As you may have guessed, I don’t have high hopes for this game. Fortunately, when it comes to football I’ve been wrong many, many times before.
Minutiae:
-Eli Manning heads the list of retired players that are eligible for the first time to be voted into the Hall of Fame. I have some bad news-he’s eventually going to get in. His thin resume is that he led the Giants to two miraculous upsets of the hated Pats, he was very much liked by the media and players alike, he played in New York his entire career and he is a successful social media personality. Yes, the bar is that low.
-Some Browns rookie pleaded no contest to some lesser domestic violence charges. Mike Hall Jr. will be experiencing a wee deja vu on Sunday when the Giants plead same halfway through the third quarter.
-No one is scoring these days-a rookie QB has yet to toss a score through the air so far. Well, with the exception of the Saints. Their 91 points scored so far is the most any team has put on the board since 2009. Much like an intense discussion regarding meatballs in the Fozz household there will be a cooling-off period. Mainly because so far they’ve refused to play three wr sets and defenses will adjust to that right quick.
-Tee Higgins’ pretend groin sprain is coming along nicely-he practiced today.
To The Game!
Pats/Jets:
-Is Jacoby Brissett the perfect cromulent bridge QB? Though he’s yet to throw for 150+ yards he’s also not thrown an INT and made good game-managing decisions. That resulted in the upset vs Cincy and the OT loss to Seattle. This is everything you hope your future tablet-toting QB can do while the rook-in-waiting gets up to speed.
-Mike Williams was treated like the injury-prone dude that he is in week one-he ran all of two routes. Last week he didn’t get many targets but route participation ramped up to 23. This week? With Garrett Wilson drawing #1db Christian Gonzalez it would appear that the 6’3″, 218 Williams will be covered primarily by the 5’9″, 185lb Jonathan Jones. Jump ball, anyone?
-Aaron Rodgers has all of one pass over 17 yards to date. He’s kinda exactly what the Jets need right now, someone that doesn’t turn the ball over. He might think he’s still a dynamic difference-maker but those days are gone.
-Futility, meet the Jets-they have all of one non-OT win over New England since 2011.
Guys we got a problem.
My brother that lives in New York is giving updates about the game.
He’s been in new york since 2007, I’m worried he’s gonna get caught up in the hype and become a jets fan
Friends don’t let friends become Jets fans.
We barely seem to talk outside of familal obligations. There’s an age gap, and he’s the oldest half brother while I’m the youngest.
Still, gotta say something
Is this field a weirdy drab color, or is there something going on with my tv?
Remember, it is New Jersey. The toxic waste has probably permeated the field by now.
It’s not your TV. Damn field is almost grey.
The Pantone ‘turf’ color costs extra
As a Hunter owner I haven’t been more depressed by a Mr Hooper since his death on Sesame street.
Brisket just got shredded….good for sammies
Damn Bill Belichick is dating a 24 year old, but given his proclivity for trading down he’ll be helping his next girlfriend sell Peanut Butter Patties
If you know who Guybrush Threepwood is, you’re an Honorary Old Ass Pirate.
Old-ass pirate, or old ass-pirate?
(And I never played Curse of Monkey Island)
Oooh, I miss those games
Good Old Games will sell them to you for like a buck apiece. Dig a little harder and you might find them for free.
I have the Special Editions that came out a few years back. You can toggle between the new art and old school pixels. It’s glorious.
The NFL and Amazon can’t or won’t pay for the rights to Don’t Stop Believin’?”
I didn’t know Ramsey was the anglicized version of Habsburg
Stupid Rodgers points
Raekwon McMillan, the grand marshal of the Boston St. Patrick’s Day parade
Just so long as, you know what, never mind
Do I sit here and make dick jokes with y’all?
Or take the dog(s) and walk over to the bar a block away for some beer and dog socializing.
Hmm dick jokes, but I could really use some cold beer.
Also, Pirate pick up lines:
Ya fine lass, I’d love to drop me anchor in yer lagoon!
Why not go back to me ship and ya can play with me barnacles!
Imma fire me cannon thru yer porthole!
Something something swabbing something poop deck!
That’s my line!
Yar, ye can drive me nuts!
What’s the difference between a casual dinner party and a pirate orgy?
The first one you come as you are, the other you “arrrr” as you come
Argh! I used to know way more Pirate pickup lines! Some of them even worked two or three times!
Getting old sucks.
“Do you mind if the parrot watches?”
Is your Jib clew shackle caught on your mast or are you just happy to see me?
I sure DO have a wooden leg in my pocket and I AM happy to see you!
Attending my kids little league board meeting. Im the league snack bar guy (sure, they pick the fat one). Didn’t want to it for fall ball but Mrs Bogdanski, the LL treasurer, has decided the snacks must flow. Who plans little league baseball games for Sundays in the fall?
No one that we’d want in the clubhouse, that’s for sure.
So you control the food and the money? It’ll take em years to uncook those books baby!
We did that, but on the East Coast it worked out pretty well. Game at 10 or 11, you’re home by 12 or 12:30 having spent the morning running around with the kids, you bring a pizza and/or some other sort of handheld food in the door with you and then it’s ‘Dad’s time to go into his office and scream loudly about a man named Jerry Jones.’
I want pizza, but I need or deserve it like … Fuck it. I just don’t.
Just order horrible pizza, then you get all the self-loathing and you don’t even get to enjoy the food
Domino’s it is
I didn’t understand a word of that remark.
If you have never had a bad pizza you are truly blessed. It’s hard to make pizza nasty, but it can be done, even if you don’t hate green peppers on pizza like I do. The worst ones are when they put sugar in the sauce, but bad crust can do it too especially if under baked
Papa John’s is the worst
I got back home off the road too late for one last night. But tonight… Pizza will be mine!
I remember being invited to a race play event, and I had to listen to people call each other slurs while I sat in the corner in my flame-retardant suit
+Nomex
They were the most vocal
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKsdwIr0nWc&list=PLFi9V6EFsFIkuSpLRIWCO1kp6EjBkqLjJ&index=7
Among my many useless HippoTalents, I used to be able to stage whisper Sookie! in Vampire Bill voice
That is the same guy that was in The Northman?
This feels like seeing the guy from Chuck in an Amazon show and realizing he wasn’t wearing a padded suit in Shazam.
Alexander Skarsgard.
Hey! That’s Skellan Skarsgard’s boy!
Goddamn nepo babies
A black tranny-porn loving Nazi? When did Anthony Cumia start getting melanin injections?
He was darker than Patrice in 2009
“Nick DiPaolo talks about being white, but he’s as white as a cup of diarrhea”
I thought Nude Africa was a once a year National Geographic issue
Oh, shit. That guy even looks like Jason Whitlock.
more like Jason Wedlock
Oh so Greg the Leg is fine for the Jets kicker, but call the Texas Governor that and you get removed from the State Capitol
Hey! Greg Abbott will not stand for that kind of joke.
Thanks to the grace of God, he won’t stand for anything.
you know how I know AI is hot garbage?
these red bubbles around a “possible blitzer” is basically 50/50 at getting it right, at best
who cares, my odds were the same as a 7 year old watching the same thing in 1989
Just got a text from BC Dick ranting about such technological developments.
BC Dick doesn’t rant, silly. He raves !
“Hell yeah brother!” – Daniel “DJ Delirium” Jones
The last time patriot caught a break in New Jersey was the battle of Trenton
Nailed It!
— B. Walsh
SHAN’KHLOR FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!
THESE GUYS, THE PATRIOTS, I CALL THEM THE REPUBLICAN GUARD BECAUSE THEY’RE GETTING POUNDED BY JETS IN THE TRENCHES AS WELL AS WITH DEEP STRIKES INTO THEIR TERRITORY!
+CheneysCrusade
I will not do it. “Alerts” now? Like the glowing puck and the false strike zone. I can skip past interminable video reviews but this time it’s during gameplay. They’ve gone too far.
As I mentioned above.
Hey good news everybody, I’m the new GOP candidate for Governor of North Carolina. They called me out of the blue and I was like “I’m not Republican and I don’t even live in North Carolina” and they were like “not even a problem, trust us” and I was like, “I hang around on a football and dick-joke website” and they were like “have you ever said you were a ‘Black Nazi’ and demanded more trans porn and said you wished slavery was back?” and I was like ‘WTF? NO!” and they said they’d work something out and not to worry.
Anyway, very excited about this opportunity.
I hope you disguised your posts on “Naked Dwarf Abuse” better than the other guy.
I see you left one, uh, “small” detail out of that conversation.
Should be fine, Lowratio is a private contractor after all
That’s how Horatio gets around paying him benefits…
The fact that Horatio is used to tiny hands will be an asset when he meets Trump
Even if you lose, you could get a federal judgeship out of— Oh, sorry. You have actually practiced law for a living. Never mind.
I think A&H should run, on the “Bong Rips for Everyone” platform. Then when he wins, he can rip that MAGA hat off and do all the Good Things for those inbreeders down there.
I remember when those were a quarter each and still not worth going to Applebee’s for.
Boneless wings? You mean chicken tenders, Applebee’s?
More like chicken nuggets.
chickenless bones by now
the last (only?) good memory of applebees was 2001, prom date wanted to go there for dinner and the xfl million dollar game was on one of the tvs
god that was so long ago
I think they still had ovens back then.
“Yeah…yeah.” – a certain GOP gubernatorial candidate, wistfully
The G Wilson fellow had best not score, keep running Hall.
Usually when Jets give Patriots a hard time, there’s someone in Riyadh buying Flight Simulator in bulk
Banner?
Her?
new flight simulator did drop recently!
Finally, an influencer for my lifestyle
Bears@Colts tickets are stupid expensive for some reason, lol
because they know bears fans are gonna show up and buy everything
i have an idea! You get a stamp for every state where you see Caleb Williams get sacked, once you collect 10 stamps you get entered into a lottery to be the new left tackle for the Bears
NFL tickets in general are stupidly expensive.
A buddy has 4 tickets for this Sunday’s Rams-49ers game in Section 511, row 18 (That’s nosebleeds to you and me) and he’s trying to get rid of them. $600 for the four.
Any takers?
Cheapest for Lucas Oil are $300 each, that’s like 9k gravies in Indiana money
People were paying $200+ for bleacher seats at Dodger Stadium for this upcoming weekend’s game hoping to see Shohei start the 50/50 club but they can say goodbye to that dream.
Offensive line? More like the Maginot Line.
THESE NY JETS LEMME TELL YA I CALL THEM ROMMEL AND THE WEHRMACHT BECAUSE THEY BLEW BY THE MAGINOT LINE AND ARE PROBABLY JACKED UP ON DRUGS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
My reaction as a Hall owner, but a Pats fan
first time a Duggar has stopped someone from scoring
Deep cut right there.
A Duggar violently forcing someone to do something they don’t want is perfectly normal, though.
I thought the Pats were supposed to have a good D?
thats what Gisele thought too
Who was more disappointed: Gisele when Tom retired and she realized what life would be like with him around 24/7, or Fox when he started announcing, and they realized what they’d be dealing with the for the next several years?
Yes.
Fox switching their catering menu to be exclusively tomatoes, gluten and MSG
Yes
“Rodgers is looking almost omniscient out there, eyes everywhere, pupils slightly dilated”
“He can see sound and hear smells. Soon he will be able to fold space and travel between stars in the blink of an eye! He IS the Kwisatz Haderach!!!!”
“How’s It Going To be?”
-3rd Eye Blind, up in the booth
Hussy!
Originally was going to root for the Jets to get obliterated and Rodgers to leave on a stretcher, but then I realized it would be way funnier if that doesn’t happen until they’re 5-1 or thereabouts.
Engage Maximum Schadenfreude!
I was saying that for Trump losing!
We need a figurative and literal backbreaking injury.
Watching this from my new hammock chair! Need to make some small adjustments to the furniture arrangements for optimal viewing angle, but otherwise already super comfy and awesome. Will eventually have to get up to get something to put in the cupholders though
Where’d you get it? Hammocks-R-Us?
Just wandered around the Hammock District till I saw something good
My favorite is Put- Your- Butt- There. I need specifuc directions, or I’ll be putting my butt all over the place!
/Preemptively smacks balls on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper
What?
This game is such hot garbage that I am in two fantasy leagues and neither me nor my opponents have any players on the field tonight.
Not even in our benches.
thanks to kittles potentially falling to bits had to start Hunter this week to enjoy some gripping desperate garbage time pts
My opponent (yeah right) has the Jets kicker.
This is what he gets for vacationing
I have Rhaimondre Stevenson. He’s not tearing it up yet, but it’s early.
I’m against Rodgers in one and Spam has Breece in Vodka
Oh, did Yahoo not spend your first round pick on Breece Hall instead of Justin Jefferson?
Pity.
Alex Van Pelt – shouldn’t he be coaching the kickers?
I finally got it!!
The Jets would be that stupid
I want nothing but shoe string tackles on AAron tonight.
Yes! Just like that, make him fear for his ankles/feet.
Fireman Ed, please go away. I would wish him dead but I am saving that for people who deserve it.
He’s a fan of the New York Jets. That’s a fate worse than death.
Do you remember the old ad campain for “Wheel of Fortune” that muzak-ily sang I’m a Wheel watcher!
Well, the Robinson FOAR Governor campaign could sub in I’m a Black nazi!
Do you NOT admit such things on Nude Africa message boards?
WASPy ass honky
Related…and worth watching on YouTube.
Clarence Thomas in his law school days
Anyone for some light pregame reading?
https://x.com/AmericanMuck/status/1836872609868251269
My favorite part was he used the same Profile Name and same email addresses.
and know had to be same password too
Either “123456” or “adolf1”
pASSword
If that doesn’t work try PISSword
My favorite part was where the GOP can’t replace him and must carry him to full term.
(must….resist….Biden…joke)
Hey, our side is fine with aborting a non-viable clump of cells.
Our side made poor decisions in the past, and now we have to life with the consequences.
Say it. I hate that pudding brain bastard
He wrote that about his sister in law. Ewwwww.
lol yes THAT’S the gross part
It’s all gross!
Actually his wife is an only child so he just made it up
Shannon Sharpe breathing a heavy sigh of relief after last few days of scandals. Week of Pervasion still has 2 more days to go. Will end up in the birth of Slaaneesh
The Aldari will weep!
I’ll reserve judgement until I hear from our resident expert in such matters as described above: The Honourable Ballsofsteelandfury.
“Tonight on a Very Special Episode of Sexy Friday…”
or a very special remake of “Freaky Friday”
My verdict:
I like the anal enthusiasm but I fear it is made up. It reads like bad Penthouse Letters circa 1972.
Example of logical inconsistencies:
He claims that “wet anal” got “us both hot” yet later says that she performed fellatio “til it was good and hard”.
I’m sorry, but if you’re already hot, you’re already hard.
I appreciate this level of anal
ysis
…or me talking about my girlfriend from out of town who I totally banged!
The Republicans have really gotten lax about vetting their candidates, it’s just been hilariously downhill since Palin
The only “vet” Republicans know was the one prescribing them ivermectin in 2020
After a draft dodger beat a ‘Nam vet, I guess they figured they could just ratfuck whomever they pleased to death and didn’t have to worry too much about that.
Eli is more interested in getting voted into the Hall of Justice as a Superfriend. He’s got a brand new set of Batman underoos for just that occasion.
You know he’s Team Aquaman. For reasons.
Cooper Manning is Team Plasticman.
Peyton is, of course, is Green Lantern. Because Hal Jordan sucks shit.
Always nice to see a member of the Fightin’ Horatios trying to stay connected with today’s youth.
https://x.com/RightWingCope/status/1836896580751823231
College Freshman, though, College. You’re consider this disgusting (which it is); I consider this a significant accomplishment.
Hitting on legal adults? This is alien behavior for a Republican.
We don’t claim him. Fuck that guy.
And he was a shit QB, too.
Oh, fuck yes. Den of Thieves was a decent homage to Heat. The sequel looks wild as fuck.
I see TNF is in mid-season form.
I am starting BOTH J-E-S-T tailbacks. Fuck, am I EVAR too dum to live.
Metlife’s turf will claim at least one of their ACLs.