That wasn’t that bad, was it? (if you’re a Bears fan-and I’m typing this early in the 2nd quarter) With four teams on the bye you’d think one of the windows would be lacking in quality but I think we’re ok here.
To The Games!
Texans/Pats:
Why would you start Drake Maye now, against Houston? I realize New England has their own timelines and internal processes but why not wait for the Titans or Jags which are coming up in two of the next three weeks? Instead, you’ll likely see the Texans get up early and then start blitzing the rookie and getting him all flustered. He ran for over 1,000 yards last year and I’m thinking we’ll see plenty of that today but not in a controlled, disciplined way.
Commies/Ravens:
Who’da thunk this would be an eyeball-worthy tilt? Well, t’is and the only reason is the rook qb Daniels-his play has elevated the entire gotdamn team to be taken seriously (maybe not the secondary) and that’s a helluva accomplishment. He’s the only QB to have a 75% completion rate with 1,000 yards passing and 350 rushing in any five consecutive games since 1970. My guess is the last one is Fran Tarkenton but I’m not looking it up. He can thank Lamar and his skillset for leading the way.
Browns/Eagles:
Watson’s mediocrity manifests itself in many ways including this one-in all five games this year he’s had 25+ pass attempts and yet he’s still not crossed the 200 yards barrier. And it’s not like the running game has pitched in either-Ford has all of one rushing TD so far this season. Things look bleak given how well Hurts has been playing and now he gets wr’s Brown and Smith back.
Cards/Packers:
Did anyone play stonehands Wicks last week, chasing the points from two weeks ago? [raises own stonehand] You would think that Michael Wilson would be the biggest beneficiary of all the attention being given to Harrison Jr. but he only just put together a half-decent game seven days ago. Love is hella consistent when he’s on the field, having scored 2 or more scores in seven straight games.
Bucs/Saints:
One thing I tend to do is not pay attention to bye weeks when drafting guys and that’s why the rookie Rattler is my guy today. Ugh. Will he be able to find Shaheed downfield at some point? That dude averages 48 yards on his TD scores for his career.
Colts/Titans:
Flacco has breathed new life into his career by being the most competent backup Qb in the league. I can see him fetching a fine draft pick if a playoff-bound team suffers an injury at that spot in the last few weeks of the season. For now AR is back behind center so let the INT’s rain down once again. With Levis on the other side of the field I can see this tilt being a sloppily-played one.
Go get it.
God Fucking Damn It!
Fucking Commies
-general friedrich paulus, stalingrad, late 1942
Rattler’s Sting started out with “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” and seems to be ending with “Driven To Tears”.
14, i think, penalties.
And eight going out injured? That’s rough
If only they remembered the “Safe Word”.
That Levis arm punt was expected AND infuriatin’
“As Glod is my witness, I thought the Cards would score more points.”
-G. Jump, Cincy
I just watched the GMC Hummer lease commercial. My first thought was, “$900/mo seems like a high lease” AND THEN I SAW they also want $4300 or something at signing.
I’m like, that’s pretty ballsy to advertise that you’re going to fuck me on both ends for a GMC. I’ve had a Sierra — reevaluate your offer before the next advertising break, you fucking Bail-Out Babies.
Currently starts at *checks* just a shade under $100k!
Well — it does Crab Walk.
#ThePauls!
Would like to give the score on a certain game but not interested in giving a Bal/Wash update.
Purple Camo Army up by 10, that’s almost two hands worth of fingers!
Man. I’d love to press a butcher knife into the capital one guy.
Eagles are going to lose to a sex predator
Shane Stichkenhshxden gonna be fired.
flacco is gonna lead another dumb franchise to the playoffs
Imagine going back in time 10 yrs and telling that to some die-hard Ravens fan 🐦⬛
Lmao
few things are eternal than flacco throwing a bomb to draw an ELITE flag
That man is why I always bet on myself.
And have associates who’ll murder people, as necessary.
This week Cardinals Talk post–game call in show is gonna be LIT.
New Orleans/ Tampa is Banana Foster’s Cake
.
THESE JONATHON GANNON’S 2024 ARIZONA CARDINALS TEAM I CALL THEM JONATHON GANNON’S 2023 ARIZONA CARDINALS TEAM BECAUSE THEY TRY BUT THEY GOT NO CHANCE IN HELL.
[wife announces she’s heading off to Thanksgiving get-together hosted by grifting, money-hungry MIL]
Me: “Maybe you could leave your credit and debit cards with me?…”
Wifey: [gives me a dirty look]
That’s a good thing to say.
No dude who looks like that is voting Kamala. That’s part of what that bald head long beard look indicates.
Blax, drop Penix and grab and pick up a wide receiver.
I like having a Penix.
**giggles**
-Eli
Clearly you’ve never met Gumby.
Throw 👏 it 👏 to 👏 Jayden 👏 Reed 👏
That would be Rocking!!!
Did not see that half an hour nap coming.
“Nap?” is that what the youths call blackouts now?
Mixon is finally playing, and he’s sitting on my bench. I am getting murdered to death by Boris, and it’s my own damn fault! I checked on Thursday, he hadn’t practiced all week, so I figured he was a scratch again. Fuuuuuuuuuck.
Sounds like you’re getting beaten like a 19 year old mouthing off to Joe Mixon at a Wendy’s.
Arizona with ten penalties at midway of 3rd quarter.
Regressing to the Bidwillian Mean.
Eleven.
But, with 5:10 left in the 3rd.
BLEERGH is happy
NTTAWWT.
Flacco’s the one eho should’ve been oenslized, his granite chin injuring the DE’s hand.
Baker Mayfield baked a batch of salmonella?
his new Boars Head sponsorship paying off
Oh good, Marvin Harrison, Jr. is being evaluated for a concussion. Tremendous.
I am going to be relegated out of the Lowratio League.
Oh, and sorry about your brain injury, Marvin.
It’s on him.
Football should be muscle memory for him at this point.
/flipping through the Lowratio League bylaws* and Commissioner’s Handbook**
“Shit. Did I miss where there’s relegation out of the Lowratio League?”
*tattered copy of the Uniform Code of Military Justice
**D&D’s Complete Book of Dwarves
Just like Lowratio himself, there’s only up since you can’t go any lower.
My Rattler/Bucs D coupling is gifting me 32.4 points at this point. This covers over the dozens of bad moves I’ve made so far in Freezer Vodka and Math Hard! where I have a combined 1-9 record.
My boy Levis sure does handoff purty 😁
Statistically the most important skill a QB can possess.
People forget that
“They do.”
-Marshawn Lynch