Your Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

So many things going on at the same time in the sport that unites us on this here blog. Let’s Go!

Fallout:

-The Narrative has, rightly, been blowing up the efforts of Dobbs and Stroud for putting together thrilling performances under adverse conditions. Myself, I’ve never, ever said, “I got to watch those Texan highlights again!” But of course, due to inexperienced qb’s getting put in before they’re ready, there was some atrocious play. Oh, Dobbs has been announced as the starter next week, ostensibly for his heroics but really because the Vikes have no other options.

-Speaking of no options, DeVito is the clear starter for the Giants until he gets crushed behind the worst o-line in football. You may say that’s hyperbole but then I’d ask you to actually name one. The Next Victim Up is Matt Barkley, who last played in 2020 and hasn’t started since 2018.

-I hate to pile on the league’s rb’s now that their status, for the most part, has been assigned as ‘interchangeable’ but only one of their clan rushed for 100 yards yesterday. Just one. Here’s a few team-leading runners and their totals-Mixon 37, JT 47, Freeman 32, Bijan 51, Taysom 52, Singletary 26, Walker 16 and Tune 28.

-Beware Baltimore: They’ve beaten Seattle and Detroit (two teams that should make the playoffs and will certainly be above .500 at year’s end) by a combined score of 75-9.

-Black Magic Mike: There have been 34 teams that have been outgained in their first 8 games of the season. The Steelers are the only squadoo that has a winning record.

-The Texans have reached 4-4, thrilling their one dementia-ed fan that thinks that they’re Sam Houston-he was such a nice boy-but they do have the Browns D, the Jets, Jags and Bengals on the sked ahead.

To The Game!

Chargers/Jets:

-Somehow, New York can get to within a half game of the lead in the AFC East with a win tonight.

-That drooling sound you heard was Mack and Bosa after they heard that the Jets are on their fifth set of o-line starters so far this year.

-Watch Donald Parham vulture a TD. Actually, it would be his 5th this year so he wouldn’t really be a vulture at that point would he?

-Breece is a beast in the run game, cruising along at 5.7ypc but that comes to a screeching halt in the red zone where the team is last in the league in converting scoring opportunities.

-Darius Davis’, a Chargers starting wr, receiving prop earlier this week was 7 yards. It’s since climbed to 17 or so but it still looks good.

-Sudbury, Ontario (not Vegas) has Staley’s ‘bone-headed decision that compromises his team’s chances to win’ at 1.5.

Now get out there and have some fun!

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King Hippo

I keep seeing that commercial on mute, and my brain is all liek Why the fuck is Johnny Cash dressed up like Napoleon?

BugEyedBoo

MIL: Why do they keep making movies about that guy.
Me:Who, Napoleon?
MIL: Yeah, him.
Me: If there’s been any movies about Napoleon come out lately, I haven’t seen them.
MIL: *grumble* whatever.

Horatio Cornblower

“I don’t like all these slants.”

Bill Parcells, who is not watching the game.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I only needed the Heretics D to score less than 5 points to win tonight.

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Sharkbait

Just did the math. The Pats kickoff at 4:30am for me next week. I dont think I’ll be up for that*

*Unless Sharkbait 2.0 is having a tough time adjusting, I just might end up being awake anyway…

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, you’re gonna wanna knock on wood on that one.

Back in the day I had an encyclopedic knowledge of World’s Strongest Man competitions, because that was what ESPN was showing every morning between 2:00 and 5:00 am, the hours my son apparently decided were when he would thrive.

Col. Duke LaCross

Mariusz Pudzianowski!

BugEyedBoo

Gesundheit!

Horatio Cornblower

Not kidding, he was the first guy I saw win.

Then that Viking giant, Magnus ver Magnusson showed up.

Sharkbait

Oh his manic hour is already established at 8:30-9:30. Until the time change fucked him up

King Hippo

I watched lots of JV NFL “replays” with my oldest child during those hours.

hippofant

Why do the Jets have the 7th highest pass rate in the NFL?

hippofant

Ah. They’re 14th in pass rate over expectation. It’s their offense sucking and then needing to pass more.

Horatio Cornblower

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQAIkHr_qN8

This looks incredibly stupid and I am going to watch it at least twice.

Unlike, say, this game.

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
BugEyedBoo

Makes my brain hurt to see shit like that. “What can I do with this $100M? I know, I’ll do a remake of The Fall Guy!”

fleshwound_NPG

the fact every sack has to be a discussion about roughing is a disgrace

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

“There’s an impossible amount of good looking girls in Sudbury.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKYuEV02E58

fleshwound_NPG

god: you canadians have to live in canada, which is cold as fuck and barren as shit

also god: but you can have a sizable population of fucking hot ass tail that’s sizzling

WCS

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Sharkbait

Do my ears deceive me, or have the Jest started doing the fog horn like New England does when on defense?

Horatio Cornblower

Doesn’t matter, they both stole it from the Whalers, who used that, (and I’m pretty sure stole it from someone else), after their dipshit management decided that the iconic Brass Bonanza needed to be ditched.

Sharkbait

Wasn’t it Brian Burke who nixed it?

Horatio Cornblower

Might have been. All the piss poor Whaler’s management teams sort of run together for me.

WCS

The post-Track Suit era in Morganhole starts with a win over Missouri State (who went to the NCAA Tournament last March).

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Horatio Cornblower

Is Huggy Bear still claiming that he didn’t resign, or did he let that one go?

WCS

He’s been forced to let it go. Rehab ahoy!

clint greasewood

I need 13 points from Herbert. By the way did you guys ever give him a nickname?

ballsofsteelandfury

Kid Clearasil?

Gumbygirl

I just call him Herbie.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Mickey Mouse Quarterback

fleshwound_NPG

if you let a 3 man rush get to your quarterback it should be an additional 15 yard unsportsmanlike penalty on YOU. gtfo

hippofant

Anybody got a good eggplant recipe? I cook it with a Chinese garlic sauce recipe, but I’d like to diversify some.

Gumbygirl

I like a good parm myself, but I’ve never in my life turned my nose up at anything cheesy and fattening.

Doktor Zymm

https://www.thebossykitchen.com/roasted-eggplant-salad-romanian-style/

I’m a fan of this Romanian eggplant salad/dip

Gumbygirl

If you like fish, this is good
https://pin.it/kxzJ6ko

Horatio Cornblower

UConn squeaked by NAU, 95-52.

jjfozz

Growing up, one of the few comic books I read was Sgt. Rock and the spinoff Haunted Tank.

We played War back then, which was basically an excuse to ultimately tackle each other and throw punches.

One day, as we were deciding who would be what character in the comic book, my cousin fucking walloped our friend, Jeff. I mean cleaned his fucking clock.

Why? Because Jeff wanted to be Ice Cream Soldier.

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Horatio Cornblower

You want to be ice cream soldier you better be prepared to earn it.

Sgt. Rock ruled. My mother hated it, which made it rule even more.

BugEyedBoo

How do you suppose the ghost of Jeb Stuart felt about their new African-American crewmember?

“Following a disastrous mission engineered to rescue the son of their commanding officer, General Norton, from a German P.O.W. camp (based on the Task Force Baum incident), the crew of the Haunted Tank find themselves stranded behind enemy lines and spend several issues fighting their way back to the front. During this, they pick up Gus Gray, an African American soldier who had escaped from the same P.O.W. camp. Days later, Arch dies saving them from an exploding suicidal German tank and Gus takes his place in the crew.”

jjfozz

He was a kindler, gentler, Jeb Stuart.

BugEyedBoo

“Sorry ’bout that whole slavery thing.”

Horatio Cornblower

Schwarzenegger apparently just wandered off the show.

WCS

Robert Patrick walked into his kitchen.

Gumbygirl

He’s banging the housekeeper.

WCS

The J-E-S-T rallying in the second half would be Peak Chargering.

jjfozz

How does KFC constantly get away with having black actors in its commercials?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Horatio Cornblower

Racist: Black people love fried chicken and watermelon!!!

Me: (Fried chicken in one hand, big ol’ chunk of watermelon in the other) And?

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve finished my hot chocolate and really can’t see a reason to finish this game.

Not nearly enough marshmallows.

Horatio Cornblower

I will say that the Manning brothers basically calling the Chargers coach a retar, I mean, criticizing the Chargers head coach for yet more questionable decision making makes for some interesting viewing.

Sharkbait

Damnit Ekeler

hippofant

I’m surprised the Chargers didn’t got 4-and-out after that bizarre penalty.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I do not understand how it’s the Chargers player’s fault that the Jets sub knocked him over while running in from the sidelines.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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jjfozz

Just a lonely picture of the Ocean City, MD boardwalk.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This game is a bigger joke than that donkey

jjfozz

Also, you can fucking cram DTS up your ass.

I was sitting at my desk today and had an aneurysm or whatever counts for it. Just complete brain freeze. For a moment, I saw into another dimension where Peter King was intelligent.

Fucking weird.

Horatio Cornblower

Schwarzenegger, no kidding, called that TD just before the play.

Aaaaaaaand now it’s called back

jjfozz

Am I high or does there seem to be a large contingent of Chargers fans in the stands?

jjfozz

Why is everyone on the sidelines wearing Carhartt sweatshirts?

Horatio Cornblower

I’m gonna guess, since it’s the NFL, gobs of money were involved.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s November so it’s the NFL pretends to care about veterans month.

BugEyedBoo

Yeah, pseudomilitary outfits for Veterans’ Day.

Gumbygirl

I like them. Better than the camo monstrosities they usually trot out.

Bogdanski

I will never believe Eli ever benched 320

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anyone else watching the Manningcast? Schwarzenegger brought some ass with him.

Horatio Cornblower
ballsofsteelandfury

Due to everything I’ve heard, I think I really need to visit Sudbury, Ontario….

Horatio Cornblower

I would follow Nat into a woodchipper.

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Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
WCS

I may know of someone who can help with the “into the wood chipper” part in Northern Ontario.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, shit, I really needed to think that comment through.

Col. Duke LaCross

I would crawl nekkid across a parking lot full of broken glass and rinse off the shards with lemon juice for 30 seconds with Nat.

The last season stepped things up a notch.

Horatio Cornblower

It did, but I couldn’t get that photo to post.

Horatio Cornblower

It turns out that there is more than one photo on the internet

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Col. Duke LaCross

You’re doing the lord’s work, man.

BugEyedBoo

Nat’s a sniper.

Horatio Cornblower

“I thought you didn’t date sluts, Nat”

“I’m not. I’m going to fuck him.”

King Hippo

The Shield wants me to go to bed early, how thoughtful.

Damned shame I had that blissful 3-hr nap earlier. To the Gilkey-verse!

blaxabbath

“Well then you can stay up and watch highlights and pre-Undisputed analysis BUT DON’T YOU FUCKING CLICK OVER TO PBS!!!!”

-R Goodell, Iron Pipe Carrier

fleshwound_NPG

good, game over. dont put the jets on primetime ever again

fleshwound_NPG

dammit chargers, put this damn game away already

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, Eli likes turtles.

Shocking.

jjfozz

But his mom had to put the stuffed turtle he likes into the closet at night, cause it was a little scary.

WCS

I just sat on my balls, and the J-E-S-T did that.

Hm.

King Hippo

to be a Jest supporter is to ALWAYS be sitting on your bollocks

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t usually drink during the week, but I’m going to get a little crazy tonight.

/prepares hot chocolate
//adds whipped cream
///adds tiny marshmallows

Look out world!!

Gumbygirl

I have stuff for hot chocolate, but I don’t have tiny marshmallows. Now I’m sad. It’s going to take a whole lot of weed to make me feel better, be right back

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How great would it be if someone got forced out of bounds right into Q-A-RON and ruptured his spleen?

blaxabbath

The refs would have to summon Blergh herself to apply a penalty severe enough to appease the NFL Ownership Family.

Horatio Cornblower

‘We had a nice visit with Aaron Rodgers…”

Well now I know you’re lying, Joe Buck.

jjfozz

“we had a nice visit with Aaron Rodgers, he spoke to us while floating in his sensory deprivation tank.

Horatio Cornblower

I think the Chargers have a real advantage here, because with everyone loudly cheering for the other team it’s gonna be just like a home game for them.

hippofant

THE MAN ISN’T EVEN PLAYING AND I HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT HIM IN THE PREGAME

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it me? Are they talking about me?

hippofant

GOD I WISH

blaxabbath

Well it won’t be timely information if they have to hold it until Tuesday evening!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Wow, a Formula One race in Vegas? Hey, we should get the DFO crew together and go to Vegas for the ra…

Oh. Oh right.

Brick Meathook

Here’s the sportsbook at the Fandango casino where we all watched the big game:

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Sharkbait

Were there thunderbolts and lightning?

Brick Meathook

Another view:

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blaxabbath

Is that chick vaping double-fist in there!?

fleshwound_NPG

send the chargers to the dying pac 12 if they cannot even beat the jests

Horatio Cornblower

HERESY!!!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Chasing 60 points tonight, not sure Breece and Ekeler will outscore Herbert by that much…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fucking Cleveland defense boned me

Sharkbait

I need Breece to go off, and Ekeler to do fuck all tonight.

Horatio Cornblower

Is it a spelling bee? I would imagine that UNC would have trouble with those.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I decided to take down the Halloween decorations, put the new mattress cover on, do a bunch of dishes and laundry, AND cleaned out the garbage disposal.

You might infer I’ve been productive procrastinating at work.

jjfozz

MRs. Fozz is making a roast. That goddamn thing better be perfect or there will be blood on the moon.

blaxabbath

How’s she really gonna mess up a roast? Come on now.

hippofant

Fuck me I just checked who’s playing tonight. Do I really want to put myself through this?

Horatio Cornblower

UConn is opening their national title defense against Northern Arizona tonight. About a 1/4 of the way through the game and they’re up by 18.

Man, I hope NAU got paid for this.

Brick Meathook

Here’s some shots I took at the DFO Vegas Con this morning, at the Plaza where we had a prayer breakfast and then went gambling:

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Horatio Cornblower

Now I want pancakes.

WCS

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Gumbygirl

I want Dr. Tongue to serve them to me!

jjfozz

what the fucking shit is up with those face distortions? i’m getting nightmares tonight.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He spared us the nightmares from real faces though.