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The Best For Last? Your Sunday Night NFL Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

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Well, with massacres in New England, Miami and Detroit under our belts maybe we’ve got a close one here. Thanksgiving stuff needs to be done so this one will be brief.

To The Game!

Cowboys/Niners:

-Both these teams are so solid on O. Not only do they have depth of talent but each of them just don’t turn the ball over-only one for each team.

-Purdy Good: The stats say that the Cowboys have played the highest percentage of man coverage of any team since last year. Purdy, meanwhile is top 3 in QBR, yards per attempt and TD/INT ratio vs man.

-DAK’S ACT: It’s been cleaned up pretty good. Last year he led everyone in interceptions but he’s got just the one in 2023.

-Say a prayer for Colton McKivitz, his gameplan involves taking on Micah Parsons.

-Combined these offenses have gone over 30 points in 7 of 8 tilts. San Fran is the first team to score 30 in 7 straight since the 2012 Broncos.

-Kittle’s yardage prop sits at 40.5. When last these two played in the playoffs he went for 95.

Enjoy.

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LemonJello

49ers: “Fuck You Mode: Engaged.”

1
fleshwound_NPG

lol the lions ran that exact play earlier today. to a tight end even

2
WCS

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fleshwound_NPG

wait, that jersey girl ref is workin this game. game is gonna stay close somehowcomment image

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LemonJello

Dallas O-Line:

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3
King Hippo

#WaterAdded

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Doktor Zymm

Oooh, I want to dance, who else wants to dance?

1
blaxabbath

CMC displaying the value of the modern nfl running back.

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LemonJello

SHUT. UP. CRIS.

0
Spur

Great, lets see how the Dallas Offense fucks this up now. Am calling a safety.

0
Spur

better a hold in the endzone for a safety

1
Petronel

….and, in the end, ‘twas all for naught.

0
WCS

At least it was funny.

1
fleshwound_NPG

oops!

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Horatio Cornblower

The Dallas offense does not deserve this defense.

1
Spur

Can Charles Haley give this Dallas team wakeup call. The Last Naked Warrior wouldn’t let this shit happen.

1
Petronel

….giving the refs pleeeeeeenty of time to look at this one….

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Petronel

…which is now PERFECTLY FINE

3
Doktor Zymm

THIS GUY FRED WARNER I CALL HIM A SKETCHY SWINGERS PARTY CAUSE YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHO’S HOLDING YOUR BALLS AFTER YOU TRY THE PUNCH

9
ThePirateSloth

I’m pretty sure it touched the foot of a 49ers playing sliding out of bounds… #43 I think.

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ThePirateSloth

Welp, I was wrong

0
Spur

Dallas is scared of this team. man up bitches

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King Hippo

After further review, fuck the Cowpersons, the call STANDS

3
Petronel

Bringing the nation together, one turnover at a time

3
LemonJello

“WHAT ARE THESE GOTTDAMMED OFFICIALS DOING TO MY STARS? GET THAT NO-GOOD SUNOVABITCH GOODELL ON THE HORN NOW! I’M FIXING TO GIVE HIM A TEXAS SIZED PIECE OF MY MIND! YEEEEEEeeeeeeeHHAAAAAAAWWWWWwwwwwwww I AM FUCKING CRAZY!”

3
Horatio Cornblower

Everyone assumes Dallas will get calls because of ‘America’s Team,’ and they certainly used to, but everyone also forgets that Ol’ Double J tried to get Herr Goddell fired and/or have his pay reduced.

Jerry Jones does a lot of stupid things, but that’s gotta be the dumbest. At least football-wise.

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
5
ballsofsteelandfury

You come at the King, you best not miss

4
King Hippo

I find the amount of Brandon Aiyuk so far to be woefully insufficient. Also, I tried unmuting so I could pay better attention but my patience ran out after like 90 seconds.

2
Doktor Zymm

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ThePirateSloth

Gotta jam Kittle on the line?

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Spur

CeeDee Lamb right now
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LemonJello

McCarthy getting his Blue Bunny order in early, using the Microsoft Surface Pro, the official…yada yada yada

3
Horatio Cornblower

McCarthy just shown on the sidelines scrolling through the stadium menu.

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

He was looking for the “select all” button

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Horatio Cornblower

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Doktor Zymm

There is a company named Nurp and I want to work for them so when people ask me where I work I can burp and be technically correct

6
Senor Weaselo

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Last edited 2 years ago by Senor Weaselo
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scotchnaut

Dallas relying on their punting game to level the playing field. That’ll work.

1
ThePirateSloth

/sprints to Lululemon

1
jjfozz

what the actual fuck was that commercial about?

1
LemonJello

Pants Are Evil.

6
WCS

This is the correct response, end of discussion.

5
Doktor Zymm

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blaxabbath

2018 was a weak year.

0
Horatio Cornblower

We’re just gonna ignore the Dallas player getting body slammed while clearly being out of bounds? Cool, cool.

1
Spur

pretty much

1
Doktor Zymm

He’s within the bounds of the field in the same way that the field is within the bounds of San Francisco

4
scotchnaut

A Cowboys fan complaining about the refs? Summon the fainting ottoman, forthwith!

5
Horatio Cornblower

Look at the play and tell me I’m wrong.

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scotchnaut

/doesn’t bother looking at the play

You’re wrong. Don’t you have a plane to catch or something?

3
Horatio Cornblower

Clearly you haven’t bee reading your updates. I have until 11:45 before I even have to leave the house.

This is not a good thing.

1
Brick Meathook

Bacon sammiches for everyone!

(with a handheld Uzi that fires 20mm shells)

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LemonJello

and one of those Neverending Magazines the libruls don’t want you to own

2
WCS

Never jams or gets hot.

3
fleshwound_NPG

firing an uzi with one hand? nobody’s gettin hit

3
hippofant

Every time I watch SNF, I’m reminded how much Jimmy Fallon sucks and how they did Conan dirty.

8
fleshwound_NPG

every football season i’m reminded that cbs has a shitty lineup and fox still has the simpsons on for some reason

1
jjfozz

Fallon is a bleeding pile of shit.

0
jjfozz

Jimmy Fallon needs to be slow roasted over a fire made of asbestos.

2
Senor Weaselo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POB3Dr0uonc

3
Doktor Zymm

There once was a QB named Dak,
His throws, catches often lacked,
He may be a ham,
Even throwing to Lamb,
But canned meat can’t be crushed when it’s sacked

8
Horatio Cornblower

Banner this.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Wife and daughter now boarding. New ETA 12:34 am. Very exciting development

2
Spur

that was not a good sign for Dallas…..am gonna start drinking

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LemonJello

Dallas O-Coordinator through his headset:

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WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

/writes game over in notebook

2
scotchnaut

-not Lea Michele

4
LemonJello

/Stares blankly at page

-Lea Michelle

4
Doktor Zymm

100% Assembled in America, cuz only other countries can actually make the parts that you bunch of glorified jigsaw puzzling assholes can just about handle putting together

6
jjfozz

Fucking goddamn xmas commercial. time to burn down the world.

1
LemonJello

Seems that large swathes are ahead of you there, Fozz.

1
fleshwound_NPG

more to come in the coming weeks

2
Doktor Zymm

I’m pretty sure that’s what triggered that Hamas rocket attack

2
Spur

Again Dallas with all the penalties.

0
scotchnaut

Oh, look at the Kittle TD prop!

1
scotchnaut

Thanksgiving Spread is Thus:

-Gibson martinis
-Glenlivet
-Creemore Springs Lager
-lightly boiled cauliflower (it’s a childhood thing, cool it)
-stuffing (cooked in the bird)
-stuffing (cooked outside the bird-I really like stuffing!)
-Turkey
-bone-in ham that is so big it could feed thousands
-Caesar Salad (with mashed up anchovies because I’m a boss!)
-Deviled eggs (shoutout to Gramma Dougan!)
-gravy from scratch. “Once You Scratch You Never Go Back!”

5
LemonJello

“Turn this FUCKING PLANE around and get us up to Canada! NOW!!!!”
-A Reid, pounding on the cockpit door of the KC charter flight

5
scotchnaut

[runs out of breath 30 seconds later]

-A. Reid

3
Gatoraids

Didnt add a pie yet to complete the Andy summoning circle

3
Horatio Cornblower

If Andy’s at the meal the ham will go from being big enough to feed thousands to mysteriously disappearing before dinner.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Surprising lack of hobo stew.

4
jjfozz

“Bone In” that’s funny

2
Gumbygirl

I’ll be there tomorrow for leftovers. Except the Caesar salad, you’ll have to make that fresh.

4
scotchnaut

I can live with that demand.

2
Doktor Zymm

Deviled eggs are the best way to eat hard-boiled eggs, but NAWT the best way to eat eggs

1
Spur

Rooting for a mine collapse

1
LemonJello

Can Collinsworth be in that mine?

3
ThePirateSloth

The lady on FNIA said the 49ers/Cowboys rivalry was ignited in the 90s.

Ok, lady. Ok.

2
Spur

to be fair she’s a former Beauty Pageant.

2
LemonJello

Which pageant?

1
Gumbygirl

In the Iraq, and such.

3
Spur

Hey Mike, Santa Clara is not San Francisco

2
Horatio Cornblower

Watching this game sober, as I have to drive an hour to the airport to pick up my wife and daughter. Fortunately they’re now delayed until 12:03, because “the pilots couldn’t get into the cockpit” so I can probably watch most of the game.

4
Gatoraids

let them fly Spirit?

1
Horatio Cornblower

I think it’s American.

1
King Hippo

Did they at least say PHRASING to the crew?

2
LemonJello

How badly are the Chefs going to carve up Donks! Boo!?

1
LemonJello

Next week, that is.

1
fleshwound_NPG

that will be decided by kelce’s ankle and nagy refusing to score 30 or more on anyone besides the bears

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Correction: Tay-Tay’s Magical Healing Powers

1
Spur

shake it off, shake it off

3
LemonJello

Lindsay Vonn taught her everything she knows?

1
King Hippo

I’m sure as fuck picking DEN in my Loser Pool.

0
Spur

Let’s do this. I hope Trey Lance sneaks away during the game and slashes all the 49er tires

2
Doktor Zymm

Seems the bovines pulled in Trey Lance to help out this week. No matter what that won’t get them ahead of the Iggles, and won’t stop Trent Williams from mauling them just like he did when he was stuck in the hellscape of the Redacteds

1
Senor Weaselo

I need DAK! to get at least *checks notes* 48.2 points more than Purdy.

2
Gumbygirl

You are obviously concussed. Go to the emergency room right now!

4
LemonJello

“A good masseuse can take care of that problem.”

-Bob “Singles” Kraft and the Miami Medical Staff, for very different reasons

2
Gatoraids

Maybe if Peyton cashes in his money in the bank and takes the coach of SF at start of game

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