Hey, welcome back! After last night’s failed Lemonade Experiment (the sugar-centric hangover this morning, god!) I don’t feel like doing this but obligations are obligations.
To The Games!
Steelers/Bengals:
Cincy will start a guy (Jake Browning) that sounds like an early Industrial Age process. I come from a long line of Jake Browners-it’s not done anymore because carriage technology has progressed so rapidly. A positive change in scoring fortunes for Pitt will allow everyone to do what they’ve always wanted which is to Blame Trudeau! Er, Canada.
Jags/Texans:
Stroud has thrown for 300+ in 5 of 10 and in three straight. What to do vs a Jacktown team that gives up an average of 254? Y’all should be fortifying your team with a Tank Dell is what you should do. If the Texans win this shootout (calling it) they’ll be atop the division and have the tiebreaker. P. Girlfriend is 1-4 and owns a 4-7 TD/INT number against this team.
Bucs/Colts:
[throws up in mouth a little] Indy? A playoff frontrunner? Well, they’re 5-5 and have the league’s easiest sked down the stretch. Do Better, NFL! I don’t think Irsay’s heart or his dealer could survive a playoff game so something has to be done. Kidnap Minshew maybe? Cade Otton came good when I had to stream him a few weeks ago and should again given the Colts inability to defend the position.
Saints/Falcons:
New Orleans needs some help in the passing game and with Thomas out (naturally) the answer is staring them in the face. Carr and Shaheed, when they do hook up, create an 88.8 QBR number which is top 20 in the league. Ridder gets another go at starting because Arthur Smith has coached himself into a corner.
Pats/Giants:
This one’s for all the (draft pick) marbles! If the Giants lose their odds of getting a top 2 pick rise to 47%. If the Pats take the L their number rises to 37%. Such excitement! Play your Stevenson’s and Zeke’s and don’t think twice about it. On the other hand, these teams can’t generate anything (DeVito’s cromulent outing last week aside) offensively so it should become a Stalled Drive Celebration.
Panthers/Titans:
A run-happy team vs another that has given up a league-high 17 TD’s to rb’s? Yes please. In deeper leagues you may even entertain playing the future, Tyjae Sharp. He’s splitting carries and gets the passing down work. Just a matter of time. Say a prayer for Bryce Young-the guy must want to close the book on this season and start a new chapter in ’24.
See you in the comments.
Welp. At least we didn’t lose to a non-existent team. This time.
DUUVAAAALLLL!!!!!!!!!!
Giants fucked up by winning. Wonderful.
POV belichick tomorrow morning after tommy d visits him again
Embrace the tank!
ok the nfc south really is gonna have a 7-10 champion
Stroud might be the best qb for running your 2 minute offense.
Putting this gif of Rex Ryan here in case we need for future purposes:
https://imgur.com/vzFFblf
“when you see all the bare feet on the beach”
Elizabeth (Jake) Barrett-Browning: “God answers sharp and sudden on some prayers. And thrusts the thing we have prayed for in our face. A gauntlet with a gift in it.”
Reporter: [scratches head] “Ah, yes, of course. But I was asking about your pre-game preparation.”
Elizabeth (Jake) Barrett-Browning: “Measure not the work until the day’s out and the work’s done.”
Reporter: “Well said. Looking forward, how will you defeat the Jags?”
Elizabeth (Jake) Barrett-Browning: “Who so loves believes the impossible.”
Reporter: “And I love you. Er, um, [coughs] What about your practice routine going forward?”
Elizabeth (Jake) Barrett-Browning: “Light tomorrow with today.”
Reporter: “I, I think I’m in love.”
Elizabeth (Jake) Barrett-Browning: “You’re something between a dream and a miracle.”*
*Reporter and Elizabeth (Jake) Barrett-Browning currently live in Madrid and run a successful fair trade bicycle shop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=Ay6SdcOBxao
Bless you, my darling dear. This warmed the cockles of my cold, dead heart.
ATL/NO is sneakiest winner of the “shittiest early game” competition
Since 1967
Live shot from Cincinnati…
4th and 6
(three yard route, two defenders near receiver)
perfect. oh, he dropped it? also perfect!
THESE PATRIOTS I CALL FTX BECAUSE THEY ARE THE BIGGEST FRAUD THAT COLLAPSED AFTER BEING PROPPED UP BY TOM BRADY.
Banner?
So a medicine for hot flashes may have, as a side effect…hot flashes? What kind of definition of “effective“ are we working with here?
WE ARE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS PPL!!
as effective as whatever profits they make, misery of patients/customers be damned
“Yeah but they’re dry hot flashes…”
Oh, yeah. The refs hate us.
Woooohoooooo!
This Amazon mix is still rocking. Last three plays were The Breeders, The Pixies, and Sebadoh.
So it seems you can’t spot your defense 7 points and hope they hold them back.
it was nice that i got my first thanksgiving off in ages (moms first ever thanksgiving done herself, turkey was def a solid effort), but this working two sundays in a row better not happen again
The stock is stocking.
[shuffles off, kicks rock]
– rockingdog
Do the Steelers have their logo on only one side of their helmets so their fans don’t get confused?
Story goes they only bought one sticker for each helmet and it was unique so they kept it.
this is some mike brown penny pinching bullshit
(wait a minute, the bengals dont have ANY logos!)
It’s so the players know which way it’s supposed to be facing when they put it on.
When the [Redacteds] change their name back to The Washington Football Club they will have just the player’s number, in block battleship font, on one side of the plain burgundy helmet, as I have demanded all along. No names on jerseys, with white anklet socks and black cleats. Standard eye-black application or none at all, no mascara. This is a job for men not boys.
Something, something, Browning pick, something, something, Zimmerman Telegram…
Jones: “You go in.”
Zappe: “No, you go in.”
Jones: “I dare you!”
Zappe: “I double dog dare you!”
Jones: “I triple dog dare you on my mom’s grave!”
Zappe: “Godammit!” [puts on helmet]
That’s about right.
Yinz may have fired Mr, Canadia, but Uncle Jack still lingers, much like a cabbage fart.
Zappe Brannigan in for New England
once again belichick comes crawling back to him like a bird on its belly
I recently discovered that we have taste receptors in our bellies. Watching the Giants and being sick to my stomach makes a whole lot more sense now.
Amazon Music knocking it out of the park with its last two plays on my discovery mix:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6ER2_4q5KQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEjmJ1Ge00U
Heat check…yup, still scorching.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dc9QB3H5aE8
You ever like a restaurant so much that you go back for brunch the next day? No, Coach Reid, it doesn’t count if you never leave.
“I rate them by the play area and size of the ball pit.”
-Eli Manning, using Google Maps to find a Chuck E. Cheese
I just watched a short film about a guy who ends up getting eaten alive by rats and I’m still pretty sure I’d rather go through that than watch any of these trash games the NFL is offering this morning.
Was it directed by Richard Kuklinski?
The protagonist was kind of a grave-robbing version of Ignatius J. Reilly, so I was actually rooting for him by the end.
500s playing big today. Wow.
500s/Jaguras has indeed been very good.
Texans D making damn sure that Stroud throws 30 pass attempts in the second half.
The Patriots may suck, but you know what doesn’t? Homemade turkey stock.
Mrs. Sharky has to be giving you SO MUCH SHIT today!
She has a bit. But secretly I’m ok with the tank.
Honey Badger ain’t care!
“steelers fans travel well”
Can we shitcan that narrative?
75% of them are fucking posers who cheer for a popular team.
that is all.
Yinz hate us cuz yinz anus.
Usually too fat to travel very far, mind.
“You spelled ‘Cowblurgs fans’ wrong. I think.”
-L. Michele
The Continued Public Shaming of White Mac
If you like punts, then boy do I have the game for you!
I didn’t give you permission to talk about the Giants game!
I was gonna say you weren’t, but I checked the roster and whaddya know? You ARE his supervisoUr!
It’s just a jump to the you know…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdbLirsZ_4Q&ab_channel=MOMENTIRIDERE
Hey, the clock is back on!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVryJmZNFdU&pp=ygUXYmFjayBpbiB0aW1lIGh1ZXkgbGV3aXM%3D
The GOOD Hodgins!
tWBS certified and approved!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n3A_-HRFfc&ab_channel=Cher