Welcome to Hayell! – Sad Sportsball Calendar Open Thread

The abyss, it layeth before thee.  Just so happens, I heard this tune while driving mid-week:

I am reasonably sure that this group had some Raleigh-scene connection, maybe even to Hippo’s favoUrite college band (Sex Police).  Still trying to verify that.  UPDATE – holy shit, I was right for once!  The start of the video featuring the WPTF building should have been the first clue.  But also, exactly two Sex Police were in the band (including the director of the music video).

But in our present-day inferno, this is what we have to “look forward to” – start off by skipping the Redshite pistol whipping Palace (7:30, USA).  Just…fuck that all to shit and back again.

Trashbirds/Burnley is USA’s choice in the 10:00 window, though I recommend streaming Men Untied/yeah right’s shit-hot Cherries instead.  Yeah, the Red Devils beat up on Chelski midweek…but who doesn’t?  One of the funniest comments I read in the footy-verse was (paraphrased) “Chelsea are so shit they even made Man United look decent.”  Crisis clubs, indeed.

Unai Emery grudge match?  His Villa take on Handsome Mikel and the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols in the Spotlight Dance (12:30, NBC).  Likely, Arsenal will need all three points to stay in the catbird’s seat.  Which I surely hope they do, with City of Men’s struggle for form.  The alternative is FAR too dire to even mention.

Sunday get’s you a nice USA doubleheader – We Will Survive Everton and the aforementioned Chelski (9:00) followed by Spurs/Angry and/or Shamed Bonesaws (11:30).  Everton absolutely dogwalked Newcastle on Thursday, much to Hippo’s delight (albeit somewhat muted by a long-assed work call that lasted almost the entire match).  Eddie Howe will be expecting a reaction, for sure.  Sean Dyche just wants to keep the good vibes rolling, man.  Who would have thunk it?

Footy comes at ye fast.  Which is good, because this is the entire JV NFL slate:

Army (-3) v. Navy at Robert Kraft’s Handjob Palace (3:00, CBS)

Oh my, will there EVAR be some USAA advertisements in this’un.  Starting in 2024, these two will be in the same (Murrikan) conference, but this game will stay in its special week/timeslot, and NOT count as a conference matchup.  Which seems to go against the very nature of what conference play IS on our temporal plane.  Anyway, I blame Notre Dame and the ACC for giving them that stupid scheduling arrangement for this slapdickery.

No idea what to say about the game itself.  Neither team is particularly good this year, but Russia’s bullshit in Ukraine, along with the Hamas maniacs terrorizing Israel?  They certainly remind one of the importance of a strong, prepared military.  There are surely times when I feel guilty for never having served, and I am damned respectful and appreciative of those that do (and have so done).  It’s hard to articulate that without seeming jingoistic or a smarmy asshole, so I don’t often try.  But hopefully y’all know that my heart is in the right place (even if mind and soul are in the pill bottle).