A Hippocratic Footballing Good-Bye to 2023

Good morning, and congratulations for making it through another year of Hippo’s nonsense.  I will have NFL recap and JV NFL verbal diarrhea for y’all again on Monday, but that’s a matter for next year.

No goddamned resolutions.  Self-improve or don’t, but who gives a fuck about same in relation to the calendar.

Festive Fixtures have been a delightful addition to the American sportsball calendar, and this Saturday is no exception.  Even if it’s all just prelude to the titanic Fuck LioUns v. Cowpersons tilt this evening.

Martin Prince (and his Lutes) hour comes early, with Chelski visiting the decrepit, wonderful bandbox (7:30, USA).  It’s nice to see them putting up a fight to stay in the Prem.  Futile or not, at least they aren’t taking fuckshit lying down.

Wolves and Everton are TV’s choice for the 10:00 window (USA), thought it will likely be kind of a slog.  You can stream City of Men taking their frustrations out on Team Knifey, if you want a snuff film to stream.  A few other dull matchups, too.

Men Untied then venture into Nottingham to fight the Robins Hood (12:30, NBC).  Surely, their new, reactionary, chemical plant-owning minority owner will want to see that shit exterminated, post haste.  Makers not takers ,, amirite??

Both Sunday matches are at 9:00 (BOO!), with Spurs/Cherries on TV (USA).  Spurs crashing back to earth, Cherries zooming up the table.  Should be a very good watch, as we get ready for NFL Week 17.  Afternoon fixtures Monday and Tuesday, too.  Enjoy!

Ole Miss (+4.5) v. Paedo State – Republican Jesus Chicken Bowl (Noon, ESPN)

How in the goshdarn HECK are the Paedos favoured here?  Everybody knows that’s LIBTARD shit smgdh.  Mississippi is pretty much the ideal state for Republican Jesus!  Git ‘er dun on ALL TEH MUDFLAPS!!!  But in all seriousness, I’ve been told that pre-game at “The Grove” in Oxford, MS is a life changing/neck-breaking experience.  Let’s gooooooo, Johnny Reb, show them YANKEES wut’s wut.

Auburn (-6.5) v. Maryland – Trannies Are Perfect in Tennessee Bowl (2:00, ABC)

TransPerfect?  Talk about pissing Republican Jesus off.  Can’t y’all see he’s cis-armed to the teeth???  Anyway, Vegas thinks a bad SEC West team is better than a mediocre B1G East team by almost a full tuddy.  I tend to agree, but War Damn Eagle is as schizo a 6-6 as one can imagine.

Georgia (-20) v. Florida State – Remember When The Orange Bowl Mattered? Bowl (4:00, ESPN)

I was a little taken aback when this line opened at 14.5.  It is now 20.  And people will STILL argue that the Semenholes (after scraping by Louisville in the ACC title game, after which ‘Ville got boatraced by 7-5 Troi Boiz walkons) belonged in the playoff.  Uh….no.  Just no.  I am an alumnus of an ACC school, and can speak for the quality of play this year.  And they didn’t even have to play anybody good (even good for the ACC).

Toledo (+3.5) v. Wyoming – It’s the Desert, Bruh! Bowl (4:30, CW)

Looky-loo, the Barstool cretins finally decided to simulcast this pile of feces on a pseudo-real network, this year.  Cowboys’ coach is retiring after this game, so they will be loaded for bear to take out these Rocketmen.  I actually know where the CW is on my channel listings, because they televise 3rd tier ACC games.  So…the Wolven Sort like three times already.