Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Naïveté in grown ups is often charming. But when coupled with vanity, it is indistinguishable from stupidity [in bed].
Eric Hoffer
I’m not even sure what this is about. Looking for suggestions from yinz below. This might be the first one that doens’t work.
Tomorrow oldest GTD has her uni grad. Congrats to her. The only reason that I mention it, is because with the whole naming of arenas, it’s taking place at “Slush Puppie Place”. I will be strongly advocating for all pictures to have the name of the arena in full view.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
We gotta new Rudy Giuliani mug shot.
Redshirt
I cleaned the grease trap on my grill tonight. It was gross.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I’m more and more convinced that open fire is the way to go. Just drip that shit into the flames, none of this greasetrap or cooking utensil you have to clean shit. Fire cleanses!
Doktor Zymm
Spoken like someone with a secret lair on a volcano island
Mr. Ayo
With a name like Hyman, its probably good that he’s not a goalie.
LemonJello
I worked at a studio with a kid whose last name was Hyman, and of course he was immediately given the nickname “Buster.”
Brick Meathook
So…. this is what happens when brocky is allowed to buy his own birthday cake:
Brocky
You don’t seem like a Brian. Pick a new Christian name smh
King Hippo
Not his fault if the pastry taco people can’t spell ‘Brocky’
Doktor Zymm
I think Hunter Biden and Trump should share a cell and they should make a sit-com out of it.
Horatio Cornblower
Just got a spam call from Italy Ireland, same thing, right?
Game Time Decision
Right.
/ Tries to decide if he wants to hear The Cure or The Cult.
2Pack
searches youtube for Cure and Cult mashups, but comes up empty. WTF internet, get on this for my random “why not both at once” joke.
Game Time Decision
She Sells Sanctuary to Love Cats
SonOfSpam
Friday I’m in Love Removal Machine.
scotchnaut
Hollow Man Inside My Mouth
ballsofsteelandfury
Gumby sez yinz are all fuckheads!
Gumbygirl
I’m posting this because-
1-Tom Grossi used his Packers YT channel to start getting his followers to donate to a kid’s hospital.
2-He set himself an impossible goal of raising $1,000,000.
3-He did it in three years.
scotchnaut
England last won the WC on July 30th, 1966. The Maple Leafs last won the Stanley Cup ten months later on May 2nd, 1967. Coincidence? Nope.
scotchnaut
How did this impact, and how it will impact, future Leafs draft picks and coaching hires?
WCS
Injuries, refereeing, shit midfield play, sloppy disposals, poor kicking.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Is that your AFL team, or your local team?
Horatio Cornblower
Holy fuck it’s both
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Just got back from 2nd PT session. It seems to be working, with everything else hurting my lower back and knees aren’t bothering me as much!
ArmedandHammered
Can anyone spare some money for bail?
https://www.foxnews.com/sports/reds-fan-tased-arrested-after-running-onto-field-doing-backflip-front-officer.amp
Redshirt
If you think I believe anyone associated with this site is capable of doing a backflip…
Horatio Cornblower
starting a backflip – yes
landing a backflip – oh hell no
Game Time Decision
‘We got a LOT of surprise AGAIN this week” is also how Mrs. Horatio told me we were having our second child.
Horatio Cornblower
My commentary (unpublished) on the Dr. Mrs. attempt to park the car straight in the garage this evening.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Man, did I ever wince at the phrase chipped balls.
King Hippo
Gumbygirl
I’m not willing to say that I’m a raging alcoholic, but I ran out of sweet sweet booze so I’m drinking vanilla extract until the DoorDash delivery of cheap vodka gets here.
Brick Meathook
I wouldn’t say you’re a raging alcoholic. You seem pretty calm about it.
Dunstan
THESE EDMONTON OILERS, I CALL THEM AL GORE BECAUSE THEY ARE HAVING THEIR DREAMS CRUSHED BY FLORIDA
Dunstan
Redshirt
/just so you know my wife is a goddamn rock so I had to do this-I had no choice
Me: “Are you nervous?”
Wifey: “These guys are the very best, folks come from all over the world to have this surgery here.”
Me: “Of course. But in your profession you’ve seen surgeries go bad. And you’re still not worried?”
Wifey: “Not in the least.”
Me: “Not even a little bit?”
Wifey: “Maybe you could fuck off to your hotel room right now.”
Dear Readers: The message was received loud and clear. (she gave me a goodbye hug, like I said, she’s a rock)
scotchnaut
Hope it all goes well! Make sure to bring your phone and record anything funny she says while coming out of the anesthesia because she won’t remember it and it’ll probably be fun to share later
Doktor Zymm
Tire successfully replaced, now my car is ready to venture forth once again into the scrap metal collection yard that is the California highway system!
In the book I’m reading right now there are living roads left over from the pre-Chromotacian society that move all non-organic debris off of the roads (they absorb organic debris for fuel). I really wish someone would hurry up and invent this technology instead of faffing around with ugly trucks and AI recipes for mustard gas.
Doktor Zymm
Dok running errands, Artist’s Interpretation:
LemonJello
Considering those dolls are only about 5’4′ they may actually be mid-sized breasts on a much taller doll. But then, I am a boob man so I really want to see what they call large or xxl on on of those dolls. I would take one each of the dolls listed, as those sorority lesbian sex scenes won’t act themselves out.
ArmedandHammered
…as those sorority lesbian sex scenes won’t act themselves out.
“They also don’t write themselves, either.” – a frustrated screenwriter, trying to get sleazy Hollywood producers DTZM and RTD to actually pay his invoice
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Since these are from China, I wonder if there are tariffs?
Doktor Zymm
Who will introduce the Fucktoy Freedom Act in Congress to stop this????
King Hippo
Boebert would raise a hand, but they’re both, uh,”occupied” right now…
LemonJello
My wife once suggested it’d be funny if John Rambo hadn’t even actually gone to war. He was just a dude who bought some gear at a military surplus store, got hassled, and still took out the entire Oregon National Guard.
I can’t pinpoint how to converse on the idea but, at It’s roots, it does kind of ring as funny.
blaxabbath
Found a funny:
EVIL MAGIC HAT: put me on
ME: no, not interested
EVIL MAGIC HAT: if you put me on we can teach your dog to play drums so you can start your band
ME: fuck alright
rockingdog
Well, I was not expecting to hear your origin story tonight, but I did always suspect it involved an evil magic hat.
Dunstan
Sexy Friday Appropriate?
Redshirt
Have them contact 911 or do it yourself if possible.
Leave me out of this…
WCS
Found a funny:
by law, an alligator has to release his grip on you if you tell him you’ll see him later
rockingdog
Called pizza place right when they opened. I would like to pick up a pie please.
It will be an hour. Why? Well, the oven has to heat up. I asked why don’t you turn it on before you open?
Hear me out, then you can serve people right at opening.
litre_cola
What do you want to do for Father’s Day litre?
7 am Oranje futbol
10 am Danish futbol, mmmm danishes.
1 pm MITRRRROOOOO futbol
3 pm CPL futbol Cavs in BC Dick town for their tilt.
6 pm sleep.
litre_cola
Makin’ love in the afternoon
With Cecilia, up in my bedroom
I get up to wash my face
When I come back to bed, someone’s taken my place
Look, I don’t mean to slut-shame, but that’s kind of fucked up, Cecilia.
Dunstan
I might need to get this
Doktor Zymm
Just had drinks, dinner and drinks with BFC. I give faith he is real and spectacular.
And we badmouthed alla youse 😂😂😂
Don T
Pre-Game: “In over 50 years of coaching, this is Wade Phillips first championship game appearance…”
(fast forward to the 4th Quarter, team down 22-0, getting penalized for Too Many Players and him being caught asking “Well, why didn’t he get off?”)
Announcers: “…and that is why!”
Redshirt
Maybe the Oilers will learn a lesson from the Slovenians.
Good things happen when you take shots.
ballsofsteelandfury
I like how the Stanley Cup Finals are a mirror image of the NBA Finals.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
At this point, I almost hope the Oilers force a seventh game, just so that Gary Bettman has to keep flying back and forth between Edmonton and Miami waiting to have his moment of getting booed.
And yeah, Florida fans, that’s your fucking job. Vegas fans kind of shit the bed on that last year. You’ve been in the league for decades now, you should know the traditions!
Dunstan
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
The Cult/The Cure joke is one that just keeps on giving.
The Cult/The Cure joke is one that just keeps on giving.
The Cult/The Cure joke is one that just keeps on giving.
Interplanetary Dick Joke:
https://gizmodo.com/nasa-perseverance-rover-giant-penis-mars-1851540382
They’re apparently finally making Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money
I hope they find it!
Hrm, given History of the World part 2 I am somewhat suspicious
“Mel Brooks could use an international airport, Mr. Bezos”
ANNOUNCER: Is this to be the first seismic shock of Euro 2024?
Um, did you not fucking watch Belgium get beat? Do your fucking job, you lazy twit!
Fox really does blow goats. I have PROOF.
“Hmm, I wonder what this button does…” – WCS
https://abcnews.go.com/US/statewide-911-outage-reported-massachusetts/story?id=111225490
Apropos of nothing other than it’s always nice to see someone beat the shit out of Sean Avery.
https://x.com/hockeyfights/status/1803117281876340941
It would be even more pleasant if another Flames player jumped on him after the refs broke it up yelling “SLOPPY SECONDS! SLOPPY SECONDS!”
If they don’t give each grad a slush puppie then they are doing naming rights all wrong
I checked the website and totes getting a slushhie tomorrow and prob a brain freeze
Is there any form of “puppy” that isn’t the greatest thing ever? Hush puppies, slush puppies, sweater puppies…
Don’t forget actual baby dogs
I presumed that was implicit.
Speaking of “fire cleanses”, I have a wasps nest I must deal with. I have the spray but I’ll be waiting until after dark to make sure they are all at home.
RTD, Artist’s Interpretation:
THIS RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY, I CALL HIM PLANKTON, BECAUSE F IS FOR FIRE THAT BURNS DOWN THE WHOLE TOWN.
My kids loved that show. Once I was at a friend’s house and his kid had a SpongeBob ‘F is for Friends’ shirt on so I started sinning “F is for fire that burns down the whole town” and he started yelling at me and his kid came right in with “U’s for uranium bomb” and then he looked like the boring Dad, unlike me, who was super cool because I knew all the words to a song geared to 8-year-olds.
It’s a small triumph, but my own.
Don’t set anything extra on fire, unless it’s really fun of course
I think it works okay, being fun and energetic in bed counts for a lot, it’s certainly more enjoyable than being with a starfish who thinks simply being present while being attractive is the height of pleasure for their partner.
It absolutely works!
I guess that’s my naivete showing
[debates whether to kick Game Time Decision out of bed]
no need to kick, just ask
/hangs head in shame
You Canadians are so adorably polite with your “consent”!
“Naivete? In bed? Why you bringing Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the 3 Kings and all them animals into your bed? You some kind of freak?”
-Emmet Smiff
Great. Just great. Now I’ve gotta deal with Lowratio’s ears burning!