Old men don’t stay up late to slurp champagne this evening. What they do is get up early and write game intros. And complain. They like to complain. Why wasn’t the excellent Fins/Ravens game flexed to Sunday night? Vikes/Packers instead of a balls-out contest? And another thing-no teams are on bye and yet there are still only three games in the late window. There. Done.
To The Games!
Fins/Ravens:
This is only the 4th time that the #1 defense and offense have met each other this late in the season since the merger way back when. Let’s hide it among ten other games in the same time slot. By the way, the top offense won three of the four tilts. And to top things off Miami’s D has slowly come together-they’re #1 in EPA since week 8.
Pats/Bills:
Buffalo has been up and down this year but they are 12-1 in divisional home games lately. Old Bill has never lost 12 games in a season until roughly 3:35-ish EST today. Expect Diggs to do well, he averages 10+ targets vs New England.
Falcons/Bears:
Atlanta thinks there’s no place like home because they can’t score on the road. When visiting they put up a paltry 13.6 points and back in the nest they’re good for 23. Thanks to having Carolina’s pick it doesn’t much matter what Chicago does-they have a 95+% chance of getting the first overall. So say your goodbyes to Fields.
Raiders/Colts:
Indy’s 4th-ranked pass D does a great job at shutting down the opposing team’s best wr. They’ve not given up 100 yards to any one guy since week 8. Since Coach Pierce showed up the focus has been on stopping the run and in the majority of tilts they’ve kept teams from reaching that 100 yard mark.
Panthers/Jags:
P. Girlfriend came to what was left of his senses and pulled out of this game. Apparently his injured shoulder was a question of pain management but the larger question should be, “Why the hell would I risk my most valuable asset against Carolina of all teams?”
Titans/Texans:
Can Stroud pick up where he left off? If Houston gets the W they’re in the post-season, something that no one anticipated, least of all their non-existent fans. To get there two of Nico, Schultz and Brown need to show up. The Titans have been a model of consistency-this would be their worst showing since 2015.
Rams/Giants:
Los Angles sit in the 6th spot and need to put the Giants to bed because next week they get the Niners and things would get dicey. I’m sure New York will be accommodating.
Cards/Eagles:
Can Philly get back on track? No, winning against the Giants doesn’t mean the ship is shape. They just can’t seem to execute very well and they’re giving up big pass plays on the regular.
Saints/Bucs:
Though Tampa is only at 8-7 they can clinch the South with a win. Doesn’t seem quite right but they went on a spree at exactly the right time. Evans has put in yet another ridiculous season but hasn’t gone for 100 vs New Orleans since 2018.
Niners/Commies:
Chase Young Revenge Game narrative? Consider it engaged. There’s some yakking about Brissett possibly not being able to go because he popped up on the injury report with a hammy. With 2 TD’s McCaffrey will tie Rice’s team record of 23. (although the latter did it in 12 games which is insane) Deebo and Aiyuk should feast given that the Washington D has nothing left in the tank.
Start typing.
https://twitter.com/joeybiondo/status/1741560461282222132
“Wait, we’re not playing hot potato anymore?” – Miami
THANK YOU CARDS
Jesus Christ, Eagles-Kyler is playing Frogger on the sideline!
Vertically. Enhanced. PERSONS!!!!
matt patricia
lol iggles
Art Smith: “Tyler Heineke gives us the best chance of winning going forward.”
Heineke: “9/24. 1 TD 2 INT.”
kyle pitts: *doesnt exist*
Let’s hear those sweet sweet Philly Boo Birds sing.
GO QARDS *ugh*
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trey Parker – Fire Walk With Me (to the Unemployment Office)
Lucky-assed Cowpersons.
Nawt sure on that actually, division winner might face a moar cromulent opponent than the 5 seed will
Tua – Probable, with a back injury?
Those pesky back injuries!
DOINK!
Overturned! – BLEERGH
Now, THAT’S Rikki’s Raiders!!
Red Birds vs Green Birds vs Boo Birds is just a great game.
Okay, so the Lombardi is the Ravens to lose.
This clinches #1 seed IIRC
Flacco revenge tour will be making a stop in Baltimore
Yup, my friend’s 11 yo son has become a Ravens fan and was telling me the other day all about how they’ve “basically already got the one seed, when they beat the Dolphins this week”
A Niners/Ravens Owl is looking like a strong possible. It’ll be the Battle of cities I’ve lived kinda close too!
Well, time to start stocking up on generators and gas then
If the riots reach Fremont I can always retreat to Chicago. No risk of them being in an Owl any time soon
Terry Fox doing his best imitation of the Eagles limping into the playoffs-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56fwqOPoMU4&ab_channel=TerryFoxFoundation
The secret genius in that onside kick – made it almost impossible for Philly to run the clock all the way out for a walk-off score.
I propose the flex option for Week 18 – A Surly Duff Saturday. WHO’S WITH ME??
“I’M WITH YOU!*
*what are you talking about?
(BOTH AFC South games, back to back!)
National Aquarium footage in Ballsitchmore! It is a kickass aquarium, those aren’t throwing fish!
what they just SWIM liek a bunch of cucks smgdh
They have a great jellyfish exhibit, THOSE SPINELESS BASTARDS JUST FLOAT
There’s a good one in Chattanooga too, tons of Sea Dragons.
Flying Dog Raging Bitch IPA and guac w/ chips. Worth the 10 minute walk
I wasn’t even supposed to BE HERE today! – Rebecca M., Landover, MD
Time FOAR new Glorious Five-Year Plan, Commies
The Great Stumble Forward
Step 1: Fire errybody.
Directly into the gulag!
“Sick and tired of the wheat quotas!”
-R. Rivera, about to be sent to a Siberian work camp
Do I want to walk all the way over to the D gates for free beer? I’m thinking probably
If Tua could stop being Tua…
luckily for him, he probably won’t remember today’s game anyway
We’ve got a rousing game of Hot Potato going on in Baltimore.
should the bears keep fields? should they draft caleb? make no mistake, whatever decision the bears will make it will be the wrong one
Bearsenschiesse is a universal force for fitbaw hilarity
They should just get rid of the QB position entirely. You know they want to deep in their ursine hearts
Draft Caleb, keep Strawberry Fields, let them alternate plays!
They can take turns throwing to each other!
somebody whisper THIS to Peter King in the Quiet Car!!
If Philly could just stop being Philly…
Too many hot men men in the huddle by Tennessee. Silver lining, that
The Purple Dolphin Eaters are having their way right now.
Corpsebird > Rapefish!
rapes completed is NOT a fantasy category ,, ppl forget that!
Woof. Fins getting stomped. More meetings about feelings in Miami 😖
Did the Niners underestimate the Commies or did the latter finally learn how to tackle?
Well they didn’t do any tackling on that TD run
The Commies have almost made it a game before an eventual close loss with a lot of decent teams this year
Dipping out for the afternoon to go watch UConn play hockey against that school from Cambridge.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiRJaa1wbzg
Looks like the route is on in Bmoar
Joshception!
It’s like Inception but there’s more Wyoming.
MOAR LIEK Tua cute by half right thar
A string of six consecutive punts ends with a touchdown to put the Raiders down 14-3? Probably best that this game isn’t being televised in my area.
Hurts be all like:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6VrKro8djw
I like the Rams chances against everyone except for the Niners which they won’t meet in the first round anyway.
Prediction: Allgeier ends up as Atlanta’s leading receiver with his one catch for 75 yards.
https://x.com/NFL_Memes/status/1741531433540137282?s=20
Do they nawt teach Stop Drop and Roll in western NY? Good thing I moved away before elementary school!
they only teach stop, dip, then spit
Beerguy Rob has the bills D in the tWBS memorial championship.
Ooof! Tua tried to give Achane a hospital ball but the latter was having none of it.
I, for one, think Bailey Zappe should be executed in front of Quincy Market.
Red Birds are out playing the Green Birds…and the Green Bird Fans know it.
The thrown batteries will blot out the sun!
Is Gus Edwards the most quietly effective/efficient skill player in the league? He’s constantly overlooked, never gets a feature role unless someone else is injured and it seems like the Ravens are always trying to move on from him.
Let’s Go Commies!
Putative DonT son-in-law is gonna have back issues now, but he can bring opiates for holiday gatherings. Behind every cloud, yada yada.