I mean, we can’t call it a double-header, can we? Just a quick note-I’m getting bum-rushed in both Math Hard! and Freezer Vodka and the injuries are piling up and I’ll be winless in both leagues. YAY!
To The Games!
Titans/Fins:
-Will Levis-there’s room for improvement. Folks that drafted Cal Ridley might be wondering why he has underperformed. The folks at a certain fantasy site point to a stat of theirs that avers that he’s been thrown a catchable ball 56% of the time!. If said Levis wants to hold on to his job he’s going to want to make better decisions. He has two pick-sixes and two strip sacks to his name already in this young season.
-But there’s good news! The Titans haven’t lost to Miami on Monday night.
-Snoop Huntley is back! Great. Tyreek playing without Tua, he’s a shadow of himself-he averages 68 (whew!) yards receiving per game and has no TD’s at all.
-The Fins onky scored three points last week, the lowest total since coach McDaniels came on board. Right now they’re the worst scoring offense in the NFL.
Seahawks/Lions:
-Zach Charbonnet is doing backup rb right. Last week he ran for 91 and scored a deuce of TD’s. This week he stands aside and let’s Kenneth Walker take over lead back duties.
-No Balls, No Glory? That seems to be the case with Geno so far-he’s thrown into the endzone all of one time so far this year.
-All He Does Is Score-David Montgomery has barged into the endzone in six straight affairs.
-Memories of Legions of Boom Past? Seattle is the best team vs the pass. [looks at notes] Huh, they’ve played against Skylar, Nix and Brissett. If they weren’t the best I’d be wondering.
-He’s So Close! Dan Campbell is 25-26-1 career-record wise as a coach. He’ll get to a winning record at some point and join the illustrious group that is Potsy Clark, Buddy Porter, George Wilson, Joe Schmidt, Garry Moeller and Jim Caldwell as Lions coaches that somehow won more games than they lost. That’s 20% of all coaches that have led Detroit.
Ponce de LEONED
good kitty
Geno read that coverage like Lea Michele in the Classics section of the library.
NFL players would make horrible pro wrestlers
Always enjoy someone sliding on these new artificial turf surfaces. Three yards and a cloud of toxic rubber scraps.
“You think you’re getting an actual fun, interesting kick return?!”
— BLEERGH
Oh hey all the teams have the same tartan, woo for the fuck cancer tartan!
It looks like it has every teams colors in it. Pretty cool. I like it on the ski caps too.
I’m so glad we got razor wire thin accuracy on that play. It only took 13 minutes to satisfy my desire for a football game to become a math equation. Her. Raw.
https://youtu.be/qIvy9nSlZf0
You’re going to kill Hippo with that screenshot.
Alright, Cincinnati local news is starting to enter “Francisco Franco is still dead” territory with Pete Rose.
Why yes, I WILL have another mead, this one flavored with ginger
FLowers in your hair?
13% flowers, yum. I need to send you some of this if I don’t drink it all first
I have that btl of vodka from Manitoba when you are settled.
I’ll be in CA most of the rest of the year, just some short domestic forays
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eBYzi8YyRM
CALLBACK TO WCS MIDDLE SCHOOL
Wow. Those headlights…
Gumby used to work with a Lithuanian lady. She brought us back some delicious mead when she went home once.
Lithuania has the best beer food in the world, the best brandy, the best so many things. Nawt surprised they have amazing mead
Uh oh…
Christian McCaffrey injury update: 49ers star RB has Achilles tendinitis in both legs, Kyle Shanahan confirms – CBSSports.com
Ambicrippledrus!
His backup is my only hope of somehow not getting relegated out of the Lowratio League, so this is good news for me.
Not so much for McCaffrey.
And yet I can’t beat the team starting him for some reason. Along with out-in-the-first-quarter Anthony Richards. Fuck 0 points Kyle Pitts and fuck me for missing 9 points for playing the wrong d (i played bills v ravens vs chargers v chiefs).
Depends what league.
Gonna be 2-2 in my cash league, but I still love my team and 2-2 is very much in it. I’m having a vibe year for fantasy football.
/notes Dok used “vibe” to describe something 9/30/24
Not gonna use brat, I’m neither gen whatever nor from Wisconsin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99JS6ym5FNE
Is she in jail?
If she is hope it wasn’t that one near me in Dublin, CA where…bad shit
Related: apparently nose vibrators are good for migranes. I don’t get painful migranes, but good to know in case I ever need an excuse to stick a personal massager up my nose
Yes, wait wait comes through again!
I do occasionally get these weird news things from other sources but you are totally right that I learned of this one from wait, wait.
I’m in chicago enough i should go to a taping
That’s skibidi rizz, or whatever the fuck the kids say.
Skibidi toilet ohio!
Thanks/how dare you! Not sure, could be either!
TIL that SoFi went public via a SPAC then de-SPACed a year later. Sketchy as fuck
I just proposed Williams for andrews in a FF league to my wife as I am only missing a te and I am solid for this lge. She accepted and Williams tears one
No one has a TE, Lady Cola got the best of that deal
Related: getting rid of kickers is passe, the hot new thing is getting rid of TEs and subbing in a WR/TE flex
This game is more defenseless than …
…my honoring of Pete Rose?
Eh. Worse people are in.
A newborn in Beirut?
I assume the over has hit
Tua deserves to wear this on his shoulders
Brain damage didn’t help his spelling any.
How many Emo Carrs does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, he prefers to cry in the dark
Gumbygirl is excited because The Cure is releasing a new album.
They have such a Cult following
They do!
I am!
Anyone else just get the Winning Isn’t Comfortable Nike Ad?
I’m gonna run through a wall.
The billboards they put up across the city are fucking awful, too. They laid off everyone with any brains and replaced them with AI.
Rowr
This game has so much bananacakey goodness potential…
Heh…
https://twitter.com/mikebeauvais/status/1840903897474331088?s=61&t=_JKGMY5gden3sHKw6_r29A
Oh, so the Lions remembered they are the Lions.
yay troy called it the “hook and lateral”
the cte hasnt totally taken over yet!
TRICKERY!
TRICKY LOINS
Just saw the trans Kamala attack ad, even ignoring the comment it feels really poorly edited.
“Check out this sweet Trans Am!”
I hate that asshole more than any living politician
Biden blow a tranny in the late 70’s.
Planes, trains, and trans automobiles!
4th and an inch and you waste a timeout challenging the spot?
That’s a Re… VERY SPECIAL decision!
They figured, correctly, that was their best shot of getting the first down. Which is sad.
I’m up to speed. No need for a recap.
I respect your opinions, even the negative ones. But as a Cincinnatian and Recovering Reds Fan…
The King is Dead, Long Live the King
Good riddance.
Shohei Ohtani with all this gambling keeping you out of the HoF:
You can’t help it, it’s a birth defect. A cultural imperative. It’s not your faullllllllttttt!
Finished the folding table/cabinet dealy! It’s pretty sweet and very portable
Post a pic
Here’s the product photo, the tabletop locks in place over the open doors and when it’s closed you can just slide it into a small storage space.
Zymm’s next move will be to Tokyo to a tiny apartment.
She can do a minaturized version of Terrace House with Doug Martin and Danny Woodhead and Darren Sproles!
There is high quality laundry… just waiting to be done…
That’s cool. I like all the storage too
This is what I get for trusting the Miami defense. To be fair, I was expecting Will Levis incompetence. Instead I got Mason Rudolph slightly more competent.
The perfidious curse of the slightly more reliable backup QB!
Sub-Cromulent?
insurmountable lead in tits/phins
ok now end the game
subscribe
I saw Fronk’s early comment re: Huntley vs Rudolph and the horror of having to watch them in week 4 but five years ago who could have imagined Jared Goff vs Geno Smith would be, at very least, cromulent. What a world
Sam Darnold and Baker Mayfield agree.
Derek Carr feels left out
Again
NFL is gonna force us to watch the Tits/Fins slap flight
twitter/X is now valued at 9.4 billion, 79% decrease
now, if you want to invest in something that could be worth money soon, invest in bone saws soon to be sold in saudi arabia
Elon did a great thing for Saudi Arabia by being stupid. The Saudi government was one of the five largest owners when it was public. KSA underwrote his court-ordered purchase. Kingdom of Saudi Arabia now owns Twitter almost entirely as it owns Elon by the balls. In case you haven’t noticed, they’ve been exploiting the fuck out of that fact.
The funny thing is that that’s almost the exact same decline in value as Truth Social since the day Trump took over the company.
TRICKERATION
also reminds me, if you hear somebody say “hook and ladder” kindly remind them of the original (and therefore, correct) term
https://www.whig.com/archive/article/is-it-hook-and-ladder-or-hook-and-lateral/article_df388371-6f4a-5c95-a88f-0157e83a4dbf.html
Also applies to those asshats who spell it “aluminium”
Perfidious Albion
Yes, the British
See also: double reverse being usually only a single reverse.
I just yelled that at the teevee. Mrs.cola looked at me like I am insane. (Am)
Seems legit.
Ruh roh!
Someone should’ve given this talk to Tua.
I don’t know what crackpot came up with that idea, but they have a lot to answer for
Misreading a syphilitic German
Go, kitties!
Sitting at the table last night at the wedding.
My wife’s cousin’s husband – who believes 5G can kill you – dropped this bon mot:
“LeBron James is a Satanist because he was at one of Diddy’s parties.”
“Really? I’d like to see some receipts on that bullshit.”
He didn’t talk to me the rest of the night, which was awesome.
A lot of nutjobs rely very heavily on the assumption that other people will be too polite to call them nutjobs in social situations. It can be fun to see their reaction when they realize you’re not playing that game.
This is how we got the toaster fuckers
“Yeah, they’re some weirdos!”
-JD Vance, just absolutely eyefucking the settee in the corner
one of the very few good things about the internet
back in the day it was harder to spot the morons, or know if your neighbor/etc was a fuckwit. because there is more conspiracy sewage to consume, and encouraged to share, it has made it easier than ever
there are not more of these people, the masks are all gone
somebody mows the lawns for some of the houses on my street. he has an infowars sticker on his ford explorer.
thank you, kind fuckwit
I read that as ‘Stalinist’ and couldn’t connect the dots.
He was going to redistribute all that baby oil to the proletariat.
Did you hold your phone like it was floating around his head and make scary ghost noises?
“fiiiive geeeeee oooooohhh”
Fozz’s internal monologue
He’s a fucking twerp. Whenever he’s around, and one of my kids asks a question – or acts a fool – he’ll say, “I’m so glad i never had kids.”
Yeah, me too because then you would be producing more ignorant assholes for the world to deal with.
Also, my kids have nicknamed him “Bubbles” since he closely resembles that character on Trailer Park Boys, but just not as good looking.
miami is gonna tank to draft another QB to kill later
“shit, that was my plan!”
– Panthers, Browns, Tits, Bears
Panthers win the #1 pick in the draft. Shedeur Sanders vows not to play for them. Dallas trades Dak and a few picks for the #1 draft pick.
Both games are two scores to one score. This is where the similarity ends
Not true. They’re both on TV.
now three scores to one!
On both, creepy!
this game is such a disaster that McDaniels will be retired as a coach’s name after this game
Everybody high at the Miami game
THIS FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE, I CALL IT HANGING OUT WITH MY MOTHER IN LAW, BECAUSE IT FUCKING IRRITATES THE SHIT OUT OF ME, AND WHEN I DO PAY ATTENTION, IT ONLY MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH A BABY!
Are you in Ligue Deux? If so, see you next year, am 0-4
Geno to DK on the sideline.
TEN @ MIA: come for the under, stay for the lawyerball.
Perfect for this crew.
Fucking moron.