This is a skinny six game slate, what with the morning tilt and the Browns, Chargers, Seahawks and Bucs on a bye. And it’s week 5 already! (I think I said “It’s week 4 already” last week but whatever)
To The Games!
Titans/Colts:
How much usage is Taylor going to get? And will it matter vs a Titans D that bottles up everyone’s run game? As Hippo noted, the Colts were getting above average play from Moss, a guy that flunked out of Buffalo, at a deep discount. “Strange are the ways of the Irsay” the elders have always said. We’ll see how dynamic this Richardson kid is today-he flashed early in the season and seems to be a different breed of cat.
Saints/Pats:
These offenses, let me tell you. New Orleans’ red zone scoring has been limited to 4 TD’s in 12 tries while New England’s scoring average of 13.8 is 30th in the league and going nowhere. The under on 39.5 looks very handsome to me. Mac Jones has thrown 4 picks already and the Saints have three of their own so look for both numbers to rise today. Weather is probably going to suck as well.
Ravens/Steelers:
Lousy news for Gumbygirl-Pickett is able to play today. He’s sporting a QBR number of 29.3 and I think you get a 26 for not playing-he’s only three points better than my rating. More good news? The Ravens have racked up 15 sacks already. Piling On Alert: Opposing #1 wr’s have averaged 31.7 fantasy points vs Steelers corners.
Texans/Falcons:
Remember King Henry running roughshod over Houston for 200+ yards seemingly every time he played against them? Here’s hoping that Bijan has one of those days in him. Thing is, it looks as though the Texans have got things going in the right direction. In somewhat related news, I’m streaming the Texans D today because Desmond Ridder.
Panthers/Lions:
Here’s a lovely bit of synchronicity-Carolina has allowed at least 20 points in every game so far and Detroit has scored 20 or more in 13 straight tilts. With Amon-Ra out will Jameson Williams break out his first game back? Injuries and a gambling faux pas have limited his career to 9 targets. He was going to be the next great wr out of Bama.
Giants/Fins:
Oh boy, this one is going to hurt. I doubt Saquon plays and even if he did I recall him coming back from a high ankle sprain too early two years ago and he didn’t have any explosiveness or cutting ability. Tyreek should have a monstrous day given that rookie cb’s Banks and Hawkins will be on him the majority of the time. Yikes! Play all your Miami assets and watch the points roll in.
Go get it.
2-ACEPTION FAST 2-ACEPTION FURIOUS
The “Strip District” has a very misleading name.
My brother was the head chef at Kaya around the corner for about four years.
So many cool old buildings in the burgh.
Announcers talking about Hopkins 70 yd game like its 250
Inflation under Biden is truly out of control.
who can afford to root for the titans in a time like this,
The New England Patriots never existed. They were simply a figment of my imagination for 20 years, and I’ll hear no evidence to the contrary.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTqzL7mrSU8
as a new englander once told me, back in the day the pats were like a distant fourth in new england sports coverage (sox, celtics, even bruins…hell, even the whalers got more play sometimes)
Miami looking for 500 yards of offense.
so much fun, and advanced for 1989
“I’m Paul Paige. From Papyrus, this is IndyCar Racing!”
the dude who programmed that shit was from my hometown, the rare good fat hump!
That’s a taunt? For trying to give the ball to a different person?
thought crime
Yinzers about to throw their shitty Primantis sammiches…
Balmer has no idea what to do with LAMAR! whatsoever.
Two timeouts, eight seconds, and Justin Tucker is your kicker..
Throw it away on fourth down.
lingering back injury affected tuas judgement on that throw
WOW, lookit y’all Gigantes
Touchdown… Giants?
HOLLEEEE FUCKBALLS!
Imagine how shitty the Giants’ numbers would look if not for the second half against Arizona.
They’re on the verge of being unwatchable. I’ve never said that before.
watchable when you have fantasy players on their opponent
Another practice squadder playing on the Giants o-line. Jesus Christ.
Two false starts in a row by the same guy. Amazing.
I can’t imagine there’s many drifters in rural Quebec, but that number will go lower.
Well, hello Stillers defense.
Taylor has only one touch?
That’s in her rider with Travis
LAST-SECOND FANTASY QUESTION: Do I go with DAK! @ SF or Charmslinger vs. the Jets?
stick with DAK DAK DAK DAK
You can throw on the Niners not so much the Jets
Dak
Even when Uncle Jack starts to look decent, the o-line blows a blitz and gets him drilled into the Earth’s mantle.
De’Von Achane runs for touchdowns, however Devon 4chan runs from the police for touching people with Down’s.
I’ll admit, I kek’d.
cant fumble if no one touches you
Archanedown, baby!
I used to be a coffee snob. I had a Chemex pour-over maker and I bought fresh-ground coffee from an independent roaster a block away from me in Venice CA (back when Venice was funky and cool).
Over the years I slowly graduated to instant coffee at home. I would sometimes get it at McDonalds using their phone app, because you could get a 16 oz for a buck. Then they started charging two bucks. No way, I just told somebody on the phone. I’m not paying more than a buck for a cup of fucking coffee.
Which got me curious. Just how much did my Folger’s Instant cost per cup? Assuming 120 cups per $10 container, that’s $0.083 per cup. And it’s pretty good, does the trick.
Is your artisan coffee $0.92 or $1.92 or $2.92 per-cup better? I say not.
Thank you.
NEXT WEEK:
How a 16 oz cup of brewed green tea at the supermarket coffee kiosk costs more than a package of 100 green tea bags on the supermarket shelf.
I am on a full on boycott of Starbucks. Previous successful boycotts include Blockbuster and Ticketmaster.
Achane back to his A game.
And here I was thinking Israel’s Iron Dome program was getting a free forged stainless steel fleshlight
A gently used free forged stainless steel fleshlight, ppl forget that.
Alternate joke:
Grady Powell, host of Forged in Fire: “Now time for the strength test. Remember, it’s not about what the fleshlight does, but how it holds up.”
If Elijah Molden is on a highlight, bad for TEN 💯
Hope that Liuons lineman is okay
Maybe Grumblelord is tanking? He just can’t bring himself to lose to the Jest.
They have the most money to spend next year so maybe?
the fact he had a rookie placement kicker, 4 of 7, still on the team and not having been turned into a skin suit? Suspicious.
I buy this
OBJ makes one catch for the Ratbirds, heads to locker room.
OBJ injured again.
I think he was just gonna go pinch a loaf.
This is what I get for starting Achane this time!
Got a lighter? #JustSayin
As much as I love the blessing that Senorita Weaselo got from her mom’s sifu (who I’ve since met)… has not helped me.
How we doing, folks?
I see the Dolphins are making life hard for themselves against
So ends the 8-Chan era in South Florida
He had a good run.
Achanefumble!
Zack Moss not surrendering the starting job.
Of course not. Dropped him to start Taylor against you
I have a thumping headache. Wonder why/s/?
smoke another bowl, DOCTOR’S ORDERS!
/law degree is technically a doctorate
//stupid ethics rules prevent us from calling ourselves “Doctor”
I have no ethical constraints. Genius idea, Dr. King Hippo!
Call yourself “Perfesser of Laws”
Car crash?
Worse. Steelers game.
red zone cutaway disgusted they thought the giants could score
The boooos rain down in foxboro
Like a Black man was kissing a White lady on kiss-cam!
The Legend of White Mac Takes a Most Dark Turn
In my Loser pool, somebody actually took the Jaguras (thinking game was in Buffalo, maybe?) and somebody took the N-GCp (being cute). All the rest of us took the Black Panthers or the Vertically Enhanced Persons, and feel suitably smug
Found a funny;
date: [inviting me inside] make yourself at home
[holding my head under the sink to drink straight from the faucet] thank you
The Chelski comeback yesterday brought you home! GOOD BOY!!!
Welcome home! Who’s a good boy?!
I’m glad I haven’t done that at Senorita Weaselo’s!
That she’s seen.
Holy fuck, the Giants are on their third center, an undrafted rookie practice squadder.
How bad am I in Vodka League? I played D-Hop this week. AND teh Gus Bus.
/thank fuck DJ Moore is a thing that exists
Devon 8-Chan???
We’re heading to Philadelphia/ New Jersey this week for my wife’s best friend’s wedding. She’s going a day ahead with the luggage — I’m following the next day with the boy. Same idea on the return but she stays longer, obvi.
She’s telling me yo prep for cold weather and i honestly cannot tell you the last time i wore a jacket. Cold air is just a concept to me now. High 90’s this second week of October here.
just punch a hobo, take his coat when you get there
I’m guessing a bomb to Tyreek on the first set of downs.
Yinzers quite surprised that Lamar! ran the ball. Might be a long day in SWPA
There’s only a few things he can do with it. smh…
This is life when you let the government get involved in liquor distribution.
It’s nice to be here for a football day for once, even if it’s because of the absolute worst reasons. (Senorita Weaselo and I were on our way to go play a concert when we got hit by a driver making a left to try and get on the highway. Also, it was her birthday, so thank goodness it wasn’t worse or on her side, because I didn’t need her joining the 27 Club the day she turned it!)
Physically I think we’re okay, but mentally I’m absolutely shot, and I’m worried about my poor car who’s been through a lot the last year and a half and scared that this finished him off.
Glad you’re both physically alright. I’m sure watching MILF Hunter Z will help you de-stress.
Resistable Force against Most Movable Object! IN TEH LATE WINDOW WOO
Go to the doctor for your whiplash so the insurance company has to pay pain and suffering. And glad y’all both a’ight
Seriously. Get paid.
Hippo is a lawyer-talking guy. He knows all the angles.
It’s something I’ll check potentially, obviously everything’s currently closed due to the being Sunday but I’ll see how I’m doing.
You’re feeling terrible. Tomorrow it will be worse. Keep practicing that statement.
PLUS, you had to miss that gig! LOST INCOME
So get a new car.
Christ man. Sounds horrible, maybe you need outside help. Get your car to a voodoo guy.
Glad to hear you made it quite OK.
My picks
Ravens -4.5
Lions -9.5
Fins -11.5
Rammit +4.5
One team wins 16-13 in a disasterpiece, or one team wins 27-6 in a shitnado.
Hi.
You missed a 3rd and 36 earlier. We were all very disappoint.
Lil’er WCS had her sixth birthday Monday, Lil’ Duke had his first yesterday, and I’m about to (hopefully as soon as tomorrow) land a new jorb promotion.
Waking up to witness Goodell’s exiles across the pond?
Two more McGillicuddy shots and more beer. Walking into the stadium
you spelled “stumbling and/or crawling” wrong