Welp, it’s finally here. As with most of the folks here, I could do without all the silly stories surrounding the game designed to draw in the casual fan. (although one story about a story-it was to be expected-that MAGAT’s were all up in arms about Swift/Kelce being some sort of psy-op that will bring more votes to Biden-that’s a keeper) I can’t stress it enough, when you’ve had your fill, run to the mute button. There’s simply too much air to fill.
To The Game!
Chiefs/Niners:
-Did I get the ‘home’ team right? (Narrator Voice: Nobody cared)
-Knock Me Over With a Dropped Pass: If reports are correct, Kadarius Toney will be starring in the role of “Player Nobody Gives a Shit About” and will not be bringing his unique brand of hapless football to the game today. Maybe it was the pass deflections that turned into interceptions, maybe it was lining up offside at a critical moment. Really, it could be anything. I’ll wager a hot fiver that his ten cent brain will be somewhere else next year.
-Don’t Bother About Trent Williams: As a whole the Niners o-line is ranked 15th in Pass Block Win Rate. That takes into account TW’s 96% rating-so yeah, the rest of the line can be had. The prevailing theory is that the Chiefs will put a speed guy like Danna or Anudike-Uzomah against him and have Chris Jones attack the middle or other side.
-In a game such as this reducing mistakes is paramount but Reid and Shanny Jr. especially tend to make errors when deciding whether or not to go for it on 4th down. By ESPN’s metric Shanny has the worst in-game decision-making skills, making the wrong call 28% of the time on non-obvious 4th downs.
-To Blitz or Not to Blitz: Chiefs DC Spagnoulo (?) employs that sort of pressure at a 32% rate. The trouble is that Purdy has a 86.4 QBR and 14 TD’s when blitzed, easily finding safety valves Kittle and McCaffrey. Spags will no doubt create some new wrinkles during the pre-snap period but how effective will they be?
-Speaking Of: Look for McCaffrey to be used early and often against the Chiefs suspect run D. San Fran will not make the same mistake the Ravens did when they came out throwing. The Niners were #1 in yards per carry on zone runs and K.C. was 31st defending. That’s the kind of statistical disparity that Shanny and run game coordinator Chris Foerster simply can’t ignore. By the same token, Reid and OC Matt Nagy would be fools not to have Pacheco running straight at Chase Young.
Guaranteed to Happen: A 30+ yard shot play to MVS. It’s happened in both playoff games so far.
-Feast or Famine: Cb L’Jarius Sneed has rightly won praise for making big plays in a timely fashion but he’s also been flagged 17(!) times so far this year for holding/pass interference, etc. as well.
It was a pleasure putting these together for the 9th(?) year. Shit, has it really been that long? Enjoy the game and comment like you’ve never commented before!
Just like Seymour Skinner trapped under his recycling, these teams have amused themselves by setting a placement distance record, and then breaking that record.
Meanwhile, the game feels like…
…wow
“That’s a great bare-ass out there, Jim!”
Pitch invasion
STREAKER
Bashful streaker according to the commentators.
Mahomes: “Screw you all! I’ll do it myself!!!”
The sentient Mumu that is Andy Reid is starting to figure out this Niners D.
Uh oh, the feed froze. I guess the fix is in and they are too ashamed to show it in New Zealand
Looks like platter-turf still sucks
Patrick Mahomes Sr., Britt Reid and Henry Ruggs III drag race on the Vegas Strip after the game, who you got?
The guilty verdict.
The tiger that ate Siegfried.
They just showed a bunch of Germans in Munich doing the tomahawk chop, so sad since it’s probably the first ever instance in history of Germans being racist
Tribute to the WWE with that flying clothesline
“Gotta follow up that clothesline with a DDT, Jim.”
OWWWWWWW
Wow, a real tackle?!?
Huh, I think ‘injury tent’ in German is ‘iron lung’?
Tötungszelt
Man, those Germans turn DARK on a dime. Still.
Apparently Temu is the same fun folks that brought us Tik Tok
I’m learning so much German, ‘hamstring’ is ‘hamstring’
Mein Gott und himmel!
Ham? — A Reid
Dee…bo?
De-boned?
Dee No
Uh oh, Deebo.
Deebo with a hammy owie?
Hammy for Deebo?
It’s all about the puntery now. Just like that ded kid from the Tits woulda wanted.
Nach Kittle est wide-ass open
Ya!
They just showed Taylor and my son only noticed Ice Spice. Good hustle kid.
Shows he enjoys the booty.
I think they just said the Chiefs defense has bad feng shui. Seems legit
Gwen Stefani still looks incredible
…plastic surgery has come a looooong way.
Can’t say I blame her. This isn’t criticism
just as plastic as when she was originally a famous, bad singer
She’s 3 years older than Wilford Brimley was when he filmed Cocoon.
yeah, she does at least have less DIABEETUHS
That’s not a remotely fair comp.
Wilford Brimley has looked the same since he was 5, though
Giving up girl power and embracing anorexia instead has benefits
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA of course that choad is a Cowpersons supporter
Why did they have to ruin a perfectly good Mr T commercial with Tony Romo?
Mister T is STILL ALIVE???
Not by his appearance.
I mean, he all shriveled up but I guess all the swole at least ain’t turn into belly?
I think he’s always been a teetolar
Or however you spell it
And hocking slip on shoes
‘tush push’ in German is ‘tush push’
TayTay be all like fuck it, I’m drunk and still rich and famous!
If things keep going like this, Travis is going to have to wear the Jason Kelce mask to bed all week.
Her boyfriend finally did something at the Usher concert
Andy’s wondering why the buffet closed at 1 pm
We were empty, Coach Reid. THERE SIMPLY IS NO MOAR
Are they sure?
Burned a timeout. FOAR THAT
GOFERITPUSSAYYYY
Yo ,wtaf
The Andyricrrats
The matt Nagy effect?
Is that you Wilbon?
More Germans and Aussies!
An official partner of the NFL
I wish I could forget Ross Geller.
I have-I just pretended we were on a break.
Give Wishnowsky the damned MVP.
I have been dying for a punter to win. JUST ONCE.
That was a nice bounce indeed
Is it just the Germans that keep cutting to shots of Greenlaw limping?
Those German announcers must be excited by how much the Chiefs are shitting the bed
Were you in that shot?
Mahomes becoming 2024 Paul Crewe.
Can he hit Shanahan in the nertz?
The Wrecked Crewe
Half may be over, but I hear Hall & Oates “Missed Opportunities”
The CBS Matrix is still glitching.like this was an episode of Max Headroom
Bundled that one
MAHOMES BEEN REPOSSESSED
DAS INTARCEPTION!!!
Ein schleceter throw ein Mahomes, smh
Oh my.
Isiah Pacheco Draft Kings Player of the Game
I don’t understand why they don’t just get Up With People to do the halftime show again
We’re pretty anti-people lately.
Well most of Up With People is 60 years old now.
And previous halftime shows have been much younger?
Great googily moogily
Pacheco could probably use a hug.
EIN INCOMPLETE PASS EIN FAILURE
ja!