You know, I’ve decided that if being able to chose between two games on Monday is the tradeoff for only having three games in the 4 O’clock skinny window, then I’m good with that.
Fallout:
-A ton of stuff happened yesterday but the most buzz seemed to be around The Kelce/Tay Squared rumors being confirmed. Did you see the look of joy on Ms. Swift’s face when her new man scored. Lip readers are saying that she yelled, “He did A Football!” That’s sweet.
-This is the cynical/morbid thing I did in my auction league. I drafted Quentin Johnson with the hope that either Keenan Allen or Mike Williams would go down with an injury and the latter only took until the 3rd week of the season to do right by me. He’s out for the year with a busted ACL.
-The Siren Song of the Bench: That’s what the Wilson Boys (Russ and Zach) are hearing according to many folks. Russell can’t be pegged for that loss but at some point Payton has to be seen as doing something to get the Horseys going, right?
-Kudos to the Texans and their upset. I was puzzled by Stroud’s proclamation of, “I’m nobody’s fish!” Huh?
To The Games!
Eagles/Bucs:
-I don’t think anyone expected Tampa to be 2-0 but here we are. Perhaps Mayfield is resurrecting his career, perhaps this is a wee blip and he’ll start turning the ball over on a regular basis again.
-Their O/U for wins was 6.5 and they’re a 1/4 of the way there.
-Philly should put the petal to the metal and get things done. That would be great for them given that all their divisionmates lost in Week 3.
-Tampa’s secondary is going to help them along because Carlton Davis is hobbled and Jamel Dean is giving up an atrocious 156.2 passer rating so far this year.
Rams/Bengals:
-Burrow is a gametimer and if he can’t go virgin qb Jake Browning will be thrown into the volcano.
-They say it’s a pain management issue so I’m thinking Joe’s a go. But this is a no-win situation. If he aggravates it more and has to sit, fans will be up in arms. But let’s remember that Cincy is 0-2 and needs a positive result badly.
-Does Puka keep it going? He’s already questionable and I think it’s just because he’s getting hit so often. Still, his yards receiving prop is 63.5 which seems like easy pickings.
Enjoy.
The best ever GI Joe
Nope, the chopper. I loved that toy.
I had that one too. Those blades could chop off a finger.
Is he working for the British Museum?
These are the GI Joes I grew up with:
Sudden ish change?
Bullshit. That was a touchdown.
Agree
Oh Fatty Sackford, you big lug.
What’s the over/under for number of broken hips on the Golden Bachelor?
From all the sex they’ll be having? 4.5
That sex gonna be drier than the Sahara.
I heard KY was a sponsor this season.
If Joe Burrow is dealing with a calf injury, what in the hell are the defense dealing with?
There’s a lot to unpack there, man. Mental Health is no joke.
oh great, simultaneous VAR
menage a VAR
Tu and Tu don’t equal six.
RAMMIT!
RAMMMITT
I hate that Iggle Coach.
I “discovered” a new band today: Brownout. Great stuff.
Greatest toy ever. You were guaranteed at least one blood blister on your finger when you pushed the robot’s head down.
Give this gift to a millenial’s kid, and watch them faint.
It really was an awesome game.
I bought that for Gumby a few years ago. It’s brutal.
the rain has given us the most GRITTIEST interception!
Most of sports talk today was about the Donks and Swifties. Dallas picked a good week to shit the bed.
bears too, sorta!
— Commies
What a suck ass piece of shit game. But, my son and I went and drank beers and discussed life. How in the hell has this kid turned into a young man? HOW?
David Mc Callum died. Ilya Kuryakin. Damn, I’m old.
The only carbon based lifeform in my world that I don’t want to murder.
He looks likes he’d do the murderin’ for you. Jus saying.
He’d sell you out for a t-bone
Can you get AJ Brown to stop doing things just for the rest of the night? Kthxbai.
Uh-oh, bad words on my TV!
Isn’t fish prison code for bitch?
“Not in my house. Here it’s code for ‘yuck’!” – Eli Manning
I did my time in the 80’s, I wouldn’t know.
FRESH fish!
Exactly
I think it’s for new prisoners. Who will later have broom handles shoved into their buttholes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOYeW864w3Q
Sup
The Burrow death watch is underway
Folks
WHEN DINNER IS OVER AND YOU’RE CLEARING THE TABLE AND THERE’S A CUP OF LIQUID…ASK BEFORE YOU FUCKING THROW IT OUT
If it was bourbon, march those fuckers straight down to the recruiting office and get them shipped to boot camp!
Oh, they know better than to mess with my bourbon. They’ve all spent some time in the pain closet.
The Joe Burrow Dinner Menu
Mashed Potatoes without any seasonings
Wonder Bread sandwich with Miracle Whip
Wilted salad – sprinkled with salt
Overcooked chicken breast
Dessert: vanilla ice milk
Ah, yes, the “Flacco Blue Plate”
Burrow is painfully white. At least Joe would have a meatball or two.
Nothing spicy, though.
Perhaps a sprinkle of parmesan cheese.
I’m thinking buttered noodles and chicken nuggets.
That’s the Eli, off the kids’ menu.
Also, and I know the answer, in our culturally bankrupt society why does anyone give a dirty fuck about who Taylor Swift is dating? I would like to create a gun that fires chainsaws, and go hunting in Hollywood.
this is the ONE exception because we all know this is likely gonna end badly for kelce
If she flipped out and slit both of his Achilles, I would buy her a box of doughnuts.
I mean I would think it would be fun to do prop bets for the basis of her next breakup song (cheating, emotional unavailability, etc.).
Actually, it would make perfect sense if this relationship were sponsored by FanDuel.
THose fuckface refs from yesterday’s Ravens game should take notes on what a PI is. Fucking zebras. They can eat a barrel of flaming shit.
Given that I’m starting to see the NFL as more of a legal drama than anything else, I’d love it if every flag were accompanied by that chime sound from Law and Order.
You know, this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gP3MuUTmXNk
Where’s Booger? Did he ask for a $0.50/hr raise?
Britt Reid got behind the wheel of the chair lift
I can’t do the commercials anymore. These breaks are twice as long with 4x as many ads now. Just can’t.
Also, shocker, I have unbridled hate for everyone in my family – those living in my house and those living elsewhere.
Which of the Fozz Spawn knocked up a cheerleader?
You’re pro-choice as long as nobody tells mom, right?
Oh, she knows I’m pro choice.
They’re such stupid, clueless fuckers. Nothing is ever put back, everything is fucking broken. I could put a dead body on the steps and they would walk right the fuck over it.
Girl-type chill’uns really ain’t any better in that respect.
“I’ve got one you can borrow, if you like.” – Craig James
Is 7-11 selling coffee in the Matrix? I obviously am too old to appreciate this “celebrity.”
So thinking this one out loud…
Eagles center is named Kelce.
Eagles QB is named Hurts
Eagles RB is named Swift.
Kelce – Hurts – Swift
Did I just predict the future?
swift hurts kelce is the most likely outcome
I’m sure going to miss him.
I’m wondering how Eli’s mom is going to keep him calm in the days leading up to the NFL Toy Story game.
Saltpeter in his mashed potatoes?
Valium in his Spiderman Pez dispenser.
She’s gonna have to dip them in sugar. Otherwise, he might suspect something.
I think he’s more of a tater tot guy
But it is easier to make funny faces in mashed potatoes.
“Moooom, the gravy pool in my mashed ‘tatoes is running all over my peas and carrots!
“Ha ha, I love taters too!” – Mitch Trubisky
Also,
Christ, even Philly’s white guys are fast.
at least one of them will be on the pats next year
The grittiest one.
This Jamar Chase interview:
THIS GUY MIKE BROWN, I CALL HIM THE TIGER KING BECAUSE HE DOESN’T CARE IF HIS BENGALS LIVE OR DIE AS LONG AS HE CAN MAKE A PROFIT OFF OF THEM
Terrell Owens. TJ Houshmandzadeh. Marvin Lewis.
Funerals bring everyone together.
I think Jalen Hurts misses his old glasses.
oh JEEBUS, in the White Tiger kit, no less. HE WANTS GOD TO TREAT HIM AS ENDANGERED.
It’ll make it easier for EMTs to find where the blood is coming from.
Did they hire Siegfried and Roy to keep him calm?
The Bucs better go show those creamsicle unis this season. These red and pewter things are an abomination on their own, let alone when compared to the greatest football unis of all time.
I’d like to see Steve Spurrier take a few drives under center, while they’s at it.
That luscious color is why I’ve been referring to the Uruguay rugby team as the Bruces.
On what episode does the Golden Bachelor ask the ladies to pee on him?
BAW GAWD KING THAT’S THE PIDDLER’S MUSIC
I wonder if that walking shart has ever touched a pair of tits that wasn’t fake. Aside from his own, obviously.
Ivanka’s? Before the surgery obvs.
Litre (or any other Iggles fan who can read) – why is it y’all keep trying to make Kenneth Gainwell happen? Because it’s NOT gonna happen.
swifties are gonna force the chefs to trade with the iggles to get swift to play with the “right” kelce
Rotowire assessment of P*ts/Jest:
Stock ⬆️: Anybody looking for a starting QB job / anyone who didn’t watch this game
Boris predicted a Patriots win by a score of 13-10. Almost a perfect prognostication!
It’s almost like he’s a smart feller who gives good advice!
okay good, no double monday night games next week
(the sole game features the gints)
aw shit
Next week we’ve also got our first Sunday morning game.
which, of course, is MANDATORY
Can we make the MANDATORY part apply to any violent sport so that I can watch rugby instead? The knockout rounds start soon.
NO. YOU GIT A SECOND SCREEN GOING, MISTER MAN.
Sigh. Very well.
That’s the (reluctant) spirit!
and a major injury from that game will get the toy story animation treatment! for the kids!
Joe Burrow and Dr. Johnny Fever will very soon have two things in common
The quarterback I most associate with fevers is Aaron Rodgers, actually.
“Yeah, why not? I think I got one more fight left in me.”
Batman, Batman #497
Joe Burrow, 2023 NFL Season, Game 3
That’s good fan work there.
Burrows so toast.
Nothing good can come from Burrow playing.
See ONE WEIRD TRICK Mike Brown uses to lower his laboUr costs!
Bungles misery is just what they do.
Baby, if you ever wondered
Wondered whatever became of meeeeee
I’m dyin’ on the pitch for Cincinnati
Joseph Burrow, Bengals RIP