Into the PeriloUs Void – Early Saturday Open Thread

What, did you wake up and hope to see Premiership footy?  And then JV NFL??  Too bad, you get nothing.  Absolute fuckall.

Well, there are FA Cup ties, though the draw was pretty uninspiring (though surely nothing can bottom out as badly as Everton’s dreadful nil-nil away to Palace on Thursday, when there was barely even a shot or two on target).  Everything’s on ESPN+ so no need to even turn on your TV until after-nap NFL (one dead rubber, one tasty Surly Duff treat).

But, in case you tire of pondering your own mortality, here’s my psychic’s viewing guide:

Newcastle at Sunderland (7:45, ESPN+)

OK, this one might have some blood in it.  These two absolutely DESPISE each other, and haven’t faced off (in my recollection) since the Black Cats went down and got made a Netflix sensation.  Riots across the Northeast, please!

Sheffield United at Gilligham (10:00, ESPN+)

Team Knifey taking on (as the Brits pronounce it) Jilling Ham.  Fuck, how that makes me laugh.  Here’s my first predicted shock result, Knifey have to focus all energies on staying up.  They’ll have no focus today, and the Jills…finish.

Aston Villa at Middlesbrough (12:30, ESPN+)

Unai Emerty is a pro’s pro, so they will be focused and ready.  But expect Boro to put up a good fight, this one could come down to Extra Time.  Or flip to Team Orgy (Morecambe) if get bored.  Remember, password is ooorrrrrggggyyyyy.

There is also the Spanish Lana Del Rey Cup, if you want to be more of a hipster with your streaming.  She’s a true snapper, no doubt.