Your Superb Owl Open Thread

Welp, it’s finally here. As with most of the folks here, I could do without all the silly stories surrounding the game designed to draw in the casual fan. (although one story about a story-it was to be expected-that MAGAT’s were all up in arms about Swift/Kelce being some sort of psy-op that will bring more votes to Biden-that’s a keeper) I can’t stress it enough, when you’ve had your fill, run to the mute button. There’s simply too much air to fill.

To The Game!

Chiefs/Niners:

-Did I get the ‘home’ team right? (Narrator Voice: Nobody cared)

-Knock Me Over With a Dropped Pass: If reports are correct, Kadarius Toney will be starring in the role of “Player Nobody Gives a Shit About” and will not be bringing his unique brand of hapless football to the game today. Maybe it was the pass deflections that turned into interceptions, maybe it was lining up offside at a critical moment. Really, it could be anything. I’ll wager a hot fiver that his ten cent brain will be somewhere else next year.

-Don’t Bother About Trent Williams: As a whole the Niners o-line is ranked 15th in Pass Block Win Rate. That takes into account TW’s 96% rating-so yeah, the rest of the line can be had. The prevailing theory is that the Chiefs will put a speed guy like Danna or Anudike-Uzomah against him and have Chris Jones attack the middle or other side.

-In a game such as this reducing mistakes is paramount but Reid and Shanny Jr. especially tend to make errors when deciding whether or not to go for it on 4th down. By ESPN’s metric Shanny has the worst in-game decision-making skills, making the wrong call 28% of the time on non-obvious 4th downs.

-To Blitz or Not to Blitz: Chiefs DC Spagnoulo (?) employs that sort of pressure at a 32% rate. The trouble is that Purdy has a 86.4 QBR and 14 TD’s when blitzed, easily finding safety valves Kittle and McCaffrey. Spags will no doubt create some new wrinkles during the pre-snap period but how effective will they be?

-Speaking Of: Look for McCaffrey to be used early and often against the Chiefs suspect run D. San Fran will not make the same mistake the Ravens did when they came out throwing. The Niners were #1 in yards per carry on zone runs and K.C. was 31st defending. That’s the kind of statistical disparity that Shanny and run game coordinator Chris Foerster simply can’t ignore. By the same token, Reid and OC Matt Nagy would be fools not to have Pacheco running straight at Chase Young.

Guaranteed to Happen: A 30+ yard shot play to MVS. It’s happened in both playoff games so far.

-Feast or Famine: Cb L’Jarius Sneed has rightly won praise for making big plays in a timely fashion but he’s also been flagged 17(!) times so far this year for holding/pass interference, etc. as well.

It was a pleasure putting these together for the 9th(?) year. Shit, has it really been that long? Enjoy the game and comment like you’ve never commented before!

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King Hippo

Just like Seymour Skinner trapped under his recycling, these teams have amused themselves by setting a placement distance record, and then breaking that record.

WCS

Meanwhile, the game feels like…

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Petronel

…wow

WCS

“That’s a great bare-ass out there, Jim!”

Recovery Whiskey

Pitch invasion

WCS

STREAKER

Redshirt

Bashful streaker according to the commentators.

Redshirt

Mahomes: “Screw you all! I’ll do it myself!!!”

Doktor Zymm

Uh oh, the feed froze. I guess the fix is in and they are too ashamed to show it in New Zealand

Recovery Whiskey

Looks like platter-turf still sucks

clint greasewood

Patrick Mahomes Sr., Britt Reid and Henry Ruggs III drag race on the Vegas Strip after the game, who you got?

WCS

The guilty verdict.

Beerguyrob

The tiger that ate Siegfried.

Doktor Zymm

They just showed a bunch of Germans in Munich doing the tomahawk chop, so sad since it’s probably the first ever instance in history of Germans being racist

LemonJello

Tribute to the WWE with that flying clothesline

Beerguyrob

“Gotta follow up that clothesline with a DDT, Jim.”

Petronel

OWWWWWWW

Porky Prime

Wow, a real tackle?!?

Doktor Zymm

Huh, I think ‘injury tent’ in German is ‘iron lung’?

Recovery Whiskey

Tötungszelt

King Hippo

Man, those Germans turn DARK on a dime. Still.

Recovery Whiskey

Apparently Temu is the same fun folks that brought us Tik Tok

Doktor Zymm

I’m learning so much German, ‘hamstring’ is ‘hamstring’

Beerguyrob

Mein Gott und himmel!

Recovery Whiskey

Ham? — A Reid

Petronel

Dee…bo?

Game Time Decision

Dee No

Redshirt

Uh oh, Deebo.

LemonJello

Deebo with a hammy owie?

King Hippo

It’s all about the puntery now. Just like that ded kid from the Tits woulda wanted.

Doktor Zymm

Nach Kittle est wide-ass open

ballsofsteelandfury

Ya!

Porky Prime

They just showed Taylor and my son only noticed Ice Spice. Good hustle kid.

Beerguyrob

Shows he enjoys the booty.

Doktor Zymm

I think they just said the Chiefs defense has bad feng shui. Seems legit

Wakezilla

Gwen Stefani still looks incredible

Brocky

…plastic surgery has come a looooong way.

Can’t say I blame her. This isn’t criticism

King Hippo

just as plastic as when she was originally a famous, bad singer

Porky Prime

She’s 3 years older than Wilford Brimley was when he filmed Cocoon.

King Hippo

yeah, she does at least have less DIABEETUHS

Wakezilla

Wilford Brimley has looked the same since he was 5, though

Doktor Zymm

Giving up girl power and embracing anorexia instead has benefits

King Hippo

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA of course that choad is a Cowpersons supporter

Porky Prime

Why did they have to ruin a perfectly good Mr T commercial with Tony Romo?

King Hippo

Mister T is STILL ALIVE???

yeah right

Not by his appearance.

King Hippo

I mean, he all shriveled up but I guess all the swole at least ain’t turn into belly?

Brocky

I think he’s always been a teetolar

Or however you spell it

Game Time Decision

And hocking slip on shoes

Doktor Zymm

‘tush push’ in German is ‘tush push’

King Hippo

TayTay be all like fuck it, I’m drunk and still rich and famous!

WCS

If things keep going like this, Travis is going to have to wear the Jason Kelce mask to bed all week.

Wakezilla

Her boyfriend finally did something at the Usher concert

Recovery Whiskey

Andy’s wondering why the buffet closed at 1 pm

King Hippo

We were empty, Coach Reid. THERE SIMPLY IS NO MOAR

Beerguyrob

Are they sure?

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King Hippo

Burned a timeout. FOAR THAT

Porky Prime

GOFERITPUSSAYYYY

Brocky

Yo ,wtaf

Gatoraids

The Andyricrrats

Brocky

The matt Nagy effect?

NotShogunButShogun

Is that you Wilbon?

Petronel

More Germans and Aussies!

Doktor Zymm

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An official partner of the NFL

makeitsnowondem

I wish I could forget Ross Geller.

makeitsnowondem

Give Wishnowsky the damned MVP.

King Hippo

I have been dying for a punter to win. JUST ONCE.

Petronel

That was a nice bounce indeed

Doktor Zymm

Is it just the Germans that keep cutting to shots of Greenlaw limping?

Dunstan

Those German announcers must be excited by how much the Chiefs are shitting the bed

Brocky

Were you in that shot?

ThePirateSloth

Mahomes becoming 2024 Paul Crewe.

Porky Prime

Can he hit Shanahan in the nertz?

Recovery Whiskey

The Wrecked Crewe

King Hippo

Half may be over, but I hear Hall & Oates “Missed Opportunities”

LemonJello

The CBS Matrix is still glitching.like this was an episode of Max Headroom

Recovery Whiskey

Bundled that one

makeitsnowondem

MAHOMES BEEN REPOSSESSED

Doktor Zymm

DAS INTARCEPTION!!!

Doktor Zymm

Ein schleceter throw ein Mahomes, smh

LemonJello

Oh my.

Gatoraids

Isiah Pacheco Draft Kings Player of the Game

Dunstan

I don’t understand why they don’t just get Up With People to do the halftime show again

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We’re pretty anti-people lately.

Recovery Whiskey

Well most of Up With People is 60 years old now.

Game Time Decision

And previous halftime shows have been much younger?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Great googily moogily

King Hippo

Pacheco could probably use a hug.

Doktor Zymm

EIN INCOMPLETE PASS EIN FAILURE

King Hippo

ja!

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