Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
And think not that you can direct the course of love. For love finds you worthy directs your course [in bed].
Khalil Gibran

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Needed a manila folder for some other stuff so I’m junking some tax stuff from twenty years ago, wherein I learn that I bought 250 shares of NVDA stock in 2003 for about $2700. Sold them in 2005 and more than doubled my investment. Pretty sweet, right?

Had I held those shares, they would have split numerous times and I’d now have 250*120 = 30,000 shares. At a value of $145 per share (today’s approximate price) they would be worth $4,350,000.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Dak is out for the season and probably getting surgery. Whenever the Cowboys draft another QB he should just jump in a meat grinder to save time
Doktor Zymm

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If the Rams don’t win this game, Kelly Stafford is going to call Trump and have Puca Nakua deported.
Beerguyrob

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THIS TUA, I CALL TINA TURNER BECAUSE BOBBY BROWN JUST HIT HIM HARD
Wakezilla

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I got my patent in. Finally.
blaxabbath

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Three day bender post Cavalry FC win has finished and I have caught a cold due to abusing my body. What a weekend. Deci walked out with the team, I was on the pitch holding the banner. Got to drink out of the cup with my buddy who plays for the team who also took off his warmup kit and gave it to me for Deci.
litre_cola

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Senorita Weaselo, after all this time, is finally going to her first legit rock concert.

Which is to say I had a discount code on SeatGeek so she got Babymetal tickets for 35 bucks.
Senor Weaselo

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Didja ever have a leak in the bathtub (cause your moron fucking sons managed to crack the fucking shell of the tub) and then have water pour through the light fixture downstairs?

Then, didja ever take the fucking light fixture out – without turning off the switch – and realize you’re holding an object that’s not only still on, but is also dripping wet?

DIDJA FUCKING EVER?

Christ on a crutch.
jjfozz

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THIS GUY RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY I CALL HIM OLIVIA MANNING BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THE DOCTOR VERY CLEARLY TOLD HIS FAMILY MEMBER TO HOLD THEIR BODY PART STILL FOR A WEEK – JUST A WEEK! – SO THE BONES CAN HEAL, THEY MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE FOR ALL THE GOOD IT’S GOING TO DO TO GET SAID FAMILY MEMBER TO ACTUALLY LISTEN AND STOP FIDGETING.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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You guys are awesome. I love you all. My older sister is here helping me get some stuff done. She’s bossy as hell, which is exactly what I need right now! She lost her husband in February. It’s weird, there are four of us siblings, and three of us are widowed. We’re all in our 60’s, it seems way too early for that.
Gumbygirl

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My assistant just sent me an email that begins “do you care…” and I don’t have to click on the full title to know the answer to that one.
Horatio Cornblower

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Whenever I do an online grocery pickup down to the local Von’s, I always park in Pickup Space #5, even if other spaces are available.

“Good ol’ Space #5,” I like to say out loud while talking to my steering wheel, “you never let me down.” Then we all laugh as hearty good friends do, Space #5, my steering wheel, and me.

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It’s too bad that hereditary NFL team ownership doesn’t work the same way as hereditary monarchy. I would love to know how a mid-season owner assassination affects a team, or perhaps a distant cousin raising their own team and laying siege to a practice facility.
Doktor Zymm

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Oh my God.
https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/

A silver lining amongst all the recent dark clouds.
Horatio Cornblower

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Let me set the scene, a cold rainy day in Raleigh NC. Cold for us at 45 F, pouring rain, just pouring. I am on the porch under my blankets, snug and warm. Then the eternal optimist shows up and attempts to blow the leaves in my neighbors yard using a backpack leaf blower. His boss must really, really suck. He tries for about 20 noisy, noisy minutes. Gives up, packs up, and drives away.
ArmedandHammered

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Nikki Glaser on the TNF postgame, “Eagles kicker Jake Elliott missed three times tonight. It’s nice to see someone in Philly miss something besides a child-support payment.”
Col. Duke LaCross

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Seen next to me today

Wearing all that shit inside your own car with all the windows up . . .

Al Qaeda? Genie? Klansperson? No immune system? Bank robber? Ugly?

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“He’s not close to being satisfied yet.”
“And very welcome in the locker room.”

Maybe I’m reading too much into things tonight.
jjfozz

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November 14, 2024 7:18 pm
Found a funny:

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MrsSlothWench…WenchySloth? Pirate WenchSloth?… need to workshop that name… Anyways, we took a client to see a cover band they love, and while the band is having their break, they are playing the Cha Cha Slide, Macarena, and a few other line dance type songs.

These 50+ year old white women of Lake Oswego are eating it the fuck up. And they absolutely can not do any of these slides, hops, turns, and dips. It’s both hysterical and embarrassing at the same time. Like, this shit should be in your wheelhouse, y’all been to like a zillion weddings by this point.
ThePirateSloth

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washington: we got the brands to kill off dan snyder. we are finally free

chicago: what’s taking father time so long with virginia mccaskey?

satan: a deal is a deal, george!

george halas: sighs
fleshwound_NPG

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THIS JOSH ALLEN I CALL HIM NOT A FEMALE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE CALLS HIM BY HIS FIRST NAME HE’S ABLE TO BEAT THE OVERPERFORMING OPPONENT THAT EVERYONE HATES
Doktor Zymm

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Josh Allen is dumber than a box of rocks.

I know, because I just asked a box of rocks if they would have thrown that pass, and they just glared at me without saying a word, which I took to mean ‘no’
Horatio Cornblower

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everybody, a month ago or so: kicking is too easy in the nfl! do we need to narrow the goal posts? move them farther away?

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I…I don’t fucking know…
Redshirt

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Oh my god, the Grey Cup is today!?!

We need to have a conversation about how poorly run and marketed the league has become
Wakezilla

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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