THREE SHORT DAYS before the possible self-implosion of American society as we know/love/tolerate it.  And we can’t even get a full, distracting slate of fixtures.

OK, Barcodes and Gooners to start (8:30, USA) ain’t too bad.  But then USA shows…Sham Town and Everton?? (11:00).  Even HIPPO won’t enjoy watching that car crash.  I guess stream City of Men’s invasion of the South Coast (Peacock) instead?  1:30’s Spotlight Dance?  PURE DRECK (Wolves/Palace).

Sunday does provide some respite, with a tasty double dip.  Spurs host Villa early (9:00, USA), with stupid Daylight Savings time(s) at least aligned.  That means you can also catch most of post-Ten Hag Men Untied, as they host shit-hot Chelski (11:30, USA).  But that’s Sunday.  Saturday is just FOAR pain and foreboding.

tOhio State (-3) at Paedo State (Noon, Fox)

Game of the Day?  Sure.  But man.  When the BEST action requires the non-affiliated to support the goddamned Tree Nutz?  Shit is fucked, man.  Do the world a solid, Coach Samsquanch.

Ole Miss (-7.5) at Arkansas (Noon, ESPN)

Very intrigued by this.  Johnny Reb can’t afford a third loss, and still hope to make the playoffs (where they’d be dangerous as fuck).  But Pig Sooey LOVES to play the spoiler, and they’ve been reasonably good so far.  They are thinking of 9 wins, and this would make a fine scalp.  Expect a barnburner here.

Oregon (-14.5) at Michigan (3:30, CBS)

Four in the nap-zone is not (at least this week) a sign of depth.  Each fixture is mediocre, you just need ample flipping options.  For the GAMBLOR HAILors out there, I think it’s almost certain the Wolverines cover.  They’ll drag Quack Attack down in the muck, especially if they aren’t at peak levels (and they won’t be, hard not to take 2024 UM lightly).

Florida (+14.5) v. Georgia @ DUUUVAL Drunken Orgy Campsite (3:30, ABC)

Fuck me, I love a drunken Southern tradition.  So long as not too much livestock gets buggered.  Game will be a bit shit, though.  Florida Men ain’t got the horses.

Texas Tech (+13.5) at Cornpone State (3:30, ESPN)

Speaking of “banana skin” fixtures – this is deffo one.  Guns Up!! are never an easy out (ok, rarely), and Cornpone State is almost exclusively defense-based.  But I don’t think Texas Tech is going to be held under 20, and that will put pressure on the home side.

Shockingly Relevant Indiana (-8) at Michigan State (3:30, Peacock)

You want to bet a moneyline this week?  It’s Sparty.  I don’t think this is a true 50/50, but it’s damned close.  Jonathan Smith will mud things up, and harass the fuck out of the Hoosiers’ backup QB (who I assume is still at the wheel).  IIRC, this is the first IU road matchup against a decent opponent.  They pass this test, and yeah…put ’em in the playoff bracket.