Monday Morning Mock Draft: Oh God He’s In The 80’s Again!!

Morning folks.  Today’s the first Monday of Daylight Savings Time, thanks to those fucking farmers.  Or something.  Whatever.  Hopefully you were able to get up on time and aren’t late for work, so you can spend the appropriate amount of time avoiding work by participating in this here draft.

The 1980’s were the formative decade in a young Horatio’s life.  They started when I was 11, they ended when I was 21, or close enough for this already strained point.  A lot happens in a youngster’s life during those years:  you get taller, your voice changes, hair starts appearing where there wasn’t hair before, and boners-at-awkard-times become an ever present challenge.

Basically you grow up.

Last off-season, and courtesy of RTD, we drafted bands’ discography’s from the 80’s.  This week we’re drafting movie from the 1980’s.  I did consider doing something similar to the band draft and taking an actor from the 80’s and then you’d get his or her output from that decade.  But then I’d take Eddie Murphy with the first pick, someone would take John Cusack with the second, and by the time Molly Ringwald went third we’d be out of movies.

So, your mission this week is to draft movies from the 80’s.  If it’s a movie that came out between 1/1/80 and 12/31/89, (don’t give me any shit about how the zero year is actually the last year of the preceding decade:  I promise you I do not care), it is eligible.  Bonus points if your pick is an excellent representation of what the 80’s was all about.

Which is the rise of Reaganism and subsequent, and very much directly related, decline of America.  But that’s another story.

Your commissioner for this week is the late and lamented John Hughes.  The director of such 80’s stalwarts, (and now remarkably problematic), films like ‘Sixteen Candles,’ ‘The Breakfast Club,’ ‘Weird Science,’ and (and I did not know this before right now), the criminally overlooked ‘Uncle Buck.’

A true honor to have his ghostly presence monitor our draft, and perhaps explain how Anthony Michael Hall having banged that girl at the end of Sixteen Candles when she was passed out isn’t rape.

It was a different time.

Also you’re probably largely on your own today.  Tomorrow is the 29th anniversary of Mrs. Horatio making a horrible, horrible decision, then somehow doubling down on it for the next three decades.  Depending on her work schedule we’ll likely be out and about enjoying this wonderful Smarch weather.

With the first pick I will take the movie that was on the other day that inspired this particular draft.

1983’s ‘Trading Places.’  Directed by John Landis, (a/k/a “That Other John Guy With All The 1980’s Movies”), and starring the aforementioned 1980’s powerhouse Eddie Murphy, with Dan Akroyd and an absolutely smoking Jamie Lee Curtis providing able support, Trading Places spends it’s running time skewering insider trading, wealth disparities, racist preconceptions, the war on drugs, and many other things that made the 1980’s the, well, the 1980’s.

Also it’s really funny and Jamie Lee shows her boobs.

The rest of you are on the clock.

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Return of the Jedi. The original version with Ewoks singing and some old dude instead of Hayden Christensen

yeah right

Pick #5.

Predator.

BugEyedBoo

Oh hell yes!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3. Repo Man!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Princess Bride is still on the table. As you wish.

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Wow. Straight up fail on our part.

SonOfSpam

Late to the party…I’ll take Lethal Weapon, where Martin Riggs taught me the proper way to control a jump.

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Game Time Decision

I’m too old for this shit

scotchnaut

Back to back pics because I wasn’t here this morning

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Raising Arizona for the ctrl f crowd.

scotchnaut

/races to podium

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LemonJello

Goddammit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2. Got a draft strategy, am sticking to it.

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yeah right

Selection #4.

Robocop.

ballsofsteelandfury

With my Seventh pick, I’ll take Fletch

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Game Time Decision

from wiki

It is a common myth in the United States that DST was first implemented for the benefit of farmers.[36][37][38] In reality, farmers have been one of the strongest lobbying groups against DST since it was first implemented.[36][37][38] The factors that influence farming schedules, such as morning dew and dairy cattle’s readiness to be milked, are ultimately dictated by the sun, so the clock change introduces unnecessary challenges

Most of the reasons are to save energy, but *wanking* motion, it just fells like those who slept in wanted more light later.

King Hippo

Let’s Blacken things up a little, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgHcYxKjwVE

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok I am taking two here, pretend it’s the end of the snake.

Field of Dreams and Bull Durham.

Sharkbait

Double pick?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

John Hughes can try and stop me but I can kick the shit out of him, dead or alive.

Senor Weaselo

1st pick: Rocky IV. The one where Rocky wins the Cold War!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Naked Gun. /micdrop

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LemonJello

2nd Pick: Police Academy

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yeah right

Just sitting there waiting to be plucked.

Pick #3.

Scarface.

ballsofsteelandfury

With my sixth pick, I’ll take The Running Man

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LemonJello

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BugEyedBoo

Temple of Doom was picked, and Raiders was sitting out there.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Karen Allen annoyed the shit out of me on that film.

BugEyedBoo

Pretty sure she’s meant to, but I get it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

1. Can’t pass this up: Real Genius

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Got into this discussion on Blue Sky: yes, the movie aged poorly and perhaps contributed to the rise of a toxic subtype of nerdery. But 95% of comedies age poorly, and I would argue Revenge of the Nerds had already set us down that path.

ballsofsteelandfury

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Brocky

Pick #4: Major League 1989

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ballsofsteelandfury

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuuuuuck this should have been mine. Damn work.

Fronkenshteen

The Feelies play live in the dance scenes, too!

yeah right

Pick #2.

Beverly Hills Cop.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Great value

ballsofsteelandfury

With my fifth pick, I’ll take History of the World Part 1

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Redshirt

(thinks) “Heh, the Steelers got Wilson. Sucks to be them.”

(spoken) “What a minute. I only thought it. I didn’t say it! IT DOESN’T COUNT IF I DON’T SAY IT! IT DOESN’T….”

Bengals WR Tee Higgins requests trade ahead of free agency (usatoday.com)

Redshirt
Brocky

My third pick: Die Hard

Just so I can piss people off by officially declaring that it’s Not a Christmas movie!

Redshirt

Because Bruce Willis has cleared it up, I will permit the blasphemy. This time.

Die Hard is Not a Christmas Movie (MF) (youtube.com)

Brocky

You know, maybe if people hadn’t run this joke into the ground, I might not take it so personally,

But now it’s turned into this weird subculture based entirely on gatekeeping, so, Nay, I say!

Don T

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ballsofsteelandfury

With my fourth pick, I’ll take Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Sloane is a goddess

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ballsofsteelandfury

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King Hippo

Pin-up girl for the Preppie Handbook era

BugEyedBoo

I’m in the minority that thinks Ferris should be stuffed in a sack with a bunch of cinder blocks and thrown in the Chicago River. But the movie does have Mia Sara in it, so…

ballsofsteelandfury

She’s by far the best thing about that movie

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Ferris should. But I maintain Cameron is the actual protagonist, as he is the only one to have any emotional growth

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s the 80s. Who needs emotional growth?

Redshirt

Alternative Viewpoint: Cameron is the only person who is real. Everything that happened was in his mind so he could work up the courage to stand up to his father.

Redshirt

Jeannie is the secondary protagonist

Redshirt

Ferris has no redeemable traits. He’s Zach Morris with Gordon Gekko’s morals.

yeah right

The Breakfast Club

King Hippo

Better Off Dead

My dad and I came across this gem on HBO after midnight (he must have dozed off watching the Braves earlier or he wouldn’t have been up). He was a taciturn man, but this moviefilm made him laugh so hard it woke my mom up.

Don T

$2! Nooo, I can’t swim!!

King Hippo

How you say…octopus? Testicles??

Sharkbait

Tentacles! Tentacles…NT

Sharkbait

Can I take Better Off Dead and One Crazy Summer together since they’re essentially the same movie?

King Hippo

You have the 2nd to keep Hippo from Witchery

Brocky

My 2nd pick:

Batman 1989:

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Don T

58, 59, 30 minutes.
“Top Secret”, great comedy, has one of top-ten fave jokes
https://youtu.be/nkWj-jd1ric?si=adqBAf1c06XUE53U

ballsofsteelandfury

I have three picks in my head but I can guarantee that no one will pick them, so I’ll save them for the late rounds.

With my third pick, I’ll take Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

Rex Ryan approved!

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Brocky

Do we have to wait an hour or 30 mins between picks?

ballsofsteelandfury

I believe that 30 minutes is de rigueur

Last edited 2 months ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Redshirt

It is the ’80s, the Decade of Cocaine. Shouldn’t the draft be a dozen picks manically back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back only to be followed by three hours of breakdown and court-ordered rehab?

Don T

Da raaa… Da rararara raaaa…
We’re all in this together, “Brazil”
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Brocky

Who framed Roger rabbit

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Also the badly drawn babe doesn’t hurt

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dammit, I thought that would drop a few rounds.

Brocky

Didn’t you steal my Cathy Ireland pick a few weeks ago?

Take that!

LemonJello

That was ME! BWAHHHhaHAhaHAAAAA!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can I trade my second rounder to bundle two thirds?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There are too many good options but I’ll take Airplane! to start.

Brocky

I once got in trouble for walking around the house quoting Mrs cleaver

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Sharkbait

First pick

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

It’s half a great movie. Then they go to Germany.

ballsofsteelandfury

With my second pick, I’ll take Bachelor Party.

Tom Hanks’ best movie

ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

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LemonJello

Congrats to the Cornblowers!

Does Lowratio get a day off, or is he getting worked extra hard today?

ballsofsteelandfury

Who do you think is doing the heavy lifting today?

BugEyedBoo

.

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LemonJello

1st pick: The Empire Strikes Back

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LemonJello

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ballsofsteelandfury

With my first pick, I take 16 Candles.

ballsofsteelandfury

And I always saw it as they were both drunk (she more than him), but she was awake when they did it. And then she passed out again.

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Last edited 2 months ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Redshirt

How in the Hell is Animal House the high road?!

(NSFW – Uncensored Version – Nudity/Profanity/Homosexual Slur)

http s:/ /w ww.you tube.co m/w atch?v= Z6V Oiw7kdeA

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