tWBS Fantasy Football Leagues Update (Week 13)

Hey.

Let’s just skip the pleasantries and get right to it? Is that acceptable to you?

 

Freezer Vodka League Week 13

What in the name of the Elder Gods is going on in this league? There are six teams sitting at 9-4 that have qualified for playoffs: Sofa Loren, We Are Spamily, AJ Hawk Tua Tagovailoa, Lowratio’s Couch Fetish, JD’s Chesterfield Dreams and Stoma Fuckers Utd are deadlocked atop the rankings this week. This is still anyone’s championship up for grabs, people!

In the Jeff Fisher Zone, Musical War Propheteers (7-6) have clinched a playoff spot and Dead Hobos (6-7) are temporarily holding on to the last playoff spot but are essentially (and appropriately given their name) in Limbo. Dead Hobos could make playoffs, miss playoffs but be safe from relegation, or could still be relegated. That’s because of the next group, playing Russian Roulette with two chambers loaded with relegation. Heinous Fuckery, Original Recipe White Claws, Big Bag of Suck, and Free Thursday Night Points are all at 5-8 and in real danger of joining Unnatural Gas (3-10) and The Schlitzstains (1-12) being sent down to Lowratio League next season while at the same time one could overtake Dead Hobos for the last playoff spot.

Here are the matchups for the last regular season week:

 

 

Lowratio League Week 13

In sole possession of the top spot we have Duke’s Chicago Waffles at 11-2. Additionally, they are the first team to clinch a playoff spot! Congratulations! Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks control their own destiny in second place at 10-3. At 9-4 and holding the last two playoff spots this week are Rod Rust never sleeps and Bearsenschiesse Barons. Who wants those coveted promotions to Freezer Vodka League? Close behind them and still fighting for a playoff invite we have Shiba is for the People! and War and Peace with 8-5 records. But don’t count out the next two teams at 7-6; Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses and Caso do vinho FC are not eliminated from the playoffs yet, and could find themselves in the post season.  Now we’ve reached the “playing for pride” part of the standings. Ambiguous Aaron Rodgers and Heather’ Horrible Hikes, at 5-8, look to finish solidly in the Jeff Fisher Zone this season. Gimli’s Groin Grabbers finds themselves a little short of their pre-season goals as they sit at 4-9. That still puts them above Sebastian’s Swag Team and The Brick Experience, both at 3-10. Last and least, we have A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge with a 2-11 record. Better luck next season?

**Point of Parliamentary Procedure Regarding Promotion/Relegation**

The bottom 4 of the regular season in TWBS (Freezer Vodka) go down. No playoffs can save you.

Semifinalists in the playoffs go up in Ligue Deux (Lowratio League). Playoffs can save you.

 

Until Next Time!

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LemonJello
Known Fandoms: Jacksonville Jaguars, GWS Giants, Leeds United FC, Chicago Blackhawks, University of Illinois Fighting Illini
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scotchnaut

This might seem obscure, but I’d like for one of the lawyers on this here site to sue the NCAA on the behalf of Boise State’s Ian Johnston for knitting beanies and being penalized for it.

/Thank you in advance

ArmedandHammered

If I ever run this country, giving the kiss of death to NCAA will be one of my first 10 acts.

SonOfSpam

Ok, so 1st/2nd are in automatically, then the winners of 3/6 and 4/5 games?

Just looking to scout for next season. No days off.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We managed a trip to Ikea without the Dr. Mrs. even once complaining that I had “ruined” the outing.

Kind of worried that I’m losing my edge. Like I’ve got the yips or something.

Doktor Zymm

What is wide right of ruining a trip to Ikea?

WCS

Ikea/SHA’NKLOR cross-over is the DFO lore we didn’t know we needed until now.

Unsurprised

First thing that came to mind

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Unsurprised

I know it’s Dutch and not Swedish.

Gumbygirl

Close enough!

Horatio Cornblower

So, not a great time to be the leader of a healthcare company in a country awash in anger, guns, and medical debt.

My thoughts and prayers are pending approval as being necessary.

ArmedandHammered

*chef’s kiss

WCS

DRAIN THE SWAMP

WCS

Princip’s reincarnation.

Doktor Zymm

Way more competent than Princip, this dude seems like a straight up assassin while Princip thought he had failed and just happened to stumble out of a bar at the right time

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As with so many other things, it really would have worked out better for everyone involved if he’d just stayed put and continued drinking.

WCS

It’s more the overall message that dipshit was trying to convey. Broke, angry at everything and nothing, and possibly triggering something bigger.

Gumbygirl

On his way to meet with shareholders.

WCS

St. Pete’s gonna have to be sorry to say, “Your approval is pending.”

Unsurprised

These demons never had souls to be judged. Straight back to Hell for this one.

Redshirt

Quit insulting the sinners in Hell! They’re suffering enough rather to be associated with Health Insurance Executives!

Redshirt

“What do you mean I could’ve appealed the claim?!”

scotchnaut

Thoughts and Prayers Update:

Thoughts? They’re stuck in committee and likely won’t be brought to the floor for a vote.

Prayers? The NRA-mandated Lee Greenwood original tracks have been laid down but the sad violin guy that was supposed to show up died in a murder/suicide thingy with a prostitute in an Econo Lodge three blocks east.

blaxabbath

Hey now! You don’t know this happened because he ran United Healthcare.

It may have been carried out by someone who was a victim of his fraud and insider trading schemes. He could have done that running any kind of public company!

Doktor Zymm

I’m nursing a theory that he somehow pissed off the Bulgarian mafia

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, those guys are always pissed off about something. Mitch Trubisky would like to know more about the whole “nursing” part, though.

scotchnaut

“Always with the [does wiggly fingers, makes sarcastic ‘Oooo’ sounds] Bulgarian mafia! What about us?”

-The Sudbury, Ontario and Outlying Regions Sewing Circle That’s Really Quiet About What We Really Do Society

WCS

AKA Scothy’s “handlers” who happen to “suggest” where a camp of “undesirables” have set up outside town.

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BeefReeferLives

My heart isn’t exactly bleeding with sympathy for the guy…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Would it be in poor taste to write something up where Greg Hardy and Damon Arnette do a Manningcast style breakdown of the video of the guy getting assassinated?

ballsofsteelandfury

Did something happen at IKEA? Do you not know where you are?

Unsurprised

It would be poor taste NOT to do so.

I would even hope for a special guest appearance by the ghost of Aaron Hernandez to provide moral guidance on the shooting.

Horatio Cornblower

It would be in very poor taste.

I’ll expect the first draft by the close of business tomorrow.

Unsurprised

It’s fine for them. Americans have too much to lose to do anything. If we didn’t, things would never have gotten to this point. The only ones who don’t are easily controlled or stopped losers who can be redirected Parallax View style.

I hate that the most logical, Occam’s razor explanation for the state of things is also bog standard Alex Jones conspiracy fodder.

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SonOfSpam

Do the Lowratio bottom-feeders get relegated to an even lower league?

And it kinda sucks that there’s nothing to aim for when you finish high up in the Freezer Vodka League. I guess this is how Liverpool feels.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nothing to aim for?

There’s a championship to be won!

ArmedandHammered

Yeah, man you go right ahead, Im’a gonna finish off another vape and just forget the rest of the season.

Doktor Zymm

And some shitty vodka and a Big Turk!

WCS

“Shitty Vodka & Big Turk” isn’t the worst rap-duo name.

yeah right

Same rules both leagues?

Makes sense.

Gumbygirl

I’m convinced that whatever you decide, I will end up knocked out in embarrassing fashion. So do, or don’t do.

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Horatio Cornblower

One more game to lose?

Sure, what the hell.

Senor Weaselo

No call here, but 6 seems fitting so top 2 still get auto-promotion.

Or we can have potential chaos and say 8.

Doktor Zymm

As someone with no stake, I vote for chaos

yeah right

This is closer to EPL style promotion so this is good.

Gumbygirl

This is why you’re my favorite, Senor! Don’t tell the others

Bogdanski

The more the merrier! he says as he goes into the latest bye-week hell ever

yeah right

My QB who has carried my ass the entire season is on bye so I hear you

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, there are STILL teams that haven’t had a bye yet this season?

ballsofsteelandfury

Yup. And some good ones too!

Gumbygirl

I had to pick up two running backs, because both of mine are on their bye.

Gumbygirl

And the Pickens were Slim

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Doktor Zymm

Six to be exact

Don T

On Monday I crowed sbout going 3-0 in FF last week. Oh no! No no no. I lost by less than two points after Josh Allen was awarded 13 TDs on one play.
tl dr Bah humbug 🖕🏼

Game Time Decision

I get the last sentence, but not the first one.
-Brocky, being smote by the fantasy football gods

Doktor Zymm

Good news for Sharky, I’m probably not going to bother starting a QB this week since half my team is on bye. I did set the rest of my lineup to be sporting, starting 4 players on bye seemed a bit much

Sharkbait

Your sacrifice is noted, and appreciated.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How fun, my Groin Grabbers are leading the league in points against!

scotchnaut

All it took to almost, maybe, possibly getting out of relegation was stripping the waiver wire bare and cobbling together a four game win streak.

ballsofsteelandfury

So much intrigue this week! Who will go down? Who will stay up?

Hippo is getting a preview of Everton in April…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Keeping last nights questions thread alive, what “acting neighbors” were you talking about? The foxy Italian actress from Station 19? We’ve only seen her the once this year but I do now know which house she lives in (doesn’t seem that nice) and what car she drives (quite nice).

ballsofsteelandfury

Your acting neighbors come and go so fast it’s hard to keep track of them.

However, any updates on any foxy neighbors are greatly appreciated.