Your Barely Staggered MNF Doubleheader Open Thread

Can we have a few hours between tilts if the NFL is going to bother showing two games on a Monday? Why are they splitting viewership? This makes no sense to me. And you thought I was tired of ranting about this shit.

Fallout:

-Giants-ing is a Thing, You Know: Coach Daboll doesn’t know who his starting qb is next week. That’s because Lock and DeVito are up in the air. If both are unavailable Boyle gets to go but then the team will have to sign a guy off the street to be the backup. Oy vey!

-After dispatching the Lions the Bills are the betting favorites to win the Super Bowl. I’d guess that Allen is now the MVP fave as well.

-Houston and Philly clinched playoff berths. Carolina was officially eliminated by math even though in your heart you knew they were dead ducks quite some time ago.

-Is There Something in the Water?: The Lions now have 11(!) defensive players on IR. The offense only has five. (Slackers!) Not wanting to be left out, special teams has two guys listed. And yet I can’t not see them in the NFC Championship Game.

To The Games !

Bears/Vikes:

-What happens when you draft a #1 wr when you already have one on the squadoo? Well, you have a situation whereby that talented young ‘un (Addison) rarely sees a high quality corner and ends up having 17 TD’s in 28 games.

-Speaking of MVP candidates-should Sam Darnold be higher in the conversation, leading an 11-2 team? Perhaps, but his narrative at the beginning of the season was, “Hope it all works out for him”. Expectations are very hard to overcome when the media has already set the table.

-The Bears are muddling along-not good (obviously) but not really bad either at 4-9. They’re currently 9th in the draft order.

Falcons/Raiders:

-Someone of Ridder’s caliber doesn’t get that revenge game. It’s more like a “I’m going to remind you why I was released” game.

-The Raiders have lost nine straight-with a loss this evening they’ll match the wonderful futility they reached with their ten-gamer back in 2014.

-Does this tilt really need any more tidbits? I say, “NO!”.

Enjoy Yourselves.

 

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WCS

So… how are the Raiders going to ruin Shaduer Sanders’ professional career?

BeefReeferLives

If they’re anything like the Bears, thoroughly and completely.

BugEyedBoo

By hiring his dad.

WCS

So, in like three weeks. Got it.

Mr. Ayo

What’s the point of Urgent Care? Try to go in and they *schedule* me for 4:30 in the afternoon, come back then. Come back, wow your heart rate is high and O2 levels are low, you need to go to the ER. Hey, just deal with the fluid in my lungs and the rest will sort it out. Anyways, now at ER.

BugEyedBoo

Good luck, man. If they come after you with a catheter, run!

Gatoraids

Not sure what their sweet spot it maybe a broken bone or tetannus shot. No help for real pain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ot3RUq9011I

2Pack

I hope it all turns out OK. Medical care all over is like that now. And ER’s are crowded house…

Mr. Ayo

I was only second in line for a room!

2Pack

Hang tough Buddy. Here take a couple of these… be sure nobody is lookin…

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BeefReeferLives

Um, yeah, that doesn’t sound like it was particularly “urgent” nor is referring you to an ER is really “care”, per se.

BeefReeferLives

Needless to say, I hope you’re able to get checked out soon & are OK.

Doktor Zymm

Hope you get some decent care at the ER, seems like they could have sent you there when you first showed up in the time it took to schedule your appointment but maybe that would have been too urgent or something

Gatoraids

the billing is the urgent part

Col. Duke LaCross

This whole team is ded.

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Horatio Cornblower

That punter just got murderdeathkilled!!

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WCS

I wonder if South Park broke Rob Schneider’s brain.

BeefReeferLives

something sure did.

2Pack

Ciao tutti

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Gatoraids

really just love them for how many trips it saves you instead packing 2 8oz cans per plastic bag, your bagger can put 4 liters in a bag

2Pack

And you can’t beat the sturdy construction. No more lettuce on the pavement.

BugEyedBoo

These days we either bring our own bags or order online for pickup. Usually our shopping scheme is Aldi for staples and a few things that we know are good and cheap, and arrange to get the pickup order on the way home.

fleshwound_NPG

quiet, troy…show no sympathy for caleb. get good, son

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fleshwound_NPG

stick to sports caleb, you would have more than 6 points tonight

WCS

When tariffs inevitably fail, at least the in the short-term, how does Trump, FOX, et. al. blame Biden and Democrats?

I’m going to take notes. Whoever is closest will get a gently used Big Turk bar and Canadian vibrator.

Horatio Cornblower

They’ll change the subject and focus on immigrants and trans people. They never address actual issues. One, it doesn’t work for them and two, their followers are too stupid to understand them.

fleshwound_NPG

new caravan gonna drop october 2026

Gatoraids
BugEyedBoo

Put that 220 on the money, honey!

Horatio Cornblower

RIP Mojo

clint greasewood

Honestly think the plan behind Trump’s tariff plan is to use it a shake down on both foreign governments and domestic industries. “You can get tariffs waived on your products and goods, if you make an “investment” in one of my business.” Trump’s a corrupt and greedy bastard and his goal is to become an actual billionaire.

WCS

This is probably closest to correct.

This is the Gilded Age II

ballsofsteelandfury

Yup. That’s the answer

Gatoraids

No actual media will be left by then (as if they exist now) to contradict.

My fantasy league this season has been america, top 3 in league who spend too much time on fantasy history convincing rest of league to go FAB this year, dummies agree but are as bad as FAB as they are at drafting, while bottom 4 who get crippling season injuries in first 2 weeks with no hope of escaping bottom.

Gatoraids
Doktor Zymm

Just finished up work stuff. Either of these games worth tuning into?

Gatoraids

if you are trying to get to sleep early

Redshirt

Are the Falcons getting ready to whip their Penix out?

fleshwound_NPG
Gatoraids

much like Lorena Bobbit

Brick Meathook

I’ve been reading these comments and I want you all to know that I am at Mass and I’m praying for all your souls. Please, my friends, through Christ’s love you can find a true purpose to this life.
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Just kidding. I’m getting hammered down at the Legion watching football. Fuck you. 😘

Col. Duke LaCross

Everything is so fucking hard for this team.

WCS

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WCS

AJ Cole is a wrasslin’ announcer, not a punter.

Gumbygirl

Ok, that certainly qualifies as “speshul” teams !

fleshwound_NPG

bears’ refusal to draft offensive linemen early in the draft is killing them

BUT aiding them in getting high draft picks to get offensive linemen!

Doktor Zymm

Where do the Bears actually get their O-lineman? I suspect this batch is AI generated

WCS

Hollywood Upstairs Medical College and Gudger College are major Bears pipelines.

Horatio Cornblower

Just turned on the Vikings game for the first time and what horrid bets did the Vikings make, and lose, that is forcing them to wear these abominations for uniforms?

Redshirt

They look like cartoon characters that are so scared the color dripping from them,

Redshirt

Anyone still watching the games or did they make you give up and start hating football.

WCS

Went to the food acquirement business and returned to see..

yeah, didn’t miss much.

Coffee, anyone?

King Hippo

sleep is for teh WEAK

Gatoraids

laughable how little people care going into probably the first week of fantasy playoffs with 4 teams playing. Guess if you had players on at least 3/4 teams you season ended long ago

fleshwound_NPG

that ai created coke commercial reminds me…have not touched a coke in ages and will not for ages more

BeefReeferLives

Ditto. Tastes like malted battery acid.

Redshirt

Celsius is so much better than Coca-Cola

Horatio Cornblower

Mexican Coke is great.

fleshwound_NPG

until tariffs make them priced like wine

litre_cola

Safety Dance!

Horatio Cornblower

So will they be changing the name of the evangelical church school where the shooting occurred from Abundant Life to ‘The Leftovers’, or would HBO sue them?

King Hippo

Prettay…Prettay…Prettay Abundant?

Doktor Zymm

Not super surprised that it was an evangelical school that gives us our first female shooter. Too bad this was the only alternative to ‘baby machine’ that she could come up with

litre_cola

Darnold is pretty fucking good. He done growed up.

Game Time Decision

Naw he just sleeps with the lights on

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m done here. Night, all.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m surprised you lasted this long…

SonOfSpam

What are you, my wife?

fleshwound_NPG

honestly glad in these last few years the bears turning into a tank army the closer virginia creeps to death’s grasp

litre_cola

Ok, now an Algerian td plz Sir Cousins.

fleshwound_NPG

the amount of points thrown away because meatheaded coaches picked up a calculator and/or talked to a nerd in the offseason…

Gatoraids

Only computer NFL coaches should use

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litre_cola

I learned how to read on a Speak and Spell!

Gumbygirl

That’s way too advanced

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fleshwound_NPG

“The Qaaron says chem trails cannot melt steel beams, or was it jet fuel, this weed is strong today.”

“The Rex Ryan says I love feet, that’s why I got into football.”

“THE BEN SAYS HAAAAARRRRRFFFF”

Horatio Cornblower

The Ben doesn’t hear ‘NO’

WCS
Gatoraids

also what Belichick uses on his dates

fleshwound_NPG

also this is gimmick infringement. leave this dumb shit to dan campbell and his tag team partner in meadheadedness john harbaugh

Redshirt

In what wild and wacky scenario in the bowels of NFL HQ was either of these games considered a good Week 15 matchup?

ballsofsteelandfury

Or that they needed to BOTH be on MNF??

Horatio Cornblower

“Have Redshirt killed”

Goodell, R.

fleshwound_NPG

ok, figured out what the vikings unis are…

marketing exec 1: i made this coloring book of vikings uniforms. fans can fill in what it should be

marketing exec 2: no wait, that’s PERFECT

marketing exec 1: i know, a good idea…

marketing exec 2: no no, leave it blank, that works! look how minimalist it is! a perfect modern uniform

me: so, a special kind of unfinished trash?

WCS

 a special kind of unfinished trash

Also the Bears’ organizational ethos since 1986.

ArmedandHammered

These Viking uniforms i call Alabama during the 50’s as they seem to be afraid of being colored.

Gumbygirl

There’s the Darnold we deserve

ballsofsteelandfury

Bears are going to get destroyed and won’t even be able to give us good garbage fantasy points.

Col. Duke LaCross

DJ Moore is not Deebo Samuel.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Because he still has legs?

Col. Duke LaCross

Hands too. But he’s still only half his size.

litre_cola

Don’t worry guys the other game is sure to be a doozie. Right? Right?

WCS

You misspelled “dookie.”

litre_cola

BY GOD THAT’S TWBS’ MUSIC!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What’s the over/under in this game and is it too late to bet on the over?

Gumbygirl

Yeaaahhh, not digging these uni’s. Purple PaedoState

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I told you watching this game was a mistake.

WCS

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Gatoraids

feels like its thursday night already

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, 106 more points from DJ Moore and I can win my playoff matchup

Gumbygirl

Jefferson should have had that 2nd down catch. Totally nonchalonted it.

Gumbygirl

Nonchalanted. Remember the good old days, when we could edit our mistakes? Gumbygirl does.

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Gatoraids

Nonchalant means never having to edit yourself tho

ballsofsteelandfury

MAKE DFO GREAT AGAIN!

BeefReeferLives

The Bears will find ways to beat themselves, so no need to try too hard.
Don’t wanna strain anything, after all.

Gumbygirl

True, he could have pulled his groan.

BeefReeferLives

Again, it’s the Bears, so there will be groans aplenty.

BeefReeferLives

What the actual fuck… This fucking team, man.

Gatoraids

The Hellraiser of offensive schemes, oh we have such plays to show you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKfupO4ZzPs

WCS

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It’s been the Bears’ franchise mantra since 1986.

BeefReeferLives

A pitchout???? Bears are scheizeing it up early…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

:sigh:

Gatoraids

Going to have to watch the Bears and hope Swift goes on a one night Eras tour and scores a billion points to win this week after matching up with the ass that has Adams and Goff this week.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh, a whiteout? So like most of the state of Minnesota?

BeefReeferLives

I’d love to see them wear those unis for a snow game…

litre_cola

It is messing with my brain. I don’t know who they are.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Anyone else watching this game via the ESPN+ app? Is there no Manningcast?

Gatoraids

Yeah dont think they are back til the Wildcard game unfortunately

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Boo.

Redshirt

Anyone have a soul they’re not using and the Devil’s phone number?

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WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

Seems like a lot to give up for a first round exit.

ArmedandHammered

The never ending story of Hollywood, remaking The Never Ending Story.

WCS

Warwilf just started over on the MST3K channel.
Itzz abzulleeleely fazzinating.

Gatoraids

9th season has some great ones

ArmedandHammered

Sweet, really enjoyed watching Earth vs. The Giant Spider, one of Roger Corman’s films. I really don’t like the later seasons with Pearl.

SonOfSpam

Lionel Hutz gets another shot!

Gumbygirl

No. Nope. Nosiree.

Gumbygirl

I haven’t seen the Vikings play this season, so I guess I’ll watch that one. Oh yeah, update: I paid my storage and they didn’t charge a late fee, woohoo!

King Hippo

Tell Addison and JJ to save some sweet fantasy points for next week!

BeefReeferLives

Good to hear. It’s the little victories in life….

Gumbygirl

I’ll take all of them I can get!

WCS

Unfortunately, the Fuck Loins may not survive to the Divisional Round at this rate.

https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/43004551/sources-lions-starting-dt-alim-mcneill-torn-acl

King Hippo

Shit, given the division – they might end up the 6 seed!

Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio’s sister is a genealogy freak, and is currently on the phone telling Mrs. Horatio that she just discovered they’re related to Lizzie Borden.

Mrs. Horatio is skeptical, so sister is going into great detail and it turns out that they’re related in the sense that they’re 7th or 8th cousins, so another way you could put it is that they’re not related.

Anyway, a few years ago we stayed at the Lizzie Borden house and apparently I’ve had sex in a room belonging to some distant cousin-in-law.

ArmedandHammered

I shudder to think what sort of role play was enacted there.

WCS

See Spam’s input.

ArmedandHammered

Yeah, I saw that after I posted mine, sadly, I can think of a lot worse.

SonOfSpam

Ok, now it makes sense.

I was all like :”What’s up with that video Horatio posted where Lowratio was wearing a wig and 1800s clothes and wielding an ax and chasing him and the Mrs around a hotel room?” and now I see that was just cosplay foreplay.

Game Time Decision

Aren’t we all just 6 steps from everyone else?

BeefReeferLives

Yeah, not understanding the barely staggered game times, either. Maybe it’s due to the time difference btwn the East & West coasts.

I would DVR one and watch it later, but they always show the score and snippets of the other game anyway, so why even bother?

Redshirt

Show of hands, who else forgot that these four teams haven’t played this week?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I really don’t want to watch this game, but it feels like I should.

King Hippo

I wish I could go back to 5 Nov and say that. Stopping before the comma, obvs.

blaxabbath

Must…..Bet…..RAAAAIIIIIIDDDDEEEERRRRSSSSSSSS