Your Non-Morning NFL Football Open Thread

Marika-Fruscio-foto-Instagram-16.jpg

Enough of those silly games overseas. What’s wrong with the USA besides almost everything? (I kid) Fantasy monkeys call this a ‘Bye-mageddan’, being the silly people we are. Six teams are taking a break and they are Cincy, Dallas, the Titans, the Jets, Carolina and Houston.

To The Games!

Browns/Colts:

Deshaun’s status as questionable covers a helluva lot of ground. His rotator cuff is trending as mending so my guess is that he’s behind center. Cleveland probably won’t need much from him given that his D (phrasing) has risen to the occasion. They are top 5 in pretty much every category except for turnovers. Moss and JT should get bottled up and I don’t think Minshew has enough weapons at wr to get the job done.

Bills/Pats:

The rot on offense runs deep in N.E. Remember when the hiring of Bill O’Brien was going to fix all those problems? Naive times indeed for Pats fans. Rb Stevenson somehow has -85 yards rushing over expectation and three ball snatchers are in the bottom five according to a metric that tracks their ability to gain separation. Not helping? The D has a mere 3 turnovers to date.

Commies/Giants:

Howell looks to be a good streaming option today so he’s a temp on my Freezer Vodka team. The Giants are bottom 10 in yards allowed per attempt and TD’s allowed thru the air. Dimes didn’t take any reps all week so Tyrod is a go.

Lions/Ravens:

He’s playing really well but things are lining up against Goff-away on the road, outside, vs a team that brings a ton of pressure and has the most sacks. And it’s not as though it’s one guy wracking them all up, the 24 sacks are distributed among 11 players. If Detroit gets the W they’ll be 6-1 for the first time since 1956. Standing in the way is Lamar’s record against the NFC-15-1.

Raiders/Bears:

So curious to see what a Bagent looks like in a collapsing pocket. This might end up being The (Maxx) Crosby Show, minus the mind-erasing elixirs. Davante Adams should get back on track target-wise after complaining about his workload. One issue. Who’s throwing him the ball-my vote goes to AOC (Aidan O’Connell). His critics say that he’s a bunny-hugger off the field so I think Hoyer’s the dude today.

Falcons/Bucs:

Ridder threw for 300 yards last week! (he also tossed 3 picks) But wait! Tampa didn’t score an offensive TD or generate a turnover last week! Still, did anyone expect either of these squadoos to be .500 or better at this juncture? Arthur Smith’s ‘run all day and play solid defense’ is being undermined by their -6 turnover differential. Safety Bates is doing all he can with 3 picks and 2 forced fumbles but he’s just one guy.

Do your thing.

5 3 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
293 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Redshirt

If I’m Browns, I’m calling a run play on 3rd down and a 4th down play if you don’t make it.

Mr. Ayo

Well, they finally listened to you

Redshirt

I didn’t know Peoples-Jones can jump 20 feet in the air.

Redshirt

Why were they reviewing a penalty?

Redshirt

JR: “Good God, King! That’s BLEERGH’s music!”

No Chance in Hell (Mr. McMahon) – YouTube

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why are the Colts wearing Boise State’s uniforms?

Doktor Zymm

Oh geez, the giants and football team can’t even victory formation right. Sad.

Gatoraids

they never practice it

Redshirt

That’ll do, Clots. That’ll do.

Doktor Zymm

Gotta love good enough

fleshwound_NPG

The AFC in 2023

“Good enough is good enough.”

Col. Duke LaCross

Well, I’m out of eliminator.

For the winner, may the fleshlight only be gently used.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is WFT aware they need a TD and not just a FG?

Doktor Zymm

Aware? Sure. Capable? Ehhhhhhh

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m not sure on either

Doktor Zymm

Oh Buffalo, smgdh

fleshwound_NPG

The Pauls with the best arm punt (2 yard line)

WCS

Pauls arm punt setting up a potential Clots safety dance…

Doktor Zymm

Way to slightly avoid fucking it up Buffalo!

ArmedandHammered

You spoke too soon.

WCS

Clots-Pauls is just Plaid Levels of disasterpiece art.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So just settled in on the couch and what the fuck?

ArmedandHammered

I have been busy all day and just checked the scores, and I have to say “What The Fuck?”.

fleshwound_NPG

we’re entering the yearly part of the schedule where things randomly fuck up a bunch (this is usually when if the greatriots started 5-0 or something theyd get a random loss, usually at miami)

Senor Weaselo

In fairness that’s been the entire season.

fleshwound_NPG

*takes long drag from cigarette* im in hoyer country

WCS

comment image

Brocky

comment image

Col. Duke LaCross

The Pauls!

Doktor Zymm

This seems like a great time to take a selfie for internet dating, very little sleep, lotsa ok beer, kinda angry at vauge things, and wearing a slightly slutty Bears tshirt

Doktor Zymm

And what the hell are the cardinals thinking with the red sea reference? Are they being antisemitic by comparing themselves to Moses and then just sucking enough to offend god itself?

herodotus450

what are the bears wearing on this shirt, and where can I buy one?

Gatoraids

usually leather?

ArmedandHammered

Slightly slutty Bears t-shirt can be interpreted a couple of ways.

Doktor Zymm

That is nature’s way

Gatoraids

Duck duck goose tackle by the giants

Petronel

*sits down to watch fitbaw, turns on Loins/DirtyBirds*

…wow. Really?

*checks game stats*

…wow. Really.

*garbage time Loins TD, they go for two*

…yeah, really.

Doktor Zymm

Well crap. Slightly revived by getting home and getting angry at my various devices for not doing as they are told dammit

ArmedandHammered

Did you flog them with old usb/charging cables? If that doesn’t work, crushing an Echo Dot in front of them while it is talking usually does the trick.