Ok, first thing. Today I read that Keith Richards is turning 80 on Monday and the Stones are touring next summer. Has a tour ever been canceled because a band member died of old age? Ok, second thing. This post will cover off both the 1pm (EST) and 4 o’clock fixtures because I’m a lazy, cranky monkey.
You know, I’ve railed against the NFL sked makers plenty of times this year but happenstance makes them shine bright today. All tilts feature +.500 teams that, naturally, are all jockeying for playoff spots. Well done, gods of coincidence!
To The Games!
Vikes/Bengals:
-This would be the second of three straight prime time games featuring dueling backup QB’s. This is the state of the NFL-not exactly the most desired outcome. Depending on your perspective the football being played is either interesting or wretched. I tend to lean towards the former in principle and the latter in reality.
-That said, many kudos to The Poet for being the scrappiest (in the best sense of the word) fella and keeping the dreams of Cincy fans alive. When I first saw him play I noticed that he didn’t have a dinky arm so the long ball to Chase could still be a part of the game plan.
-Have Boyd and Higgins just quit? Did you know that the last time Tee was targeted in the end zone was week 2?!. Seems like the coaching staff has quit on him as well.
-Nick “Rockabye” Mullens will start for the 18th time in his illustrious white bread career after directing the Vikes only scoring drive last week.
-Someone Auditioning for Next Year?: Chase Brown has had 20 carries the last two games, averaging 8.3 yards per. He seems to have the juice in his legs that Mojo now lacks.
Steelers/Colts:
-Another game between two 7-6 teams with a lot riding on the outcome? I’ll take it, thankyouverymuch.
-It’s Truth Biscuit vs Minshewmania, A Fight To The Dearth! (of talent) God, I love me a bad pun.
-For a team that needs a strong ground game to make the entire O function, Indy has come up short, averaging less than 80 yards in 4 of their last 6. I just don’t understand how they’re doing anything to be in a playoff spot, really.
-That Voodoo That Tomlin Do: Pitt has won the last eight games in this series.
-Key To Recent Success?: Minshew will be the 5th backup QB that the Steelers have played in the last seven games.
Feel free to waste your afternoon in the comment section!
Game time. Yay.
Browning!
Retro Browning
“Open those garbage cans or I’l cut you in half!”
-Trash Panda
My experience with trash pandas is that they would simply use the Browning to cut the trash can in half. Why even bother with a middle man?
My uncle carried one in Korea with the 45th Inf Div and swore by it.
“Want to put down an uprising by the unruly locals? Think Browning.”
-Albert Lasker
The fetal position is bad for QB sneaks
/updates brain
//sarcasm hijack
Nick Mullins is useless.
That’s on the OC’s play-calling-what a putz.
True.
(Super) Paul >>>Nick
Even if the Vikes get a 1st down the OC is an incredible dumbshit.
That is funny, getting an 180 pound guy to execute the ‘tush push’.
I’m sure Buddy knows a few.
We just got screwed out of a Fair Catch Kick!
Okay, BLEERGH. You’re right but go fuck yourself, sir.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzIvPgg1iDc&ab_channel=1992CityChamps
I’m not sure if you’re Bart, the bike, or the street sweeper, but you’re definitely one of them.
I’m not mad at this game. It delivers.
– Eli Manning, landing on a mailbox space while playing the board game “Payday”
Ugh, Vikings . It’s hard to root for them when they’re so fucking derpy. I don’t know how Yeah Right does it!
“Well, I confit and then slow roast my anger and then marinate my frustration in a red wine reduction. It’s simple, really.”
-yeah right
Well, that and a shitload of alcohol.
This game is extremely irritating.
So we get more of it
Daym. What a TD for Higgins. Hella purty.
I think next year’s best receiving trio is going to be Jefferson, Addison and Hocky. So Vikes, maybe draft a defensive guy with your first two picks maybe?
Oh, good. Chase is ded.
Signs of life from Higgy though.
That is a tough offside.
Maybe the toughest we’ve seen in the history of the NFL.
Goddamn, it, Vikings.
Everything’s comin’ up Redshirt!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft7wEehEMdo&pp=ygUNaG9tZXIgcHJheWluZw%3D%3D
Excellent 2nd effort by Mojo-thought he was stopped in his tracks.
Need a Beattie Mixondown here.
This Browning may not be a Ma Deuce, but he’s pretty reliable and get the job done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoJXN9a3zQU&ab_channel=MaestroDraven
Here’s something Redshirt might enjoy to add to the ambience.
Way to go crowd!
We haz game?
How was Nunavut? Did you have to teach the locals how to re-route all those letters to Santa Claus?
It was 12 hour days and really I should have stayed another week but I have another job which depends on Xmas.
I really liked it in Iqaluit. Incredibly diverse population for an area of 10k ppl. Locals were very happy when we arrived to help.
I’d sell a testicle to visit Iqaluit and Alert. Whitehorse, Yellowknife, and Labrador would be kick ass, too.
I’d sell your testicle too!
I think you can just buy a plane ticket.
Higgy! Welcome back to the team.
Out of habit I’m looking for Ja’Marr to get some catches for my shitty Vodka team that is no longer playing.
Brick & Balls at the Tam O’Shanter
Bloody Marys w/ bacon & quail egg garnish
Balls had the Dutch Baby Pancake:
Brick had the Yorkshire Eggs Benedict:
I want to steal this plate:
What is the bread on the Eggs Benedict? I am intrigued.
Looks like a Yorkshire Pudding that has an extra chromosome.
The bread is Yorkshire Pudding
Oh my God, genius! We went to a resto in York that served steak and kidney pie on a huge Yorkshire Pudding. It’s been about 35 years, I still dream about it.
The Rolling Stones are not touring, Mick and Keith and Ronnie are. Once Charlie Watts died The Rolling Stones were no longer The Rolling Stones.
I guess the song list will just be Liz Phair covers then?
If they covered ‘Exile In Guyville’ I would go.
I’d contend it was when Bill Wyman quit/retired/was fired in the early ’90s.
The Rolling Stones died in Brian Jones swimming pool in 1969.
“The Official Rock Trio of The Hurrycane”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpkhB3z6u7w&ab_channel=HurryCane%C2%AE
That’s pretty much how I feel about it. I’ve seen them a couple of times, that’s enough. And I haven’t liked many of their songs since Mick Taylor left.
I was afraid this would happen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F4qzPbcFiA&pp=ygUMaXQncyBhIHRyYXAg
If you happen to be in Astoria, OR this weekend, and you just so happen see a tall dumb idiot with a Pirate Sloth tattoo and his Pirate Wench out on the town, buy us a drink or three because it is her birthday.
Happiest Birthday Mrs. Pirate Sloth! Wench it up!
Funniest pickerception EVAR?
One of the fattest anyway.
needs a more humorous reaction from hated coach and/or QB
You did get a slowly, dawning realization from the QB.
3rd and 24? NFL BLITZ!
I really want to take a nap now.
(checks rulebook)
WOO!!!!!
As long as you keep the game going, w.
or w.o. audio, naps cool.
Spinebusters are now legal?
Arn Anderson special guest referree
Everything’s not going to be alright, Rockabye.
“We’ve got trick plays that don’t work too!”
-Vikes
that incompletion hurted Hippo’s soul
Okay, which deity did the Bengals piss off this time?
All of them?
Better to be a lazy cranky monkey than a cheese eating surrender monkey
The Vikes D gameplan today? Chase Brown.
Rockabye, showing the footwork of a 3rd string quartered back.
…and another one gone, another one gone, another knee bites the dust!
Redshirt, why don’t you tell the Bengals to quit dying all over the pitch?
It’s unseemly.
I think they are sacrificing players to summon a greater player.
TJ Housh ain’t walkin though that door.
But what if he COULD? – Chad O., parts unknown
Ickey?
STOP THE TRICK PLAYS, ASSHOLES!!!
Zac Taylor’s switch to a quick, (mostly) short passing game was really smart.
Video evidence of why Tee Higgins isn’t getting a contract extension.
Scotchy’s Mullens nickname is fucking fantastic, too.
unfortunately, I now have that shitty song in my head
Hopefully Browning will avoid cramps this time.
This being a Wild Card (bitches!!) tiebreaker match, you KNOW Tomlin Voodoo Magick will see the Yinzers through.
Just hoping for a Jake Browning/Justin Jefferson shootout early.
speaking of mashups, how long do you think a “The Ben v. Bollo del Verdad” game of Trivial Pursuit would take? A week? A month??
With extended family for Christmas dinner. Any family discussion suggestions?
Hunter Biden’s penis.
sighs — Deanna Favre
You can always start with “That abortion pill should be legal nation wide” and see what develops.
I mean, not a fetus after that
Oh! Got one.
“Not comfortable with the US financially aiding a genocide guys.”
Dressing or stuffing?
Is a taco a sandwich
Is a hot dog a sandwich
What’s the best girl scout cookie
That Jenner makes an attractive woman. Really makes you think don’t it?