Hey squirrels and boys, this is here until I do all my homework and spill it on to the monitor. Why so late? Well, a business partner wants to live test a new operating system at 10am on a Sunday! Imagine that.
As you suspected, people suck. Update-People are still sucking.
To The Games!
Steelers/Browns:
Garbage-y qb play on both ends makes us look elsewhere. Perhaps we can watch the sack race between Garrett (11) and T.J. Watt(10.5) I guess watching DTR (Down To Run) scramble around for his football life might be entertaining. When is Vegas going to start giving us odds on concussed players?
Cards/Texans:
This is your sneaky good tilt of the early slate. Would anyone have said this even four games ago? Nope. But now Arizonny has Murray back and can put points on the board. And the Texans are beginning to fully understand just how potent their offense is. As with Denver, you can’t judge them by their season-long stats because they’re a different team heading down the stretch. You were very smart to pick up Noah Brown last week or the week before but now you can’t play him. Such is fantasy life.
Titans/Jags:
Such hope for these teams in September but the former has been sunk by shitty qb play and the latter just seems a bit off despite so many pieces in place.
Raiders/Fins:
Mark Davis will be safely esconced in his (pillow) Fort of Everybody Go Away! halfway through the second quarter. Achane is back and ready to roll over Vegas’ generous D. Will Tyreek go for 200? He’s got some work to do to get to 2,000 yards.
Cowboys/Panteros:
This line seems…odd. As I’ve noted before, Dallas really buries lousy teams. (the stumble vs the Cards excepted) DAK! and CeeDee should pad the stat line and while we’re at it, can I get some garbage fantasy points from Theilen in the 3rd and 4th? Carolina should try and pretend they’re going to make the score respectable, right?
Bears/Lions:
If Detroit gets the W they’ll have their best record since way back in ’62. Strawberry Fields’ thumb has been un-dislocated but can he throw a deep or non-wobbly ball? His running would be the key to an upset because the Lions had no answer for LAMAR! a few weeks back.
Chargers/Packers
Can Herbert just have a half-decent coach? Everyone acknowledges the man’s superior talent but his record is 29-29 to date. Jones and Dillon should have a day because the Lions ran for over 200 yards vs defensive coaching genius Staley.
Giants/Commies:
The Giants locker room must feel like a mausoleum at this point. They’ve had shitty years in the past but they’ve never jockeyed for the 1st overall pick since 1981. DeVito, who was shitty at SillyCuse and Illinois is the young boy that can take them to that promised land. And he’ll do it while throwing for less than 140 yards. GAH!
Do your thing.
glorious return by comrade tank marshall justin zhukov fields
BEARISTOCRATS!
eberflus really, REALLY wants to be fired
Hold my beer! – Brian D., Rutherford, NJ
if I’m in the back seat, trying to eat, and you’re spinning the car so I can’t, I won’t be laughing. when the car comes to a full stop, i’m ramming that fucking sandwich down your throat.
Either reach forward and hit the parking break or shift the car out of drive while the car’s in gear. That’ll teach them.
but that could hurt me, the object is to hurt someone else.
[frowns at this blatant waste of a sandwich] – Coach Reid
Man that O’Connell interception was Garropolo-esque.
It was the right play, honestly. No upside in taking the sack.
You’ll believe a K.Hunt can fly!
Hurdling KHunt, is it Olympics season already?
DeVito with 246 yards passing. [looks around] What is this place?
*Checks scores*
I have no idea how football works
Baby Buster will have one last go at making them LioUns FUCK
Rule Proposal: For one time, each team has the option to drop a ball from the Blimp. Defense cannot deflect or stop the “pass” but the ball is live if it hits the ground.
Rose Carter.
She gone.
One day, we will also speak of Melania Trump with such reverence.
My Amazon commercial:
Open to three very gaunt people sitting around.
Camera pulls back to lines of heroin on the counter.
Nobody can do anything.
Concerned junkie, wanders outside, mugs old lady
[Cut to trembling hand going to Amazon]
Package arrives.
Inside are spoons and syringes.
Final shot: All three junkies passed out under the Xmas tree.
Now let’s see that.
Its been a long time since I’ve looked at the scores for draft position reasons.
But is DTR DTF?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssZNaqUDZXk
For the past two years supporting the military, every goddamn meeting is like that. They LOVE acronyms. I am starting to talk that way at home.
My parents are Marines (ret). I know the lingo well.
I have heard entire sentences comprised of ancronyms, even the verbs. what hte fuck
24-12 would be a perfect doubling, VEP
Browns denied a safety against Steelers because Shawn Hochuli’s crew didn’t see it (msn.com)
I see BLEERGH has their orders from HQ.
We are clearly headed to a 10-10 Draw in Believeland
13-13
Dueling 5-minute OT drives?
Better if it ends with FGs. We need a Walk-Off FG for the Tie.
FOUR picks six????
My guess would have been DeVito earlier today.
So ends Frank’s Brutal
ThirdSecond ReichBears are winning, Giants are winning, Panthers are … uhh… yeah.
marcedes lewis is still in the league?!?!?!
He has a really good warranty.
Chargers be Chargering.
old goff back baby
Jimmy outlived Rose Carter.
THE CLINTONS GOT ANOTHER ONE
Haven’t seen this many dropped balls since the showers after Senior Citizens Workout Day at the gym.
Vegas is smart-Panteros are sticking around.
Today is the ultimate test of Coach Epps’ sorcery.
Step 1 – #ThePauls turnover
Step 2 – Progress the ball 2 yards
Step 3 – Punt
Step 4 – BASK in the glow of flipped field position
Step 5 – Wait for the next #ThePauls fuckup
UConn wins by 20, leaving Indiana fans with the blank looks they usually save for when they discover that the gravy boat has a hole in it.
(that they didn’t drill themselves as part of an attempt to shotgun gravy)
DeVito earning his minimum wage the hard way-been sacked 8(!) times already.
#LunchPale
Uncle Jack has an eye injury.
TIME FOR TITTAYS?
Brownies do Brownie things, and allows Uncle Jack to return.
UConn destroying Indiana right now.
One of the few reasons I wish Bob Knight were still alive.
hell needed to decide the worst ohioan once and for all: bobby knight vs marge schott
You are putting me in a position to defend Marge Schott. Please cease and desist.
Yeah but think of all the reasons you’re glad he’s not.
He didn’t vote a few weeks ago!
DonT just might be revising his “son-in-law material” scouting report
He’s still blonde, so my mother would approve.
“So you’re mother approves of blond dudes…”
/DonT proceeds to light every candle on the entire island
fields/moore trying to nuke the tank…and get the bears to draft marvin harrison jr instead
id be worried if you own a car wash in chicago
I’d be worried if I lived in Chicago.
Because I only watch Fox News and therefore think that any “urban” area, (you know what I mean, don’t make me say it), is a dystopian hellscape. Hey, why won’t my grandchildren talk to me?
DJ Moore has been playing lights out today
Hey, Mr. DJ! (Moore)
A Steelers watch party in Ireland. What could go wrong?
NCIS Sydney!
NCIS Moscow!
NCIS Boise!
NCIS In Your Bathroom!
Giants doing weird stuff. Leading at the half. What’s up with that?
Tits quit. See ya at the red zones.
Gumby sez the Raiders coach just took an edible on the sideline. Good for him!
just getting caught up a little…when the fuck did Tommy D become a baller
commies really do spread the wealth
i dont care if some of you are atheists. religion got something right: working on a sunday is bullshit as fuck
Just scratched my glasses. My only other pair has broken frames. FUCK. Flying half blind here.
Go to Costco
Yeah, that’s the plan. They filled my last prescription. There’s one just down the road from my work so I’ll deal with it tomorrow.
HIGH END TALENT
#STILLERSGONTAHSUPERBOWL
Is it me or are some of these new “let’s solve some crime” shows basically set up as “Well, the police ain’t doing or gonna do shit, so some random citizens are gonna start investigating and solving shit”?
So, realistic then?
“Stround to Tank Dell” is going to become the new “Manning to Dallas Clark.”
Imagine the marketing potential, if only that team actually existed.
I do appreciate the Vertically Enhanced Persons’ commitment to beating the tar shit out of Rebecca Malone.
I didn’t know the Giants were allowed to score touchdowns.
MULTIPLES! In one half, no less!! Cats and dogs living in perfect harmony fo sho
I woke up, tuned in, and I just assumed it was a pick-6 touchdown or something.
It’s Tommy Devito’s World.
Riverboat Ron sank in the Potomac back in Harper’s Ferry, WV.