looking like a huge twit in that sweater, but it’d probably hurt his feelings so much he’d go crying all the way back to his fabulous home where Jessica Biel is waiting for him in a sexy negligee.
You still can. It’s good for you.
PRAISE DOINK THE SERVANT OF MOST GLOROIUS GODDESS SHAN’KLOR
I have seen this imminent 16-17 loss many, many times.
Senor is making dumplings with Senorita Weaselo and friends. Aaand, now I just dropped the plate of dumplings that were in the fridge while getting the last pack of dumplings.
Pain. Fortunately not my foot though!
Andy Reid just read this.
Almost cried.
They’re still good!
That CB covering Hill is so small, Hill thought he was a child and decided to beat him [on that route] for the touchdown
I was looking down at my phone, and looked up to catch Gumby in mid-flail. He was trying to walk across the room, and he had some sort of conniption. He claims I’m imagining it. I am not.
Sailors…he probably thought the house was rocking.
Remember everyone, it’s the hope that kills you
— WVU fandom since 1871
Tua isn’t playing very well.
He wont remember his performance
He’s really good at living in the moment.
Back pains?
Bad decisions
I like this Perine fucker.
In. Ter. CEPT!!!
the two teams tanking the hardest might be doing it with franchise QBs already on the roster (arizona, chicago)
caleb gonna have to pull a john elway to not play for them
So. Much. Bearistocrats!
/think maybe the father and the mother EACH are fist fucking the dog. IN THE ASSHOLE
Best thing I can say right now is that I’m glad I didn’t bother going to the Bears bar to watch this.
However; I’m happy to report that the Sunday Ticket on YouTube TV has been flawless and what’s really cool is you can share your feed with 4 extra friends/ family and they get the Sunday Ticket too.
It’s worked well on my tablet, too. Except that the Donks keep fucking up.
“Yeah. Not our fault.”
-Sunday Ticket
fuck y’all, ah still want a partial refund!!
It would work great here too, except they won’t let me have it!
What did Gumby sign you up for instead?
Columbia House record club.
The first 15 cassette tapes are only 99 cents each!
8 track tapes.
We’re not that old!
lol bears fans were shit talking all offseason
a packer qb not going to the hall of fame and is barely completing 50% is destroying you
enjoy the caleb williams sweepstakes with a soon to be dead justin fields
Vegas has figured out how to scheme Pat Surtain off Davante Adams. This is…not a good development
Jesus Christ deliver me from idiot fucking quarterbacks.
At least we’re one loss closer to a high draft pick and hopefully a new QB.
Fucking dipshit had 3 turnovers in the first half.
You didn’t like that?!
Not once. Not even a little bit.
update: fields will be dead by week 4
Damn I remember when Scorigami was when we would party with the Asian Student Alliance
Senor: “Hey, the Yanks pulled it off and didn’t get no—“
*Jasson Dominguez has a torn UCL*
https://youtu.be/N4R1Jbwi63A
(Open Scene: FBI headquarters)
“Uh, boss. You remember that discussion thread that keeps showing up on our…”
“Ugh, Door Flies Open. What did they do now?”
“One of them threatened to kill the New York Yankees due to an injury to their rookie outfielder.”
“Which one?”
“The threat wasn’t to an individual person or persons. The threat was directed at the team themselves.”
“Look, I’m trying to figure out the OT to get Trump convicted. Just add it to the pile.”
Bengals laid a colossal egg. At least it can’t get worse.
(turns on TV; sees Tom Brady in Patriots uniform)
I gotta quit saying that!
Greg Olsen: big meathead or biggest meathead?
TAHMMY Appreciation Day at Foxborough. And he goes into the P*ts HoF next year – waiving the five-year delay for him.
And now he’s telling Tracy how happy he is to be here and thanking the fans.
Long national nightmare blah blah blah
Rammit
My high school coaches used to scream about big plays winning and losing football games.
Fuck, I can hear them yelling right now.
Decent first half by the Dolphins. But they have to run the ball more. The Clippers aren’t respecting the run at all.
Something is wrong with Djokovic.
let’s all hope he fucking dies!
Dude is getting old. No matter how great in shape you are in, playing sports starts to suck in your 30s
He’s an asshole, so yes.
It only took one post in the Alabama Football sub reddit to get banned.
hilarious that the most shit talking fans in the fucking world can’t take a little bit of trash talk.
You can’t use words with more than two syllables, it just makes them angry.
Even “Bam-a” is a challenge.
*extremely CIA agent movie antagonist voice* “Oh my god, it’s
JasonKendrick Bourne.”I’m half sober. My wife did not kill me in my sleep last night. she’s making low country boil. i wanted pasta and meatballs with a flagon of red wine, but I think I’ll just smile and eat what she makes.
Loogit lil’ White Mac thinking he’s a real player!
Doesn’t seem as though Green Bay nor Chicago want to win this game.
no football coach other than darth hoodie understands the concept of “time”
Charmslinger has his confidence back!
debilitating shoulder injury inbound
bears with hilarious andy reid time management
Sutton has really lost a step. Full, not half.