Welcome back! I very much missed the ongoing hilarity exhibited in all the open threads on Thursday, Sunday and Monday. Let’s do it again, as Steely Dan has said.
Turgid Tidbits:
-Human cliche-spewer/accumulator Aaron Rodgers blessed us with a few in a recent IG post. Such triteness as, “Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers” (WHO SAYS THAT???) and “The night is darkest before the dawn” were committed to the screen. He wasn’t done-“And I shall rise again” was another meaningless banality that was shared with numerous Roganites.
-In another news snippet that doesn’t get me all riled up, Joe Exotic has reached out from beyond the bars. Now Joe Burrow is on the record as not liking the nickname Tiger King but that hasn’t stopped the noted Carole Baskin hater from trying to get Burrow to help him raise some money for a down payment on a lawyer. Doing this would be ‘paying it forward’ (not really how that works) and he might just be back in the Super Bowl if he follows through.
-If you’re somehow not feeling the NFL tonight (hey, it happens) but are into the helpless slaughter of innocents, I just might have a game for you. You see, Bethune-Cookman and Miami are playing tonight and the latter is favored by 51.5.
To The Game!
Vikes/Eagles:
-Out for Philly are Gainwell, cb Bradberry and safety Blankenship.
-Hockey had a 22% target share last week and I expect that to rise tonight. The theory being that Cousins will struggle with pressure and Hockey works closer to the line of scrimmage.
-In “The Other Tight End” news, Dallas Goedert had all of one(!) target last week. This is something I don’t get-with the massive amount of info being exchanged between the coaching staffs and players during the game, how does this happen to a top ten guy? I doubt he was being ‘schemed out of the game’ by Belichick. I’ll bet he gets a few early looks.
-Upping The Pressure: When these two teams met last year the (very passive) Minny D blitzed 15% of the time. Last week new DC Brian Flores brought the heat 55.3% of the time. I’ll bet yeahright is happy to see them not playing on their heels.
-You Know What They Say: “If somebody by the name of Trey Palmer can score a TD vs this D, sure as hell Smith and Brown are gonna feast”.
-A Mess, Huh?: Last week rb’s Swift and Scott had a combined 25 snaps between them. And now Rashaad Penny (a healthy scratch) dons a jersey this evening to further muddy the waters.
Enjoy the evening.
Joe Rogan: “I believe that would mean he will be back by Week 7 at the earliest.”
Pylon stretch remains the dumbest play in football.
Most randomly tough punishment too (ymmv)
mmmm thats some good vike derpage
They’ve lost contain on the Dingleberry!
Fumbleback!
Touchback, lol
Kinda freaked out here-one of the insurance companies that our company is covered by has enough money to advertise on nationwide Canuckian TV. Wow!
So heartening to see another insurer make it. God bless humanity.
FUMBRE TOUCHBACK?
Burn a timeout with clock stopped. Very Dingleberry
I really enjoyed that movie.
If nothing else, at least this game is going by quickly.
/stadium immediately loses power
I CALL THIS GAME CHIPOLTE FOR ALL THE RUNS ITS GIVING US
Saw an Eagles fan in the stands.
https://i.postimg.cc/cJz8GnG2/9k3m0a0kk9ob1.webp
as a hoosier, the next time those fucks play johnny cougar as bumper music i will kill no less than 5 amazon execs
Ha, “Hurts So Goid”
Good. Fucking tablet.
your autocorrect is set to “goomba” turn it off
Oh great, another run
Viks D is reading something on Hurts.
I would rather have my sac pulled up and over my head than watch that Aquaman movie.
Holy shit. Apparently Ukraine just wiped out about a billion dollars worth of Russian air defense.
Drone strike on the S-400 sites?
Combine drone and missile strike. They sent out the drones and the Russians wasted their munitions. Then they hit with two surface to surface anti ship missiles.
wait, that in russian currency? if so, thats like 3 AA guns
Sorry. British pounds. Not USD or rubles.
Mrs. Cola “This is very rugby like, they can’t stop them and I need Goeddert!”
old timey football fans got a B1G boner watching all these runs
Jesus, they are almost as bad as the Beatles. Yes, I said it. I don’t like the Beatles.
It’s week fuckin 2 on a Thursday you chucklefuck. Out of sync? WEEK TWO FUCKO!
much like the recording industry the only thing working well for the iggles is swift
Can we please stop with the superhero movies?
Apparently Kevin Feige’s parents live a few houses down from me, I’ll ask them if there’s anything they can do.
Hollywood to JSD: “No.”
I believe their response would include more dollar signs somehow.
Could we at least get an R rated Vamperella?
oh, a superhero movie. they dont make many of those.
HOCKEYDOWN!
/yeah, I needed that
Would you say that you liked that?
a drive without a fumble nor an int! nor a kick! a touched down!
Michael Vick to be presented with an award from PETA at half time.
Good job VIks
I saw Star Wars with my father when I was 7.
When I walked out of the theater I asked him two things: is the Force real? and Do you think they’ll have toys out for this movie?
Now, seeing how these trolls have completely fucked this memory up, I want to build a death star and destroy Hollywood.
I haven’t seen such a lack of scoring since my junior prom.
Ginger Hammer sighting. Now with BLACK FRIENDS
How much do you think they paid to be there?
3/5th the face value of the tickets?
Apparently shit football means “strange”.
Clay Martin has never eaten anything but squirrel, possum, and muskrat
Gopher, Everett?
God, I love Tim Blake Nelson (and this movie) so fucking much.
Now, I have to say, you can make a nice pot of stew with squirrel.
*several squirrel
Look, you go with what you were able to shoot that day. Not much time to hunt after school but before dark.
This Bose commercial is bullshit, Burrow listens to The Carpenters. That dude is whiter than Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread.
Worse, I bet he listens to Bread, they made the Carpenters seem like a metal band.
White Bread. They were a staple at Jr. High dances. The 3 minute sweaty clinch, trying desperately to pooch my butt out to avoid his boyish boner. No wonder I took drugs.
ELITE sandwich!
richard petty’s favorite snack is a similar ELITE sammich: a mayo/black pepper sammich. people born in the depression got some odd tastes
Black pepper is hotter than jet fuel burning to Joe Flacco.
nah, the powder youd buy at walmart
But can it melt steel beams?
No, but we did find out on Monday that Fake Turf can Melt Achilles
We were at least rich enough to use white pepper, thank you very much.- Josephus Ray Lee Stonewall Merril.
So you’re saying he’s on top of the world, looking down on creation?
[game comes on]
[Eagles miss a field goal]
[Cousins gets sacked]
[offsides penalty]
[free play is an incomplete pass]
[first quarter ends]
Yep, I’ve clearly tuned in to Thursday Night Football
Pardon the HAWT TAEK but I bet Cowperson supporters are liking their divisional chances
I picked them in the Elimination challenge this week, so they are doomed.
“This is the end of the first quarter. We’re sorry”
Wasn’t Donks/Humps an early TNF last year?
“Bet the Over,” I said. “It’ll be fun!” I said.
Same here!
I’m disappointed at the lack of a fumble.
“Oh, look at the wee high-powered offenses tearing each other apart. One has to close their eyes for all the carnage going on. When will it stop, by the Jesus?”*
*this is spoken in a sarcastic Scottish accent, btw
still on pace for 12 turnovers and a 12-0 finish
Would a 5-5 tie be a scorigami?
yes!
THIS GAME, I CALL IT SHOWERING IN THE MEN’S LOCKER ROOM WHEN IT’S SENIOR WORKOUT DAY BECAUSE THEY ARE BALLS ALL OVER THE FLOOR
I’ve seen better ball control at a basketball ball camp for blind epileptics.
I’ve seen better ball control when Michael J. Fox was calling numbers at a bingo game.
“And here comes the ceremonial tossing of the batteries…”
SHANK’LHOR FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!
Even goddesses need to feed.
Hurts to watch Jalen try to play QB.
LEEEEETS GET READY TO FUUUUUMBLE