Sexy Friday – 20231229

TGIF! Congrats, you made it to the last Friday of 2023. Hope everyone is enjoying Bowl season.

Survival – Personal Edition

Today we’re going to learn how to control a car that’s careening down a mountainside. Let’s get to it!

  • Apply firm, steady braking pressure. You want to achieve what is known as threshold braking. That’s when you’re applying the most brake pressure before the tires lock up. Once the tires lock up you lose control of the car which can increase the chances of skidding sideways and inducing a rollover.
  • Keep your hands firmly on the steering wheel. Position your hands at 10 and 2, but keep your thumbs outside of the wheel. This will give you the most control and maneuverability of the steering wheel while also keeping your hands safe if you hit something that jerks the steering wheel out of your hands.
  • Keep the car pointed downhill. Again, we don’t want to a rollover. While you can survive a rollover, the problem is you lose control of the car and can’t really decide where the car is going or when it’s going to stop.
  • Downshift. We’re going to use the engine to further brake the car. With a manual, keep downshifting until you’re in first gear. In an automatic, shift to the lowest gear. Remember to keep applying brake pressure and do not lock up the tires.
  • Control any sliding motion. As you’re going downhill, the majority of the weight will be on the front of the car. This means the rear of the car will be lighter than normal. As a result, the rear of the car will want to slide. When it does, turn into the slide. If the backend is sliding to the right, turn to the right. While doing this, you will want to add weight to the rear of the car by lightly applying gas. Once the slide is controlled, get back on the brakes.
  • Once the car has stopped, apply the emergency brake and get out of the car.
  • But wait, you’re saying: I haven’t/can’t stop! And there’s a cliff ahead! Time to get drastic and sacrifice the car for your safety.
  • Look for a large object like a boulder or fallen tree that’s about a foot tall. You want something you can high-center the car on. Turn the car so the object is centered between your wheels and drive over it while braking. If this doesn’t work, then use the next step.
  • Last resort, we’re going to ram something. For safety, you want to be going less than 20mph, seat belts on, and hopefully your airbags are functional. Make sure you ram the object with the front of your car, not the side.

With any luck you’re now stopped, uninjured, and can get out. The car may not be so lucky, but thats OK because cars can be replaced.

Click here to get to commenting

Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

 

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!

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Mr. Ayo
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yeah right

Hola!
I’ll be dammed. Another 3 day weekend.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Probably just as well that we didn’t take my mother-in-law to the beach today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My41Mcwx4jg

WCS

I mean, you had the perfect excuse if you didn’t want to deal with her anymore…

yeah right

Dude. That’s why you sit on the cliffs above and study the patterns.

I’m finding the high ground and staying the fuck away.

That’s served me well so far.

yeah right

Also as a result, I’ve gotten 5 weather alerts about high surf both at work and at home.

Senor Weaselo

All right, everyone (especially Rikki considering his last recs): Best/worst anime recs we can give Fozz, go!

Best (again, for Fozz): Death Note (because a fuck-ton of people die in it), Attack on Titan (because a fuckton of people die in it)

Worst: Any harem anime, Rascal, Violet Evergarden

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d say Ninja Scroll, because it’s cool as fuck. Eight Devils of Kimon? Hell yes. Also, a shit-ton of people die in it, especially during that first forest fight. So many that it starts raining blood.

Last edited 3 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
ballsofsteelandfury

It all starts and ends with Prison School.

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This footage is over forty years old and it’s still cool:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqeXE2h4kuc

BugEyedBoo

Not knowing jack shit about anime, I recommend Blue Eye Samurai. Kind of a cross between Kill Bill and Yentl, with added octopus bestiality.

2Pack

Great work Mr. Ayo. I’m having lady 4 for lunch… Uhmmm… I mean (not really)… Over… For lunch.

Further proof that I read Ayo mostly for the articles, I have also read recommendations to side swipe the guard rails if present and if needed. They are designed to absorb impacts and should greatly reduce speed if not stop you completely.

Additional air bags help too. But perhaps that’s what caused the distracted driving in the first place.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Marika doesn’t have to worry about airbags

WCS

Ryan Day is the new John Cooper in C-bus.

BugEyedBoo

He’s getting there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Thank you to whoever recommended the Thursday Murder Club books. I thoroughly enjoyed them.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Two down, and two more to go.

yeah right

/ takes note

The Maestro

Game. Blouses.

Redshirt

…and cue the Ohio State implosion.

Brocky

Man, if you don’t like this game, then you don’t like Big Ten football

The Maestro

That feels like Mizzou’s first successful pass play of the evening.

How the hell are they the #1 red zone offence in CFB??

herodotus450

They played an SEC pussy schedule all season.

BugEyedBoo

*wakes up* Doink!

The Maestro

Nailed it!

– B. Walsh

King Hippo

he drove so goddamned fast?

Redshirt

We cans have offense?

King Hippo

you had to taunt the FITBAW gods!

Redshirt

…and the Football Gods said DOINK!

WCS

Based on the results of the earlier Frosted Flakes Sun Bowl, Notre Dame is going to be substituted for Washington in this year’s Playoff.

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Last edited 3 months ago by WCS
Redshirt

Ryan Day (spoken): “We just gotta work with Lincoln and get him ready to play.”
Ryan Day (thinking): If we use 1 gram less than the lethal limit for pain killers…

The Maestro

Hippo’s opioids radar is at DEFCON 1 right now.

scotchnaut

Brian Kelly: (thinking) Is that Scissor Sisters intro music just a coincidence or a dig?

The Maestro

I see I’m tuning in for an absolutely riveting game.

I watched the Canadian juniors and the Sens lose already today… so really, I’m already immune to dogshit games, I suppose.

Redshirt

Go for 70, you wussies!!!

Brocky

don’t tempt me!

Zach wilson

scotchnaut

-Hard-core Cardinals in the Catholic Church, hearing that only 65 boys had been molested and had bet the over

Redshirt

Fuck Ryan Day’s incompetent ass! How do you not have the backup ready to play?! “We don’t want to play the backup.” NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY THE FUCKING BACKUP!!! You think Zac Taylor is happy with Jake Browning taking the snaps?

You’re one bad hit away from the QB getting hurt (like we just saw). Just an idiot!

Game Time Decision

Are you late or are others there earlier than usual?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Dunstan

Looks like pregame skate to me. That amount of attendance is right.

Dunstan

THESE KRAKEN, I CALL THEM ROBERT KRAFT, BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS RELEASING THEM

scotchnaut

/It’s a Small World After All Update:

Friend: “The divorce lawyer I went to says he knows you.”

Me: “Is he in Sudbury?”

Friend: “Yeah.”

Me: “Did he apologize for tearing up my lawn back when we were in high school? I caught a ton of shit for that!”

Friend: “He mentioned it but he didn’t apologize.”

Me: “Fucker!”

King Hippo

Can you fair catch free kick in JV NFL? Asking FOAR a Mizzourah.

Redshirt

So Ohio State is playing a tadpole at QB. What is Missouri’s excuse?

Brocky

It’s raining, so said tadpole gets a weather boost?

Redshirt

The poor kid is literally holding back tears. Take away his helmet and stop making him move his ankle!

Brocky

Give him the good drugs!

King Hippo

Mizzou is rolling with a ginger. You just deal with it, Mister Man!

Redshirt

.

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Redshirt

Oh, good. A True Freshman is now in at QB.

Redshirt

.

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jjfozz

Is that a shot of the moon on a burning Death Star?

jjfozz

anime. i’ve tried to watch it multiple time. different shows. whelp, it sucks ass.

Brocky

I would say something snarky, but hating things seems to be your whole personality, so here’s a gif

https://giphy.com/gifs/southparkgifs-3oz8xCk47QsglS5bKo

jjfozz

I mean I love bourbon, music, my kids, my wife (sometimes), and my country so it’s not ALL hate.

YOU CAN’T MAKE ME NOT HATE THE THINGS I LOVE!

scotchnaut

Whoa. You love your country more than you love your wife? Hate to be the one to give you the news but you’re an unrepentant Republican.

Senor Weaselo

Well, no one here recommended Ouran High School Host Club to you, so it’s your own fault.

/Yes, that’s a real one

ballsofsteelandfury

You clearly have been watching the wrong anime

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King Hippo

Fast-kicking, low-scoring action!

jjfozz

Was listening to Ace of Spades with my son, and told him to look up Lemmy.

His reaction, “Oh my god, what the hell happened to him?”

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jjfozz

Old man rant: these colleges should make every player fucking play. You let down the other guys on the team. Cowards. Old man rant over.

Redshirt

…and Ohio State’s QB is ankle ded.

Brocky

Pictured: 20 pictures of people who I am willing to bet are from neither Ohio or Missouri:

Spoiler

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2Pack

Spectacular views

jjfozz

This game is as boring as the two states being represented.

Brocky

Let’s liven things up:

jjfozz

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Redshirt

-Devin Brown’s ankle ligaments

Brick Meathook

I fly back home early on New Years Eve. I’ll be back east in February.

I propose another DFO East Coast Summit. Baltimore? NYC? The Nation’s Capital?

As long as I see fozz, BFC, WCS, and me in the same room for five minutes, I’m good.

Everyone is invited.

jjfozz

I can get down with it – NYC is a stretch but DC or Baltimore works.

Redshirt

I told Dad I’d wake him up when the game starts. Suffice it to say, he is still sleeping.

Brick Meathook

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Redshirt

Steve Helwagen on X: “Ohio State band takes the field https://t.co/5WuXa9lpSf” / X (twitter.com)

Even the TBDBITL is phoning in Script Ohio for this mid-tier bowl game.

Redshirt

Color-on-Color Game! We got a Home Kit-on-Home Kit game!

WCS

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Brick Meathook

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herodotus450

I don’t see Bill Clay on there anywhere

Redshirt

Because he was on the 29th floor. How do you not remember? Christmas was not even a week over!

Die Hard (1988) – McClane finally meets Gruber (Bill Clay) [HD] (youtube.com)

Game Time Decision

New season of “Only Murders in the Building”?

King Hippo

I volunteer to towel off this week’s leadoff hitter!

Redshirt

Please forgive me. I’m still a loyal Buckeye, but we won’t go anywhere with Ryan Day behind the wheel. So, in honor of my beloved Alma Mater and my ancestors who most likely supported the Confederacy, I’m rooting for the men from Missouri to beat the shit out of the men from Ohio.

King Hippo

Coach Samsquanch!

Brocky

I remember one time I woke up, and went to the front door to let my dog out.

To my shock, I discovered that during the night someone had burned a weird oval circle into our lawn.

In a panic, I woke my dad up, showed him, the cops were called, investigation happens, and eventually my dad asks why someone would burn a circle into our lawn.

The cop just signed, and said, “sir, that’s not a circle, that’s a zero.”

Dad: why the hell would someone burn a zero onto our lawn?

The cop just pointed to the IU flag hanging off our door: “well sir, as best I can tell, it represents the number of bowl games IU football has won in the last three decades”

I’m not sure why this story is relevant, but I just wanted to post it