Your Overlapping Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

You know, I’ve decided that if being able to chose between two games on Monday is the tradeoff for only having three games in the 4 O’clock skinny window, then I’m good with that.

Fallout:

-A ton of stuff happened yesterday but the most buzz seemed to be around The Kelce/Tay Squared rumors being confirmed. Did you see the look of joy on Ms. Swift’s face when her new man scored. Lip readers are saying that she yelled, “He did A Football!” That’s sweet.

-This is the cynical/morbid thing I did in my auction league. I drafted Quentin Johnson with the hope that either Keenan Allen or Mike Williams would go down with an injury and the latter only took until the 3rd week of the season to do right by me. He’s out for the year with a busted ACL.

-The Siren Song of the Bench: That’s what the Wilson Boys (Russ and Zach) are hearing according to many folks. Russell can’t be pegged for that loss but at some point Payton has to be seen as doing something to get the Horseys going, right?

-Kudos to the Texans and their upset. I was puzzled by Stroud’s proclamation of, “I’m nobody’s fish!” Huh?

To The Games!

Eagles/Bucs:

-I don’t think anyone expected Tampa to be 2-0 but here we are. Perhaps Mayfield is resurrecting his career, perhaps this is a wee blip and he’ll start turning the ball over on a regular basis again.

-Their O/U for wins was 6.5 and they’re a 1/4 of the way there.

-Philly should put the petal to the metal and get things done. That would be great for them given that all their divisionmates lost in Week 3.

-Tampa’s secondary is going to help them along because Carlton Davis is hobbled and Jamel Dean is giving up an atrocious 156.2 passer rating so far this year.

Rams/Bengals:

-Burrow is a gametimer and if he can’t go virgin qb Jake Browning will be thrown into the volcano.

-They say it’s a pain management issue so I’m thinking Joe’s a go. But this is a no-win situation. If he aggravates it more and has to sit, fans will be up in arms. But let’s remember that Cincy is 0-2 and needs a positive result badly.

-Does Puka keep it going? He’s already questionable and I think it’s just because he’s getting hit so often. Still, his yards receiving prop is 63.5 which seems like easy pickings.

Enjoy.

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jjfozz

The best ever GI Joe

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ArmedandHammered

Nope, the chopper. I loved that toy.

jjfozz

I had that one too. Those blades could chop off a finger.

LemonJello

Is he working for the British Museum?

LemonJello

These are the GI Joes I grew up with:

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sudden ish change?

Gumbygirl

Bullshit. That was a touchdown.

jjfozz

Agree

LemonJello

Oh Fatty Sackford, you big lug.

jjfozz

What’s the over/under for number of broken hips on the Golden Bachelor?

LemonJello

From all the sex they’ll be having? 4.5

jjfozz

That sex gonna be drier than the Sahara.

LemonJello

I heard KY was a sponsor this season.

Redshirt

If Joe Burrow is dealing with a calf injury, what in the hell are the defense dealing with?

LemonJello

There’s a lot to unpack there, man. Mental Health is no joke.

King Hippo

oh great, simultaneous VAR

fleshwound_NPG

menage a VAR

fleshwound_NPG

RAMMIT!

Spur

RAMMMITT

Spur

I hate that Iggle Coach.

jjfozz

I “discovered” a new band today: Brownout. Great stuff.

jjfozz

Greatest toy ever. You were guaranteed at least one blood blister on your finger when you pushed the robot’s head down.

Give this gift to a millenial’s kid, and watch them faint.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It really was an awesome game.

Gumbygirl

I bought that for Gumby a few years ago. It’s brutal.

fleshwound_NPG

the rain has given us the most GRITTIEST interception!

Spur

Most of sports talk today was about the Donks and Swifties. Dallas picked a good week to shit the bed.

fleshwound_NPG

bears too, sorta!

WCS

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— Commies

jjfozz

What a suck ass piece of shit game. But, my son and I went and drank beers and discussed life. How in the hell has this kid turned into a young man? HOW?

Gumbygirl

David Mc Callum died. Ilya Kuryakin. Damn, I’m old.

jjfozz

The only carbon based lifeform in my world that I don’t want to murder.

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WCS

He looks likes he’d do the murderin’ for you. Jus saying.

Spur

He’d sell you out for a t-bone

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can you get AJ Brown to stop doing things just for the rest of the night? Kthxbai.

Horatio Cornblower

Uh-oh, bad words on my TV!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Isn’t fish prison code for bitch?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Not in my house. Here it’s code for ‘yuck’!” – Eli Manning

King Hippo

FRESH fish!

WCS

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Exactly

jjfozz

I think it’s for new prisoners. Who will later have broom handles shoved into their buttholes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sup

LemonJello

The Burrow death watch is underway

Spur

Folks

jjfozz

WHEN DINNER IS OVER AND YOU’RE CLEARING THE TABLE AND THERE’S A CUP OF LIQUID…ASK BEFORE YOU FUCKING THROW IT OUT

LemonJello

If it was bourbon, march those fuckers straight down to the recruiting office and get them shipped to boot camp!

jjfozz

Oh, they know better than to mess with my bourbon. They’ve all spent some time in the pain closet.

jjfozz

The Joe Burrow Dinner Menu

Mashed Potatoes without any seasonings
Wonder Bread sandwich with Miracle Whip
Wilted salad – sprinkled with salt
Overcooked chicken breast

Dessert: vanilla ice milk

LemonJello

Ah, yes, the “Flacco Blue Plate”

jjfozz

Burrow is painfully white. At least Joe would have a meatball or two.

LemonJello

Nothing spicy, though.

jjfozz

Perhaps a sprinkle of parmesan cheese.

Gumbygirl

I’m thinking buttered noodles and chicken nuggets.

LemonJello

That’s the Eli, off the kids’ menu.

jjfozz

Also, and I know the answer, in our culturally bankrupt society why does anyone give a dirty fuck about who Taylor Swift is dating? I would like to create a gun that fires chainsaws, and go hunting in Hollywood.

fleshwound_NPG

this is the ONE exception because we all know this is likely gonna end badly for kelce

jjfozz

If she flipped out and slit both of his Achilles, I would buy her a box of doughnuts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean I would think it would be fun to do prop bets for the basis of her next breakup song (cheating, emotional unavailability, etc.).

Actually, it would make perfect sense if this relationship were sponsored by FanDuel.

jjfozz

THose fuckface refs from yesterday’s Ravens game should take notes on what a PI is. Fucking zebras. They can eat a barrel of flaming shit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Given that I’m starting to see the NFL as more of a legal drama than anything else, I’d love it if every flag were accompanied by that chime sound from Law and Order.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
King Hippo

Where’s Booger? Did he ask for a $0.50/hr raise?

Gatoraids

Britt Reid got behind the wheel of the chair lift

blaxabbath

I can’t do the commercials anymore. These breaks are twice as long with 4x as many ads now. Just can’t.

jjfozz

Also, shocker, I have unbridled hate for everyone in my family – those living in my house and those living elsewhere.

LemonJello

Which of the Fozz Spawn knocked up a cheerleader?

King Hippo

You’re pro-choice as long as nobody tells mom, right?

jjfozz

Oh, she knows I’m pro choice.

jjfozz

They’re such stupid, clueless fuckers. Nothing is ever put back, everything is fucking broken. I could put a dead body on the steps and they would walk right the fuck over it.

King Hippo

Girl-type chill’uns really ain’t any better in that respect.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’ve got one you can borrow, if you like.” – Craig James

jjfozz

Is 7-11 selling coffee in the Matrix? I obviously am too old to appreciate this “celebrity.”

clint greasewood

So thinking this one out loud…
Eagles center is named Kelce. 
Eagles QB is named Hurts
Eagles RB is named Swift. 
Kelce – Hurts – Swift
Did I just predict the future?

fleshwound_NPG

swift hurts kelce is the most likely outcome

Redshirt

I’m sure going to miss him.

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jjfozz

I’m wondering how Eli’s mom is going to keep him calm in the days leading up to the NFL Toy Story game.

LemonJello

Saltpeter in his mashed potatoes?

ArmedandHammered

Valium in his Spiderman Pez dispenser.

jjfozz

She’s gonna have to dip them in sugar. Otherwise, he might suspect something.

jjfozz

I think he’s more of a tater tot guy

ArmedandHammered

But it is easier to make funny faces in mashed potatoes.

jjfozz

“Moooom, the gravy pool in my mashed ‘tatoes is running all over my peas and carrots!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Ha ha, I love taters too!” – Mitch Trubisky

LemonJello

Also,

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WCS

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King Hippo

Christ, even Philly’s white guys are fast.

fleshwound_NPG

at least one of them will be on the pats next year

LemonJello

The grittiest one.

Horatio Cornblower

This Jamar Chase interview:

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LemonJello

THIS GUY MIKE BROWN, I CALL HIM THE TIGER KING BECAUSE HE DOESN’T CARE IF HIS BENGALS LIVE OR DIE AS LONG AS HE CAN MAKE A PROFIT OFF OF THEM

Redshirt

Terrell Owens. TJ Houshmandzadeh. Marvin Lewis.

Funerals bring everyone together.

King Hippo

I think Jalen Hurts misses his old glasses.

King Hippo

oh JEEBUS, in the White Tiger kit, no less. HE WANTS GOD TO TREAT HIM AS ENDANGERED.

clint greasewood

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Redshirt

It’ll make it easier for EMTs to find where the blood is coming from.

jjfozz

Did they hire Siegfried and Roy to keep him calm?

Horatio Cornblower

The Bucs better go show those creamsicle unis this season. These red and pewter things are an abomination on their own, let alone when compared to the greatest football unis of all time.

King Hippo

I’d like to see Steve Spurrier take a few drives under center, while they’s at it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That luscious color is why I’ve been referring to the Uruguay rugby team as the Bruces.

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King Hippo

On what episode does the Golden Bachelor ask the ladies to pee on him?

WCS

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BAW GAWD KING THAT’S THE PIDDLER’S MUSIC

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wonder if that walking shart has ever touched a pair of tits that wasn’t fake. Aside from his own, obviously.

SonOfSpam

Ivanka’s? Before the surgery obvs.

King Hippo

Litre (or any other Iggles fan who can read) – why is it y’all keep trying to make Kenneth Gainwell happen? Because it’s NOT gonna happen.

fleshwound_NPG

swifties are gonna force the chefs to trade with the iggles to get swift to play with the “right” kelce

King Hippo

Rotowire assessment of P*ts/Jest:

Stock ⬆️: Anybody looking for a starting QB job / anyone who didn’t watch this game

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Boris predicted a Patriots win by a score of 13-10. Almost a perfect prognostication!

King Hippo

It’s almost like he’s a smart feller who gives good advice!

fleshwound_NPG

okay good, no double monday night games next week

(the sole game features the gints)

aw shit

King Hippo

which, of course, is MANDATORY

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can we make the MANDATORY part apply to any violent sport so that I can watch rugby instead? The knockout rounds start soon.

King Hippo

NO. YOU GIT A SECOND SCREEN GOING, MISTER MAN.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sigh. Very well.

King Hippo

That’s the (reluctant) spirit!

fleshwound_NPG

and a major injury from that game will get the toy story animation treatment! for the kids!

fleshwound_NPG

Joe Burrow and Dr. Johnny Fever will very soon have two things in common

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The quarterback I most associate with fevers is Aaron Rodgers, actually.

Redshirt

“Yeah, why not? I think I got one more fight left in me.”

Batman, Batman #497
Joe Burrow, 2023 NFL Season, Game 3

blaxabbath

That’s good fan work there.

Burrows so toast.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nothing good can come from Burrow playing.

King Hippo

See ONE WEIRD TRICK Mike Brown uses to lower his laboUr costs!

WCS

Bungles misery is just what they do.

King Hippo

Baby, if you ever wondered
Wondered whatever became of meeeeee
I’m dyin’ on the pitch for Cincinnati
Joseph Burrow, Bengals RIP

Last edited 1 year ago by King Hippo
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