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URSA MAXIMA!…Tuesday Open Thread

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

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So as usual, political news is a mixed bag. For example, the extremely-short-term Spending Bill that passed Saturday night to keep parts of the government open for another 45 days has some pros and cons

Pro: essential social services continue!

Con: no new Ukraine aid

Pro: exposed the “Freedom Caucus” for not holding Kevin McCarthy’s testicles in quite as tight of a vice as they thought. Insert your own Boebert joke here.

Con: suggests congressional Dems will throw Ukraine to the wolves when expedient

Pro: a rare return to bipartisan compromise in an age of party-line voting.

Con: Gotta do this again right before Thanksgiving.

Pro: might get rid of Kevin McCarthy.

Con: might replace him with someone worse.

But an overlooked gigantic Pro: FAT BEAR WEEK IS SAVED! For those of you whose friends and family don’t love you enough to have educated you about Fat Bear Week, it is an annual competition run by Katmai National Park in Alaska celebrating the beauty of Nature. “Beauty of Nature” in this case being exemplified by giant brown bears getting as rotund as possible in anticipation of the long winter. In the absence of chimps with M-80s, it’s really the most American animal holiday possible.

Contestants are put to public vote in a bracket format, with Spring and Current pictures to show you how much bulk each bear has packed on. They each also have a biography, so you can establish a deeper rooting interest than just flab-comparison.

Fat Bear Week, being the effort of one of our many amazing National Parks, was under threat of cancellation if funding hadn’t gone through: no funding equals no park operations and no employees, and thus no Beefy Bear Action (outside of certain specialist clubs).

But here we are! Fat Bear Junior concluded last week, with 806 Spring Cub emerging triumphant and earning a spot in the main event. Reigning champ 747 is looking appropriately jumbo-jet-sized. You’ve got legacy pick 284 Electra, whose family have been fishing that river for generations. You’ve got fierce mom 128 Grazer (favorite in the Mayhem household). And then there’s four-time winner 480 Otis, the LeBron James of Katmai. He’s old, he’s missing teeth, the youngsters are coming for him, but you can’t deny greatness.

Voting begins TOMORROW (October 4) at Noon Eastern, 11 a.m. DFO Standard Time. GET YOUR BEAR ON!

NFL NEWS

-Tre’Davious White: ded again. The Bills’ star cornerback injured his Achilles on Sunday, putting him out for the rest of the year. This means he will have missed 29 of the 50 regular season games over the last three years. Blegh.

-Giants: totally ded. Saquan was a scratch, which was the only positive from last night’s game. Daniel Jones looks like he’s lost, but both he and the Giants are stuck with each other for at least one more year before the dead cap hit becomes manageable. Seattle hung 24 on them with 281 total offensive yards. If that’s not a Offense Era NFL record, it’s gotta be close. Oh, and they managed to get two (2) players injured attempting the Philadelphia Butt Shove. Just tremendous work on the national stage.

-Mac Jones: Still fuck Mac Jones. Benched for Bailey Zappe again, this time without the excuse of an ankle injury. Belichick says Jones is still the starter, but given that perennial Patriot boomerang Axel Edward “Brian” Hoyer demoted to third-string in Las Vegas, I would be shocked if Bill wasn’t lighting up the phones trying to bring his boy home again.

WHAT’S ON TONIGHT

Vaguely Meaningful Baseball!

Arizona at Milwaukee (ESPN2 6pm DFO Time)

Florida Marlins of Miami at Philadelphia Phillies of Philly (ESPN 7pm DFO Time)

Whelp, I can’t call either of these series terribly engrossing. Two of the teams (Diamonbacks and Marlins) should have been contracted long ago. Additionally, the entire city of Philadelphia should have been placed on a giant raft and floated out to sea in 1970. So, go Brewers, I guess?

Underappreciated Movie of the Week: Rubber (2010).

“Somewhere in the desert, a tire named Robert suddenly comes to life. After standing upright, he discovers he has psychokinesis and tests his newfound powers by making animals and inanimate objects explode.”

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_(2010_film)

If you are still reading this instead of figuring out how to stream it immediately, I’m afraid there’s nothing more I can do for you. You are dead inside.

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Gumbygirl

I’m heading to bed. Gotta rest up, since we’re all turning into zombies at 11:30 tomorrow!

1
Brick Meathook

Did you put a “like” on all my posts before you leave?

1
Gumbygirl

I usually do.

1
Don T

Well of you don’t cast a vote for a rotund and toothless creature, why even have suffrage #TeamOtis

3
2Pack

Rev, your posts are gold my friend. But I must point out, chimps with M80’s have gotten me, and guys like me, this far.

5
Brick Meathook

This is where River Phoenix died, right out front.

This whole block is scheduled for demolition soon and construction of another ugly condo. This bar has a long history; at one time it was called Filthy McNasty’s.

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Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

ANother who at least died doing what he loved (heroine), IIRC.

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Brick Meathook

The Hollywood death tour is definitely fueled by heroin. Janis Joplin, Lenny Bruce, River Phoenix, John Belushi (coke/heroin speedball), . . .

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Fun fact: The entrance (at least when it was the Viper Room, I haven’t been there in years so I’ve no idea if it is still open) is not on Sunset as shown here. That’s a false front/emergency fire exit.

The real entrance is on Larrabee, the street to the left of the liquor store.

Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

This is where River Phoenix died, right on the side there.

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Brick Meathook

It’s still there and open. I took these photos yesterday.

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ballsofsteelandfury

You mentioned they were going to tear down the block to make condos. Any idea on when that will happen?

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Brick Meathook

No, but probably sometime in 2024. I’m sure there will be a “last night” (or “last week” or “last month”) promotion.

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Brick Meathook

Here’s the truck of some blue-collar tradesman I saw on the streets of Hollywood yesterday.

If you notice the bumper sticker, it says “Elevator men do it up and down.” This gentlemen is apparently an elevator service technician, and when viewed in this context it creates a humorous allusion, when we consider the context of “it” being, as opposed to a literal translation of “it” being elevator maintenance and repair, which would of course involve raising and lowering of the elevator car to test the efficacy of the repairs, but instead “it” being a euphemism for adult behavior, in this case how the elevator technicians jerk each other off at work. “Up and down” now provokes a chuckle in the reader.

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Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

One wouldn’t expect a tradesman to so properly use his allusion that way, good show!

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blaxabbath

I haven’t seen a Christian on a red team step up like that since Amy Coney Barrett slayed Roe.

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fleshwound_NPG

a wisconsin pro sports team in a playoff roundcomment image

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blaxabbath

My favorite thing in baseball is when they check the ump on first to see if a batter went over the plate.

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scotchnaut

“The batter going over the plate” is also an egregious foul in the Reid household. ppl forget that

3
King Hippo

I’m just glad there is (admittedly, low-calibre) JV NFL on tomorrow, so y’all can quit watching this poop.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Dr. Mrs. and I had a disagreement this morning while walking the dog because a tree started falling down in slow motion (you could hear it cracking and everything) and I wanted to stand at a safe distance and watch, while she wanted to ignore it and go home. She was clearly in the wrong, cause how often do you actually get to watch a tree fall down?

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Some people want to watch the world burn and others want to vacuum it.

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scotchnaut

It’s inside baseball but it’s also a banner.

3
Brick Meathook

So? You stay and watch, she goes home. Dog chooses which one to accompany.

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Gumbygirl

I would stay and watch, under the following conditions: Temps under 90⁰ and over 60⁰, no rain or heavy wind. I don’t have to pee, and I’m not starving to death. Other terms may apply

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All of those were true.

0
WCS

Part of me wants to like the D-Backs since Ken Kendrick is a West Virginian, but he also gave a fuck load of money to Paul Gosar and Kristen Sinema.

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At least BAWSTAHN is stale piss again.

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blaxabbath

I want the DBacks to lose so I can get back to saying we should have a showdown with them about the stadium upgrades they want taxpayers to front after decades of irrelevance….

Or they can win and we should build them a new stadium.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Every time I see the name “Kristen Sinema” I’m thinking she must be hot because that’s a hot girl name and then I get reminded of who she is.

2
fleshwound_NPG

she’s one of those hot women that are hot but refuse to be hot and stay stone cold bitch forever for reasons nobody can ever understand

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blaxabbath

She a fucking weirdo.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

To be fair she’s a D.C. 9 (non-hooker division).

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2Pack

But like the old saying goes (usually drunk induced)… No matter how hot she looks right now… Somebody… Somewhere… Is tired of her shit.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well, yes. Her constituents in Arizona.

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Brick Meathook

Here’s the Hollywood Bowl viewed from the Mulholland overlook yesterday.

Yesterday was wonderfully weird in that it was beautiful weather but I had the whole town to myself. There was no traffic and all the lights were green. I ran an errand in Hollywood, which I realized I hadn’t been to in a long while, so I just drove all over the place. It was awesome.

This photo was taken at noon on the dot and the Hollywood Freeway is practically empty.

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SonOfSpam

Awesome venue, huge pain in the ass to get to.

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scotchnaut

It’s hilarious to me that Los Angelino’s always, always factor in the traffic when doing anything. It’s as though you’ve all sprung spontaneously from Robert Moses’ sweaty balls.

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SonOfSpam

My origin story, sir, is not for public consumption.

Also, there are people here because of nice weather. You wouldn’t understand.

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scotchnaut

I beg to differ, Sir! There is nice weather in Canada [counts on fingers] 3/12’s of the year!

Last edited 2 years ago by scotchnaut
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ballsofsteelandfury

I refuse to believe you have three months of good weather.

1
scotchnaut

That’s only 12 weeks!

  1. First week of May
  2. Third week of May
  3. First two weeks of June
  4. Middle two weeks of July
  5. August Long Weekend week
  6. Second week of September
  7. Last week of September
  8. Second and third weeks of October
  9. First week of November (THANKS GLOBAL WARMING!)
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ballsofsteelandfury

Ah! Not in a row. That makes sense.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I haven’t even talked about parking!

People that live in apartments with no convenient parking are habitually sexless.

Fact.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh man when Pasadena changed its overnight street parking rules in 2007 or so the amount of sex in that town must have gone down by a good 25%.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

You joke but that’s real. That added a little extra layer of danger to the encounter. On top of wondering if you’d get a disease and/or wondering if you’d end up in a bathtub with an organ missing, you now had to wonder if you would find a parking ticket on your windshield the next morning!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m not joking at all. It was probably even more than a 25% reduction for me personally.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

😂🤣

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My origin story, sir, is not for public consumption.

His orifice story, on the other hand…

5
scotchnaut

Is open to interpretation?

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Relationships have ended in LA over traffic.

“She’s really cool and hot and everything, but it’s an hour each way. Can’t do it.”

Speaking of a girl that lives 15 miles away.

1
King Hippo

You’re making it obvs to the gal on “Seeking Arrangement” that you don’t have your own helicopter, even. THINK, MAN!!

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Kobe didn’t think.

3
scotchnaut

“Does she have a bus pass?”

“A BUS PASS! HAHAHAHA!”

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is true. The Dr. Mrs’. and my relationship would never have gotten off the ground had we not been geographically convenient.

1
fleshwound_NPG

tbf this guy is the reason why traffic has been so bad in la since the late 40scomment image

5
blaxabbath

Some people are asking why aren’t more people leveling unfounded allegations at Katy Perry for being Russell Brand’s greatest recruiter.

4
scotchnaut

[Fozz posts pic of “Connect The Dots” game]

0
fleshwound_NPG

so every philly hit/score is gonna be followed by the major league big dick dancecomment image

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ballsofsteelandfury

Excuse me, sir, that’s clearly a big BALLS dance!

4
Brick Meathook

could be both

2
fleshwound_NPG

dbacks and brewers is just a beer league softball game

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let me just don the appropriate eyewear for viewing such an event…

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6
litre_cola

Bases loaded no out. Oh oh Baby got D Backs.

0
fleshwound_NPG

evan longoria https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNJ1RHUnX9s

0
litre_cola

They got out of it unscathed!

0
blaxabbath

Ive more dbacks baseball tonight on spanish espn in my room and the fitness center than I’ve seen all year.

And that includes attending two games live.

1
blaxabbath

I need to move after this day of travel. I’m heading to the fitness center to….stretch.

3
litre_cola

First day back after 2 weeks off was horrible. However I didn’t rage quit or make anyone cry.

Last edited 2 years ago by litre_cola
3
fleshwound_NPG

schwarbs base running so conservative florida man has removed him from 3rd base

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I joined a committee for my local government.

I have some regrets.

5
ballsofsteelandfury

No one is making the “Buddy signal” joke?

Ok, then.

0
Sharkbait

Preach it Alton

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cx870RkxAyS/?igshid=NjIwNzIyMDk2Mg==

1
fleshwound_NPG

marlins man is either in the very wrongest game or has an impersonator in dbacks/brewers

and it appears kendra lust is sitting to his right

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1
Redshirt

Up into now, the only horror story involving a rubber ended with my brother being born.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[is not surprised that a film called “Rubber” is in the horror genre] – Antonio Cromartie

4
fleshwound_NPG

diamondback pitcher…wtf kinda name is pfaadt

its like banging your left fist on the left side of the keyboard during create-a-player

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

or lea michele trying to spell the word “hello”

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
3
Redshirt

Rubber sounds like someone took a rejected Simpsons Treehouse of Horror skit and expanded it into a feature film.

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BugEyedBoo

From what I read, The Ukraine still gets the military aid ($40B), but not the promised $400M humanitarian aid.

3
fleshwound_NPG

very american of us

1
Redshirt

Blow it up but not help the rebuild? (counts on fingers) Iraq…Afghanistan… well, third times the charm.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, don’t sweat it, Halliburton and Blackwater/Xe/whatever that demented warlord Erik Prince calls it these days/ will find a way to make some money over there soon enough.

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