Your Regular NFL Sunday Football Open Thread

Hey, welcome back! After last night’s failed Lemonade Experiment (the sugar-centric hangover this morning, god!) I don’t feel like doing this but obligations are obligations.

To The Games!

Steelers/Bengals:

Cincy will start a guy (Jake Browning) that sounds like an early Industrial Age process. I come from a long line of Jake Browners-it’s not done anymore because carriage technology has progressed so rapidly. A positive change in scoring fortunes for Pitt will allow everyone to do what they’ve always wanted which is to Blame Trudeau! Er, Canada.

Jags/Texans:

Stroud has thrown for 300+ in 5 of 10 and in three straight. What to do vs a Jacktown team that gives up an average of 254? Y’all should be fortifying your team with a Tank Dell is what you should do. If the Texans win this shootout (calling it) they’ll be atop the division and have the tiebreaker. P. Girlfriend is 1-4 and owns a 4-7 TD/INT number against this team.

Bucs/Colts:

[throws up in mouth a little] Indy? A playoff frontrunner? Well, they’re 5-5 and have the league’s easiest sked down the stretch. Do Better, NFL! I don’t think Irsay’s heart or his dealer could survive a playoff game so something has to be done. Kidnap Minshew maybe? Cade Otton came good when I had to stream him a few weeks ago and should again given the Colts inability to defend the position.

Saints/Falcons:

New Orleans needs some help in the passing game and with Thomas out (naturally) the answer is staring them in the face. Carr and Shaheed, when they do hook up, create an 88.8 QBR number which is top 20 in the league. Ridder gets another go at starting because Arthur Smith has coached himself into a corner.

Pats/Giants:

This one’s for all the (draft pick) marbles! If the Giants lose their odds of getting a top 2 pick rise to 47%. If the Pats take the L their number rises to 37%. Such excitement! Play your Stevenson’s and Zeke’s and don’t think twice about it. On the other hand, these teams can’t generate anything (DeVito’s cromulent outing last week aside) offensively so it should become a Stalled Drive Celebration.

Panthers/Titans:

A run-happy team vs another that has given up a league-high 17 TD’s to rb’s? Yes please. In deeper leagues you may even entertain playing the future, Tyjae Sharp. He’s splitting carries and gets the passing down work. Just a matter of time. Say a prayer for Bryce Young-the guy must want to close the book on this season and start a new chapter in ’24.

See you in the comments.

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LemonJello

Welp. At least we didn’t lose to a non-existent team. This time.

DUUVAAAALLLL!!!!!!!!!!

fleshwound_NPG

POV belichick tomorrow morning after tommy d visits him againcomment image

Sharkbait

Embrace the tank!

fleshwound_NPG

ok the nfc south really is gonna have a 7-10 champion

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Putting this gif of Rex Ryan here in case we need for future purposes:

https://imgur.com/vzFFblf

Sharkbait

“when you see all the bare feet on the beach”

Gumbygirl

Bless you, my darling dear. This warmed the cockles of my cold, dead heart.

King Hippo

ATL/NO is sneakiest winner of the “shittiest early game” competition

fleshwound_NPG

Since 1967

Redshirt

Live shot from Cincinnati…

IMG_2744.jpeg
fleshwound_NPG

4th and 6

(three yard route, two defenders near receiver)

perfect. oh, he dropped it? also perfect!

Gatoraids

THESE PATRIOTS I CALL FTX BECAUSE THEY ARE THE BIGGEST FRAUD THAT COLLAPSED AFTER BEING PROPPED UP BY TOM BRADY.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Banner?

Petronel

So a medicine for hot flashes may have, as a side effect…hot flashes? What kind of definition of “effective“ are we working with here?

King Hippo

WE ARE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS PPL!!

fleshwound_NPG

as effective as whatever profits they make, misery of patients/customers be damned

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yeah but they’re dry hot flashes…”

comment image

Redshirt

Oh, yeah. The refs hate us.

Gumbygirl

Woooohoooooo!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This Amazon mix is still rocking. Last three plays were The Breeders, The Pixies, and Sebadoh.

Redshirt

So it seems you can’t spot your defense 7 points and hope they hold them back.

fleshwound_NPG

it was nice that i got my first thanksgiving off in ages (moms first ever thanksgiving done herself, turkey was def a solid effort), but this working two sundays in a row better not happen again

Sharkbait

The stock is stocking.

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[shuffles off, kicks rock]

– rockingdog

jjfozz

Do the Steelers have their logo on only one side of their helmets so their fans don’t get confused?

Redshirt

Story goes they only bought one sticker for each helmet and it was unique so they kept it.

fleshwound_NPG

this is some mike brown penny pinching bullshit

(wait a minute, the bengals dont have ANY logos!)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s so the players know which way it’s supposed to be facing when they put it on.

Brick Meathook

When the [Redacteds] change their name back to The Washington Football Club they will have just the player’s number, in block battleship font, on one side of the plain burgundy helmet, as I have demanded all along. No names on jerseys, with white anklet socks and black cleats. Standard eye-black application or none at all, no mascara. This is a job for men not boys.

Redshirt

Something, something, Browning pick, something, something, Zimmerman Telegram…

Sharkbait

That’s about right.

King Hippo

Yinz may have fired Mr, Canadia, but Uncle Jack still lingers, much like a cabbage fart.

Sharkbait

Zappe Brannigan in for New England

fleshwound_NPG

once again belichick comes crawling back to him like a bird on its belly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Amazon Music knocking it out of the park with its last two plays on my discovery mix:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6ER2_4q5KQ

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Heat check…yup, still scorching.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dc9QB3H5aE8

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You ever like a restaurant so much that you go back for brunch the next day? No, Coach Reid, it doesn’t count if you never leave.

LemonJello

“I rate them by the play area and size of the ball pit.”
-Eli Manning, using Google Maps to find a Chuck E. Cheese

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just watched a short film about a guy who ends up getting eaten alive by rats and I’m still pretty sure I’d rather go through that than watch any of these trash games the NFL is offering this morning.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The protagonist was kind of a grave-robbing version of Ignatius J. Reilly, so I was actually rooting for him by the end.

litre_cola

500s playing big today. Wow.

King Hippo

500s/Jaguras has indeed been very good.

Sharkbait

The Patriots may suck, but you know what doesn’t? Homemade turkey stock.

King Hippo

Mrs. Sharky has to be giving you SO MUCH SHIT today!

Sharkbait

She has a bit. But secretly I’m ok with the tank.

King Hippo

Honey Badger ain’t care!

jjfozz

“steelers fans travel well”

Can we shitcan that narrative?

75% of them are fucking posers who cheer for a popular team.

that is all.

Gumbygirl

Yinz hate us cuz yinz anus.

King Hippo

Usually too fat to travel very far, mind.

King Hippo

The Continued Public Shaming of White Mac

Petronel

comment image

Redshirt

If you like punts, then boy do I have the game for you!

King Hippo

I was gonna say you weren’t, but I checked the roster and whaddya know? You ARE his supervisoUr!

King Hippo

The GOOD Hodgins!