Now the ‘regular’ tilts commence. Let’s take a looky-loo.
To The Games!
Commies/Falcons:
Boy, did you come to the wrong place if you wanted to see adequate qb play. Shoo! Go on with you! Between Ridder and Howell the sack total is 45. Some of that is poor o-line play but a lot of it is the youngsters holding onto the ball too long. The indecisiveness is understandable but they’ve got to speed up their reads.
Seahawks/Bengals:
Look for Seattle to blitz early and often given that it got them 11 sacks last week. Playing into Seattle’s hands is Joe’s calf-under pressure he has a 36.4% completion rate and a paltry 3.1 yards per attempt. He can get those numbers up if he focuses in on Chase again-Seattle gives up the 2nd-most points to wr’s.
Colts/Jags:
Both squadoos are 3-2 but the Colts just doesn’t belong. (as the old song goes, proper grammar be damned) Most figured the Jags O would be in fine fiddle this year but the run D has been a revelation, giving up just 81 yards a game. We’ll see what JT thinks about that.
Panthers/Fins:
Somebody is starting Salman Ahmed in Math Hard! league for the delicious garbage points he’ll collect in the second half. (one hopes) The sneakiest pick for the player that gets the most fantasy points today is Thielen. The guy has become a target monster this year and playing from behind all game isn’t going to change that.
Vikes/Bears:
One team will be halfway to .500 after this travesty is done. Hurrah! The other will be all snuggled in the basement of the NFC North. Addison and Osborn might just see the ball a bit with JJ being out. You could say the Bears have ‘momentum’ but really they just broke a godawful losing streak.
Niners/Browns:
P.J. Walker has his work cut out for him. The San Fran O gets all the kudos/headlines recently but the D is still stifling. The Browns D is nothing to sniff at either, being #1 in defensive efficiency. I’m going with a low-scoring 1st half and the Niners pulling away after 2nd half adjustments kick in.
Saints/Texans:
Do you like free money? There’s this one weird trick that New Orleans has done for 11 straight games-they’ve gone under the total. C.J. Stroud? Third in passing yards? Zero interceptions? These are not your mother’s rookie numbers. The Saints provide a real test because their secondary has picked off 7 balls to date. You should also think twice about inserting Nico into your lineup.
There you go!
BLEERGH has feasted here on the shores of Lake Erie
I hate this fucking game.
The Cleveland Browns!
Bark Pretty being asked to do things he’s never done before. And bailed out by a flag. Seems to be a thing this game.
Welp, time to see if Brock Purdy can be a proper SF quarterback and win the game in a minute and a half.
Or not!
Ok will we see a Purdy good comeback?
/shows self out
Browns
matriculatingpenaltying themselves down the field.YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME
“Shitting you, shitting me. Shitting during the Super Bowl, naturally.”
-D. McNabb
Good for Greg Olsen taking a shit on the officiating
Hopefully he keeps his balls out and criticizes that horseshit defensive holding call there too
…fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Brock Purdy, SUPERSTAR!
huh, 28-3 guy still doesnt understand game and time management with a lead
He’s a football genius!
Kyle Shanahan, offensive genius
May the 9ers throw to Aiyuk many times in the next drive.
BOSA’D
Bosa with the timely sackage.
“AYYYY IT’S-A ME, NICKY BOSA WITH A KEY SACK”
PJ Harvey is playing today? What the hell is happening?
I’ve lost track of which seal is next.
I’m convinced all the seals are broken, but the Armies of Heaven and Hell are just sitting back watching what happens next.
Big fish, little fish
Swimmin’ in the water
That Bengals game aged me longer that the 4 hours it took to complete.
Amari Cooper may be the party pooper in Cleveland
San Fran with 11 yards in the 2nd half???
I’m back….Agent Bagina is in the game?
threw one of the worst ducks for an int just as when it was getting interesting. tank on!
bagent knows the score. tank down, chicago bears
Welp.
Never before has a four letter word that wasn’t a swear had such a representation of me
Anderson Cooper of the Browns is going to catch the game-winning TD. Calling it!
OK, let’s do this
it went from HOLY SHIT WHAT IS HAPPENING to “that’ll build character for January” right quick, eh?
‘Twas ever thus.
Do y’all think Janeane is smirking about her old team possibly losing to PJ Harvey?
UPDATE – Never mind!
Daring strategy by San Fran to just let #ThePauls lose this game for them.
There it is. Walker-ception taken into the red zone.
Oh boy, and here comes “QUARTERBACK CONTROVERSY” from Bears twitter.
/makes wanking motion
he shore looks like a LEEDER OF MEN to me imogodbless
vikes, your making a dude named bagent on a team solidly into taking look good
*tanking
and just like that cousins with a hilarious grounding call. vikes trying to outtank chicago
Desmond Ridder just might have shit for brains.
Consider that “might” confirmed
Little Mac, ded???
I guess the Browns occasionally have to be un-brownsish because otherwise people might become desensitized to their truly devastating failures as a team
Oh hey, now both my vodka league qbs are ded!
Just sitting down to watch the game…looks like my timing could have been better.
You’ll look back on this when the Niners win the Superb Owl and laff and laff!
THIS! 🙂
Congrats to all those that were streaming [adjusts bifocals] one, “Brenton Strange” of the Jags.
Are we seeing Brock Purdy turning back into a pumpkin right now in Cleveland?
The Zombies think that the timing of the season is perfect.
The Niners are choking worse than Ginger Lynn
Cowboys lost by 32 to a team currently being stymied by PJ Walker and the Cleveland Browns.
/sad YEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWW (I am depressed)
honoring dick butkus last week was good. tanking the mccaskey family into superhell is even more fun and honors uncle dick all the more
tank down, chicago bears
There’s a grunt in that turret going wheeeeeeeeeee!
So, is that Justin fields’s fault as well?
Wait! Did Tyreek injure himself doing a TD celebration? That’s sweeter than Andy Reid’s favorite sugar pie.
shot by goodell’s hamstring tear gun
bears tank is back, baby
Hippo is bored af, but a mammal who believes in RULES, goddamnit
RUGBY TIME!!!
Now that Fiji is out, ALLEZ LE BLEU
Tied baby!!!
how are y’all planning to Paul this up?
UPDATE – oh yeah, that way makes sense
Stupid TD by Addison ruined my “Nothing But Field Goals” Talking Heads reference. Won’t someone please think of the DFO commenters?
usually speed kills, last couple of weeks speed is dying in Miami
Deebo is out. I should have listened to my gut and played Zay Flowers in his spot this week.
We could be entering J Peterman time in Chi****!
I love these obscure references.