It’s been a delightful day in the Scotchverse-youngest went out to kill more partridges, wife had a good mid-day snooze and I saw Sillycuse get to double digit wins in December for the first time in quite a while. More alarming is the fact that there are two open areas of water on our lake at this time of year. This is insane but my brain should have connected the dots given the fact I went for a swim on the last day of September.
To The Game!
Lions/Cowboys:
-Coach and potential jaw cancer victim Dan Campbell (he loves the chaw) gets all the credit for turning this moribund franchise completely around in three years. The scarred kneecaps? Medial collateral ligament damage.
-You’d think it would be Dallas (#5) but it’s actually Detroit (#3) that has the better overall offense. (total yards gained)
-Beware relatively new Lions safety [squints at bio] Ifeatu Melifonwu. Against the Vikes in just his third start he had a pick, two sacks, five tackles and two pass breakups.
-CeeDee only needs three catches to knock Mikey Irvin off the leaderboard for most catches in a season. Irvin still holds the record for most lines of coke snorted off the thigh of a comatose hooker in a one star motel. (not gonna lie, that’s an awfully specific stat)
-The Plugger and The Darter: Montgomery and Gibbs sound like a pair of Confederate generals that scurried back to their plantations as soon as things went south. (HA!) But they’re actually the one-two punch responsible for the third-best rushing attack in the league. Given that Dallas gave up 266 yards on the ground a few weeks ago to Buffalo, well, this is the path to victory.
-Detroit lost 24-6 to the Cowboys last year-since then they’ve gone 19-7.
-Even if Dallas extends its home winning streak they still need Philly to lose to the Giants next week. Good luck with that.
See you in the comments.
every close nfl game is just multiple nfl coaches trying to fuck a football
buddy, they wont even let me fuck it
“It’s easier if you have them deflate it first” — T. Brady
Now Charles Haley and Jimmie Johnson will pull out their johnsons at midfield.
Haley also takes a shit, don’t miss that
Are we talking about the NH primary?
To paraphrase archer:
You overturned a fat man to! That’s like killing a unicorn!
The post-game press conference should be fun.
Shit.
Took care of that this morning. But I’ll try again when I wake up tomorrow.
THIS COWBOYS VICTORY I CALL IT THE ELECTION OF DONALD TRUMP BECAUSE IT WAS THANKS TO INCOMPETENT REPORTING
and incompetent people from michigan!
Hey, who should we kick the onsides kick towards?
Well, Cee Dee Lamb has like 15 catches and 215 yards, so definitely not him.
Got it, skip!
/kicks ball directly at Cee Dee Lamb
Now, we just have to hope and pray (other than Horatio) that somebody in the playoffs decides to Belicheck-cover CeeDee Lamb.
At best they get by the first round game. At best.
I’d like to report an abundance of bananacakes
football guys are dumb, really. these last 5 minutes proves that in stone
Why is the ball at the four? Shouldn’t it be back at the two after the two penalties?
Its a Half the Distance, since they are less than double the penalty length from the goal.
half distance, probably
I would have had 68 report and then run the exact same play
That’s why you have a volcano lair and Mike McCarthy has diabetes.
Someone out Mike McCarthy’d Mike McCarthy!
THIS DISALLOWED LIONS EXTRA POINT I CALL IT REX RYAN’S LAP BAND SURGERY BECAUSE IT WAS A FAT GUY CONVERSION.
Same ol’ Loins.
Good Lord.
What an absolute clusterfuck to end the game.
BANANA-SOME-KIND-OF-TX-DESSERT!!!
CAKES?
Just cause you asked…
ALL
HAIL
BLLEEERRRGGGHHHH
HOLE. E. DOUBLE BLEERGH
BLEEEEEERGH!
Oh for the sake of all the fucks
BLEERGH doesn’t give damn about your happy ending!
HOLE. E. BLEERGH.
Oh, hook it to my veins!
….
….
FAT MAN TD!
So we’re about to find out if these are still the same old Detroit Lions
The answer …yes
FAT MAN GAME WINNER
NOPE, BLEERRGGGGHHH
One way or another, Lowratio’s in for a rough New Year’s.
Jeeeeeesus!
LOLBOYS
Although I would actually have enjoyed OT on this game, this is still better
Dan “2-Ball” Campbell
2 hands on the ball = why he’s the Sun God
Goff throws another pick?
the FG was not worth 50 seconds and 15-20 yards of field position
I hope Detroit gets 2 and wins. Whatever gets McCarthy fired.
think they want the timeout back?
Empee3 Piglet
why the fuck he chucking it NOW
Cuz he’s a moron?
Well, see, that was the time you want to establish the run, but the other team is expecting that, so Mike McCarthy, (certified genius), does the opposite, and that’s why the Cowboys will never win the Super Bowl!
Oh, he’s doing that thing that Petey tried with Marshawn Lynch!
it’s working, but you can’t throw here. Pin them inside the 10 with 50 seconds and no timeouts
/now it’s nae working
Lamb’s gonna miss the next game due to dehydration.
mmmmmm…dehydrated lamb…
Questionable: Jerky
having to accept that BLEERGH will cost DET an extra 40-45 seconds, ouch
Goff done goofed.
Nah, Wilson just made a hell of a play.
Lions vs. Cowboys is truly a case of the Irresistible Herp vs. the Immoveable Derp.
Pretty sure Jerry Jones had a case of Irresistible Herp back in the 90’s.
wanna blame goff for that but no, that was just a good int
I was literally in the middle of a comment saying Goff was gonna screw up
Baby Buster Busts Badly
Oh, did Terrence Steele fuck up at a crucial time for Dallas? Hang on while I go get my shocked face.
I’m amazed there wasn’t a flag
Like I was looking for one
STOP PREENING and you could have recovered the fumble, dickwad
Well, it’s not important because they have the ball and, oh…
Whatever you do, Detroit, don’t cover Cee Dee Lamb. Not an important part of the Dallas offense whatsoever.
Every time the Cowboys score I feel good and then they show a happy Jerry Jones and then I hate myself even more than when I graduated from law school.
These are decisions that you’re going to have to live with.
Screw him. I’ve been rooting for the Cowboys since the 70’s. He’s the asshole, let him leave.
I don’t mind seeing the canned ham being successful. But I absolutely despise the coach and owner getting the shine from it.
Boy do I have an idea for a post.
Make yourself feel better by remembering Hippo also went to law school, but also supports the #BFIB
I kicked the shit out of the LSAT and am really good at crossword puzzles.
my LSAT got me in, because I am a really good standardized test taker.
/mediocre at crosswords, though – and we won’t even mention phototography or Cards Against Humanity skillz
Same. I think I was top 2% on the LSAT. Now, is the LSAT a good predictor of how one will do in law school? Well. Let’s take a look at Horatio’s law school transcript and…oh.
No. No it is not.
yeah there is a limit how far “understanding basic game theory” will take one (though I was helped by it still being easier than my undergrad major)
You know what they call the guy who finished near the bottom of his law school class?
Nothing, because you still have to pass the Bar. Pretty sure I
D-‘d that son-of-a-bitch, but they’ve changed the scoring since I took it so I’m no longer sure.
Long story short, the LSAT means nothing and law school sucks.
yup, pass/fail. And I didn’t know anyone who failed it. As long as you TRY (attend the BAR-BRI courses or whatever they call ’em now), study as a full-time job in the lead-up, etc.
/this does NOT apply to bar exams like CA, where 2/3 don’t pass the first time (NC’s rate was like 80%, 90+ for anyone who went to a real law school)
There’s a kid in California who passed the bar at 17, his sister will break his record if she passes the bar on her first go at 16.
Californian passes state bar exam at age 17 and is sworn in as an attorney | AP News
That’s legitimately impressive, but also a sure sign of psychopathy
How did you end up with a shoulder angel that operates on Island Time?