Your Next NFL Football Open Thread

A dizzying four games in the late window! One for-sure banger, a few division matchups, the Cards could be interesting with Kyler back and can the Broncos continue their winning ways? Let’s take a turgid look at these offerings.

To The Games!

Rams/Cards:

Fatt Matt has Kupp to play with but given he’s not close to 100% perhaps he should focus on Nacua. He’s gotta do something to improve his lackluster 9-8 TD/INT ratio. Those are rookie qb (Stroud excepted) numbers! Puca had his worst outing of a measly 26 yards vs these Cards so can we call it a revenge game? No, we shouldn’t-why did I bring it up in the first place? The Rams scoring torpor continues-they’ve not scored more than 20 points in a month which seems unlikely for a McVay squad.

Browns/Broncos:

A four game streak has pulled Denver from the gutter all the way to just above the gutter! Wilson’s play has been key, he’s leading his peers in game-winnings drives and fourth quarter comebacks. Today there’s a certain 13 sacks-having obstacle in his way though. That’d be Myles “And Miles” Garrett. The Browns as a whole put qb’s on their asses at a fantastic rate of 12.5%. Wr Sutton has his own little streak going with TD catches in 5 straight games-one today will tie him with Wes Welker, among others.

Chiefs/Raiders:

Just what Patty needed, a ‘get back on track’ game! The lack of receiving options beyond Kelce is screwing with his stats. Since week 8 he’s averaging negative points per dropback. They’ve also gone pointless in three straight 2nd halves. Perhaps Pacheco and the running game is the answer if they can get an early lead-what with Vegas giving up double digit TD’s to rb’s so far this season.

Bills/Eagles:

Buffalo is a struggling 6-5 with a +105 point differential and each loss being by 6 points or less. Dropped balls, dumb penalties, poor execution, missed field goals-it’s a heady mix of these and other things that has caused them to stall out at the end of games. Don’t worry though, Brady is on it. Philly might be the solution to their woes which is a weird thing to say about a one-loss team. The reason is that they can be had over the top and rumor has it that Allen has an arm. The Eagles have a mere 5 INT’s which seems like a number that belongs to the Panthers or somesuch team.

Get after it.

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litre_cola

Excellent finish IMO.

King Hippo

Your Bills pal starting fires?

Horatio Cornblower

Not a table remains unspilt for 60 miles in any direction.

litre_cola

Good thing I hid my new beer pong table in the carhole.

fleshwound_NPG

consider buffalo’s super bowl window shut

again

Horatio Cornblower

Allen has really regressed this season.

Horatio Cornblower

The officiating in this game has been complete horseshit. Even by NFL standards this has been really poor.

Steratore shilling for the officials is pretty embarrassing as well.

King Hippo

I agreed with the incomplete, though. Beyond that…agreed

Horatio Cornblower

Unless they changed the rules to add something about a third step, (which Gene was harping on), I don’t see how grabbing the ball, bringing it to your body, and taking two steps isn’t a catch.

Of course in the NFL the answer to ‘what is a catch’ is ‘what is the sound of one hand clapping’ so really it’s a mystery.

King Hippo

It’s 3 steps, or 2 steps + (football move or time element), or at least I think so

Horatio Cornblower

“football move” being whatever it is the officials need it to be to confirm the call on the field, of course.

King Hippo

had they called it FUMBRE on the pitch, I don’t think there was enough to overturn. It was a 60/40 type thing to me.

Horatio Cornblower

That said, while the officials certainly didn’t help any, the Bills lost this game because Josh Allen is a moron. I know Romo loves to defend QBs but after 4 instances of “oh, the receiver ran the wrong route” it’s probably not the receivers who are fucking up the routes.

King Hippo

I think when he scrambles a bit, he foregts what he called in the first place. So, “moron” checks out.

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, a guy with the kind of arm doesn’t go to Wyoming because he had a burning desire to major in geology.

Redshirt

What is Catch: 5th Quarter Edition!

fleshwound_NPG

lebron approves

fleshwound_NPG

meastly game

King Hippo

took a bit to get going, but once it did…

litre_cola

I am with my buddy who is a Bills fan, quite the roller coaster.

fleshwound_NPG

donks/pauls was a scorigami!

jjfozz

Can we substitute the rain falling in Philly with hydrochloric acid?

fleshwound_NPG

the battery industrial complex would enjoy added acid supply!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Looking at the scores, very happy to see the Raiders didn’t get entirely humiliated today. Very encouraging. And what the hell is going on with the Broncos?

King Hippo

we make no sense to us, neither. Hippo just enjoying the ride.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s how I felt the season that Gruden got fired. It’s a fun ride!

Horatio Cornblower

Josh Allen is going to watch into the locker room singing “Hey-Ho, Who Won The Dough”

Col. Duke LaCross

The Redzone studios are under attack?

This is an open declaration of war.

King Hippo

We can dance! We can dance!
Everybody look at your hands!!!
(clap CLAP)

Brick Meathook

Is it safe?

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, about that joke about the Bills being better with Allen running than passing…

fleshwound_NPG

oh yea, almost forgot him, THAT josh allen

Horatio Cornblower

Philly throwbacks are better than their current unis.

Gatoraids

Feel that way about most of the 80s designs

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Constantly reminded of the adage that we don’t buy beer, we merely rent it.

Horatio Cornblower

Eagles fans react reasonably (we’re in the 3rd quarter of a 10-point game)

https://twitter.com/ArkansasFred/status/1728924833080389690

Gatoraids

Moving to Tomsula staff I see

fleshwound_NPG

next week is december, the stretch run towards the end of the nfl season. the cold and wet weather, the fumbles, the terrible teams

tank country

three-tanks-tankbowl.jpg
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Alright, flying again, suck it.

LemonJello

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Josh Allen has clearly decided that the Bills are better off with him running than with him passing.

And he may not be wrong.

King Hippo

I absolutely need to stop thinking I have anything figured out wrt Buffalo. Or Philly. Or anyone, really.

litre_cola

Just popping in to say Fuck Tony Romo with a rusty screwdriver.

fleshwound_NPG

thinking how funny a 16-1 iggles season would be if the 1 was a loss to the jets…the zach wilson led jets

fleshwound_NPG

another philly 3 and out away from buying energizer AND duracell stock

Col. Duke LaCross

Payton offering bounties again?

Mr. Ayo

Still

fleshwound_NPG

sean payton: i need help bringing bounties back

gregggggg williams: hire me back, i know people that can affect the head

deshaun watson:

mickey-heeyyyyy.jpg
Brick Meathook

These are the same Buffalo Bills who fucked me out of $200 on DFO Vegas Sunday.

This is the same Buffalo my father joined the U.S. Army at age seventeen during World War II just to get the fuck out of there.

litre_cola

Now Jalen Hurts gets the 1st td of the game

Last edited 11 months ago by litre_cola
King Hippo

Throwback kit, throwback Iggles it would seem

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Only two or three more TDs from Mahomes and I’m right back in this.

Sharkbait

I mean that’s not out of the realm of possibilities

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I know.

Gatoraids

Fatthew is playing All-Time QB in the game for the qards and rams

King Hippo

The Gospel giveth and it taketh away, words of teh PROPHET

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Found some funny:

Some of those that sell courses, Are the same that churn sauces
Some of those that sell courses, Are the same that churn sauces 
Some of those that sell courses, Are the same that churn sauces
Some of those that sell courses, Are the same that churn sauces
Huh!

Grilling in the Name of
Grilling in The Name of

And now you buy what they sold ya
And now you buy what they sold ya
And now you buy what they sold ya
And now you buy what they sold ya

Those that fried, are justified
for wearing the badge of the golden fries
You justified those who fried
While taking the bag with the golden fries
Those that fried, are justified 
for wearing the badge of the golden fries
You justified those who fried
While taking the bag with the toy inside

Drive Thru! I didn’t order what you gave me!
Drive Thru! I didn’t order what you gave me!
Drive Thru! I didn’t order what you gave me!
Drive Thru! I didn’t order what you gave me!

fl1du211xo2c1~2.jpeg
clint greasewood

McRIbs are back

Game Time Decision

Yep. On my bench

Game Time Decision

Fitting as my team is held together with duck tape

King Hippo

fuck, #BastardMan is up from 14% to 15% odds of taking down mighty Stoma Fuckers Utd.

Mr. Ayo

And down to 1%. I know what I did.

King Hippo

He would go out toniiiiiiiight
But he hasn’t got a stitch tooooo weeeeeeaaaarrrr

King Hippo

sling. that. CHARM!!!!

Mr. Ayo

run. that. CHARM!!!!

Sharkbait
fleshwound_NPG

stillers love their headcase diva wideouts

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bring back Chase Claypool!

King Hippo

Sanchise has a really greasy hairstyle now. 100% looks like the prom night pervert we imagine him to be.

King Hippo

HAI CONDI!!!

Gumbygirl

Hague, Condi. For war crimes.

King Hippo

The Bush-era war criming seems almost quaint under present circumstances. May we live in interesting times, indeed.

King Hippo

in-com-PLETE!!

jjfozz

I can never get enough of that.

fleshwound_NPG

russ shoulda cooked a slider

Brick Meathook

More FUN WITH BRICK™️®️

Brick Meathook

I lost my drivers license at LAX yesterday. They found it but now no one knows where it is. I can’t rent a car without it. Hertz will accept a fax from the DMV tomorrow assuming I can contact them (good luck). Fuck me.

This has been another First World Problem with your host, Brick Meathook. I’d like to thank The Ford Foundation and the J. Wallis Neff Charitable Trust for the generous grants that made this post possible.

King Hippo

when are we gonna go robbing drug stores, like that Drugstore Cowboy movie? WE CAN GETS HIGH AF!

Brick Meathook

Let’s do it. If you can handle a sawed-off 12-gauge (Remington 870 pump action, just like the cops) I’ll drive getaway and I’m good at it. I’ll load you out with birdshot for the first round (fire it into the ceiling to scare ‘em) then double-ought buck after that. Last round is a slug for good luck or if you have to use it on yourself. I’ll give you a canvas bag with a dollar sign on it to stuff with cash and all the Oxy you can get. This should be easy.

King Hippo

I really see no flaws or obstacles in/to this plan.

Gumbygirl

Do it out here in Cali, the cops let people steal expensive handbags and jewelry with impunity.

King Hippo

and if we really NEED drugs, how can it be a crime in CA?

fleshwound_NPG

cleveloland

Don T

Before I forget,

RAAAAAAIIIIII DUUURRRS
RAAAAAAIIIIII DUUURRRS
RAAAAAAIIIIII DUUURRRS

Brick Meathook

That was a hell of a kick by Amendola though. 58 yards is a long ask. His offense should take the rap for not gaining another half yard.

fleshwound_NPG

jaguras 8-3!?!

if matt nagy keeps fucking up, superb owl in the afc might go through DUUUVAL

fleshwound_NPG

DOOOOINK!

Sharkbait

Chad Ryland is New England’s tank commander.

King Hippo

Donks give up ample sacks, and don’t stop the run well. #ThePauls in a good spot today, sadly.