To The Game!
Chiefs/Jets:
-It’s been a long day (is writing this at 12:55 EST) so I’ll keep this short.
-I hate to shit on Zach each week (no you don’t -Id) but Christ, get Simien up to speed and throw him on the pitch and save your season. (those words have never been typed before)
-Taylor Swift was named after James Taylor and grew up on a Christmas Farm.
-The Jets are 3 for 24 on third downs in their last two games.
-Swifty’s favourite drink is vodka and Diet Coke because she’s a hick that was born in Reading, Pennsylvania. Seriously, you’ve traveled all over the globe several times and you go with that? Be interesting-throw a soju in there or something.
-With a TD this week the Mahomes/Kelce combo will have given birth to 45 TD babies. They’ll be overtaking Brees/Graham’s 48 by the midpoint of the season.
-Taylor convinced her family to move to Nashville after watching a Faith Hill documentary.
-Danny Dimes Drools: The Chiefs o-line has been doing yeoman work pass-blocking in that Patty only faces pressure 25% on dropbacks.
-T-Swizzle lost her virginity to Jake Gyllenhall just days before her 21st birthday! That bastard didn’t show up for her birthday party, btw.
-“The Jets haven’t been seen on a Sunday Nighter since 2011. That’s a bunch of futility-yikes!-but now that they have Rodgers…” was probably the thinking amongst those that make the schedule.
-Tay Tay’s favorite number is 13. Travis Kelce’s uniform number is 87-kinda makes you think, doesn’t it?
Have a good one.
“alright, done making this close.”
-nfl
THERE IS NO GOD BUT BLEERGH, ALL HAIL BLEERGH
Guess his ankle really is ok
The best part is A.A. Ron being confined to the owner’s suite to watch this loss, and not being allowed anywhere near the cool kid’s suite.
THERE is the MILF-hunter Z we all know and love!
those 5 magical minutes zach wilson was good sure was fun
Mom is that you?
— satisfied 45-year-old divorcees around Salt Lake City
We would’ve also accepted, “Zack’s young; its okay that he’s quick.”
NBC Sports sucks so bad.
didnt used to be that way https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bX9GLtpYyWk
lol ANYTHING with the letters n-f-l in the title not even from the league account gotta be blocked
The details: this was right after that tiebreaking KC drive, where they chatted about Taylor Swift and how they’re selling a lot more Kelce jerseys now. Hey guys, there’s a game going on back there.
Wow, Taylor Swift turned into Yoko Ono so fast, I hardly noticed.
Pat’s not dead!
MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR
try it, you can hear her voice in all its screechy glory
Plastic Swift Team
Banner!
my 41 year old ears hears “breece hall” as “priest holmes” for some reason and i have to do a double take each time
Hey Travis…. two things at once?
After a couple of beers these two add up to 9
Mah wife gets mad that Selena dresses so frumpy and covers them up so much in Only Murders in the Building
Tim Wakefield, dead. To paraphrase a great old Onion article: his coffin will be moved down the aisle in an erratic, unpredictable, and spinless manner.
Fuck Curt Schilling, and fuck cancer, which I know I said with the first clause.
All of Curt’s old teammates should start a bit where they say “I’m not sure if this is public or if Curt wanted me to share it, but…”
Example: “…Curt used to wet the bed before big games on the road. Nobody ever wanted to share a room with him, usually we stuck a rookie in there because it would always smell like piss in the morning.”
I can’t decide if the Red Sox will not invite Schilling to the 2004 team’s 20th anniversary celebrations next year, or invite him and have him killed.
lmao https://www.instagram.com/p/Cx4RoW_ovI3/
My old high school football team is winless
My college team is winless against power five schools
And my pro team is winless.
Maybe I’m supposed to like find the cure for cancer or something and God feels me being a football fan somehow interferes with that.
Nah. Henry kissinger is still alive. God doesn’t have an altruistic bone in his ethereal body
he did destroy Qaron on the 4th play of the year, so there’s that
Don’t you dare start rooting for South Africa in the Rugby World Cup.
Are they the Muskrats?
My high school and both colleges’ football teams are undefeated! And winless. And nonexistent.
“good-ish zach wilson” man, the nfl writers coming back from the strike really showing their worth here
Show the Swifty suite dammit!
So, this is weird.
milfslinger!
ya gotta unleash the cougar hunter
I haven’t seen Zach Wilson this confident since he was talking to the chaperones at the Sadie Hawkins Dance!
Hello! I just woke up from my afternoon vodka/opiates-induced nap!
What’s on? Oh, this!
TBH, except for her money, Taylor Swift is a 5 at best. Frumpy body, and I’d hate to see her in the morning without makeup on. Yikes.
Time for more vodka! And opiates!
BFC is a Swiftie! And grumpy! (but a nice guy)
I also don’t like taking potshots at people’s looks generally
Fair enough, but Taylor Swift is not a person. She is a self-promoted product who makes a fortune by plastering her face and body all over the marketplace and into my life without me asking. In that context she is no different than a car, and thus fair game.
What do you think of Donald Trump’s looks?
Youtube TV has a heart/ hand emoji for their status bar.
If I hadn’t forgotten how to puke I surely would have by now.
https://twitter.com/ClueHeywood/status/1708653208657359186
Actual response “He’s got a nice hiney.”
“I couldn’t shit right for three days!”
cris: zach is getting better and better
zach: *immediately misses a wide open throw*
It’s uncanny.
That wasn’t Aaron Rodgers, that was Darren Codgers, Head Groundskeeper.
HOLY SHIT, has nobody ever dropped a LB into coverage against Mahomes before?
Octomom in the box for the Jets 2nd half to rally Wilson
Pretty sure Wilson was the one in the box.
mahomes REALLY had that under
Evening
Ola! How goes it?
An excellent weekend celebrating with friends. Not all weddings suck, and in fact many can be fun.
If not for the mandatorim, I would have gone to bed at 17. THANKS, rules-based order!!
Your dedication to craft is unparalleled.
it took a few weeks, but a second upright has been hit in a jets game
HAIL DOINK’LOR
Oh Jets.
Another 9/11 celebration by the Jets!
Sauce Gardner was what we used to call our voyeuristic landscaper
If the kicker sends the kick off out the back of the end zone why do defensive players keep running into the end zone? Just turn around and jog off the field! Your work here is done.
Yeah, but how else will they show their coaches GREAT HUSTLE?
The Carolina Reaper and extract sauces that hit back-to-back was being held back by the copious amounts of tea.
Until I kissed Senorita Weaselo and got a crumb of the durian mooncake she ate.
Weird start to an erotic story, but go on…
Maybe in Germany it is, but not here!
My guts are mostly better. Until I eat something else.
“rules?’
-average nfl official
I mean, it’s great that little Pat Mahomes was hitting home runs off his Dad, but it also wan’t all that uncommon.
Shit, did he play for the A’s or Cardinals? Asking for an Immaculate Grid.
/checks, and he did not
//That does remind me though of noted Pretend Man City coach, Bernard Gilkey… who was only at 2%!
Mets, wasn’t it?
6 teams, 2 years with the Mets.
I mean, he wasn’t great MLB pitcher, but he was in fact a MLB pitcher.
The row was Mets, needed to find an intersecting player for the grid
Current Jets drive: 0 plays, -5 yards…
All this time I thought scorigami was when you banged the hot chick in the Joy Luck Club
Wrong nationality, they all get really mad about that.
/I can make that joke, right?
“I mean, I’m not offended.”
-Robert Kraft
mahomes had the under
Quantum Leap The ReBoot: This time we’re gonna make Sam watch his entire family die!
The one Muslim handling Jets who never played Flight Simulator
Hot damn, offense points!
5 points
scorigami watch!
No offense to the rest of the Jets receivers, but you suck balls compared to Garret Wilson. Just god awful receivers. No offense.
-Cris
milfcannon!
A post-safety free kick…touchback? Don’t recall seeing that before.
Definitely new to me.
I wondered for a moment if maybe it came out deeper, to like the 40 or sommet. No, the Jest just don’t think things through.
Evan that safety was boring.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QDKLglEP5Y
As God as my witness I had no idea that this video had a dwarf in it and holy shit do I have some regrets right about now.
Did you see the Vikings boat tape too?
I only know from someone posting the video with literal lyrics
That dance isn’t as safe as they said it was.