Well, with massacres in New England, Miami and Detroit under our belts maybe we’ve got a close one here. Thanksgiving stuff needs to be done so this one will be brief.
To The Game!
Cowboys/Niners:
-Both these teams are so solid on O. Not only do they have depth of talent but each of them just don’t turn the ball over-only one for each team.
-Purdy Good: The stats say that the Cowboys have played the highest percentage of man coverage of any team since last year. Purdy, meanwhile is top 3 in QBR, yards per attempt and TD/INT ratio vs man.
-DAK’S ACT: It’s been cleaned up pretty good. Last year he led everyone in interceptions but he’s got just the one in 2023.
-Say a prayer for Colton McKivitz, his gameplan involves taking on Micah Parsons.
-Combined these offenses have gone over 30 points in 7 of 8 tilts. San Fran is the first team to score 30 in 7 straight since the 2012 Broncos.
-Kittle’s yardage prop sits at 40.5. When last these two played in the playoffs he went for 95.
Enjoy.
Kittle sure be getting his tonight.
Remember the Alamo, this isn’t the first time someone has gotten through the defenses of a bunch of guys from Texas
Niners DC: “Guys, tackle first and try to strip the ball afterwards.”
Wink Martindale: “Guys.” [waves hands above his head frantically back and forth]
Ugh. Dr. McGillicuddy can get fucked. I can already feel the hangover
Most action CD has gotten since the days of Columbia House
Get 16 TDs for only $9.99!
This is dumb. Am going to watch this from bed.
fixed it for ya
SO MUCH REBA!
TOO MUCH REBA!
Not allowed to Bonnie Raiit after handing Tay tay her last loss
Dallas waves the white flag. A coach better lay into Daks ass for his shitty play.
Musky’s boots are old enough that any real Cowperson would have worn them out long ago, yet they are still quite a bit younger than the last Cowperson Super Bowl win
What a lame weirdo.
plz let the banks get mad and repossess twitter hq
would be the funniest day in internet history
Fallout 5: Divorce
Translation:
“I’m a paper billionaire that lives for on-line validation. A lot of people take me seriously.”
It’s clear he’s also not the least bit insecure about the size of his penis
He can eat a heaping bowl of shit.
With a sprinkling of herpes crystals on top
oh noes, that Bills/Gigantes is part of a mandatorium ain’t it?
Bah gawd, Buffalo is going to beat Los Gigantes like red headed step children next week.
WEST SIDE (of NY state) STORY
This is a dik-dik. It’s amazing how much difference a vowel makes when you’re deciding on a dik-dik or a Dak-Dak in your living room.
?w=625
If they have to tape Dak’s middle finger he can still make rude gestures in the UK!
[is somehow tricked into painting the fence behind that kid] – Eli Manning
Dang! That kid looks 30.
Nawt his fault he’s English
I mean, he’s seen some shite
MY FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM, I CALL IT A MIDDLE CHILD BECAUSE I IGNORE IT MOST OF THE TIME, BUT WHEN I CHECK ITS PERFORMANCE, I COMPLETELY LOSE MY SHIT ON ITS PERFORMANCE AND VALUE
*GASP* HE RETAPED IT!?! NO!
Anyone going home using the Golden Gate probably lives in Marin, and fuck Marin
Not always. They could be going home to their winery estate in Napa.
If I’m going to fuck a Marin I’d prefer for it to be Josie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvPyY9m-LW0
The famous Mike McCarthy 2:00 drive for a FG.
that will still have them down multiple scores
I’m crafting a Columbus Day post for my social media. I’m sure I’ll piss off a whole bunch of people. I get Columbus’s sins, but this holiday marks the accomplishments of our ancestors, and their dedication and sacrifices – like every other immigrant group that reached our shores. Also, I’m getting cranked up on some serious red wine. Then I’ll put on a wife beater t-shirt and run out onto the street yelling, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing on my fucking lawn?’
Don’t forget the mustard
The acceptable stains are: gravy, cigarette burn, eggs, and the blood you got when you beat your son’s ass for mouthing off to his mother
There was a steadicam right there when the punches flew! Let’s see the footage, NBC. If you’ll show Oswald getting shot, you can show this.
Cowboys D treating this like a game that is already lost but stunting as though they’ll be meeting up in the playoffs down the road.
playoffs?
They might stumble into a wildcat spot, (I kinda doubt it, but it might happen), but they won’t go past that.
Say what you will about the tenets of national socialism, 14 straight games with a touchdown is more than an ethos.
especially if you average like 88 yards every game
You can’t tackle a guy like that up heil.
moves fast like a tiger, but tough like a tank
a tiger tank, if you will
“It’s more than an ethos, it’s an iThos”
-Apple commercial
There it is
One of my favorite penalties of all time was when the Cowpersons got penalized for excessive celebration because one of their players fell on his ass in the endzone. Classic.
Oh, I forgot, the Cowboys are also wildly undisciplined and prone to stupid and unnecessary penalties. I’d like to thank Mr. Kearse for that helpful reminder there.
Its football, people get hit. FUCK IT hit CMC again.
It’s so sweet when a guy stares into your eyes with the vacant gaze of a concussion he’s trying to hide
His back must hurt like hell right now.
Never underestimate the power of a free hat
purdy wanted cmc super-dead
BLEERGH WOO
PRAISE BE BLEERGH
There was a ref in the area
zach wilson saw cmc’s mom and is wondering if the jets play the niners anytime soon
I would like to NOT see that NBC French ad ever again.
I’m looking into memory erasure options so I can never have seen it at all
Cleveland Browns fans probably have all kinds of techniques they’d be happy to share…if only they remembered them.
“…”
-Trent Green, staring into the corner, drooling
Oh what fresh fuckery is this
how to make cris an even bigger asshole: have him speak french
That *was* a nice pass
that was float. Rivers is smiling right now
Shhhh, there’s no need to be diplomatic when it’s the Cowpersons
Turpin-time to huff some turpentine
Finally, when you stop playing scared good things happen
DAK DAK DAK
That kid standing behind Steve Wilks in that coach’s box shot looked like a McDonald’s drive-thru attendant.
The kid standing behind Mike McCarthy on the sideline is a McDonald’s drive-thru attendant.
“I was wondering what Tom Hiddleston was doing these days.”
Even if the Green Party managed to pass some legislation, that Green Law would NAWT be as badass as Greenlaw
And then Dak does that.
Cris being surprised that the Cowboys aren’t playing well tells you he either doesn’t pay attention to games or, more likely, is just going to stick to the narrative no matter what you can see on the field tells you.
Dallas has a great defense and whipped up on 3 very bad teams. Their defense has scored 20-30 points this year. Their offense is middling at best: Dak is mistake-prone, the offensive line injury-prone, and the whole thing is overseen by Mike McCarthy, who is no one’s idea of an offensive mastermind.
They’re going to go 9-8, 10-7, 11-6, and if it’s the latter they will get blown out in the play-offs in the first round. Then Dallas will lather, rinse, and repeat for next year, because Ol’ Double J will never admit that he’s wrong.
If these NFL animations were photoshops on the web in 1998 they would be SUPER impressive
THIS LADY DOKTOR ZYMM I CALL HER GAZA CITY CAUSE SHE IS ON FIRE TONIGHT.
Dak is scared. He wants to crawl back into in tin can.
Big ass Marlboro sign in the background of The Catch pictures.
we got rid of smoking yet we are still lowering life expectancy compared to the rest of the world
america!
I QUIT SMOKING CAN I GET THE BEHEMOTH MEAL DEAL WITH A DIET COKE?
The only deal you should be doing should involve receiving something of value in exchange for watching episodes of Emily in Paris.
I’m off tomorrow. I’ll fucking watch an episode and write a review.
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
[hyperventilates in anticipation]
FREE ADVERTISING TO KIDS!
I miss Camel Joe
had a few of those shirts and i miss them
I heard he retired to Santa Fe. Became a potter
FUCK YOU DWIGHT CLARK
Didn’t he die of ALS?
That’s good hate.
LATERAL THAT’S A RUGBY PLAY I LOVE IT!!!
WOOP, I SAY. WOOP
MOST OF US WOOP WITH YOU
/is Mr. Nel surviving the P*ts tank season ok?
Mr Nel sez: “I’ve been a fan of the P*triots since the ‘70’s, You think this is new to me?” 😉
Now that’s a PROPER fan!
That comforting feeling of beginning to evaluate next year’s draft before November.