Good morning good morning good morning. GOOD. MORNING. Wooo!

What? It’s enthusiasm. I didn’t mean to upset you.

[mutters] Oh, I’m the asshole gimme a break.

Sorry to startle you there with my exuberance, Daredevil comma the Man without Fear. Just a little joshing, is all. But I am on a festive mood.

Over here in the Caribbean, it’s the best time for weather. Puerto Rican Christmas is barely getting started; officially, it lasts until the Divisional Playoffs Sunday. Over in the religious world, meaning the NFL, every week is elimination week. The stakes cannot be higher, it’s the best time of the season—complete with Saturday games AND games on the 24^th, 25^th, 31^st, and New Year’s Day.

Celebrate first, always. Nobody can take away all that you danced, goes a local saying. There will be plenty of time for yearning after the Owl.

The last four games bring seasonal delights: seeding battles, tiebreaker wonkiness and playoff hypotheticals nerdery. O nerdery… I thought I would never see your awkward, know-it-all smirk in the testosteronefest that is the National Football Lee. But the NFL embraced gambling and gambling is a numbers game. Praise Gamblor.

There is still plenty to see, everywhere. There are coaches and players looking to extend their careers in DC, Las Vegas, Chi****… And AND, there are those teams who are just salivating at playing spoiler, such as, oh, I think maybe

Via @br_betting

I will take it, thankyouverymoosh [spastic jig]

There is also stuff we can all enjoy, like this Patriots season. Out of all the tanking conspiracies, New England’s is the most interesting (for me). I can guarantee that Week 18 Jets @ Pats has the potential to cause regional catharsis, if not mass firings.

By the way, keeping an eye on coach firings is not getting enjoyment out of someone’s misery. Coaches’ salaries are guaranteed. To me, fired coaches are heroes, exemplars of getting paid for doing squat shit.

Fans of every team have plenty to look for during the tail end of the season. If you are a Panthers fan, you can look up to the sky at night, marvel at the stars and reflect on how small and meaningless all human toil is within the immensity of the universe—and that maybe, just maybe, there is a worthwhile message in those crap kids’ movies that feature workaholic parents despite the character assassination of dedicated providers to advance the plot. Where’s the rails? [Looks around.] Ah.

[Steps over.] Arizona has a shit record, but is a team that has pulled big upsets and does not lay down. DC Commanders, Josh Harris (2023 – present). And the rest of the Lee is seemingly in the playoff hunt. What’s not to love? Yes, I know, the NFC South. Although I get a kick out of a team with a losing record winning a Wild Card game at home. And during that team’s Divisional Playoff visit to a real contender, you can take care of all chores and obligations that will ensure a fully reclused, uninterrupted Championship Sunday.

But who knows, really. There are crazy outcomes, and then there’s the NFL, random central. Five games is the longest winning streak thus far and even the Niners lost three in a row. The AFC looks wide open. It’s engrossing to me, and plain gross to every loved one I have.

If you have obligations during the holiday season, I wish upon you the fortune of ubiquitous WiFi, the wisdom to keep fully charged devices, and good humor at fantasy football ineptitude. But if you happen to have an incisive, personal dig, deploy playfully. December is not a month for getting slapped in the face.

Finally, last week I remembered this existed and it cracked me up immensely. Hope you get a kick out of it too, have a wonderful day.

Banner via @lukeisanazing, gifs via giphy.com