Mandatorium Eve JV NFL Goodness

Do NOT forget!   Report to the Clubhouse by 9:30a EST tomorrow. or serious imaginary consequences shall ensue.

Florida (+15.5) at Tennessee (7:00, ESPN)

It seems like 15+ years since this game actually meant something, other than to demonstrate the fashion risk of the coloUr orange.

tOSU (-3) at Oregon (7:30, NBC)

Will this one be Quackers?  Can Hippo really force himself to actively root for Phil Knight U?  Will Redshirt get out of caretaker duties by having a stroke tonight?  TUNE IN AND SEE!

Ole Miss (-3.5) v. LSU (7:30, ABC)

I suspect no two coaches in any conference dislike one another MOAR than Johhny Reb’s Kiffin and faux-Cajun Brian Kelly.  Generally speaking, I’d take the quicker, leaner, and meaner Kiffin in a fight, but anything can happen if Kelly manages to sit on top of his foe.  Plus, you know…he has a body count.

Vanderbilt (+13.5) at Kenfucky (7:45, SECN)

Fresh off the Upset of the Deacde…Vandy are two TD dogs against a team that seemingly averages less than 14 points a (non-cupcake) game.  Life comes at ya fast sometimes.

Iowa State (-3) at West By God Virginia (8:00, Fox)

Trap game alert!  I’d take the Cousinfucker moneyline all day here.  Imagine how crunk that Morganhole crowd will be for such a late start.  Cornpone State is positioned much like Original Recipe Big Love, but without the plural marriage aspect.

Unded Bill Snyders (-4.5) at Colorado (10:15, ESPN)

Like leaving a package of discounted hamburger meat in your car trunk, it’s pretty amazing how quickly Coach Prime’s act started to stank.  He’s got one foot/two toes out the door already in Boulder, and it will be funny to see how putrid they become in his aftermath.  Only Tweaker Fixture of any potential quality, so early to bed for MANDATORY DUTY is a definite possibility here.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

We’re having a ball!

Well at least I am.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIdGKSa_8Tk

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Time to stop fucking around. Best song from that movie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emUTaPNEfK0

Mr. Ayo

The earth is literally burning!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKDl66XIEFM

Mr. Ayo

This song is rocking!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
blaxabbath

Van Helsing is on Netflix.

Maybe I should watch Van Helsing on netflix.

Unsurprised

I’d watch Collateral, but that works, too.

rockingdog

Update:
Gonna text her tomorrow
Will ask her if she enjoyed those nuts at the game last night

Hopefully she’s Rocking!

Unsurprised

If she had taste, she’d be enjoying nuts after the game.

Gumbygirl

I’m hungry. What should I eat?

Mr. Ayo

If you were a guy I’d have a way better answer.

A pint of ice cream.

blaxabbath

She just needs someone to tell her pint of ice cream.

Gumbygirl

I have some ice cream! You and Blax are geniuses!

Mr. Ayo

We’re not, but love that you think so.

Mr. Ayo

Man, regardless of the outcome, I do love me some Molly McGrath.

Doktor Zymm

Just had a nice 4 hour nap, good warmup for bed time! See y’all in the morning for some hot Bear on Jagura action!

2Pack

That sounds so… Wild Kingdom…

Mr. Ayo

Wow, I can’t sleep if I nap more than one hour.

Super jealous you can though.

Mr. Ayo

Hey, stadiums, stop with the light dimming. It fucking sucks in person and even more on TV.

Horatio Cornblower

Lane Kiffin, unmitigated dipshit.

Horatio Cornblower

THIS OVERTIME I CALL IT PICKETT’S CHARGE, BECAUSE A BUNCH OF DUMBFUCKS FROM THE DEEP SOUTH ARE SHOOTING THEMSELVES IN THE FACE!!!

blaxabbath

Hey! They have a point about Brian Kelly being a strong and honorable man.

blaxabbath

Many years ago I was half-assedly going after some girl who ended up dating some guy who was an LSU tool. Since then I’ve hated LSU.

So ends maybe do justify the means….

Horatio Cornblower
Mr. Ayo

Worst porn video ever.

litre_cola

Ok. Deci has gone to bed. Let’s get dru k!

Mr. Ayo

Way ahead of you. But I’m up for trying again.

Horatio Cornblower

Get?

Horatio Cornblower

THAT TOUCHDOWN I CALL IT THE TILDEN-HAYES ELECTION BECAUSE I HAVEN’T SEEN LOUISIANA FOLKS THAT HAPPY SINCE RECONSTRUCTION ENDED THANKS TO CORRUPT POLITICAL DEAL MAKING, AND ALSO I AM A HUGE NERD!!!

Mr. Ayo
Horatio Cornblower

He seems pretty, what’s the word I’m looking for? Retar…not really cromulent?

blaxabbath

He does his own research.

blaxabbath

Wild day for old blaxy.

Now I’m getting a burger at some place.

Horatio Cornblower

5 Guys?

Mr. Ayo

Whatever it takes

Horatio Cornblower

Thank you for converting that assist attempt.

blaxabbath

Local joint. I’m watching the folks at the bar feeling the cocktails flowing.

blaxabbath

That kid ain’t going to any Arizona school for college.

blaxabbath

Yes you can.

Horatio Cornblower

This call will be overturned, and we won’t have seen LSU fans this upset since Reconstruction was commenced.

2Pack

Anyone up for tennis?

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ballsofsteelandfury

Damn

Mr. Ayo

I’m definitely up now.

Unsurprised

She reminds me of Simona Halep before she got the breast reduction surgery and got really good.

Horatio Cornblower

LSU students with the same stunned looks on their faces as when they learn about Amendments 13-15.

Mr. Ayo

Haha, I had to look this one up like a true American

Bogdanski

Apparently the Trump bible, with the constitution and Lee greenwood lyrics, doesn’t include amy amendments after 11. I wonder why

Bogdanski

“Any”. The Amy amendments are definitely in there

Mr. Ayo

Yeah, stupid Amy. Can’t believe she did that.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, it’s because Trump fans are huge racists. Every single one of them.

Bogdanski

Don’t forget the misogyny, 19 ain’t there either

litre_cola

MIL just dropped a wine glass. Am her wine buddy, I covered her. Homey do that

Horatio Cornblower

Lane Kiffin is an absolute piece of shit, and yet I’m rooting for him to beat Brian Kelly and LSU, even though I’m a big fan of the LSU purple-and-gold and the whole atmosphere their nighttime games produce, which should give you an idea of what an utter piece of shit Brian Kelly is.

litre_cola

Red wine, scotch, pug, solitude, would be my bliss.

litre_cola

Just learned that Oban was my FIL’s fave whisky. I finished it but he offered and I was touched that he even offered.

litre_cola

Also. Super wasted the BCD gave me strong coffee. It worked

Thank you for co.ing to my tanked talk

Horatio Cornblower

Oban is the shit, and I mean that in a good way.

rockingdog

Ummm…

So I went on a couple dates with a nice lady who’s a big fan of Ohio State Football….🏈
She was at the game apparently…

Should wait to text her to gloat about this win??
Should I play dumb and ask her how did the game go & did she have fun??

Mr. Ayo

Ask her if she enjoyed those nuts.

Horatio Cornblower

Depends on how badly you desire a third date.

ballsofsteelandfury

The third date being the sex date, he should ask her if she wants to get fucked the way Ohio State’s national championship chances just got.

Horatio Cornblower

Raw, and without consent?

Save that for the 5th date.

WCS

Will Howard isn’t getting laid in Columbus tonight.

Mr. Ayo

#MeToo

Gumbygirl

Oh wow.

rockingdog

That game WAS ROCKINGGGG!!!!!

QUACK QUACKKKKKK!!!! 🦆

rockingdog

Bleerrrg

Redshirt

Fire Ryan Day. Out of a cannon. Into a volcano.

Mr. Ayo

Quack! Quack! Quack!

Unsurprised

We could solve most of the world’s problems if we launched some bastards into active volcanoes.

WCS

comment image
The picture is also cursed.

This is the lead picture on ESPN dot com

Redshirt

Why can I no have football happiness? Is it because of the night time touchy thing.

Unsurprised

The Ohio thing

Mr. Ayo

JV NFL BLITZ!!!

herodotus450

Imagine the JOKES we could be making if Joe Milton was still at Tennessee, battering this Florida team.

Mr. Ayo

Scotchy, before I go upstairs and eviscerate my neighbor, what are your rates? Flight and boarding excluded as I’ll cover that of course.

Mr. Ayo

Whatever it takes

jjfozz

Youngest Fozz had his first goal of the season today. “What took you so long?” And he got all upset. Kids these days.

scotchnaut

One of your kids had a strong emotional reaction after
interacting with you? I’m stunned. Wait. Hold on. I’m not stunned at all.

jjfozz

No one cries in my family. no one.

Mr. Ayo

Not after the last time anyway

scotchnaut

It’s Verboten? That’s uh, cool.

jjfozz

Just breeding strong alphas in this place.

scotchnaut

Good luck conquering all that lebenstraum living room with your uncrying warriors.

jjfozz

Today the living room, tomorrow the world.

Also, seriously fuck you if you think I’m being serious.

Seriously, fuck you.

scotchnaut

Fuck me? Seriously? Really, seriously? You’re going to fuck me? Seriously?

Horatio Cornblower

comment image&ct=g

Mr. Ayo

Folks, fucking is not allowed in the clubhouse. Please use the area behind the bushes in the backyard. Thank you.

jjfozz

I should have been clearer. Go fuck yourself, asshole.

Game Time Decision

What sport?

Horatio Cornblower

Based on the season and Maryland location I’m going with lacrosse.

rockingdog

Found a funny:

We regret to inform you milkshake duck is racist *5 seconds later* the New York Times has interviewed M. Duck, a swing voter from Harrisburg who has some questions about the Democrats’ tariff policy

yeah right

Actual t-shirt that i own and am currently wearing.

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Last edited 1 month ago by yeah right
yeah right

And yes. That’s a Vikings foot warmer on me bed.

SonOfSpam

Perfect for drinking an Irish Car Bomb.

yeah right

Oh goddammit.

Horatio Cornblower

I was gonna say…

Redshirt

What. The. Duck?

herodotus450

Oregon receiver trying out for the Bruins apparently, kicked out for spitting on a guy

ballsofsteelandfury

You mean Boston, of course. A UCLA Bruin couldn’t have hit him in the face.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, and Bruins don’t spit, they swallow!

Wait

Mr. Ayo

Hawk tuah is an ejectable offense now? Get with the times NCAA!

Last edited 1 month ago by Mr. Ayo
ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

Mr. Ayo

Her friend’s reaction kills me every time. She knows exactly what she’s saying, she’s done it, but she would never admit it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Absolutely. The friend is actually the best part

Unsurprised

I love that the guy interviewing her has not only gotten nothing out of this and has blocked her on social media. Fuck these “interviewers”

Mr. Ayo

She’s also suing him. No idea why or the context, but lol

Unsurprised

No matter how much you hate Elon, it’s not enough.

IMG_2658.JPG.jpeg
Mr. Ayo

Truth. Wish I had jjfozz levels of hate.

Unsurprised

I wish I could hate someone so much they explode.

Redshirt

Yay, Poison Tree Nuts!

Redshirt

Boo, lagging stream!

Redshirt
Unsurprised

Im reading the comments in a right wing blog post that is more often accurate in its observations than not, but racist and stupid in its proscriptions, about my city and thinking “they’re not entirely wrong. At least they’re saying things no one here would.” And then I wonder why liberals think I’m maga and not to their extreme left.

Fuck it. Football! Go Trojans.

Unsurprised

Oh. Right. Wrong game. Go Ducks.

Redshirt

Republicans are more right than not, but they are run by a shaved babbling baboon and his army of ass kissing and genitalia sucking sycophants who are only trumpeting the unpopular “not” pile of shit.

Unsurprised

Dick Cheney is the face of the “respectable” side of the party. I have more respect for Trump and MAGA.

Horatio Cornblower

Careful; you say ‘face’ and “Dick Cheney’ three times in the same night and he shows up and shoots yours off.

rockingdog

Ducks vs Ohio State! 🏈

Hopefully this game is Rocking!!!!

Goooooo Ducks! 🦆

Unsurprised

Quack quack baby

scotchnaut

Sandusky Warriors/ Ugly Silly Californy’s headed to extra time.

Mr. Ayo

Free JV Footy!

Unsurprised

Trojans not beating the pedos handily. What is this, the Iliad?

scotchnaut

I get a boner whenever someone references really long poems. Is that wrong?

Unsurprised

No.

Since I’m here, you may want to check out the War Nerd’s Iliad, which turns it into prose and is mighty enjoyable.

scotchnaut

I did English Lit in the 80’s at an university with a ton of 60+ profs so this is not a humblebrag but I’ve read-

Illiad
Odyssey
Howl
The Wasteland
A Cantos thing from Ezra Pound?

/and a ton of others

ballsofsteelandfury

I prefer Comparative Lit…

Mr. Ayo

comment image

Unsurprised
Redshirt

I’m off watch with friends. Let’s do this shit!

IMG_0337.jpeg
Unsurprised

Go gaudy waterfowl

Mr. Ayo

Best of luck. Fuck the Ducks!

Mr. Ayo

Not literally of course, that’s JD Vance levels of gross.

Redshirt

(porno music ensues)

IMG_0345.jpeg
Unsurprised

Well; of course it’s not going to be black or brown!

Mr. Ayo

Poll: Where does JD finish?

Unsurprised

Between the “beak”. Where do you?

Redshirt

Like I always do: Staring at the ceiling, questioning the important life decisions of my life

Mr. Ayo

I’m not a couch fucker.

Mr. Ayo

If I was then left eye

Unsurprised

Andre Rison?